I didn't think it was true until today

Beachy730 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-think-true-until-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5505caff-2921-4511-83fe-4e77fe602c02Post:20b4a348-57f1-4bf8-8b1f-7b42de8a6e49">Re: I didn't think it was true until today</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I didn't think it was true until today : Yup. I happen to cook/meal plan most of the time because I like it, and if I do that, Oliver will do the dishes! But he's good at making pancakes from scratch, baking (he made pies for Thanksgiving) and helping with shopping and food input. I mean, 95% of the time we dinner on the coffee table in front of the TV, but we're eating the same meal and the same time, together. If I was annoyed about cooking all the time, I'd just ask him to do it for a few days or something. Or we'd come up with a better plan.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

<div>We are the same way. We have a dining room table, and an small table in our kitchen, but our dinners our usually eaten sharing a TV tray. But we eat them together. We don't always eat breakfast or lunch together on weekends, but dinner is one thing we always eat together (when we can). </div>

scottswife1106 · May 2011

My H is very helpful around the house. I think since we have lived together, which has been almost 2 years, I have done the laundry 5 times. He will also iron our clothes when I am tired or if he picks his out first.

I am not in the least saying that my H is a bum and good for nothing cause that would be a lie. There are just those times when I look at him and say "Really honey? Really?"

jessicabessica · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-think-true-until-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5505caff-2921-4511-83fe-4e77fe602c02Post:8aad878c-bd02-4482-ae95-ea1e3553361d">Re: I didn't think it was true until today</a>:
[QUOTE]You'll never find me calling someone OCD, bipolar, etc. I may question/talk about medications, but that's because of experiences I've had (the list is long). I never, ever throw psychiatric diagnoses around. And yes, I am diagnosed - and treated - ADHD myself (Kate, you're not alone). People like to use those three especially as descriptive monikers, and it infuriates me, knowing they are real conditions, and can be life-threatening, and certainly life-impeding without treatment.
Posted by missy68[/QUOTE]

Again, I definitely did not mean to offend anyone or minimize anyone's experiences. I didn't mean to lightly throw the term ADHD (or the actual diagnosis) around and did not think that I did, but I will definitely be more careful in the future, and sharing an article with a close friend requires less of an intro than sharing an article with this board (not that that shouldn't be the case, just thinking out loud).

To add to your comment, I also think that schizophrenia is used a lot as a descriptive, and I notice that it's used quite a bit in more refined/proper conversation than slang/casual conversation, if that makes sense, and it's terrible.

AbbeyS2011 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-think-true-until-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5505caff-2921-4511-83fe-4e77fe602c02Post:961a1c9a-46dd-4dde-bd45-696d3d6eeefc">Re: I didn't think it was true until today</a>:
[QUOTE]matilda, actually yes you CAN come with us. I think we're heading up to Shenandoah at the end of June. :-D We were supposed to go this weekend but I made other plans with some crazy women I know from the interwebz.<strong> I hope none of them make a skinsuit out of me.
</strong>Posted by mandapanda78[/QUOTE]

LOL, this am FH was watching "Silence of the Lambs".

To go with the topic of the thread, when I arrived home last night, FH asked me why I was trying to A/C the house with the refrigerator. He said I left it open when I left for work - something I have not done before. He commented "Good thing it rained today and I was home".

We all do stupid stuff from time to time. I irritate him and he does me now and then, but we still love each other. Comes with the territory.

missy68 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-think-true-until-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5505caff-2921-4511-83fe-4e77fe602c02Post:1a93bd57-13ce-41dd-b913-ffcb7339d423">Re: I didn't think it was true until today</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I didn't think it was true until today : Again, I definitely did not mean to offend anyone or minimize anyone's experiences. I didn't mean to lightly throw the term ADHD (or the actual diagnosis) around and did not think that I did, but I will definitely be more careful in the future, and sharing an article with a close friend requires less of an intro than sharing an article with this board (not that that shouldn't be the case, just thinking out loud). To add to your comment, I also think that schizophrenia is used a lot as a descriptive, and I notice that it's used quite a bit in more refined/proper conversation than slang/casual conversation, if that makes sense, and it's terrible.
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]

Agreed.

eviltwin13 · May 2011

We were getting my apartment ready for an open house (landlady is selling it) and I asked FI if he thought the floor needed sweeping. He laughed and said, "You are definitely asking the wrong person!"

