uninvited babies?!

ahw001 · December 2009

A family friend informed me over the holidays that although they would not be bringing their 2 year old, the would have to bring the baby as she will still be breast-feeding... um, we aren't having any children other than my fiance's 7 nieces and nephews... how do I politely but clearly convey to our guests that their children aren't invited?? I always thought that proper etiquette was that whomever the invitation was addressed to would dictate whether a couple's children were included? ie Mr and Mrs. John James would be just the couple and Mr. and Mrs. John James and Family would include the kids as applicable. As they haven't received their invites yet but are assuming the kids are coming I'm not sure if I should leave it up to the invite to convey the message.... HELP!

MyNameIsNot · December 2009

You are correct about addressing invitations. However, breast feeding babies are normally the exception to the no-kids rule.

WildRumpus · December 2009

Seriously? You're actually going to ask them to leave their newborn, who relies on the mother for food home? You can't. Simple as that.

laurenclaire1386 · December 2009

I was with you until the other seven kids that will be there. I bet your family friend is going to say the same thing when she does whatever she has to do to get her infant taken care of, then she shows up and there are a bunch of...kids.

RachNRich · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uninvited-babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b518ae18-87a0-4ef8-a8e7-08df4bb6c225Post:4e10ec6d-894d-4a50-80b8-c8aae9ce38cf">uninvited babies?!</a>:
[QUOTE]A family friend informed me over the holidays that although they would not be bringing their 2 year old, the would have to bring the baby as she will still be breast-feeding... um, we aren't having any children other than my fiance's 7 nieces and nephews... how do I politely but clearly convey to our guests that their children aren't invited?? I always thought that proper etiquette was that whomever the invitation was addressed to would dictate whether a couple's children were included? ie Mr and Mrs. John James would be just the couple and Mr. and Mrs. John James and Family would include the kids as applicable. As they haven't received their invites yet but are assuming the kids are coming I'm not sure if I should leave it up to the invite to convey the message.... HELP!
Posted by ahw001[/QUOTE]

The women is breast-feeding a child. And obviously the child (infant) will not be the only child there. If you call and tell them you wish the child to not be there--you risk having them not there as well. I have a feeling she isn't bringing the child to spite you.

sucrets4 · December 2009

Will a kid on the tit cost you anything extra?

Do you trust the parents to take the kid out if he/she starts crying?

How old is the baby?

Personally, I think that bf-ing kids are exempt from the no kids rule, but it's your call. Understand that they might not come if they can't leave the baby - how bad do you want them there?

mwhitson14 · December 2009

How about you STFU and be grateful they're not bringing the two year old, which would cause far more chaos than a newborn.

thesuninherhead · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uninvited-babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b518ae18-87a0-4ef8-a8e7-08df4bb6c225Post:4e10ec6d-894d-4a50-80b8-c8aae9ce38cf">uninvited babies?!</a>:
[QUOTE]A family friend informed me over the holidays that although they would not be bringing their 2 year old, the would have to bring the baby as she will still be breast-feeding... um, we aren't having any children other than my fiance's 7 nieces and nephews... how do I politely but clearly convey to our guests that their children aren't invited?? I always thought that proper etiquette was that whomever the invitation was addressed to would dictate whether a couple's children were included? ie Mr and Mrs. John James would be just the couple and Mr. and Mrs. John James and Family would include the kids as applicable. As they haven't received their invites yet but are assuming the kids are coming I'm not sure if I should leave it up to the invite to convey the message.... HELP!
Posted by ahw001[/QUOTE] Here's a thought: does it matter if the newborn attends given that it's not going to be eating your food or drinking your bar tab? As per the above, generally newborns are an exception to the no-kids rule, and you cannot realistically expect that all new parents will be comfortable with leaving their breastfeeding baby with someone else, even if they have no problems expressing milk.

shellydiane820 · December 2009

Tell the mom her baby will be thrown into the soup.

lpstl · December 2009

Well, you can call and let the guests know that you don't want their baby there. Typically I'd tell you to call and say it's an adults only event, or you can't accomodate their child due to capacity or budget constraints, but since it's an infant and you'll have other kids there neither of those excuses are going to fly.

Be prepared for your guests to decline the invitation. Nursing infants are typically an exception to a no kid policy because the baby relies on the mom for food. She can't exactly ask a sitter to nurse for her, and may have chosen not to pump.

MyNameIsNot · December 2009

A mom leaving a breast-feeding infant is a big deal. The baby is still really tiny, and most parents don't trust infants that small with sitters. This is why infants are the exclusion to no-kids.

If you exclude the infant, and then she goes to all the trouble to find an appropriate arrangement, and shows up to see kids running around, she's going to be seriously offended.

If you were truly having no kids, it would be one thing, but you aren't. Invite the infant.

ahw001 · December 2009

I guess I have 2 main issues with this:

1. We have many friends with small children and infants, which is why we decided that we will It makes it easy- no children of friends, only his nieces and nephews. How do we then tell other people that in order to bring their children they have to be breast feeding?

2. I am envisioning the baby crying during our intimate ceremony- that is one of my biggest pet peeves!

Nebb · December 2009

The baby is totally going to steal your thunder on your pretty princess day. Good call barring the baby from your wedding. Call this friend up and tell her to invest in a breast pump and stop being such a damn whiner. The sooner you call her the better, and then tell us how it went.

