Invitations to the GROOM

jcausey · October 2012

Okay. We've been engaged for almost a year and no plans for a wedding yet. We don't even have a date set. I wanted to send him something funny to say it's time to narrow down a date. I have the idea of sending him either an invitation, rsvp, or save the date (or a combination of all in one) with a date set in mind. I'm thinking April or May of 2014 which gives plenty of time to plan and save the money that we will need. I'm having trouble with the wording though. I want to say something like "Nikki and Donnie will be getting married on April 19th 2014 at 2:00pm. You're presence is required. Please let me know if you will be able to attend. We can't do it without you." Or something like this. I guess the reason we haven't pushed it is because we already live together and we have 4 kids (his, mine, & ours), bought a house, the whole nine yards. Any ideas on some wording for this or is it too much?
Thanks ahead of time for the input.

itzMS · October 2012

It's probably too much to do the "joke" card/invite.

I would suggest you have a (serious) conversation with FI that you'd like to set the date for April 2014. That is completely reasonable.

If he says no, I honestly think you might have bigger fish to fry. There's really no point to being engaged without a plan for an actual marriage.

I speak from experience. Turns out the lack of "date setting" from my ex-FI was because he really didn't want to marry me.

GoodLuckBear14 · October 2012

That kind of "joke" would have been lost on me (and DH for that matter). It's a pretty passive aggressive way to get him to discuss your wedding.

HobokensFury · October 2012

Adults have serious conversations about such things. They don't send "pretend/joke" wedding invites.

LiLe422 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_invitations-to-the-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:b23612d6-7dbf-49d5-ac31-a16d4b8dd24aPost:380a1d58-934d-4323-9f4d-4afed9e8ff86">Re: Invitations to the GROOM</a>:
[QUOTE]That kind of "joke" would have been lost on me (and DH for that matter). <strong> It's a pretty passive aggressive way to get him to discuss your wedding.</strong>
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

Childish and silly too. There is really no cutesy way to have a serious adult conversation. Just talk to him about it.

QueerFemme · October 2012

Agree with everyone else. Marriage isn't something you joke or pressure someone into doing.

Have a grownup conversation.

MyNameIsNot · October 2012

This is passive aggressive and childish.

If you are ready to marry this guy, you should have a good enough relationship where you can actually bring this up and discuss it like adults.

eelsbury08 · October 2012

i think its a cute idea.

itzMS · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_invitations-to-the-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:b23612d6-7dbf-49d5-ac31-a16d4b8dd24aPost:9b9e4820-a756-4333-82c7-9089be056deb">Re: Invitations to the GROOM</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invitations to the GROOM : I hope this isn't the case for the OP. I have a cousin who has been "engaged" (no ring) for ten years, house and 2 kids. I don't think he has any intention of ever marrying her, but she refuses to wake up and smell the coffee. (The house isn't in her name, even though she is helping pay for it.)
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

I hate hearing stories like that, but it's so common nowadays. While I understand that marriage ultimately isn't for everyone, it does certainly sound like the OP actually wants to be married. So I, like you, hope my scenario is not the case for her!!

It is really sad the number of women who deal with these men who won't buy the cow when the milk is free. When my ex-FI refused to set a date, I feel very fortunate (in hindsight) that I was able to leave the relationship and go on to find the person that WAS right for me. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

Good luck, OP!

MissMeghan80 · October 2012

while this is cute in theory, it really avoids a serious talk. Be honest with him about what you are feeling and go from there. Good luck!

aimes8609 · October 2012

Like the rest have said, definitely sit down and have a conversation with him about this. It could be as small as he hasn't thought about it or big as he has second thoughts and didn't want to say anything to you about it. It will be good for you to get it done and over with because you can either get a date set or you can realize that he truly wasn't "the one" for you.

cwaggoner07 · October 2012

I completely agree with PP.

Just have an open serious conversation about it. Be open to his ideas (maybe he wants to be married int he fall). I'm sure in all of the years you've been together you've had to make decisions together, this should be no different.

Ali092011 · October 2012

If I were your FI, I probably wouldn't take the STD/invitation/RSVP thing well, especially if you put an actual date and time on it. It would come across like you were making an extremely important decision that impacts him without him. I mean, did you write a note to him saying it was time to buy a house together? This is the kind of thing that sounds cute and ends up being taken the wrong way. Just my opinion. I'd simply say you'd like to have a serious discussion about setting a date. Then come to a decision together.

Jen4948 · October 2012

This kind of thing doesn't sound like a good subject for a joke-and he may not give you a serious answer in response. He may joke right back at you. I think you need to have a serious discussion about this and not joke about it.

Salty1 · November 2012

You could do an invitation to set a date... And use it as an introduction to having a discussion. It all depends on his sense of humour. And none of us know that except you. We were engaged just over 3 years before we set the date - for various reasons. I actually prepared a power point explaining why I felt now was the right time to set a date. After my "presentation" and discussion he agreed that yes, now is the right time. Good luck.

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