Which is good self-awareness, at least. He's dirt- and dust-blind. His apartment floor and every possible surface is covered in a thin film of it. He's also clutter-blind. Any piece of paper, article of clothing, or other object brought into the house sits exactly where it was put down, in whichever random place. He never makes the bed so sometimes we end up wrapped in sheets when we wake up. He watched me make my bed the other night and told me he wants to learn my method, since it seems to work. (I learned in summer camp, where we had daily bunk inspections!)

The day he proposed to me, we had just spent a frantic 2 hours organizing and cleaning his place so that his friend could throw a party there - we ended up with several piles of stuff and a LOT of trash. It was really hard for him to decide what to keep and what to toss, and he had a hard time figuring out what stuff would fit where. (It doesn't help that he has typical guy furniture - a huge couch and widescreen TV, and not much else!) So keeping a clean & neat space really doesn't come easily to him - it actually takes brainpower and effort, whereas for me it's mindless and relaxing.

My FI is cleanliness-conscious when it comes to food preparation and dishes, but he really truly doesn't notice when surfaces are dirty, even filthy. To his credit her really tries to help me. He makes an effort to be neater around me and he'll pitch in. We don't live together yet, though, so right now he still feels somewhat like a guest in my home. When we're sharing the space, there is going to be some serious negotiation as regards household chores. I'm fine in principle with doing more of the cleaning because it matters more to me, but practically speaking, it's not realistic for me to do it all. Plus, my career & interests matter as much as his, so I don't want to end up with this as a second job when I get home!

NuggetBrain · May 2011

I can't comment on camping because I don't camp. If there ain't central AC and/or central heat, I ain't going.

Emily - I dunno, Noodle and I almost always make our own separate meals. Mainly because we both have such wildly different tastes in food that it's just easier to make our own rather than have one person cooking two meals. I don't see anything wrong with that.

jemmini6 · May 2011

My FI lets his gas light go off all the time, but he also has a brand new car that tells you exactly how many miles you have left before you actually run out, so he's never actually gotten stranded before.

Although, I do have a peev with him today. My sister and I planned a night out for sushi for tonight about a week ago. Well yesterday, his parents decided they were going to come into town tonight afterall (they are flying to Boston tomorrow and they live about 3 hours from the airport...we live about 20 min, but they just now decided that they'd go ahead and stay the night before rather than drive for 3 hours before catching a 4 hour flight). So he texts me this morning asking if I'm still planning to go to sushi tonight..I say yes and he sends me the 'guilt' text of "Oh...I guess I have to clean the house all by myself then..." Seriously? Do you remember 2 weeks ago when we had that BBQ for our families to meet and I spent 4 HOURS scrubbing down the entire house...all by myself??? Ugh. All he needs to do is wipe down the counters, put away HIS laundry, and maybe vacuum the living room. It's not that hard, but he acts like he can't clean by himself. It's really more entertaining that it actually is annoying because I know he'll do it, but it's just funny that he never seems to be able to do it alone.

Bubbalub · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-think-true-until-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5505caff-2921-4511-83fe-4e77fe602c02Post:c04d8747-ca84-4c97-85b5-b710cf12c6ee">Re: I didn't think it was true until today</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I didn't think it was true until today : Well, we run errands on the same day every week. If you didn't know he was going shopping, then it doesn't make sense that you depended on that shopping trip to restock the groceries. Maybe he just WANTED a bag of chips. I usually make 1-2 runs to the grocery store or Target or something during the week, which is not our major grocery shopping trip. Also, I'm not going shopping until Sunday, but I already have a running list of things we'll need next week. My husband and I also eat dinner together whenever possible because if we each just made our own sandwich we might as well be roommates and it would create twice the mess. It helps establish a family/partnership, IMO. But I guess that's a dying practice.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

i2i, Mery. I make the grocery list, but that doesn't mean that H isn't allowed to go out and buy some chips and dip when he wants without consulting me. Additionally, we like family meals. Like Mery said, not eating together makes us more like roommates that sleep together than partners. Eating together is a time-honored tradition that brings people together.

Pretty much everything you have said, Katie, rubs me the wrong way. I agree with Birdie that labeling things as men's work and women's work is old-school.