WildRumpus · December 2009

I think it's kind of ridiculous of you to say that his nieces and nephews can be there, but no other kids....why are they the exception?

lpstl · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uninvited-babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b518ae18-87a0-4ef8-a8e7-08df4bb6c225Post:e7805bf7-476a-47eb-ba5a-8c827c0602b5">Re: uninvited babies?!</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I have 2 main issues with this: 1. We have many friends with small children and infants, which is why we decided that we will It makes it easy- no children of friends, only his nieces and nephews. How do we then tell other people that in order to bring their children they have to be breast feeding? 2. I am envisioning the baby crying during our intimate ceremony- that is one of my biggest pet peeves!
Posted by ahw001[/QUOTE]

Here's what you say:

1. "Due to capacity issues we unfortunately are not able to accommodate all children, and have limited the guestlist to family. Nursing infant of course are an exception"

2. "Of course you can bring your nursing infant, if she happens to get fussy during the ceremony I'll show you where you can take her to tend to whatever she needs"

RachNRich · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uninvited-babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b518ae18-87a0-4ef8-a8e7-08df4bb6c225Post:e7805bf7-476a-47eb-ba5a-8c827c0602b5">Re: uninvited babies?!</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I have 2 main issues with this: 1. We have many friends with small children and infants, which is why we decided that we will It makes it easy- no children of friends, only his nieces and nephews. How do we then tell other people that in order to bring their children they have to be breast feeding? 2. I am envisioning the baby crying during our intimate ceremony- that is one of my biggest pet peeves!
Posted by ahw001[/QUOTE]

Are you going to throw your mom out too if she starts crying?
And what about the nieces and nephews? Are the perfect, well behaved angels? Somehow, I highly doubt it.

Nebb · December 2009

Dont listen to all of this negativity, they are just bitter and jealous. Call her up and lay down the law. Its your wedding, therefore its your say. No babies!

mwhitson14 · December 2009

As for your first point, you don't. You deal with this as it comes up, not start calling people and telling them the breast feeding rule. Surely you know of any other guests with newborns, and you can talk to them about it if they bring it up. Second point: yes, crying babies are not a pleasant thing. But seriously, the 7 nieces and nephews could end up being just as much of a distraction as a newborn that sleeps for several hours at a time.

mwhitson14 · December 2009

Nebb, you make me giggle.

RachNRich · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uninvited-babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b518ae18-87a0-4ef8-a8e7-08df4bb6c225Post:357a025d-3a39-4f30-b571-f321e0dbf16a">Re: uninvited babies?!</a>:
[QUOTE]Dont listen to all of this negativity, they are just bitter and jealous. Call her up and lay down the law. Its your wedding, therefore its your say. No babies!
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

You see right through me, Nebb. Right.Through.Me.

thesuninherhead · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uninvited-babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b518ae18-87a0-4ef8-a8e7-08df4bb6c225Post:e7805bf7-476a-47eb-ba5a-8c827c0602b5">Re: uninvited babies?!</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I have 2 main issues with this: 1. We have many friends with small children and infants, which is why we decided that we will It makes it easy- no children of friends, only his nieces and nephews. How do we then tell other people that in order to bring their children they have to be breast feeding? 2. I am envisioning the baby crying during our intimate ceremony- that is one of my biggest pet peeves!
Posted by ahw001[/QUOTE]
 How dare the uninvited baby have the gall to turn up to your wedding unwelcome AND THEN fuss during your ceremony?! Clearly, your whole wedding would be completely ruined if this were to happen! Serious question, though: what happens if one of the invited children cries during the ceremony? Off with their heads?

ahw001 · December 2009

Ok- let me clarify- the baby who is breast feeding will be 9 months old at the time of the wedding- does that really count as a newborn who couldn't be left with someone else for a few hours?

shellydiane820 · December 2009

Tell her you've hired a wet nurse to take care of the newborn.

WildRumpus · December 2009

If she's breastfeeding, and the parents are not comfortable leaving her with a sitter, it really doesn't matter HOW old she is. And again, why are FI's nieces and nephews the exception?

redheadfsu · December 2009

1. Tell anyone offended by the newborn, that she is breast feeding. No one will be bothered. Personally I think the only family children thing would bother the other guests more then a breastfeeding baby.
2. Just have the ushers/ GM show the mom where she can take the baby if it gets fussy.

Nebb · December 2009

You know if she comes, she is going to breast feed in the middle of your wedding and not cover up. Its a disaster waiting to happen. Nip it in the bud!!

lpstl · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uninvited-babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b518ae18-87a0-4ef8-a8e7-08df4bb6c225Post:fc15f971-15a2-4150-a61f-e2c646cc72be">Re: uninvited babies?!</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok- let me clarify- the baby who is breast feeding will be 9 months old at the time of the wedding- does that really count as a newborn who couldn't be left with someone else for a few hours?
Posted by ahw001[/QUOTE]

Ahh, that changes everything. I think you should call your friends right now and let them know that you think 9 months is too old to be nursing and they should just ween their baby and hire a sitter.

shellydiane820 · December 2009

I have to say,I can understand the nieces and nephews thing.

We had an adults only reception, however it was important to Nick to have his nieces there (they are immediate family) However, they didn't stay late. They left shortly after dinner.

ahw001 · December 2009

Thanks to those who gave actual etiquette advice- I was not aware that breast-feeding was an exception. As far as our decision to have only his nieces and nephews- I'm not really sure why I feel the need to defend our decision but it's basically the difference between having 7 kids vs. twenty kids at our small venue- it is really not a kid-friendly location- it is a historic mansion with antiques everywhere and only holds about a hundred people.

ahw001 · December 2009

Thanks to those who gave actual etiquette advice- I was not aware that breast-feeding was an exception. As far as our decision to have only his nieces and nephews- I'm not really sure why I feel the need to defend our decision but it's basically the difference between having 7 kids vs. twenty kids at our small venue- it is really not a kid-friendly location- it is a historic mansion with antiques everywhere and only holds about a hundred people.

ahw001 · December 2009

that and my fiance felt strongly this being a part of his immediate family was an exception to our decision to not have any children at all...

uninvited babies?!

Re: uninvited babies?!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards