I don't see the point, and I like StephBean's suggestion better, but as long as you're not dragging other people into the production, I also don't see the harm.
My fiance' proposed to me in a beautiful location but panicked when he was going ot say his schpeal and just got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I told him that since he panicked and didn't get to say what he wanted, that he can share with me some special words either in our vows or another time during our special day. I think that's a good compromise over a do-over... I agree with the consensus about nixing the do-over.
Ok, I really don't see the point in trying to make him NOT do something that would make him happy and won't really hurt anyone.
I can absolutely understand not wanting it done in public though--have you tried suggesting that instead of doing it in a crowded restaurant or something, maybe he can plan out something a little more private, but still "fancier" than doing it in your living room, or something, and then you "celebrate" at dinner after? And make sure to stress that you wouldn't have wanted it done in public even if this was the very first time he was asking you? Like I said, not a hill to die on, but he should also respect your wishes to not do it in a crowded public place and embarrass you.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thoughts-over-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:db03a7be-c9e1-4485-913b-ccabb4e96526Post:605d1432-f2d6-467c-931d-4d94bfcc77b4">Re: Any thoughts on a do-over proposal?</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Any thoughts on a do-over proposal? : Have you tried telling him that you already feel like it was super special? I mean, there were no balloons and confetti, but, dude, you're engaged! And I mean that in a good way. Not in the "omfg you're enagaged, get over it!" I mean it in the, "break out the champagne because you're engaged!" kind of way. That is total cause for celebration! Out of curiousity, have you guys been telling people you're engaged? Maybe someone said something to him about it? Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]
I knew what you meant. No worries :) And yes, everyone knows. It's even Facebook official lol.
[QUOTE]I can absolutely understand not wanting it done in public though[/QUOTE]
That's my thing. If he wanted to do it in the park where there would be few-no people or something it would be okay, but he thinks it needs to be over the top since he says he screwed it up the first time. I told him I loved how he proposed. I'm definitely going to talk to him again. This time about not doing it in public, as opposed to not doing it at all.
I knew what you meant. No worries And yes, everyone knows. It's even Facebook official lol. Ok, good, because I know voice inflection is completely lost on the internet lol.
Just because he didn't do it in public doesn't mean it was done wrong. I know you know that, but I hope he knows that or realizes that.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thoughts-over-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:db03a7be-c9e1-4485-913b-ccabb4e96526Post:2b25a232-1635-4e71-9885-3c75db314265">Re: Any thoughts on a do-over proposal?</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Any thoughts on a do-over proposal? : I knew what you meant. No worries :) And yes, everyone knows. It's even Facebook official lol. That's my thing. If he wanted to do it in the park where there would be few-no people or something it would be okay, but he thinks it needs to be over the top since he says he screwed it up the first time. I told him I loved how he proposed. I'm definitely going to talk to him again. This time about not doing it in public, as opposed to not doing it at all. Posted by mandctaft[/QUOTE]
Doing it in front of people does not make it over the top. FI proposed to me on the beach while the 2 of us were watching a sunset. It was awesome no one else was around no big fan fare. Just us sitting down and enjoying each others company the exact way I would have wanted it. Doing it in a restaurant with a bunch of other people watching does not make it over the top. I would actually feel uncomfortable and awkward knowing that the whole thing was planned out and also that you are already engaged and planning your wedding.
My sister's ex-husband did that. They decided to get married, chose the ring together, he picked it up himself and "surprised" her with a proposal. I thought it was silly. I honestly don't know what she thought about it. But then again, I think proposals in general are silly, so there's that...
I don't think there's any harm in doing it if you both want to do it. But I also don't really see why his desire to do it trumps your desire to not do it. I made it very clear to DH from the moment that we got serious that I did NOT want any kind of official proposal ever so I would have been annoyed if he had insisted on doing one.
Just think of it more as he wants to give you the ring and make that special, not propose again.
I would just tell him that you would prefer if he didn't make a scene in the restaurant (like getting down on bended knee) as you would be really embarrassed and feel uncomfortable. That making you uncomfortable would ruin the moment for you.
Proposing is a special moment. But getting a ring is also a special moment. As long as you wouldn't feel like he's acting, I don't see any issue with him "proposing" traditionally when he gives you your ring.
Technically, my FI proposed to me while I was asleep. We were watching a movie and I fell asleep on his shoulder and I heard "will you marry me?" Later on I had to ask him if he actually proposed or if it was just a dream. He didn't "officially" proposed until about 10 months later, on a boat, with a ring, etc. And it didn't feel "fake" to me at all; only like now we're finally engaged, while as before we had only discussed getting married someday.
But I think my situation may be different than yours because after the first "proposal" we weren't planning a wedding, we didn't tell anyone we were engaged, etc. It was just a private joke between the two of us (just like now he calls me wifey even though we're not married). So for you it may be different.
I don't think you should look at it as a "do-over" but just as a nice dinner with your FI. My DH proposed with just the diamond, then we went shopping for the setting together. When the ring was ready, he picked it up and took me out to dinner and gave it to me there. No need to react so the whole restaurant thinks they're in on an engagement. I had a wonderful initial proposal and a wonderful dinner, where I actually received my ring. NBD.