RobotLegs · May 2011

H and I always eat at our dining room table together (unless we get fast food or something). My family always ate together, and it's really important to both of us to continue the tradition. It's just good "together" time, even if you aren't eating the same thing. Especially once there are kids involved- as a teen, it was probably the only time of the day I spent with my parents.

NuggetBrain · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-think-true-until-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5505caff-2921-4511-83fe-4e77fe602c02Post:0aa90a30-f062-4de4-bc46-fd30ee1f9539">Re: I didn't think it was true until today</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I didn't think it was true until today : i2i, Mery. I make the grocery list, but that doesn't mean that H isn't allowed to go out and buy some chips and dip when he wants without consulting me. Additionally, we like family meals. <strong>Like Mery said, not eating together makes us more like roommates that sleep together than partners.</strong> Eating together is a time-honored tradition that brings people together. Pretty much everything you have said, Katie, rubs me the wrong way. I agree with Birdie that labeling things as men's work and women's work is old-school.
Posted by Bubbalub[/QUOTE]

Uh, excuse me. Noodle is my best friend and the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with and is much more than a roommate I'm screwing. Our f*cking eating habits don't have sh*t to do with that, thank you very much.

Bubbalub · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-think-true-until-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5505caff-2921-4511-83fe-4e77fe602c02Post:6b0636bd-9cd0-4efd-b8ab-bd586812271d">Re: I didn't think it was true until today</a>:
[QUOTE]I can't comment on camping because I don't camp. If there ain't central AC and/or central heat, I ain't going. Emily - I dunno, Noodle and I almost always make our own separate meals. Mainly because we both have such wildly different tastes in food that it's just easier to make our own rather than have one person cooking two meals. I don't see anything wrong with that.
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

Nuggs do you two eat at the same time even though they are usually different meals? Just curious. I like being able to sit down with S and share a meal even if they are different simply to have a little time together at the end of the day. We work slightly different schedules and often dinnertime is the only time we really get to hang out during the week.

ETA: Sorry, we were typing at the same time. My last post was not meant to be offensive, at all. I'm sorry you interpreted it that way. Also, I was only speaking about ME and my H, not anyone else's or denegrating anyone else's relationship.

jessicabessica · May 2011

I think the eating together thing is getting a little too much emphasis. Usually my FI and I prep dinner together if there's a lot of washing/chopping, one of us will cook, and then we'll eat apart if FI has work to do. I'd rather watch some guilty pleasure TV to unwind while I eat and have him get done with his work earlier so we can get on to other things that we enjoy doing together. Just sayin'

emilyinchile · May 2011

Nuggs, if you guys eat totally different things then I agree that it makes sense for you to each cook for yourselves. That said, it's just a little weird to me. I'm not judging or saying it's bad at all, it's just not something I can imagine in my own life since for the most part H and I (and my parents, and other couples I've seen as examples) can find something we both like to eat.

Beachy730 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-think-true-until-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5505caff-2921-4511-83fe-4e77fe602c02Post:72ce06a7-2a5d-4749-bc66-d1ca6bbc1268">Re: I didn't think it was true until today</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the eating together thing is getting a little too much emphasis. Usually my FI and I prep dinner together if there's a lot of washing/chopping, one of us will cook, and then we'll eat apart if FI has work to do. I'd rather watch some guilty pleasure TV to unwind while I eat and have him get done with his work earlier so we can get on to other things that we enjoy doing together. Just sayin'
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]

<div>So, you think it's getting too emphasis, then go on to explain how you and your FI don't eat together. Hmm....</div>

Beachy730 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-think-true-until-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5505caff-2921-4511-83fe-4e77fe602c02Post:5b6cefb3-4686-4f69-9ec5-72dc71fecadf">Re: I didn't think it was true until today</a>:
[QUOTE]Nuggs, if you guys eat totally different things then I agree that it makes sense for you to each cook for yourselves. That said, it's just a little weird to me. I'm not judging or saying it's bad at all, it's just not something I can imagine in my own life since for the most part H and I (and my parents, and other couples I've seen as examples) can find something we both like to eat.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

<div>That's how I feel. There are certain things we both have that we like and the other doesn't, but we just don't cook those things when we are together. Once a week H has overnight duty on the ship, and that's usually when we eat the things the other doesn't like, or when we go out to eat. But there are times too that he will make himself some mushrooms for on his steak, or something like that. </div><div>
</div><div>But whatever works for you guys is great. I think H and I are both just too lazy to each cook every night, so we just agree on what to make.</div>

emilyinchile · May 2011

Haven't they done studies about how it's better for families to eat dinner together? I'm not saying your marriage is doomed or your children will fail at life if you don't, but I don't think it's "too much emphasis" to say that in general terms, eating together is a good thing and something that can be an important way to foster your relationships.

