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Motivation, Guilt, and Weddings....Oh My!

lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
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in Plus-Sized
Yesterday on NEY, I posted about how much I absolutely suck at motivating myself...like...seriously.

For example- Once, Andrew (FI) told me that he would take me to Disneyland when I reached my goal weight. I freaking love Disneyland! It's the most magical place on earth! Another time- My girlfriend and I agreed that if we were both "on plan" for a certain period of time- we would send eachother goodies. I LOVE presents.

Things I LOVE don't even seem to motivate me. What the heck?!

We discussed some motivational ideas- and someone mentioned to use my wedding to motivate me. I think that might really work for a lot of people.....but for me- I think it would make me feel worse. I want to feel like I'm beautiful on my wedding day- no matter my dress size. In fact- I'm tired of hating myself- I want to feel okay with myself now...and a year from now. If I didn't lose weight before my wedding....or enough weight- I think I would feel guilty- and if I wasn't working out hard enough- I'd probably feel guilty from now until our wedding day.

It was mentioned, "I think you need to un-attach the idea of self-hate from wanting to lose weight."

Is this way easier said then done?
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Re: Motivation, Guilt, and Weddings....Oh My!

  • SunriseAmberSunriseAmber member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    Yes..

    I have a hard time motivating myself as well. I tell myelf I will get little rewards for my weight accomplishments but that doesn't do it. I just take it day by day. What has really helped me is saying its a life change. Changing my life to become more positive is easier then just saying i'm dieting just to get a reward.

    Good luck though.
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  • anna.oskaranna.oskar member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Lunar, I feel your pain.

    Rewards don't work for a lot of people.  Sometimes you just need someone to play the bad guy, make you kick your own butt, and just get it done.  I'm fortunate that I can usually do it myself.  I suggest going into it hardcore.  You might hate it, you might want to quit.  BUT  I've gotta tell you that actually getting in better shape was my motivator.  Not at the beginning!  But once my pants started to get loose, I liked it.  A lot.  I wanted more of it.  THAT's what keeps me going.

    The self-hate stuff is hard. My struggle with it is actually the basis for my blog.  If you need any help, feel free to shoot me a pm.  I'm no expert motivator, but just know you're not alone.
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  • lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
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    Sunrise- I think that the "life change" thing is how I need to approach it, as well. I need to find a physical activity I like....but gosh darnit- I like watching tv and researching recipies!

    anna- I'll have to check out your blog!
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  • cinderellasjccinderellasjc member
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    Lunar   I know none of us like the word "gym" but I have to say the gym was the best motivation I ever had.  I joined and was skeptical everyday about going, but I changed at work, so I would actually go to the gym.  I did feel uncomfortable for a while, until I met an extremely overweight gentleman who was on the treadmill next to me.  He started walking slow and continued to increase his speed, before I knew it he was running.  I just kept looking at him like how can you do this but I can't.  I looked for him everyday I went to the gym, and got on the treadmil next to him and after a few days of mindless chit chat, he said "lets gofor a run" and reached over and increased my speed.  I have lost 24 lbs since that day, and I continue to run with him at least three times a week.  He has lost about 60 lbs since.  Talk about motivation!!!!!!!!!!  Good Luck.. you can do it, just find what works for you!

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  • lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
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    Oh my gosh- what a story!! That's amazing! How long ago was that at the gym? What an inspiration!

    I think having a gym buddy would really help...
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  • cinderellasjccinderellasjc member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_motivation-guilt-weddingsoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:8fae8a1a-bb7a-470c-9117-b6309947a62ePost:bb947c59-06f1-47a4-9969-1d6c2931f238">Re: Motivation, Guilt, and Weddings....Oh My!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh my gosh- what a story!! That's amazing! How long ago was that at the gym? What an inspiration! I think having a gym buddy would really help...
    Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

    This has just been over the last 6 months. I was intimidated at first, but there are more regular people that go to the gym than most ppl think. 
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  • km2124km2124
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_motivation-guilt-weddingsoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:8fae8a1a-bb7a-470c-9117-b6309947a62ePost:bb947c59-06f1-47a4-9969-1d6c2931f238">Re: Motivation, Guilt, and Weddings....Oh My!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh my gosh- what a story!! That's amazing! How long ago was that at the gym? What an inspiration! I think having a gym buddy would really help...
    Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

    So I used to be completely afraid of the gym.  But I joined LifeTime fitness and I LOVE it!!! it is an awesome gym with real people (no all size little people) so you can feel like you belong.  I see your in Colorado- what part??
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  • lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_motivation-guilt-weddingsoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:8fae8a1a-bb7a-470c-9117-b6309947a62ePost:be910cf1-c553-4e8f-aaaf-6ebe18a37d8e">Re: Motivation, Guilt, and Weddings....Oh My!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Motivation, Guilt, and Weddings....Oh My! : So I used to be completely afraid of the gym.  But I joined LifeTime fitness and I LOVE it!!! it is an awesome gym with real people (no all size little people) so you can feel like you belong.  I see your in Colorado- what part??
    Posted by km2124[/QUOTE]

