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April 2013 Weddings

So Happy and yet so very freaked out!!

Hi all! I am not exactly sure where I need to put this. Or even if I need it at all. Maybe I am just looking for a place to vent some frusterations....and I figured maybe some strangers will understand.

First: My MOM...whom I love but want to beat up so very much!

My mom's advice when we got engaged. Do whatever it is that you want to do. It's YOUR wedding. Now---it's very much a "do whatever you want, but don't do that" scenario. She expects us to have this huge 45,000 wedding...(she's not paying for it of course). And for whatever reason she doesn't understand that we are two working (more on this later) class people who get by, but really don't have a lot of extra money to throw at this event. She also keeps telling me that I have "plenty of time!"

For whatever reason that phrase gets on my last nerve!! I know. I have 9 months. You have a baby in that same amount of time. This is totally doable. But it's also VERY DIY and I need LOTS of time to make payments on things, so the day before we are not surprised with a 20,000 bill for our wedding. So really I dont! But that's just this petty thing.

SECOND: My wedding----
I want to go to Vegas. I want to run away just me and him and come back and let the pieces fall where they may. Those we love wont be mad at us forever, and if they are, they are not the people we thought they were. :)

But once again MOM's have coem in a veto'd that. And now my easy, quick run away wedding has turned into a spectical of a epic proportions that has spiraled completely out of control, with almost every person we have ever met wanting to come. But I know they aren't coming for us, they are coming for Vegas. And the last thing I really want to do is vacation will all of these people. But honestly, now this may not be an issue at all.

Third- My fiance lost his job

Out of blue, laid off. And his income SUBSTANTIALLY out earns mine. (by 3). I havent exactlty figured out to bring him out of his funk,(because He's the "man" and provider, and now says hes a deadbeat etc). let alone how I am going to pay our monthly bills, in addition to make payments on our wedding and keep us fed. I have ways of shrinking the wedding. Vegas, as lovely as it would be, is not neccessary. So many people say figure out what's important and focus on that...what's important is that me and this man who I love with my whole heart get married with our son. So we can do that anywhere, with a VERY little about of money. But I was told that to cancel the trip to Vegas would only make him feel worse, and do I really want to do that? I am really just venting, but I would LOVE some advice on how to deal with my mom, the people coming to vegas who I really dont like at all, and my better half's lack of employment. Thanks for putting up with my venting!!!

Re: So Happy and yet so very freaked out!!

  • vk2204vk2204 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    If you don't have any plans as of now, why don't you just push the wedding back a little bit and wait until your FI finds another job?

    As for your mom, if she isn't paying she really doesn't get a say. I mean, it sounds harsh but it is true. Stop talking about the wedding with her hopefully she will get the hint. If she keeps pushing, tell her that you and your FI will be moving in with her because you can't afford to live on your own and give her the wedding she wants.

    Good luck!
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  • My response was similar to what vk said, so...seconding that!  Do what works for you and your FI, especially if YOU are paying for it!  
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  • I also agree with Vk!  Maybe try tp push the wedding back, and not involve your mom at this point. It is your wedding do what you both can afford to do! For some reason when people get married everything thinks they are experts when it comes to wedding planning.
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  • I agree with vk and erbear but how about a twist?  Do a small civil or religious ceremony...I'm talking really small.  You, your FI, your son, the officiant and a couple of witnesses to sign the paperwork.  There done, you're married and hopefully happily ever after :-)

    Next step: take your time saving up for the "show" wedding in Vegas.  That will take the pressure off of your FI for being the provider, etc. and he can focus his attention on finding another job instead of helping you plan this over the top shindig your mom is pushing for.  You can keep an eye out for specials and deals on flights and hotels and who knows, maybe in the meantime he'll find another job.

    At the end of the day, you're married to the man you love and you'll still get to go to Vegas...just maybe not as soon as you were hoping ;-)

    Honestly, I'm so tempted to do this myself.

