Saying you look "lovely" as a bride...

KarenSzarko · November 2012

We emailed photos of me, the bride, to my mother in law when they first started coming in from the photographer. We never heard anything back on them so when my husband was chatting with her over the phone he asked if she got the pics and all she said was "Yes I did, she looked 'lovely'."

She never once complimented me on the day of my wedding and all I hear is I looked "lovely" afterwards. Isn't 'lovely' what you call old people? I was expecting a lot more from her. I've heard her say how beautiful other people look. Is she jealous of me or something? I don't get it. Everyone else I knew and I would, definitly make the bride feel pretty and beautiful and for sure let her know.

In your honest opinion, what does being called "you look lovely" mean to you? How would that make you feel as a bride? I rather hear 'beautiful' 'hot' or 'gorgeous' or 'stunning'. Not a casual 'lovely'. I don't need anyone to make me feel better but honestly, could she have said more?

I know this is kinda stupid but it's stuck in my head and was just curious from other beautiful brides out there.

tiny speck · November 2012

I think you're overthinking this. I would take it as a compliment and move on. I also wouldn't think "lovely" is something people call old people. That doesn't make any sense.

freebread03 · November 2012

I would be weirded out of my FMIL told me I looked "hot." I'd be a lot more comfortable with "lovely", and I think it's weird that you would rather hear her say you look "hot." That being said, I think you are way too focused on something that doesn't matter such as how one person thinks you looked on your wedding day. "Lovely" is a great way to describe a bride, it's certainly not just for old people (not sure where you would get this idea). Chill out and don't be so concerned about how one individual thinks you look.

kmmssg · November 2012

You seem to be looking for something to complain about here. Being told you look lovely is a compliment. And not one that only applies to "old people" as you so aptly put it.

Peledreamsofrain · November 2012

In Response to Re:Saying you look :[QUOTE]Words that came to mind reading this post:OverthinkingNitpickingDrama llamaSeriously, take the damn compliment and stop whining that your MIL didn't write a sonnet to your incomparable beauty. Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Ahaahaa! priceless and perfectly said.

I feel sorry for the poor MIL, who apparently can't do anything right unless she's fawning over the OP like some kind of creepy stalker.

catwine · November 2012

I think "lovely" was the right choice.

mandi195 · November 2012

If my FMIL said I looked "hot" I'd be very weirded out... I think it's just weird for anyone older than high-school/early college to be referred to as "hot"... beautiful, gorgeous, LOVELY, stunning, etc... those are worlds that would describe an amazing-looking woman in my eyes... but "hot" just sounds immature and juvenile.

bunni727 · November 2012

Lovely is a very nice thing to say about someone. It has a much sweeter, almost modest connotation, and is not used as often as it once was, but there is nothing wrong with it at all.

Beautiful is a much more generic and casual descriptor to me, as it is used most often. Hot is almost exclusively used to describe sexual attractiveness, and a little creepy way for a MIL to describe a DIL. Gorgeous and stunning are more glamorous terms, sure, but it's not like she called you homely.

I'd pick lovely any day.

MoonlightSilver · November 2012

You were a bride on your wedding day- a day all about LOVE, and you're complaining about being called "lovely?"

Lisa50 · November 2012

If someone told me I look lovely as a bride, I'd smile and graciously accept the compliment. Are you seriously nitpicking word usage? Odd.

scooterpie7 · November 2012

I think 'lovely' is a lovely word! Its is sweet, and I think its the perfect word for a bride. And agree with those above that I would think my MIL was being sarcastic or creepy if she called me 'hot'.

s-aries8990 · November 2012

You're upset about being called lovely? Being lovely is very nice- nicer than "hot" or "gorgeous" or "beautiful"- all over used and exagerrated.

Take the compliment and move on to something more important.

theelusive1 · November 2012

did you want her to say you were ugly? I am confused. I would be thrilled if someone said I looked lovely.

[Deleted User] · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_saying-you-look-lovely-as-a-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:fabd4551-2b1e-4259-b048-2c906396dc06Post:b6c55a39-e9dc-4ebc-8d30-c9d783fd8ad8">Saying you look "lovely" as a bride...</a>:
[QUOTE]We emailed photos of me, the bride, to my mother in law when they first started coming in from the photographer. We never heard anything back on them so when my husband was chatting with her over the phone he asked if she got the pics and all she said was "Yes I did, she looked 'lovely'." She never once complimented me on the day of my wedding and all I hear is I looked "lovely" afterwards. Isn't 'lovely' what you call old people? I was expecting a lot more from her. I've heard her say how beautiful other people look. Is she jealous of me or something? I don't get it. Everyone else I knew and I would, definitly make the bride feel pretty and beautiful and for sure let her know. In your honest opinion, what does being called "you look lovely" mean to you? How would that make you feel as a bride? I rather hear 'beautiful' 'hot' or 'gorgeous' or 'stunning'. Not a casual 'lovely'. I don't need anyone to make me feel better but honestly, could she have said more? I know this is kinda stupid but it's stuck in my head and was just curious from other beautiful brides out there. :)
Posted by KarenSzarko[/QUOTE]

