ADVICE PLEASE! I am looking for ways to honor my late Man-of-Honor

FutureMrsYaeger · January 2012

My Man-of-honor (my younger brother, only sibling, and best friend) recently passed away suddenly due to a terrible motorcycle accident. He was literally my Go-To person in wedding planning (even helping me pick out my dress.) My wedding is June 30th. Does anyone have any sweet ideas to honor his memory at my wedding?

We were best friends and so close in age ("Irish Twins.") His girlfriend (who happens to be one of my best friends) has really stepped up with the planning. But I'd like to have some way to honor him. Some way for me to still feel his presence and let others know he is still with us in spirit on this day.

Some ideas people have shared so far: At the reception when we are introduced as Mr & Mrs, I could come in wearing my brother's leather jacket, and leave it on my chair for the reception. Having a photo of him where I will have the sign in book (I am having photos of our families wedding portraits.)

Any ideas?

Has anyone else been in such a situation?

I truly appreciate all your help!

achiduck · January 2012

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. I lost my mom when I was 14 and to honour her memory I am using her veil as my bouquet wrap and tying her wedding ring ot my bouquet. We will also have a memorial section in the program and a special prayer will be read that commemorates all the people we've lost.

I think having a photo of him at the ceremony is a lovely idea. Or you could have a "memory chair" as you suggest. I don't know that I would wear the jacket down the aisle (but that's just me) but you could have it on the chair and leave your bouquet there instead of handing it to one of your attendants.

StephBeanWed61502 · January 2012

Another sweet idea I have heard of is placing a picture of the person who has passed away in a locket and tying the locket into your bouquet, or tucking it into a pocket in your dress (if your dress has pockets or your seamstress can add one).

morenachica110 · January 2012

First off, I am so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how difficult that is for you and your family right now.

I like the jacket idea. I would probably put it on a special reserved seat up front with the family instead of wearing it down the aisle though. As a guest, the first thing I would think of would be sadness that he died and not the happiness of you and your FI getting married. I also like putting it on your seat at the reception and having his picture with the family photos. I think those are nice touches to recognize him beyond just mentioning him in a program. But, again, probably wouldn't wear it down the aisle so the day turned into a sad day. You want happy tears!

mrsbstau · January 2012

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. If the leather jacket represents him best, I love that idea. Announcing you is a fun part of the reception, and it's supposed to be a happy day.

cwaggoner07 · January 2012

I tend to agree with PP about the jacket down the aisle but if you decide that is the best thing for you, then do it. No one can tell anyone else how to grieve and most certainly no one will judge you for whatever you decide.
Good luck.

morenachica110 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_advice-please-am-looking-ways-honor-late-man-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9e9e06a3-82d9-4f52-8094-7c70ebab4a35Post:617529ee-a7a9-4901-8c04-a1116e24dd09">Re: ADVICE PLEASE! I am looking for ways to honor my late Man-of-Honor</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to ADVICE PLEASE! I am looking for ways to honor my late Man-of-Honor : Guys. She said wear the jacket into the reception, not down the aisle. I like this idea. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

<div>OOps. Sorry I was thinking ceremony for some reason. I blame my work brain today. =P I change my view on wearing it then. Coming into the reception would be nice, I think. =)</div>

kmmssg · January 2012

OK - I"m going to suggest backing up for a minute. Whatever you do to remember your brother is going to be felt by your parents, other siblings, g'parents, and family/friends. If I had just lost my son and my DD came into her wedding reception wearing his jacket I would fall in a million pieces and they wouldn't be happy ones.

OP - I lost my parents as a child and 2 of my 3 brothers in '06 - I truly understand your desire here and the grief that comes with losing a sibling.

Especially for the sake of your parents/siblings/g'parents discuss this and see what will work for everyone. What works for you could destroy the day for someone else. I'm sure your parents will feel his absence greatly at your wedding.

Work together to see what is most appropriate.

mbody · January 2012

I'm so sorry for your loss!

I like the idea of honoring him in subtle ways. Tie a small picture of him to your bouquet- have a lit candle at the ceremony, ect.

I also like the idea of wearing his jacket into the recpetion, but like PP stated, I'd maybe speak with your parents/grandparents to see if they would feel comfortable with this. You don't want people to end up in unhappy tears.

FutureMrsYaeger · January 2012

Thank you so much, everyone! I really appreciate the suggestions and the honest opinions. I truly had not thought about the possibility that wearing the jacket in to the reception might be to upsetting for family and friends, especially my parents.

I really love the subtle ideas some of you sugested like having a candle for him... I LOVE the small photo tucked into the bouquet (then it will be like he is with me all night!) I could even do something like using cloth from one of his suit jackets to wrap the bouquet in. Then I would be reminded he is there, but it's not in everyone's face.

I also really love the idea of a single rose in the pew where he would have sat.

I really appreciate all the suggestions, everyone! This is a huge help.

Also, I appreciate the condolences- you girls are very kind.

kmmssg · January 2012

I think you are going down the right path with your last post. I do still encourage you to talk your family if there will be anything visual to others like the rose where your brother would have sat. I actualy did that at my wedding many moons ago for my parents. Make sure your parents and family know about it before they see it.

Good luck in your planning!

Princess0214 · January 2012

Yes, you in the jacket may cause an emotional reaction you may not expect. Plus, your wedding is about you and your groom starting a new life together. Subtle ideas are great. Aside from the jacket on the chair (great idea) and mention in the program, do something that only he and you would know the meaning of. Good luck!

BMcLeodTeam · January 2012

I am sorry for you loss. I agree with PPs that the more subtle ways are often the better choice. That way you avoid making your wedding into a memorial. A friend did the 'empty chair at the reception' idea with a picture of her cousin who had passed away, and instead of it being a nice gesture, people were coming up to it like a memorial in tears.

My father passed away, as did FI's. I will be carrying a locket with my father's picture in it tied to my bouquet, and FI will have one sewn on the inside of his jacket with his dad's picture. We will also have candles lit and off to the side, but not making a big spectacle out of doing so. They have pictures on them:

ADVICE PLEASE! I am looking for ways to honor my late Man-of-Honor

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