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How to tell someone they AREN'T a bridesmaid?

ksmith67ksmith67
10 Comments
in Moms and Maids
A bit of background so people understand and don't just start "you can't" right away.-- I was previously engaged and had chosen my bridal party to be my sister(moh), his sister, and a childhood friend. My ex ended up breaking off that     engagement about 5 months before the wedding, but no one had bought dresses or anything, so there was no money commitment of any sort. 
I am now engaged again(to a different guy) and have started picking my bridal party.  The childhood friend apparently said something to my mother a few days ago about being my bridesmaid still and my mom said it seems like she thinks that she is still being included even if I haven't asked her.  I've grown pretty apart from her in the nearly 4 years since I asked her to be a bridesmaid for my previous engagement and really have no desire to have her as my bridesmaid for this wedding.  I'd really like my bridal party to be only family- my sister, and his 2 sisters.
What I'm wondering is what a nice way to say "sorry, but it's not a lifelong invitation"?  The only time I see this girl is when I am at my parents house in another state and then usually its only for her to drop her son off at their house for me to babysit him while she and her husband go out to the bar.  My wedding is over a year away, and who knows how much more we will grow apart by then.
 I've seen a few other places where people say that there are no "take-backs" on bridal party invitations, but there has to be some way around that for a casual "oh yeah, you can be in my wedding" when its been over 4 years.  Any help please?
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Re: How to tell someone they AREN'T a bridesmaid?

  • saisongbirdsaisongbird
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    You don't.  New engagement, new bridal party.

    Only force the issue if she asks you point blank.  Otherwise, she'll get the hint when you don't speak to her about bridesmaid dresses.  And DO NOT talk ANYTHING wedding to her.
    imageAnniversary

    RIP Dr. Irving Fishman - 10/1/19-7/25/10 - thank you for holding on for me.
    You made my wedding day complete.
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  • duckie1905duckie1905 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Different wedding, different WP.

    But, there is no need to call out the fact that she isn't a BM this time unless she specifically asks you.  Comments to others are second hand information and it is really not necessary to address.

    If she does happen to bring it up just say kindly that this time around you've decided to go with only family.
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  • AllAboutTheBenjaminAllAboutTheBenjamin member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Yeah... don't talk wedding with her at all.

    It's wrong of her to just assume that she'll be a bridesmaid.  No one can be in the wedding party unless they're asked.  So, just don't ask her. 

    If she brings it up - you don't have to explain to her why you don't want her in the wedding party.  A simple "We're just having close family, ie sisters" would suffice.  She'll probably be upset - but really, it's her own fault.
    panther
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  • ap517ap517
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    that's tough but ultimately its your party and your decision.  perhaps she misses your old friendship a little.  but i think it's perfectly ok to tell her that it's just family in the WP.  if for some reason you do grow close in the next 6 months, and I mean joined at the hip close, perhaps you could ask her then.  but things change.  people i was friends with 4 years ago are not invited to the wedding. 
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