<div>You're probably going to get some snarky replies to your post. But I actually understand where you're coming from. There are plenty of relatives who never gave me a compliment, and I can pick up that they're very jealous of me. And these same relatives (one in particular who works in the bridal industry) compliment other brides all of the time (before and after I got married). It was very hurtful, because I'm nothing but supportive of them. It upset me because I only get married once, and I would've liked to be treated nice, and not feel punished for being happy. That being said, I wouldn't base if your mother in law is jealous of you off of her reaction to your pictures (there were other things that happened to lead me to believe that others were jealous of me). She doesn't have to say anything nice about them anyway. You're a grown woman, you don't need to be seeking the approval of others. Whether or not your mother in law is jealous of you or not doesn't matter at all. You are making a mountain out of a molehill if you're nit picking how she compliments you. It just comes off very child like and attention seeking. I hope that you didn't send people pictures just so that people could reply, that just shows an insecurity problem. </div>

RMcDougle · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_saying-you-look-lovely-as-a-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:fabd4551-2b1e-4259-b048-2c906396dc06Post:213c9e76-1ecf-4dc3-9574-6fab2da48197">Re: Saying you look "lovely" as a bride...</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>You seem to be looking for something to complain about here</strong>. Being told you look lovely is a compliment. And not one that only applies to "old people" as you so aptly put it.
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

This is what it felt like to me too.

Also, accusing your MIL of being jealous of you is strange to me in general (especially based on the fact that she complimented you.. but not with the adjective you were hoping for?)

RamonaFlowers · November 2012

I like being called "lovely". It's totally under-used nowadays.

I honestly didn't want anyone (Well, maybe DH) to think I was "hot" (Especially my MIL-ew, creepy!) on my wedding day. I was vowing to spend the rest of my life with DH that day, not romping around the beach or going clubbing, or any other activity where "hot" would be the look I was aiming for.

Ditto PPs, it sounds like you're just being nitpicky here ... and possibly just looking for an excuse to dislike your MIL.

FloridaMichelle · November 2012

I'd be a little upset about the no-compliments on the wedding day, but she could have said way worse things than 'lovely'.

JaneAustensGhost · November 2012

Anytime anyone says that someone is jealous of them, I automatically know they're very immature.

[Deleted User] · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_saying-you-look-lovely-as-a-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:fabd4551-2b1e-4259-b048-2c906396dc06Post:de295394-a7f8-4c48-845f-32640b6b400b">Re: Saying you look "lovely" as a bride...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Saying you look "lovely" as a bride... : Maybe they think you're conceited.
Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I wouldn't see why. You don't know me, but I've always been pretty modest and understated. And I work hard on self evaluating myself, and I'm pretty sure that I don't come off conceited, especially around them. I never even really talked about the wedding around them, unless it was brought up. The fact that they didn't give me compliments wasn't why I thought they were jealous, it was just the "icing on the cake" so to speak. There were other things that have been going on forever which leads me to think they're jealous of me, they've always been. And I think that when I became engaged, it sent them over the edge a little bit.

</div>

[Deleted User] · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_saying-you-look-lovely-as-a-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:fabd4551-2b1e-4259-b048-2c906396dc06Post:b6c55a39-e9dc-4ebc-8d30-c9d783fd8ad8">Saying you look "lovely" as a bride...</a>:
[QUOTE]We emailed photos of me, the bride, to my mother in law when they first started coming in from the photographer. We never heard anything back on them so when my husband was chatting with her over the phone he asked if she got the pics and all she said was "Yes I did, she looked 'lovely'." She never once complimented me on the day of my wedding and all I hear is I looked "lovely" afterwards. Isn't 'lovely' what you call old people? I was expecting a lot more from her. I've heard her say how beautiful other people look. Is she jealous of me or something? I don't get it. Everyone else I knew and I would, definitly make the bride feel pretty and beautiful and for sure let her know. In your honest opinion, what does being called "you look lovely" mean to you? How would that make you feel as a bride? I rather hear 'beautiful' 'hot' or 'gorgeous' or 'stunning'. Not a casual 'lovely'. I don't need anyone to make me feel better but honestly, could she have said more? I know this is kinda stupid but it's stuck in my head and was just curious from other beautiful brides out there. :)
Posted by KarenSzarko[/QUOTE]

<div>You're probably going to get some snarky replies to your post. But I actually understand where you're coming from. There are plenty of relatives who never gave me a compliment, and I can pick up that they're very jealous of me. And these same relatives (one in particular who works in the bridal industry) compliment other brides all of the time (before and after I got married). It was very hurtful, because I'm nothing but supportive of them. It upset me because I only get married once, and I would've liked to be treated nice, and not feel punished for being happy. That being said, I wouldn't base if your mother in law is jealous of you off of her reaction to your pictures (there were other things that happened to lead me to believe that others were jealous of me). She doesn't have to say anything nice about them anyway. You're a grown woman, you don't need to be seeking the approval of others. Whether or not your mother in law is jealous of you or not doesn't matter at all. You are making a mountain out of a molehill if you're nit picking how she compliments you. It just comes off very child like and attention seeking. I hope that you didn't send people pictures just so that people could reply, that just shows an insecurity problem. </div>

pomundson0 · November 2012

I've gotten several of the "you looked (positive description here)!! Wow!! I bearly recognize you!" responses... ummm... thanks...? Do I look that awful on a regular basis?

