Problems picking a date! advice please!

Re: Problems picking a date! advice please!

• J&K10910 member

  

  January 2013

  You know your family.  I don't see a problem with it.  People won't be focused on her passing, more than likely.  But if I were you, I'd ask some of those family members you mentioned and see what they think. 

  
  
  Everything the light touches is my kingdom.

  Report0 Reply
• lauralaur member

  

  January 2013

  Ask your family for their thoughts. I personally wouldn't have a problem with it and I don't believe my family would either, but, it's not my grandmother. Were you planning to do any kind of a morning-after brunch? You could always do that and so still have your family brunch.

  Married Bio.

  Report0 Reply
• kmmssg mod

  

  January 2013

  Outside of my husband and kids, just about everyone in my family has passed away, including my parents when I was a child.  I made a conscious decision many  years ago that I do not make an effort to remember the anniversary of anyone's death or let it play a part in any plans I make.  I got there through a lot of grief counseling and it has been a healthy and easy choice for me to make.

  
  

  I know that is not true for many, but it is just something that, for me, serves absolutely no purpose.  I realise for many families that is just not acceptable though.  Did you lose her recently?  I am sorry for your loss.

  
  

  It is hard to answer your question not knowing the family dynamics.  For me, if July 26th is what we had to choose from then it would be a no brainer.

  Report0 Reply
• Gustafson28 member

  

  January 2013

  I think it would honour her by having it then. I know my grandmother always said she wanted to be there for my wedding... She passed before but I got a tattoo on my back symbolizing her..people know this and I doubt they will be thinking of her passing. People will more than likely smile and reminiss when they think of it/her.... I know it's different but I understand where you're coming from

  Report0 Reply
• Jen4948 member

  

  January 2013

  Well, people are born, marry, die, and have any number of things happen to them all 365 or 366 days of the year.
  
  If you really want to marry at that venue at that time of the year in 2014, then you'll have to choose July 5th or 26th.  If you choose the 26th, and anyone in your family gives you problems over that, you might say, "I miss grandma very much and think of her all the time at this time of year.  I really wish she could be here.  By choosing this date, we are keeping her in our hearts and making it a time for joyous memories as well as others."

  Report0 Reply
• rajahmd member

  

  January 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_problems-picking-a-date-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:35d9635b-d449-4502-961e-4cc6e44e072fPost:d67404a4-0c2f-47cc-823e-6728e2813133">Re: Problems picking a date! advice please!</a>:
  [QUOTE]Well, people are born, marry, die, and have any number of things happen to them all 365 or 366 days of the year. If you really want to marry at that venue at that time of the year in 2014, then you'll have to choose July 5th or 26th.  If you choose the 26th, and anyone in your family gives you problems over that, you might say, "<strong>I miss grandma very much and think of her all the time at this time of year.  I really wish she could be here.  By choosing this date, we are keeping her in our hearts and making it a time for joyous memories as well as others</strong>."
  Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>I think this is a great wording. It's what I thought as I was reading the original post. Could be a way of including her in your wedding, and at the same time giving that date as more positive memory.</div>

  

  Report0 Reply
• allychase member

  

  January 2013

  I personally wouldn't do it. I'm speaking as someone who's grandmother passed on July 23rd, and I know my mom and aunt are very down in the dumps that time of year, and its been 12 years since she passed. To me that date is associated with grief and heartache and I wouldn't plan my wedding on that day. Then again, every family is different and you know yours best. I would definitely ask first.

  158 Invited | 68 will be there |6 can't make it | 84 still need to reply!
  RSVP Deadline: 4/6/13
  4/26/13 March Siggy Challenge: Bridesmaid Dresses
  

  Report0 Reply
• CnJ2014 member

  

  January 2013

  Thank you all so much for your input and support.
  
  Edie Bee, my grandmother has been gone 4 1/2 years, it will be 6 years at the time of the wedding. 
  
  My parents and sisters support me having my wedding that day, but maybe it would be a good idea to get an opinion from an uncle or aunt as well.
  
  allychase - that is exactly why this is a conflict, because the date is associated with heartache.  Although, my family does not generally get depressed around that time, we always go to a mass together with my uncles/aunts/cousins, and the priest dedicates the mass to her, and then we all go out to brunch afterwards.
  
  Jen - that is a great way to put it, picking that date is a way of keeping her in our hearts.  When I discuss this with family, I need to make sure to avoid saying anything like "but it was the only date available" and focus on using the date to honor and remember her.
  
  I think I am going to book the venue for that date.  As a few of you said, I would find some way to honor her memory at the wedding, probably by having the officiant mention it and doing something special, like my mom suggested using daisies, which were my grandmother's favorite flower.
  
  Thanks again for all your help, it is great to get a third party opinion! 

  Report0 Reply