Bubbalub · May 2011

That's how I feel too, Emily. It's just together time, regardless of who is eating what.
Personally, I love cooking and it makes me happy to have someone to cook for. H will eat anything I cook, even the experimental recipes. I know we are eating healthy meals together, then bringing healthy leftovers for lunch the next day. It doesn't work for everyone, but this is what works for us. On days I don't want to cook dinner, we scrounge in the cupboard separately for what we feel like, or order delivery.

musicalsunlight · May 2011

J and I don't have "wildly" different eating habits, but I am much pickier than he is, so sometimes our meals are different. It doesn't really bother me/us, nor does it make me feel less close to him, etc. My dad is a huge health nut and my mom isn't, so growing up, they usually had a slight variation on their plates rather than the exact same meals. I also rarely ate dinner as a "family" except on Sunday nights. Usually I had whatever meal I could heat up at the dance studio while I was there until 9:30 every night. I think I'm pretty well adjusted even without family meals.

That said, I do love when we eat dinner as a whole family. It is quite enjoyable.

Beachy730 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-think-true-until-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5505caff-2921-4511-83fe-4e77fe602c02Post:0b7966e9-37ac-41f2-aae0-2dadc5ba9618">Re: I didn't think it was true until today</a>:
[QUOTE]Haven't they done studies about how it's better for families to eat dinner together? I'm not saying your marriage is doomed or your children will fail at life if you don't, but I don't think it's "too much emphasis" to say that in general terms, eating together is a good thing and something that can be an important way to foster your relationships.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, there are definitely studies behind it, especially once you have kids. Nickelodeon actually has a big thing they do about the Family Dinner Table to encourage families to eat together. I think it really depends on your household though too. Once you have kids you are always doing a million things and don't always spend time together, so often times the dinner table is the only time you can sit down as a family and talk about your day or whatnot. </div><div>
</div><div>Honestly on weekends I wouldnt' care as much if we don't eat together, but for example with yesterday, dinner was the only time we spent together. H didn't get home until after 6, then we cooked dinner and had a glass of wine together. Once Glee came on at 8 he went upstairs to watch TV and fell asleep, so dinner was our only time spent together. But like I said, whatever works for each couple.</div>

jessicabessica · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-think-true-until-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5505caff-2921-4511-83fe-4e77fe602c02Post:4e01deec-9b22-448c-8707-fccf4c690c49">Re: I didn't think it was true until today</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I didn't think it was true until today : So, you think it's getting too emphasis, then go on to explain how you and your FI don't eat together. Hmm....
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

Not sure what you're implying. I think that a poster said something about how her FI didn't do the grocery shopping right or something, and then it got into a discussion about the importance of coordinating meals and eating together. Emphasizing something =/= dicussing it, so by further discussing the issue I wasn't emphasizing it, if that's what you mean.

I was saying in my post that I think that the importance of eating together is getting too *much* emphasis in the dicussion, and just because a couple doesn't eat together doesn't mean that they don't function well as a couple or are doomed or whatever. I was posting my example of what my FI and I do for dinner on a typical weeknight as an example of not eating together but not being worried about the state of our relationship, which of course is subjective anyway.

NuggetBrain · May 2011

We don't have kids. If we ever do, we'll probably have family eating time every night. So whatever. This is pissing me off. I'm out.

Bubbalub · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-think-true-until-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5505caff-2921-4511-83fe-4e77fe602c02Post:e88de30f-6012-4e22-ac39-92ffb95745fb">Re: I didn't think it was true until today</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I didn't think it was true until today : Not sure what you're implying. I think that a poster said something about how her FI didn't do the grocery shopping right or something, and then it got into a discussion about the importance of coordinating meals and eating together. Emphasizing something =/= dicussing it, so by further discussing the issue I wasn't emphasizing it, if that's what you mean. I was saying in my post that I think that the importance of eating together is getting too *much* emphasis in the dicussion, and<strong> just because a couple doesn't eat together doesn't mean that they don't function well as a couple or are doomed or whatever.</strong> I was posting my example of what my FI and I do for dinner on a typical weeknight as an example of not eating together but not being worried about the state of our relationship, which of course is subjective anyway.
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]

No one said that not eating together doomed a relationship. You are reading too much into it.