My hair was worn in a different style but my makeup was pretty standard, I look very 'me' in the photos... I dunno, I decided to just take the compliments as they was meant and not how they came out

I can see hoping for more of a reaction though, not gushing compliments or anything, but maybe something with a little more feeling to it. I guess it's all in HOW it's said

NYCMercedes · December 2012

No compliments on the wedding day? Your husband had to draw out a response to the pictures from her? I'd be disappointed.

YA1 · December 2012

The problem is not the word lovely, it is the fact that the compliment had to be prompted from her. She had to be asked whether she received the photo.. not cool.. On my weddijng day my mother in law said something to me along the lines of " you look pretty good today". 18 years later I still can't stand her and that is one of the reasons.

Summer2011Bride · December 2012

I would have no issue with being called lovely. I wouldn't want my MIL to think I was hot. That's a bit odd to me.

The thing is, some people are more gushing and forthcoming with compliments than others. My MIL hardly ever compliments anyone. I honestly can't remember if she complimented me or us on our wedding day; it just really didn't bother me if people told me I looked nice or not. H thought I looked fabulous and that's all I cared about. While some of our friends gushed at how beautiful things were, how nice I looked, etc., not everyone is like that. And the fact is she DID compliment you, just not when and to the level you wanted.

I just think it's a silly thing to get THIS hung up on and you're just wasting your energy stewing about something very insignificant. You have your whole life to be a part of her family and at some point in time, she may give you something to truly be angry about (as happens with most people's relatives at one time or another), but this just isn't enough to get feathers ruffled over in my opinion.

Beads921 · December 2012

Get over it. This is not even worth thinking about, muchless posting about.

freebread03 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_saying-you-look-lovely-as-a-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:fabd4551-2b1e-4259-b048-2c906396dc06Post:42b6c5a0-940b-4429-b652-324f841963c0">Re: Saying you look "lovely" as a bride...</a>:
[QUOTE]The problem is not the word lovely, it is the fact that the compliment had to be prompted from her. She had to be asked whether she received the photo.. not cool.. On my weddijng day my mother in law said something to me along the lines of " you look pretty good today". 18 years later I still can't stand her and that is one of the reasons.
Posted by YA1[/QUOTE]

<div>Well you just sound petty. Holding an 18 year grudge because someone didn't tell you that you looked pretty like you wanted them to? You and the OP are making way too big of a deal about something so insignificant.</div>

mattycam · December 2012

Everyone has their own opinion on how you looked at your wedding. Some may say beautiful, some may say lovely and some may say nothing at all.

Jager1219 · December 2012

My old-fashioned mother once yelled at me for telling the bride at her wedding "Congratulations". She said you're supposed to tell the groom "Congratulations" and the bride that she looks lovely.

vanityink · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_saying-you-look-lovely-as-a-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:fabd4551-2b1e-4259-b048-2c906396dc06Post:d4d073fd-a0c0-4894-ae2c-610da287769e">Re: Saying you look "lovely" as a bride...</a>:
[QUOTE]My old-fashioned mother once yelled at me for telling the bride at her wedding "Congratulations". She said you're supposed to tell the groom "Congratulations" and the bride that she looks lovely.
Posted by Jager1219[/QUOTE]

<div>Technically it's "congratulations" to the groom and "best wishes" to the bride.</div>

YA1 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_saying-you-look-lovely-as-a-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:fabd4551-2b1e-4259-b048-2c906396dc06Post:213ee215-d0be-4e54-88b8-ad77bbb840cc">Re: Saying you look "lovely" as a bride...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Saying you look "lovely" as a bride... : Well you just sound petty. Holding an 18 year grudge because someone didn't tell you that you looked pretty like you wanted them to? You and the OP are making way too big of a deal about something so insignificant.
Posted by freebread03[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry if I sound petty to you. Unfortunately you can't read. I said it was one of the reasons I can't stand her. I did <u>not</u> say it was the <u>only</u> reason. You have an inability to put yourself in someone else's shoes. You know nothing about me.

Saying you look "lovely" as a bride...

Re: Saying you look &quot;lovely&quot; as a bride...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Saying you look &quot;lovely&quot; as a bride...

Re: Saying you look &amp;quot;lovely&amp;quot; as a bride...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Saying you look "lovely" as a bride...

Re: Saying you look "lovely" as a bride...