Career and military marriage? worried....

Cass987 · March 2010

This issue isn't just about enlisted/officers. I am a Defense civilian and get moved around a lot in my field, as well. My FI medically retired from the Army. We met at my current duty station here in Germany. Basically he has a Bachelor's degree in Business Admin and History and is working as a secretary because he can't find a job in his field. What he is doing is trying to get into a certain organization (like Morale, Welfare, Recreation type) that has jobs on every post in the world. That way when the Army packs me up and moves, he will have an easier time finding a job with spousal preference. Until he finds a new job at the new post, he will be a stay-at-home hubby.

The best fields in our area for "spouses" are CYS (Child & Youth Services), School Teacher, Nursing, Secretarial, general store personnel - think walmart, grocery store or fast food.

As for event planning - you would have to be around long enough to network and know all the "secret places". I sure wouldn't hire someone that had just moved to the area a year ago to plan my event because I'd prefer a local that knows the hidden venues, the best vendors, etc, and could find deals based on their established relationship with the venders.

Another popular thing that wives do here (overseas) is if you've been licensed somewhere in the states, a lot of people will hire you for in home cosmotology services - hair, nails, at home spa stuff. Avon, Mary Kay, etc is also very popular because people like the products regardless of where they are, they need someone to order their stuff from. Other things include: if you are a chef - people like in-home cooking lessons, cake decorating classes, teach music leassons (keyboard, guitar), tutoring school and college - math, etc. Basically - take your hobbies and make them your "business". Most bases have a "Beauty Salon" or "Spa" that hires people who are licensed somewhere in the states as well - so if you got picked up there, you wouldn't need your own established clintele - but note you dont get to chose your fees either.

hh581842 · March 2010

That just makes me sad. I don't like children, i can't handle blood, and i need to make good money. That x's all of those options. My hobbies....weddings. lol. Which is why I want to be an event planner. My sister keeps saying that I spend so much time thinking about this stuff and I have so many ideas that I need to just do that as my job because I would love it. So basically that brings us back to giving up your career and doing something you don't love to be with your spouse.

What does your H want to do in MWR?

Cass987 · March 2010

He wants to work either with the Alcohol and drug program or Army Community Services (think community counselor - 411 - help hook people up with available resources, etc). Unfortunately, reality is most spouses do give up their career to be with their military spouses – one person has a “career” the other follows and finds whatever job they can find. There is a not-so-funny running ‘joke’ around the overseas bases (note: it’s not easy to find a job on the economy overseas as it would be to find an off-base job in the states) that the only jobs of a military wife have are to cook, clean and breed – and they usually fail at the first two. (It is not uncommon to see a young lady married to a lower enlisted guy that has a double stroller filled (a 1 year old, a newborn, one kid on a leash (literally) and they are 7 or 8 months pregnant again– ever heard of birth control!!!!!!!!!!!) The bad part is lower enlisted do not make enough to support these families of 5 or 6 on a single income but then child care for the kids would be more than she could make working!

beachk · March 2010

ok, i know this thread is a month or so old, but just wanted to chime in and say i'm in the same boat. and ahhhhh! i have a law degree but i'm not practicing law..but i do have all the debt that comes along with a law degree. i'm hesitant to even try to start an actual career where i am now because i know he will be moving in a year or so.

i was so excited a little while ago when he said he wasn't planning on reenlisting, but now i think he is considering it again. it kind of breaks my heart. i mean i would support him, but i do want a career too. at the same time i would always put him ahead of my career (obviously, already am doing that). i just hope he ends up doing the same, you know?

hh581842 · March 2010

hey! it's never too late to chime in!! lol

well, isn't him re-enlisting a decision you should make together? I wouldn't like it if my H just made a huge life altering decision without talking it over with me and making sure it was what we both wanted.

If my bf and i are still together and/or married in six years when he gets the option to get out, I would fully expect him to sit down with me and for us to make a decision together. Especially if I had the degree and the desire to have a career of my own. i would feel slighted if he didn't take my needs into consideration. IDK how much you two have talked about it, and he may have sat down with you and all that, idk. I'm just reacting based on what you said.

And wouldn't you have the opportunity to make way more money than he would alone? that sounds like the smarter option for the two of you. You could both work, with at least one high paying income, instead of just one low-med income.

Cass---That is hilarious!! "one on a leash" hahaha. Yeah, I know.....:( I wish i wanted to be a stay at home mom, my life would be so much simpler. but i don't....and I've worked crappy jobs for so long that i just want to finally have a job that i like and that i get fairly compensated for the work that i'm doing. No more of this minimum wage!!!! I've served in restaurants forever, and that's not an easy job! I want a job where i finally make what i'm worth. You know? It makes me hard to get excited about that whole lifestyle when i think about having to work at the NEX or Commissary or something. There's nothing wrong with working there, it's just that i've been there, done that, and i want something new.

anita313 · March 2010

Hi Hedi!

I love your idea of military wedding planning! I think it would be a great asset to any base! Just like many of the women that have responded to your post, I am also in the same boat. My FI is a 2nd Lieutenant in the Marine Corps. He has been completing his training in Quantico, VA since May when we both graduated from GW. He just received his orders to be stationed in North Carolina. I am pretty devastated since there are few job opportunities in North Carolina so we have both agreed that I would stay in Washington, DC. It will be hard but I think that is the only way to have a career at the same time. My FI is really supportive of my decision. I think that if you talk to your BF, the two of you will be able to talk about the different options...and come to the decision together. It will not be easy, but relationships are all about compromises!

Anita

hh581842 · March 2010

I hope so! There are just so many "what ifs" involved. I wish i could lay out a plan and have the future all planned out, but I can't.

Career and military marriage? worried....

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