Pre-pay bridal shower

thomas2013 · January 2013

My MOH just called to say that my bridal shower is going to be $20pp and everyone is paying for themselves. This includes appetizers, dessert and water. Guest would have to pay for drinks includeing soft drinks. I have never heard of a bridal shower that you pay for yourself. I feel bad asking people to come to a shower and pay to attend. Am I crazy or is it okay from people to pay for themselves?

pengy_wi · January 2013

Not ok, she should pick a different venue and just serve cake and punch if budget is the issue.

AddieCake · January 2013

That's crazy. I have never even been to a shower that wasn't just cake, punch, fruit, cheese and crackers or little sandwiches at someone's home, so the whole VENUE for a bridal shower seems over the top to me to begin with. I had never even heard of such a thing before coming to TK. To ask guests to open their wallets is tacky as hell.

thomas2013 · January 2013

This is what I told her. We can use my grandfathers country club for about $50 and just make food to pick from. My SIL also wanted to help and she told her she had it all planned out. My shower was going to be this month now it is moved to next month becuase she hadn't done anything. I also included my SIL (who also thinks the idea is insane) and she is trying to talk sense into her now.

I just wanted to make sure I wasn't overthinking it.

pengy_wi · January 2013

Addie-when I said change the VENUE, I basically meant change it to somewhere free-church, someone's house, etc.

banana468 · January 2013

You need to decline the shower if it means guests have to pay for anything.

Everything at the event should be free.

AddieCake · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_pre-pay-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:045f302c-abbd-4268-b88c-310bf84424f0Post:38c68c21-c0d7-4682-b073-ad1f6f6f520a">Re: Pre-pay bridal shower</a>:
[QUOTE]Addie-when I said change the VENUE, I basically meant change it to somewhere free-church, someone's house, etc.
Posted by pengy_wi[/QUOTE]

Oh, no, no....that wasn't directed toward you at all. I honestly didn't even notice you had said venue. I was just using it in general for all these showers I am hearing about lately at any location OTHER than someone's house....mainly restaurants. Sorry if I offended you!

thomas2013 · January 2013

Addie- I think we have the same wedding date! March 24th?

HobokensFury · January 2013

Just decline the shower.

thomas2013 · January 2013

Should I decline even though my SIL and family are really looking forward to it? I don't feel like that would be fair to my family. I am not going to allow her to charge my guest. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't in the wrong with not wanting my guests to pay.

Thank you ladies!

AddieCake · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_pre-pay-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:045f302c-abbd-4268-b88c-310bf84424f0Post:c39aef5c-17f9-4efa-9bda-f6fdd7f018dd">Re: Pre-pay bridal shower</a>:
[QUOTE]Addie- I think we have the same wedding date! March 24th?
Posted by thomas2013[/QUOTE]

Yep!

Jager1219 · January 2013

Addie - just one comment on venues (restaurants) for shower locations. I've been to showers at both people's homes and at a venue. I didn't want a lot of fuss over my shower, so I suggested that my mom (who is hosting) hold it at her home. She said no way because she didn't want to deal with the clean up & the parking issue of having 60 people at her house. She figured that by the time she had it catered for lunch food, then you might as well have it at a venue. It was a different perspective. I was thinking of the expense (which I'm guessing you were as well) and she was thinking of the logistics and hassle.

Summer2011Bride · January 2013

I've been to showers held at restaurants where we've ordered lunch and the host(s) always picked up the bill. Making guests pay is bad form.

Assuming you are close to your MOH, I might try to say something like: "I am so thankful and appreciative that you are planning and want to throw me such a nice shower. However, I am concerned about guests having to pay for their own food. I would be completely fine with a smaller/simpler shower elsewhere." If she insists it's OK to charge your guests or is opposed to changing it, I would politely decline. ("Sorry, but I am not comfortable charging the guests for their food and I definitely would not expect you to pay for all of that. I think it's better to just not do the shower at all. Thank you so much for wanting to plan one for me!")

banana468 · January 2013

As long as the guests will not be charged you don't need to decline.