    Oh Nooeez....We're at dueling gyms! LOL! I'm at Villa Sport. I really like Villa Sport- I love all the classes and pools! However- I just found out from an ortho that my patella is overhanging my femur, which is causing quite a bit of pain. I got a prescription for PT....but I don't have insurance yet. I've been temping with no benefits. :(

    I was thinking of swimming and just using my arms.
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  • rmontpasrmontpas
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    I love the gym story!  Wow that is wonderful.
    Lunar I totally  understand the self hate stuff.  I have tried counselling but I still have problems with it. 
    I have lost weight in the past by joining a weight loss support group.  I joined TOPS.  I met alot of wonderful people in the same situation as myself and their love and support helped me to lose over 100lbs.  Of course I have gained some back but not all.
    My wedding is in just over a month and I need to find that motivation as well.  I don't need to be a size zero but I would love to get back to a point where I enjoy exercise more than sitting in front of the TV!
    Good luck to you!
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  • lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_motivation-guilt-weddingsoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:8fae8a1a-bb7a-470c-9117-b6309947a62ePost:b8f0601c-133c-4ee7-95c4-63a2487affc3">Re: Motivation, Guilt, and Weddings....Oh My!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I love the gym story!  Wow that is wonderful. Lunar I totally  understand the self hate stuff.  I have tried counselling but I still have problems with it.  I have lost weight in the past by joining a weight loss support group.  I joined TOPS.  I met alot of wonderful people in the same situation as myself and their love and support helped me to lose over 100lbs.  Of course I have gained some back but not all. My wedding is in just over a month and <strong>I need to find that motivation as well. </strong><strong> I don't need to be a size zero but I would love to get back to a point where I enjoy exercise more than sitting in front of the TV!</strong> Good luck to you!
    Posted by rmontpas[/QUOTE]

    Hi rmontpas! Your comment reminded me of a book I have read...and am rereading.
    It's called The Diet Cure by Julia Ross.
    <a href="http://books.google.com/books/about/The_Diet_Cure.html?id=5uuTQ8ixqtcC" rel="nofollow">http://books.google.com/books/about/The_Diet_Cure.html?id=5uuTQ8ixqtcC</a>

    Her other book, The Mood Cure- literally changed my life and allowed me to shake free of some serious depression I was experiencing.

    When I first read her book The Diet Cure...I thought she was literally reading my mind: 
    <a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/1/9/810de5bd-5963-4b8e-99f4-d6433817f5f9.large.png" title="Click to view a larger photo" class="PhotoLink"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/1/9/810de5bd-5963-4b8e-99f4-d6433817f5f9.medium.png" alt="" /></a>
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     <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/2/15/62a325ae-47ec-42c7-8fb8-d234f0ac96e1.medium.png" alt="" /></a>
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  • km2124km2124
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_motivation-guilt-weddingsoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:8fae8a1a-bb7a-470c-9117-b6309947a62ePost:983c06e3-e8a6-4a41-8f99-27ff7bda9301">Re: Motivation, Guilt, and Weddings....Oh My!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Motivation, Guilt, and Weddings....Oh My! : Oh Nooeez....We're at dueling gyms! LOL! I'm at Villa Sport. I really like Villa Sport- I love all the classes and pools! However- I just found out from an ortho that my patella is overhanging my femur, which is causing quite a bit of pain. I got a prescription for PT....but I don't have insurance yet. I've been temping with no benefits. :( I was thinking of swimming and just using my arms.
    Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

    where is villa sport???

    I hurt my foot really badly about 5 months ago (3 stress fractures, partial seperation of a tendon etc) so I haven't been "gyming" it lately (total bummer since my wedding is next weekend!) but I have been doing PT the last 6 weeks and i am finally getting better!!!  I wish I would have thought about swimming!!!  my arms are a mess (and I am so self consious about them with my strapless dress!!!)
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  • lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_motivation-guilt-weddingsoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:8fae8a1a-bb7a-470c-9117-b6309947a62ePost:89fd77d2-ac5e-4478-a52b-a35a96ec14eb">Re: Motivation, Guilt, and Weddings....Oh My!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Motivation, Guilt, and Weddings....Oh My! : where is villa sport??? I hurt my foot really badly about 5 months ago (3 stress fractures, partial seperation of a tendon etc) so I haven't been "gyming" it lately (total bummer since my wedding is next weekend!) but I have been doing PT the last 6 weeks and i am finally getting better!!!  I wish I would have thought about swimming!!!  my arms are a mess (and I am so self consious about them with my strapless dress!!!)
    Posted by km2124[/QUOTE]

    Villa Sport is in the Springs. <a href="http://www.villasport.com/cs/" rel="nofollow">http://www.villasport.com/cs/</a>
    I'm also thinking of doing that bike that uses your arms...kinda like this: 
    <a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/5/9/8534d30a-2c25-4de5-a954-ce86b43aa640.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" class="PhotoLink"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/5/9/8534d30a-2c25-4de5-a954-ce86b43aa640.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>
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  • chickenbut143chickenbut143 member
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    edited December 2011
    lunarsongbird, i'm in the springs too - maybe it'll help for us to get togther & hike or walk once the weather gets nice again or do something together even before.  :)  I'm all for getting my bootie outdoors. 

