Wedding Party

Does my sister HAVE to be my maid of honor and how many bridesmaids is too many?

Our wedding is set for September 28th and I would really like my best friend of almost 10 years to be my maid of honor. I have two sisters that will be in my wedding, but one of my sisters who would be my maid of honor is states away and isn't really that enthused about helping me plan my wedding while my best friend is going above and beyond to help me. I haven't asked my sisters and friends to officially be my bridesmaids yet, but am going to soon. We have a lot to get done and I am overwhelmed as my fiance who is an officer in he Air Force is off away in training for a few more months for the USAF and I preparing for my graduation from graduate school in May. Also, a new friend I made is someone I would love to add to my wedding party, but that would make 2 sisters + 3 friends bridesmaids- 5 guys my fiance will have to find for the wedding party. Any suggestions ? Help! This is so not my thing! I am so overwhelmed right now. Cry

Re: Does my sister HAVE to be my maid of honor and how many bridesmaids is too many?

  • 1.  You should choose your MOH based on who you feel closest to (relationship wise, not geographically) and not who can do the most for you.  It's an honor, not a job.

    2.  No, you do not have to have your sister as your MOH just because she's your sister.  If you have someone else you feel closer to, then they should be given that honor.

    3.  You do not have to have even sides.  If you have 5 people you want to include, great!  If your FI only has 3, that's perfectly fine.  You shouldn't have to not include people you want to even our your numbers, nor should he have to randomly add people to even out your numbers.  Again, WP is about honoring your relationships/friendships, not even numbers.
    Anniversary
    Knottie89137194
  • MOH is a title, not a job.  It should be the person you're closest to, not who will do the most for you.  You're not REQUIRED to choose anyone, even your sister to be a BM or MOH.  If you want your best friend as your MOH, even if she isn't doing anything for your wedding, that's who you should pick.

    And it's perfectly ok to have uneven sides.  Let your FI pick who he wants to be on his side, and you pick yours.  If it's not the same number, no one will care.
    image

    Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength, and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend. - Andrew Futral

  • O.K. Take a deep breath and relax. Here are some things to think about:

    No, your sister does not automatically have to be the Maid of Honor.

    The Maid of Honor is your closest friend. It doesn't matter how far away she lives, how willing/able to help you plan she might be, how much stuff she's done for your wedding. Your closest friend. Period.

    You said your sister WOULD be your Maid of Honor if she didn't live far away and if she helped more, so I assume your sister is your closest friend? If so, then your sister should be MOH. It would be incredibly selfish and cruel to say, "Well, normally you'd be my MOH, but since Jen is doing more stuff for me then she gets to be MOH and you dont."

    You can have two Maids of Honor if you want. But that should be if you have two equally close friends. Not if you have someone whom you want to reward for being helpful and working hard. The MOH title isn't a reward for the best helper. And it's not a public show of who helped you the most, especially because your guests will not care who the MOH is. If you want to thank your awesome friend for being so helpful, do something like write her a nice thank you note, give her a little gift or take her out for dinner.

    Thanks to your FI for his service, and congrats on your master's. I understand you
    feel overwhelmed by him being away and by your studies, but please realize that it is not your bridesmaids' obligation to help you (which is why the MOH title is not intended to go to the best helper). If someone is willing to help you, they will offer. You can certainly ask for some help, too. But naming someone as MOH will not guarantee their help, know what I mean? And if you choose bridesmaids/MOH based on who you think will be most helpful, and they wind up NOT helping, then you've set yourself up for hurt and disappointment.

    Just choose your closest friends to be in the bridal party and then see what happens. People usually step in to help. Otherwise, just realize that the wedding will ultimately be only as complicated as you choose to make it. Concentrate on what is "needed" (license, food and seats for guests, etc.), and prioritize everything else, and realize that some things always fall by the wayside in wedding planning. Grad school and training aside. It happens to even the people with tons of time and money and help at their disposal.

    Why would your FI need to come up with five guys? Your sides don't need to match. He should ask who he wants, and you should ask who you want. Who cares if it's not perfectly even? The world won't end, the photos won't be ruined, people won't faint in horror. Does it make sense to ask people to be slot-fillers just for the sake of a "pretty picture"? When you go out with friends, do you only invite enough people to keep it in even couples? When you go to weddings, do you stop and count the number of attendants? No, right? So why would your guests care about these things, either? Asking people just to even out the sides would only make things more complicated and expensive, and plus it causes hurt feelings (because, really, people *know* when they've just been asked to round out the sides). And remember that guys can stand for the bride and women can stand for the groom, so if your fiance wants to include a sister or a female friend then he can certainly do so.