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  • vk2204vk2204 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to Re: So Happy and yet so very freaked out!!:
    [QUOTE]I agree with vk and erbear but how about a twist?  Do a small civil or religious ceremony...I'm talking really small.  You, your FI, your son, the officiant and a couple of witnesses to sign the paperwork.  There done, you're married and hopefully happily ever after :-) Next step: take your time saving up for the "show" wedding in Vegas.  That will take the pressure off of your FI for being the provider, etc. and he can focus his attention on finding another job instead of helping you plan this over the top shindig your mom is pushing for.  You can keep an eye out for specials and deals on flights and hotels and who knows, maybe in the meantime he'll find another job. At the end of the day, you're married to the man you love and you'll still get to go to Vegas...just maybe not as soon as you were hoping ;-) Honestly, I'm so tempted to do this myself.
    Posted by lch0708[/QUOTE]

    What is a "show" wedding?
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  • If you want to elope, elope.  I am SO wishing we had done that when we first got engaged.... in 2008!  But NOOOOOO...... we listened to everyone else's whining and complaining and are now stuck paying for a wedding we don't want, when we could have been married 3 years ago.

    I say take a trip for 3 to Vegas on your own, buy a buttload of postcards when you get there, and turn those into your wedding announcements.  Just because someone else wants you to do things a certain way, doesn't mean you HAVE to.  Your mom had her chance.  Now it's YOUR turn to plan YOUR day.

    "Sorry, Mom, but the one paying for the wedding gets to make all the decisions.  Feel free to cut me a check for $45,000 and you can make whatever decisions you want.  Until that happens, I would appreciate it if you would either be supportive of our decisions or keep your negativity to yourself."
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  • Spunky414Spunky414 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited June 2012
    I was in a similar situation: we don't have much money, but my parents expected us to have a huge traditional shindig without any offer to contribute, my mom planned her wedding in a week and didn't see why I wanted at least a year, I've been unemployed since I finished grad school in December, and I wanted something small in Vegas but after pricing things out Vegas was not as cheap as I expected.
     
    I don't have a good or really much of a relationship with either of my parents, and my goal was to minimize my stress. I only talk about the wedding when necessary. I presented everything as "this is what we are doing" and only when necessary to avoid drama I offered a "why" that my parents can relate to, usually the cost. They just had no clue about how expensive that kind of event that they expected was. When my mom told me I was nuts for doing my own feather bouquet and feather centerpieces instead of flowers, I showed her the price quote for just my bouquet from a local florist($200), the cost of buying bulk flowers for the whole wedding and putting them together myself ($250) and the cost of feather materials for the whole wedding ($90). It ended the discussion and left her feeling good about the decision I made so I don't have to deal with drama from her for the next year over it.

    As for your FI, I can say being unemployed sucks, just be loving and supportive. If Vegas isn't turning out like you want and can afford cancel it. Replan something you want, all you really need to be married is the license, an officiant and some witnesses. Everything else is just nice to have. Get married in a park and have a dinner at a nice restaurant with close family, or if mom is too much to deal with have a surprise wedding. Invite who you really want to a dinner party and just happen to get married during it. 
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  • vk-a show wedding is an opportunity for a married couple to have the party of their dreams after their original wedding.  They're pretty common in the military community because a lot of times a deployment will push plans up and you can't quite plan out things like you would have liked originally.  I also have a few friends that couldn't afford the "wedding of their dreams" at first or needed to get married to share health care, etc., so they did a simple ceremony and then a year later (or some other date) had a second wedding or a "show" wedding as they called it.  They were already married, they just repeated/renewed? their vows with all of the big fancy stuff they originally wanted.  Tada, a "show" wedding.  I've had 3 friends do this in the last 2 years.

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  • My FI and I were originally supposed to get married this July. Because we wouldn't be able to afford the wedding that we wanted, we moved the date to Dec 2012, and now finally April 2013. Think about the wedding you want. Your FI wants to spend the rest of his life with you, he isn't going anywhere. If you want to spend a little more money on your wedding, it's okay to wait. If you just want to be married now, you can still have a beautiful wedding. Someone I am FB friends with just got married in a local park, and the whole thing probably cost under 500. It was gorgeous. You can also look into bed and breakfasts near you, we have a lot around here that offer elopement packages which include everything but the dress. Hope this helps!
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