Not Inviting FMIL to Dress Fittings

daffodil8383 · March 2011

My dress came in today (yay!) but now I have to deal with the fact that I won't be inviting my FMIL to any of my dress fittings. FMIL and I have never been super close, but things have been getting worse since wedding planning started. Recently it seems that she is more concerned with herself and what she wants rather than what will work best overall for the wedding, so we've been clashing a lot. I decided that I do not want to invite her to any of my fittings to avoid further problems there. I would just not mention the fittings to her, but she seems to expect to be invited to things and has no problem inviting herself. I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to explain that I only want my mom and bridesmaids to go to the fitting while offending her as little as possible. Thanks!

vicki0508 · March 2011

She can't invite herself if she doesn't know when the fittings are. But, not including her may make it worse. Excluding FMIL isn't the best way to start off with your new family.

MairePoppy · March 2011

It's never nice to mention to anyone that they are not invited to something. If you don't want to inviter her, just don't say anything about it, at all. If she brings it up, you will have to decide whether or not it is worth hurting fmil's feelings over a dress fitting. IMO, it's not.

seniah · March 2011

Since the shopping is done I don't think there is anthying to worry about. Do people really go to fittings with the bride? I've been a bride and MOH several times and never experienced that in my life. Everyone I've known just goes when they have time and don't know anyone that has made an event of it. I don't think I'd go watch a seamtress pin a hem or shorten a strap, etc., but that's just me.

FutureJilliannD · March 2011

Maybe offer to come try it on for her when you get it back? Or take lots of pics and make sure to show her?

I feel like maybe it would be best to try and include her somehow to mend the rift you mentioned you have going on. Especially if your FI is close with his family. They are going to be yours too!

daffodil8383 · March 2011

She (along with my bridesmaids) would be going to see the dress. I bought it out of state and only my mom has seen it in person, so my bridesmaids want to go so that they can see what it looks like on me rather than just in a picture. As far as excluding her goes, I know that it won't help things, but I'm afraid that bringing her along will hurt things even more. Thanks again for all the advice though!

zitiqueen · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_not-inviting-fmil-dress-fittings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ad37ec42-91fd-4a47-92ed-b60a48a2bfe3Post:b7152251-c2a4-40ad-9f6b-26a4f756768b">Not Inviting FMIL to Dress Fittings</a>:
[QUOTE]My dress came in today (yay!) but now I have to deal with the fact that I won't be inviting my FMIL to any of my dress fittings. FMIL and I have never been super close, but<strong> things have been getting worse since wedding planning started. Recently it seems that she is more concerned with herself and what she wants rather than what will work best overall for the wedding, so we've been clashing a lot.</strong> I decided that I do not want to invite her to any of my fittings to avoid further problems there. I would just not mention the fittings to her, but she seems to expect to be invited to things and has no problem inviting herself. I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to explain that I only want my mom and bridesmaids to go to the fitting while offending her as little as possible. Thanks!
Posted by daffodil8383[/QUOTE]

What is your FI's reaction to all of this?

katiedidthat · March 2011

My FMIL won't be at my dress fittings.. In my circle, its something that the bride and her mom do together, very few people involve anyone else.

I think this is a bigger issue than just a dress fitting and your FI needs to help deal with it though.

LoveMuffins · March 2011

Maybe rather than inviting everyone to fittings, plural, you could just invite everyone to the final fitting? Because a lot of the time, the dress isn't going to look that great at the initial fitting anyway.

skippylouwho · March 2011

I'm a FMIL, I don't think it's necessary to have your FMIL at your fittings. If you wanted to invite her is one thing but I've never thought it was expected that a FMIL be invited to dress fittings. It isn't even expected that she be invited dress shopping, although that's a really nice thing to do.

If you don't want her there, don't invite her. It's a dress fiting, not a dinner party.

mandi921vh · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_not-inviting-fmil-dress-fittings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ad37ec42-91fd-4a47-92ed-b60a48a2bfe3Post:72c5319f-875a-4f84-acd1-0b4a1a58c925">Re: Not Inviting FMIL to Dress Fittings</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe rather than inviting everyone to fittings, plural, you could just invite everyone to the final fitting? Because a lot of the time, the dress isn't going to look that great at the initial fitting anyway.
Posted by LoveMuffins[/QUOTE]

<div>I like this idea.</div>

chicadelpadre · March 2011

I had a similar issue with my FMIL & Step FMIL and my first dress fitting. I ended up inviting both of them and leaving it up to them. The fitting was close to my house and they live 15 - 45 min away. One doesn't really drive and one really doesn't like to drive long distances. Neither of them ended up coming, but it was their decision in the end and then I didn't have to feel bad about it.

kaijasmom · March 2011

I'd say tell her its something you want to do with your mother, dont mention the BM's. Good luck

DNAtime · March 2011

I am not a fan of making excuses just because you don't want to tell her the truth as a few PPs have suggested. My FI does this and it drives me nuts.

Just don't talk about the fittings. Period. If she really insists invite her to the last one when there is nothing to dicuss and its all done. If she's a negative nancy then, just tell her she doesn't have to like it, its for her son anyway.

I ditto PPs, though and I would conside that you are joining this womans family, til death do us part, so just think about the big picture beyond the wedding.

specialk84 · March 2011

I guess I didn't realize fititngs were social occasions. My first fitting is scheduled for the end of May, and I just figured I'd go by myself or just bring my mom. She might see something that needs to be fixed. I would not want all of my friends and family watching me getting stabbed with a pin. Then again, I only brought my mom shopping with me.

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