Dear Amy: I am a proud new mom of a beautiful, 9-week-old baby.
I am blessed to have a mother-in-law who lives close by and is ready and willing to help with the baby. Family is very important to me, and after 10 years of marriage I feel accepted by the in-laws.
I'm not surprised that this huge life change has raised questions about raising children, but my mother-in-law acts very offended when I ask her to do something differently.
For instance, when I asked her not to hold the pacifier in the baby's mouth when it was clear the baby did not want to take it, she asked me to leave and had my brother-in-law escort me to my car.
She also does not wash her hands after changing a diaper. It seems like common sense to wash your hands after touching poop.
I am not a germ freak and know that kids will be exposed to plenty of germs that will build up their immunity. But I find myself cringing every time I see her touch my baby's cheek or pick up her pacifier.
I feel the need to ask her to wash her hands after diaper changes, but I am not sure how to do this without offending her.
I really have a hard time dealing with this "my way or the highway" attitude; but I refuse to deny her time with her grandchild because of disagreements between us. Family is more important to me than disagreements.
How can I ask for my mother-in-law to practice basic hygiene with my child without sacrificing our relationship?
— New Mom