    Just ask your closest friends, each of you (even if you want five bridesmaids and he only wants one person for himself, or even none) ... don't ask based on numbers or who can do certain tasks for you ... and you will be fine.
    image
    Knottie89137194
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_does-my-sister-have-to-be-my-maid-of-honor-and-how-many-bridesmaids-is-too-many?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0f7ffabe-e6f4-46e2-be32-acecc6b57928Post:17387288-b0fc-4909-bff8-2790db0d043a">Does my sister HAVE to be my maid of honor and how many bridesmaids is too many?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Our wedding is set for September 28th and I would really like my best friend of almost 10 years to be my maid of honor. I have two sisters that will be in my wedding, but one of my sisters who would be my maid of honor is states away and isn't really that enthused about helping me plan my wedding while my best friend is going above and beyond to help me. I haven't asked my sisters and friends to officially be my bridesmaids yet, but am going to soon. We have a lot to get done and I am overwhelmed as my fiance who is an officer in he Air Force is off away in training for a few more months for the USAF and I preparing for my graduation from graduate school in May. Also, a new friend I made is someone I would love to add to my wedding party, but that would make 2 sisters + 3 friends bridesmaids- 5 guys my fiance will have to find for the wedding party. Any suggestions ? Help! This is so not my thing! I am so overwhelmed right now.
    Posted by sarahsolovely[/QUOTE]

    Who do you call at 3am to help you bury a body? That's your MOH. You don't pick your MOH based on who can tie ribbons on bubble wands the fastest.

  • No, you shouldnt feel obligated to have your sister be your MOH, its YOUR day, and you get to make those decisions based on how you feel and with who is closest. Your sister already has a close bond to you, so in my opinion its ok if you have someone else.

    And there is no limit, and 5 is not a lot....i have TEN! haha. which is a downgrade since before we had 13 n felt overwhelmed. you cant help who (and how many people) your close with.
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  • Nearest and Dearest to you. I have a younger sister and she is NOT my Maid of Honor but that is not cause she is younger or couldn't do this or that.. we just are not close. It is not required for you to have your sister. Yes it would be nice and you might get hell from family but remember it is your day and only chose who you are close with
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_does-my-sister-have-to-be-my-maid-of-honor-and-how-many-bridesmaids-is-too-many?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0f7ffabe-e6f4-46e2-be32-acecc6b57928Post:11a0b1f2-9773-498b-ae57-919403b19bac">Re: Does my sister HAVE to be my maid of honor and how many bridesmaids is too many?</a>:
    [QUOTE]No, you shouldnt feel obligated to have your sister be your MOH, its YOUR day, and you get to make those decisions based on how you feel and with who is closest. Your sister already has a close bond to you, so in my opinion its ok if you have someone else. And there is no limit, and 5 is not a lot....<strong>i have TEN! haha. which is a downgrade since before we had 13 n felt overwhelmed.</strong> you cant help who (and how many people) your close with.
    Posted by ckozlowski91[/QUOTE]

    You had 13 but now have 10? So you kicked three out?

    Also, lose the "It's MY day" attitude. Once you involve other people it stops being about you and starts being about their comfort.

  • Thanks for shedding some light on this for me! My sister will definitely be my Maid of Honor! Also, thanks for the advice about not worrying about trying to even the numbers of the wedding party. 

    Again, wedding planning/event planning has never been my thing. I appreciate your help! :)
  • Ok here is my two cents.  

    No you don't have to make your sister MOH.  I didn't make my sister MOH.  I love my sister, but we are 8 years apart and I didn't see it appropriate to have my 22 year old sister as my MOH, when I feel much closer to my best friend.  

    I lived with my best friend for over 6 years (in college and after) and talk to her pretty much everyday.  

    It didn't bother my sister one bit.  She actually said she was just happy to be included in my day.  If someone gets pissy because they aren't your MOH, maybe they shouldn't be part of the wedding party at all. 
  • Your MOH should be the person that has always been by your side, no questions asked, who always has a shoulder for you to lean on, the one who is always there to listen, someone who you tell let's get up and drive across the country meanwhile they've been sitting in the car saying, "LET'S RIDE". I had a bit of a dillema about this myself, but then I realized my sisters are my backbones, no one is going to love me or be there for me like they are (regardless if they help me fold a single program for the wedding, lol). Now I know some people don't have the same bond with their sisters as I do, but if you do, honor that and let her/them know you wouldn't have it any other way!
    P.S. I have 10 bridesmaids, 2 Maids of Honor and 2 Matrons of Honor, 4 Best Men and 10 Groomsmen, 4 Flower Girls, 1 Ring Bearer, 1 Bible Bearer, 1 Announcement Baby and a Partridge and a Pear Tree! YOU SHOULD FEEL A LOT BETTER!!!! LOL

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