    I go to 24 hr Fitness on N. Academy but live near Fountain.

    ETA: I just sent you a PM
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  • km2124km2124
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_motivation-guilt-weddingsoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:8fae8a1a-bb7a-470c-9117-b6309947a62ePost:e6085469-9128-4b0a-aaab-98c50a3903c5">Re: Motivation, Guilt, and Weddings....Oh My!</a>:
    [QUOTE]lunarsongbird, i'm in the springs too - maybe it'll help for us to get togther & hike or walk once the weather gets nice again or do something together even before.  :)  I'm all for getting my bootie outdoors.  I go to 24 hr Fitness on N. Academy but live near Fountain. ETA: I just sent you a PM
    Posted by chickenbut143[/QUOTE]

    boo... no one is in Denver :(
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  • lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_motivation-guilt-weddingsoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:8fae8a1a-bb7a-470c-9117-b6309947a62ePost:01578400-6f9b-4d30-b288-3e059b11c5af">Re: Motivation, Guilt, and Weddings....Oh My!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Motivation, Guilt, and Weddings....Oh My! : boo... no one is in Denver :(
    Posted by km2124[/QUOTE]

    I met a girlfriend that lives in Littleton of NEY....my dress is also at the Lone Tree DB. And I've been dying to come up to Denver for some dim sum! So if you want- we could definitely get together someday! :)
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  • lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
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    P.S. ksulliva and chickenbutt- You have PMs. :)
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  • km2124km2124
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_motivation-guilt-weddingsoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:8fae8a1a-bb7a-470c-9117-b6309947a62ePost:75dbf422-e600-4713-896b-29188109ad6c">Re: Motivation, Guilt, and Weddings....Oh My!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Motivation, Guilt, and Weddings....Oh My! : I met a girlfriend that lives in Littleton of NEY....my dress is also at the Lone Tree DB. And I've been dying to come up to Denver for some dim sum! So if you want- we could definitely get together someday! :)
    Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

    that is the same DB I got my dress from!!!
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  • lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_motivation-guilt-weddingsoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:8fae8a1a-bb7a-470c-9117-b6309947a62ePost:c926fc3a-cb76-494f-9283-c8503f9163b7">Re: Motivation, Guilt, and Weddings....Oh My!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Motivation, Guilt, and Weddings....Oh My! : that is the same DB I got my dress from!!!
    Posted by km2124[/QUOTE]

    You have pics of your dress? I adore pictures...
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  • rmontpasrmontpas
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    Thanks Lunarsongbird,  I usually go to the library on Thursday's so I will look for those books while I am there today.
    Anyone want to come to BC to work out with me?  lol
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  • cinderellasjccinderellasjc member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_motivation-guilt-weddingsoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:8fae8a1a-bb7a-470c-9117-b6309947a62ePost:c72d0779-9e83-4337-9b47-a2559d00cb9b">Re: Motivation, Guilt, and Weddings....Oh My!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks Lunarsongbird,  I usually go to the library on Thursday's so I will look for those books while I am there today. <strong>Anyone want to come to BC to work out with me?  lol
    </strong>Posted by rmontpas[/QUOTE]

    Unfortunately I know you don't mean the college.... or I'd be in!
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  • rmontpasrmontpas
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    Unfortunately I mean BC, Canada!
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  • chickenbut143chickenbut143 member
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    Sorry rmontpas - i would if i could!  FI actually proposed in Victoria - Buchart Gardens!!  :)

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  • entropicbeautyentropicbeauty member
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    I find I have been able to motivate myself more thinking about lifestyle change as PP said rather than "weight loss". I will always be disappointed by how slowly I'm losing weight, but if I focus on just keeping up with being HEALTHY it makes a world of difference.

    Also - myfitnesspal.com has helped me become MUCH more aware of my eating habits and has also helped motivate me to exercise more. Try getting your FI to work out with you! Also another great motivator (even if he doesn't "need to lose weight", exercise is good for everybody!!!)
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  • ksulliva135ksulliva135 member
    First Comment
    Lunar, I am feeling you girl. I have tried for years to lose weight and no matter how hard i try it just doesn't happen. What I am trying as of the first of the year is just changing to a healthier lifestyle. Eating better foods, parking farther from my destinations (ex back of the store parking lot), and making Jack (my fiance) go on walks with me, just so we can be moving while telling eachother about our day.
    I also have a wii... I do not play vieo games, but they have some fitness games on it, and let me tell you: When a machine tells you your weight, BMI, and then tells you "thats obese!" it motivates me. Especially when I start losing weight, it congratulates me.... the power of silly videogames!
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