How does an "adults only" reception work?

Re: How does an "adults only" reception work?

• JellyBean52513 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  For your own sake, thanks for coming to us before the E board because I dont want them to bite your head off here are the things they will tell you, in case youre even thinking about venturing over there: - you must invite everyone who is at the ceremony to the reception; kids present for the ceremony must be invited to the reception afterwards - it is not up to you to decide what parents should/will do with their kids. They might love your suggestion to help them get a babysitter or they might tell you that they arent comfortable with someone they didnt coose to wtch their kids. - the "rule" is usually to cut in circles. ie, immediate cousins only Phew now that that's out f the way, the way you make it clear to people that their children are not invited is to address the invite with the names of their parents. If they try to RSVP their kids call and tell them that youre sorry for the confusion but the invite was only for them. Giving excuses as to why will usually elicit solutions: Budgetary reasons: we'll just pay for them, theyve just got to be there! Space restrictions: oh but they wont take much space, they can sit on my lap (for small children) As they say, be prepared for some people to say they cant make it, and tell them they will be missed. Also, be prepared for some ppl who couldnt bring their teenagers to side-eye a bit if they show up and see other teenagers. Unless you can honestly tell them "children of immediate family only" to the ppl whose kids arent invited (and they arent a part of that group), they might be upset that other kids got special treatment. I hope i was helpful and not mean and harsh

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• kks4471 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  JellyBean has awesome advice.  I agree that you should do the cutoff by family circles.  This means, all first cousins should be invited, regardless of age.  You don't have to include first cousin's children though, and it sounds like you're concerned about just first cousins.  But if you include one first cousin's child, then all first cousin children should be invited.  See how the circle works?  HTH

  

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• sbolger17 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  Are the 15 and 17 y/o cousins first cousins?  If so, then it doesn't seem too hard to make your cut-off in circles, as PP said.  If they're second cousins, then it makes it a little harder.  But if everyone else's kids are say, 12 or under, and you just have those 2 teenagers, that age also seems like a reasonable cut off.
  
  I didn't invite my first cousin's young kids because I didn't want kids beyond the FG/RB and their siblings (who also happened to be my niece, nephew and 2 first cousins which was another easy cut-off).  I don't think anyone cared.
  
  You could verbally ask a few cousins if they'd be interested in babysitting and see what they say about it.  Some might not be comfortable and will choose to either leave kids at home with babysitters or relatives for the weekend or may also choose not to come.
  

  

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• raes19 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  I know we didn't do this properly, but we invited some children but not others. It basically came down to who we were closer to. As far as I know, the only one who had an issue was an aunt that I'm not very close to. I invited her two adult children, along with their spouses, but not her two younger children (ages 16 and 4). I probably would have invited all of them if she would force them to behave in public, but since she lets them do whatever I didn't really want to deal with it.

  

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• whereismymind32 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  So the 15 and 17 year old are my youngest first cousins, but my oldest cousins' children (my second cousins) are also teenagers.  That's what happenes when my dad has 8 brothers and sisters! So instead of calling it "adults only" I can make the cut-off at "first cousins," but how do I tell the first cousins that their children aren't invited? Do I have a special rsvp for them so they get the hint that it's just them and not their kids?
  
  Also FI has just one cousin with a child (also a teenager). Which would make her a second cousin! But since FI's family is so small (only 10 of them total!), she would be missed.
  
  

  

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• sbolger17 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  You're in a great situation then!  Cut off for your family is first cousins.  Cut off for FI's family can be different and no one will be the wiser.
  
  You don't flat-out tell the cousins that their kids aren't invited (unless they ask), but you only write the parents' names on the invites.  If they add in their kids when they send in the RSVP, you'll have to call and politely tell them that the invitation is for the parents only and that you hope they can still make it.
  

  

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• Happily9 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_central-new-york_adults-only-reception-work?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:621Discussion:de4c2671-0f50-432e-9637-9b2d6d78c8d8Post:b22c8b62-2c45-4488-820f-55a44a4c862a">Re: How does an "adults only" reception work?</a>:
  [QUOTE]You're in a great situation then!  Cut off for your family is first cousins.  Cut off for FI's family can be different and no one will be the wiser. You don't flat-out tell the cousins that their kids aren't invited (unless they ask), but you only write the parents' names on the invites.  If they add in their kids when they send in the RSVP, you'll have to call and politely tell them that the invitation is for the parents only and that you hope they can still make it.
  Posted by sbolger17[/QUOTE]
  
  I did something similar to this. My cut off line was also at first cousins...for both his family and mine.  We only put those invited on the invite and tried to pass to information around through word of mouth (mostly through our parents).  We did have a few that added a couple on the RSVP and my parents ended up contacting these people to explain the situation.  Noone seemed to mind and understood that we had to cut off somewhere.  We also used the excuse that the venue would feel more comfortable with everyone being over 21 because of open bar.  

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• whereismymind32 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  Thanks ladies. I love that I can ask you all advice! My wedding is so different from what my cousins have done that it's hard to know how to do things sometimes.

  

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• pitbullmommy315 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  I am in a similar situation! I remember being at one of my cousin's wedding a couple years ago and overheard one of my aunts complaining about how it was adult only. Hopefully everyone won't be as uptight as her!
  
  Does anyone think it's acceptable to write that it is an adult only reception on our wedding website??

  

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• kevinandmonica2011 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  Agree w/ the above PPs.  I have to warn you though... for a wedding where the majority of your guests will be traveling, be prepared for a lot of declines for those who have children... that may or may not be a good thing for you.
  
  If you decide to include any information on your website, just be very careful/creative how you word it (ex... "No rugrats allowed" is probably not a good idea.  Not going to lie... I've actually seen it.  lol).
  
  
  

  
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