AddieCake · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_pre-pay-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:045f302c-abbd-4268-b88c-310bf84424f0Post:00dbc9b4-47ab-4665-8a0c-6327dfd2d2c7">Re: Pre-pay bridal shower</a>:
[QUOTE]Addie - just one comment on venues (restaurants) for shower locations. I've been to showers at both people's homes and at a venue. I didn't want a lot of fuss over my shower, so I suggested that my mom (who is hosting) hold it at her home. She said no way because she didn't want to deal with the clean up & the parking issue of having 60 people at her house. She figured that by the time she had it catered for lunch food, then you might as well have it at a venue. It was a different perspective. I was thinking of the expense (which I'm guessing you were as well) and she was thinking of the logistics and hassle.
Posted by Jager1219[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, I guess I can see that from a cleanup and hosting perspective. It just seems like so many wedding parties have gotten so over the top and it's like what happened to just the simplicity of some of this stuff. I also have never been to a shower that was more than 15 people, so that's why I'm so shocked by how big some of these things have grown. </div>

Jager1219 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_pre-pay-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:045f302c-abbd-4268-b88c-310bf84424f0Post:f9b89c07-0424-4497-9226-8bd2dadbcd03">Re: Pre-pay bridal shower</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pre-pay bridal shower : Yeah, I guess I can see that from a cleanup and hosting perspective. It just seems like so many wedding parties have gotten so over the top and it's like what happened to just the simplicity of some of this stuff. I also have never been to a shower that was more than 15 people, so that's why I'm so shocked by how big some of these things have grown.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

I totally understand. I thought my mom was going nuts with the guest list too. But I will say that I've actually never been to a shower with under 50 people. But I also haven't had any friends who have had multiple showers either

HobokensFury · January 2013

I think it varies regionally as well. Around here almost every shower is in a restaurant because most people live in apartments and can't possible fit 15 or more people in their homes. Even those that own houses are really small and don't have enough space. A spacious backyard is almost unheard of. Also in the city there are parking regulations and there just isn't enough space to park everyone's car so it's easier to go somewhere with a parking lot. It's just not logictically possible to host in someone's home.

Jager1219 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_pre-pay-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:045f302c-abbd-4268-b88c-310bf84424f0Post:7f6b42bc-4a9c-40dc-8b55-02044c836000">Re: Pre-pay bridal shower</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I think it varies regionally as well.</strong> Around here almost every shower is in a restaurant because most people live in apartments and can't possible fit 15 or more people in their homes. Even those that own houses are really small and don't have enough space. A spacious backyard is almost unheard of. Also in the city there are parking regulations and there just isn't enough space to park everyone's car so it's easier to go somewhere with a parking lot. It's just not logictically possible to host in someone's home.
Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]
Definately! All the bridal shower's I've been to have included a full meal and wine (this includes at homes and at venues). My parents threw an engagement party for me and that was fully catered as well. My parents thoughts were that if people were going to drive 2 hours + to come, then they should be fed.

MairePoppy · January 2013

I've never been to a shower that didn't include a full meal and most have included a signature cocktail or wine. While I truly admire the simplicity of the cake and punch shower, there is nothing wrong with serving a meal, either, as long as the guests are not expected to chip in.

I would like to add to Hoboken's comment. Local clubs and restaurants compete for banquet business, so their prices are reasonable. It's oftentimes more cost effective to have a shower at one of those venues, than it would be to coordinate a party at someone's home. There are enough chairs, space, table settings and restrooms to accommodate the guests. It's worry free for the hosts.

Jager1219 · January 2013

Marie & Hoboken - it looks like our area (CT/NJ) does things a bit different than elsewhere.

Out of curiosity, the showers that you gals have been to, who has hosted the shower? In my experiences it's always been a relative of the bride (usually the mom, but sometimes a sister or Aunt).

Also, have you known people in our area to have multiple showers? I've only seen brides get one (hosted by the above) and usually it's only her side who attends with the exception of the MOG and his immediate family.

One last one - if you're invited to a shower or wedding and cannot attend, do you give a gift even though? I've been reading from lots of people on the boards who don't give a gift if they cannot attend. I would always give a gift regardless of attendance in both situations...just curious to see if this is just me or a regional difference?

jennyd412 · January 2013

Every shower I have been to had a full meal. They have been at houses, restaurants or knights of columbus halls. The most affordable and in my opinion preferred is at a home or hall where the bridal party chips in to make food. We usually have salads, snacks, dessert and lasagna, chicken wings, pizza strips (rhode island pizza-cold, with no cheese). Not typically a sit down meal, but enough food to fill you up and have some choices.

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