Bubbalub · May 2011

Wait, Nuggs. I honestly don't understand why you are so pissed.

Beachy730 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-think-true-until-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5505caff-2921-4511-83fe-4e77fe602c02Post:e88de30f-6012-4e22-ac39-92ffb95745fb">Re: I didn't think it was true until today</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I didn't think it was true until today : Not sure what you're implying. I think that a poster said something about how her FI didn't do the grocery shopping right or something, and then it got into a discussion about the importance of coordinating meals and eating together. Emphasizing something =/= dicussing it, so by further discussing the issue I wasn't emphasizing it, if that's what you mean. I was saying in my post that I think that the importance of eating together is getting too *much* emphasis in the dicussion, and just because a couple doesn't eat together doesn't mean that they don't function well as a couple or are doomed or whatever. I was posting my example of what my FI and I do for dinner on a typical weeknight as an example of not eating together but not being worried about the state of our relationship, which of course is subjective anyway.
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Well, IMO the only reason you feel it's getting too much emphasis is because you don't do it. So then you had to further explain why you feel it's getting too much emphasis, which is because you and your FI don't always eat together. Basically to me it's like saying "stop harping on cash bars, I did one so it's fine." </div><div>
</div>

emilyinchile · May 2011

Nuggs, really? No one has insulted your eating styles at all. Some of us have said it's very different from what we do and therefore something that strikes us as unusual - hardly an insult. Chill.

ETA: And Jessica, ditto Bubba. People are specifically saying "it's not bad," so there's no need to act like they're attacking it.

Birdie1483 · May 2011

I"m afraid to step in here, but I am. Although you all did make the disclaimer that you didn't specifically judge those who don't eat together or say it was bad, there was a slightly judgemental overtone to the last page of posts.

::runs away to hide::

Beachy730 · May 2011

I don't mean for my last post to come across as saying I think eating apart is bad with the comparison to cash bars. I just was comparing how Jessica stated her post.

Nuggs I'm sorry you're getting mad or offended, because I definitely didn't mean it that way, nor do I think Emily, Bubba, or Mery did either. We were just stating what works for us. I said several times whatever works for each couple.

Also, the kids thing was just in response to Emily talking about the studies, and further talking about that, not to harp on people who don't eat or cook together.

jessicabessica · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_didnt-think-true-until-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5505caff-2921-4511-83fe-4e77fe602c02Post:4093ed5a-b739-44e2-bbc9-c3c084b64536">Re: I didn't think it was true until today</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I didn't think it was true until today : Well, IMO the only reason you feel it's getting too much emphasis is because you don't do it. So then you had to further explain why you feel it's getting too much emphasis, which is because you and your FI don't always eat together. Basically to me it's like saying "stop harping on cash bars, I did one so it's fine."
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

Except that there's a right and a wrong with cash bars, whereas there's not a magic number of dinners that couples must eat together each week to be successul. (Right?) In my relationship, taking the time to eat together is a tradeoff sometimes depending on what else we have going on, and we don't sit down for dinner together every night, and we don't feel bad about it or like our relationship suffers because of it. Basically everyone else posting here is sharing her experience, I was sharing mine, and I introduced it by saying "this is something different" in not so many words.

emilyinchile · May 2011

I apologize if my posts came off as judgmental. I read back through them, and I really don't think they are, but that's also because I'm inside my head and know that I'm not judging. It is just unusual to me to think of a couple preparing two completely separate dinners the majority of the time or choosing to eat separately the majority of the time because that's not how I do things or how I've seen them done. H and I right now do eat separately for the most part during the week because he doesn't get home until 10:30, and I really dislike eating alone, so I sit with him while he eats because that's something that is important to us.

My comment about studies was meant to back up that in general, it seems like eating together is objectively a good thing, but that really doesn't mean I'm trying to bash you or your relationship if you don't.

I didn't think it was true until today

Re: I didn't think it was true until today

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