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Does kill it with niceness/kindess concept actually work or is it just that a concept

jnsainijnsaini
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in South Asian Weddings

So if you ladies got to read about my bridal shower/bach party drama this is linked ot that- so I am using the concept of kill it with kindness/niceness and I sent a thank you email to the girls that showed up for dinner and then caused drama between FI and his best friend. I want to test if this concept actually works or is it just a bs saying. Have you ever tried it on someone?? Do you think it works??
Will update you ladies on what type of response I get back.
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Re: Does kill it with niceness/kindess concept actually work or is it just that a concept

  • HinajHinaj member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sorry  I can't help with this, I am very quick tempered as FI loves to point out.  And if that happened to me, I wouldn't be nice, I would just be indifferent.  Although, I wonder if desi people get this concept, I think some people just don't realize it, others who pick up on it might feel guilty for their behavior.  I don't know which category do those girls fall into. 
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  • jnsainijnsaini
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Yea I thought hard about this and was thinking at this time it is fine for me to lose cool (given only a month is left and I have no time for such BS) and not care about how ppl's behavior are,but I wanted to do the oppossite and see if it actually works
    Yea I agree Hina that desi ppl fail to realize such things,I guess we will find out what category these girls fall into.
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  • HinajHinaj member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Keep us updated!!!  I am curious now...
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  • jnsainijnsaini
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I will def. do! The reason why I did this to make it a point to them that am not into petty issues and dont get worked up and act immature and exxagerate situation more than the actual
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  • Bhanu&AnujBhanu&Anuj member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_south-asian-weddings_kill-nicenesskindess-concept-actually-work-just-concept?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:430Discussion:0ec03c4a-501f-44cd-84b4-da42cb1f8715Post:a0a20b49-a382-4eb4-a093-ee74bfcc350c">Re: Does kill it with niceness/kindess concept actually work or is it just that a concept</a>:
    [QUOTE] make it a point to them that am not into petty issues and dont get worked up and act immature Posted by jnsaini[/QUOTE]

    I would do this theory...for the same reasons... I might have to do that with my miserable SIL
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  • kpwedkkkpwedkk member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I've done something similar, although I'm quick to pounce on people who anger me - but I have and am trying to learn to forgive them before saying something, because they didn't hear well, there was a miscommunication, they had the urge to go to the bathroom, and that's all they were thinking about before and during the drama happened - something like that.

    The killing it with niceness part makes you look like the better, and you do gain a lot of respect or keep your integrity.  The other person that caused this will feel a bit guilty, or not. 

    It's not your problem, you did your deed, so then just move on.

     If this friend mended her ways, great, you can get a relationship, if not, then okay, there's the door, mmmkay!

    if we could just have a crystal ball of what is going on in the other person's head when all of this drama started, it would be so easy to rectify the situation - easy!

    Most people in the world want attention - really they want positive attention, like kudos, but some people if they don't get it, they find a way to create drama - I mean look at the TV, this world has a great deal of drama going on :o



    "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart." ~ Miss K ~
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  • mrs.khanmrs.khan
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think it works for some people and not for others.  I think some people who have entitlement issues just don't get it.  They already feel that the world should bed over backwards to please them/help them/give to them, etc, so they may just feel extremely gratified to know that they are getting the treatment they "deserve".
    I think a lot of people do get it, and they just feel like idiots when they realize.

    As a side note, I must add that I think the karmic benefits of showing kindness, even when it is not "deserved" is definitely something to consider.  It shows strength of character. ;)

    I'm really interested what those girls say.
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  • jnsainijnsaini
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_south-asian-weddings_kill-nicenesskindess-concept-actually-work-just-concept?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:430Discussion:0ec03c4a-501f-44cd-84b4-da42cb1f8715Post:09ded274-b234-4d38-827d-fe99547e9c11">Re: Does kill it with niceness/kindess concept actually work or is it just that a concept</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Does kill it with niceness/kindess concept actually work or is it just that a concept : I would do this theory...for the same reasons... I might have to do that with my miserable SIL
    Posted by Bhanu&Anuj[/QUOTE]

    B-
    How are things with your SIL?? Yes definitely try it with her maybe she will back off when she realizes you dont want to put up a petty fight.
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