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In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thoughts-over-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:db03a7be-c9e1-4485-913b-ccabb4e96526Post:22cb9f0b-77da-4df7-942e-cbc22ac30323">Re: Any thoughts on a do-over proposal?</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Any thoughts on a do-over proposal? : That was my thought process. Afterwards a little old lady came over to our table and told H how sweet and thoughtful his speech was. She apologized for eavesdropping but said she couldn't help herself. H had this ear to ear grin on his face and I could tell he felt like Prince Charming or some other disney character. Now that made me truly happy, to see him that happy. He indulges me plenty of times in things I know he thinks are silly but unimportant. Posted by OutOfTheBlue612[/QUOTE]
Oh that's adorable! ^^
Back to the OP, it might be important for him to say the things he wants to say to you about your future in a romantic way even though you're already engaged. It's a little bit silly, but it's also sort of sweet.
And if the stormy weather came...I'd just kiss you in the rain...
I'm with PPs on the "I don't get it" train. I'm all for heartfelt words and him giving you the ring, going out to dinner to celebrate. Getting down on a knee and asking the question again is just silly - you already said yes, there's no question to ask. Perhaps if you explained to him that his asking again makes you feel silly for calling yourself engaged for the last year?
But I had the storybook proposal so I'm possibly judging unfairly :-/
I don't think it's silly either. When he goes to pick up the ring tell him not to let you know. Have him suprise you with it and a proposal.
My proposal was a complete surprise. My ring was beautiful and it was perfect. Well a diamond fell out soon after and after having the stone replaced and other complications we had to exchange it for an entirely new ring. My FI is sentimental and wanted to propose with the second ring as well. He did and it was still nice even though I knew what he was doing.
Re: Any thoughts on a do-over proposal?
My fiance' proposed to me in a beautiful location but panicked when he was going ot say his schpeal and just got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I told him that since he panicked and didn't get to say what he wanted, that he can share with me some special words either in our vows or another time during our special day. I think that's a good compromise over a do-over... I agree with the consensus about nixing the do-over.
I can absolutely understand not wanting it done in public though--have you tried suggesting that instead of doing it in a crowded restaurant or something, maybe he can plan out something a little more private, but still "fancier" than doing it in your living room, or something, and then you "celebrate" at dinner after? And make sure to stress that you wouldn't have wanted it done in public even if this was the very first time he was asking you? Like I said, not a hill to die on, but he should also respect your wishes to not do it in a crowded public place and embarrass you.
Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Any thoughts on a do-over proposal? : Have you tried telling him that you already feel like it was super special? I mean, there were no balloons and confetti, but, dude, you're engaged! And I mean that in a good way. Not in the "omfg you're enagaged, get over it!" I mean it in the, "break out the champagne because you're engaged!" kind of way. That is total cause for celebration! Out of curiousity, have you guys been telling people you're engaged? Maybe someone said something to him about it?
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]
I knew what you meant. No worries :) And yes, everyone knows. It's even Facebook official lol.
[QUOTE]I can absolutely understand not wanting it done in public though[/QUOTE]
That's my thing. If he wanted to do it in the park where there would be few-no people or something it would be okay, but he thinks it needs to be over the top since he says he screwed it up the first time. I told him I loved how he proposed. I'm definitely going to talk to him again. This time about not doing it in public, as opposed to not doing it at all.
People can be funny about that sort of stuff
Good luck coming to a compromise!
Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
Ok, good, because I know voice inflection is completely lost on the internet lol.
Just because he didn't do it in public doesn't mean it was done wrong. I know you know that, but I hope he knows that or realizes that.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Any thoughts on a do-over proposal? : I knew what you meant. No worries :) And yes, everyone knows. It's even Facebook official lol. That's my thing. If he wanted to do it in the park where there would be few-no people or something it would be okay, but he thinks it needs to be over the top since he says he screwed it up the first time. I told him I loved how he proposed. I'm definitely going to talk to him again. This time about not doing it in public, as opposed to not doing it at all.
Posted by mandctaft[/QUOTE]
Doing it in front of people does not make it over the top. FI proposed to me on the beach while the 2 of us were watching a sunset. It was awesome no one else was around no big fan fare. Just us sitting down and enjoying each others company the exact way I would have wanted it. Doing it in a restaurant with a bunch of other people watching does not make it over the top. I would actually feel uncomfortable and awkward knowing that the whole thing was planned out and also that you are already engaged and planning your wedding.
I don't think there's any harm in doing it if you both want to do it. But I also don't really see why his desire to do it trumps your desire to not do it. I made it very clear to DH from the moment that we got serious that I did NOT want any kind of official proposal ever so I would have been annoyed if he had insisted on doing one.
Just think of it more as he wants to give you the ring and make that special, not propose again.
I would just tell him that you would prefer if he didn't make a scene in the restaurant (like getting down on bended knee) as you would be really embarrassed and feel uncomfortable. That making you uncomfortable would ruin the moment for you.
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Married 9/15/11
*This is Not Legal Advice*
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Any thoughts on a do-over proposal? : That was my thought process. Afterwards a little old lady came over to our table and told H how sweet and thoughtful his speech was. She apologized for eavesdropping but said she couldn't help herself. H had this ear to ear grin on his face and I could tell he felt like Prince Charming or some other disney character. Now that made me truly happy, to see him that happy. He indulges me plenty of times in things I know he thinks are silly but unimportant.
Posted by OutOfTheBlue612[/QUOTE]
Oh that's adorable! ^^
Back to the OP, it might be important for him to say the things he wants to say to you about your future in a romantic way even though you're already engaged. It's a little bit silly, but it's also sort of sweet.
But I had the storybook proposal so I'm possibly judging unfairly :-/
My proposal was a complete surprise. My ring was beautiful and it was perfect. Well a diamond fell out soon after and after having the stone replaced and other complications we had to exchange it for an entirely new ring. My FI is sentimental and wanted to propose with the second ring as well. He did and it was still nice even though I knew what he was doing.
Do it!