Vent about open bars

ShaboAE · February 2010

I'm sure this is the appropriate place to post this...

I hate when I hear that no guests should have to pay for liquor at a wedding. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to scale down my food budget or my guest list just so my guests can get drunk off their butts. I have been to several weddings where there was an open bar for a while, then it turned to cash bar, or there was wine with dinner and other drinks were purchased by the guests, and NOT ONE PERSON griped. They either bought their drinks, or they didn't drink.

I know etiquette dicates that you don't invite people to a wedding and have them pay for their own drinks, but when you are paying for everything yourself and have a really big guest list, people tend to understand. Personally, I would rather pay for drinks and have the choice of drinking than going to an event where I expected there to be some form of liquor and not having any just because the hosts couldn't afford to give us open bar all night.

No response is required. I just really wanted to vent for a bit.

ohwhynot · February 2010

Sucks that your guests can't be trusted to not get "drunk off their butts" at your wedding. Try choosing a better class of friends. Sucks even more that you think charging them for liquor will prevent them from getting drunk off their butts at your wedding.

We're just telling you to your face what your guests will be thinking behind your back: you're being a bad host by expecting your guests to break out their wallets at your party.

ShaboAE · February 2010

Oh snap! The honesty of this board is too much! /sarcasm

BTW, I didn't say I wouldn't be hosting at all. I merely said that I get upset when I hear the opinion that it's either host or don't offer any. The venue is going to have a bar whether the host pays or not. But with the cost of weddings nowadays, and the fact that the majority of people are paying for their own, I think it's become less of an expectation that the hosts pay for liquor for the entire evening.

PDXPhotoGrl · February 2010

And we're saying: you're wrong.
Moron.

GroomzMcFinehiney · February 2010

This one time, I went to a wedding and they didn't have alcohol, so lots of people drank soda. Only there was e-coli in the soda fountain tubing, like on 60 minutes, and all the soda drinkers died. If there had been alocohol, less people would have had soda. And the people who had alcoholic drinks made with soda probably would have been alright, since the alcohol would kill the e-coli.

Of course, the bride and groom ended up having to pay for like 85 funerals. I bet she wishes she had just ponied up for an open bar.

She was a cheapass. And she went to Renaissance Fairs. But probably not anymore. Last I heard, she just sits in a room and rocks. Once a month, she shaves her eyebrows and counts the hairs for fun.

HappyTummy613 · February 2010

I love drinking. And butts.*

*Do not really love butts.

CaliopeSpidrman · February 2010

You're still wrong. Don't invite so many guests if you can't afford to pay for their drinks. There's no reason your 3rd grade teacher and parents' college roomates need to attend.

2bMrsEAB · February 2010

You are an idiot. Yes weddings cost a lot these days, but that does not mean you have to be a bad host. Scale down your food, floweres, guest list, and limit your bar to beer and wine. People will talk abut how cheap you are because they all just shelled out cash to get to our wedding, to buy you a gift and perhapseven a hotel room and you can't even let them have a glass of wine. LOSER

Blueyed228 · February 2010

I dont think calling her a moron helps. Some people dont feel comfortable being responsible for everyone drinking unlimited amounts of alcohol all night. Unless she is going to provide transportation or cabs home, i think her concern is fine.

I am toying with the open bar too. I am definalty going to do the champagne toast and prob 3 hours open bar along with poured wine at the tables. There is nothing cheap about that. My reception is 6 hours long. Thats alot of drinking.

I also dont think its cheap because you are giving them app's, food, entertainment, dessert and some alcohol.

OP: Maybe you can host the bar for a few hours but host free soda's, juices, and bottled water for the whole reception. I do think making people pay $3 for a soda is silly.

Its your money, do what you want with it.

HappyTummy613 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_vent-open-bars?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:bacaa063-9200-4f2a-bd51-824589d44040Post:b407b623-5d3b-4bb8-b615-52a23ff76a99">Re: Vent about open bars</a>:
[QUOTE]I dont think calling her a moron helps.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

And Lord knows everyone's goal is to help.

Blueyed228 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_vent-open-bars?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:bacaa063-9200-4f2a-bd51-824589d44040Post:2c4b407d-586d-4f7c-b639-f8bd162f2b09">Re: Vent about open bars</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vent about open bars : And Lord knows everyone's goal is to help.
Posted by HappyTummy613[/QUOTE]

No, but "snarky" doesnt have to equal "bitch"

krmabojo · February 2010

Many of you assume that she is throwing away money on other things instead of the drinks. Even if she pays for half she is fine. People can have fun without drinking all night. having towo hours of and open bar then the last two a cash bar does not make her a bad host.

Since we are assuming here, I bet all of you bithcing had mommy and daddy pay for your wedding. I also bet sicne they paid for your weddings that they still write you personal checks every month to help to buy groceries and make car payments.

Also, simply because we are assuming. I think that you are all upset about not having an open and fully paid for bar the entire wedding because you are all alcoholics.

Jesus.

HappyTummy613 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_vent-open-bars?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:bacaa063-9200-4f2a-bd51-824589d44040Post:2533c607-82c4-4e1a-9d75-54e077946cf9">Re: Vent about open bars</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vent about open bars : No, but "snarky" doesnt have to equal "bitch"
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

You're not very fun.

shanollee · February 2010

I am 100% more likely to end up shiitfaced at your reception if you cut off the free bar halfway through. I'm going to drink quickly and heavily for those first couple of hours to make the most of it

BobLoblaw · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_vent-open-bars?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:bacaa063-9200-4f2a-bd51-824589d44040Post:79d78141-5523-40a4-9cbd-190c63f4c3df">Re: Vent about open bars</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, simply because we are assuming. I think that you are all upset about not having an open and fully paid for bar the entire wedding because you are all alcoholics. Jesus.
Posted by krmabojo[/QUOTE]

But this one is! Yeehaw!

HappyTummy613 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_vent-open-bars?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:bacaa063-9200-4f2a-bd51-824589d44040Post:014ba75e-a42b-4948-968f-ae345269a340">Re: Vent about open bars</a>:
[QUOTE]I am 100% more likely to end up shiitfaced at your reception if you cut off the free bar halfway through. I'm going to drink quickly and heavily for those first couple of hours to make the most of it
Posted by shanollee[/QUOTE]

I would imagine it doesn't take much to get an owl drunk.

[Deleted User] · February 2010

Wow, some PP on this board have serious issues. As another said, 'snarky' doesn't mean 'bitch' or 'completely and entirely obnoxious.'

That being said, I agree with you, OP. When it comes to the alcohol etiquette for weddings, my FI and I threw it out the window. We aren't having a bar, and people know that if you want alcohol, bring your own (the reception is casual anyway, so it's not like we're doing some ritzy celebration). We can't afford it, and we're already having one of the cheapest weddings ever. We just don't have the money to afford an open bar. And I don't give a damn if people don't like it.

PDXPhotoGrl · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_vent-open-bars?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:bacaa063-9200-4f2a-bd51-824589d44040Post:505e04d5-6011-48bb-a65c-63400de68ae3">Re: Vent about open bars</a>:
[QUOTE] And I don't give a damn if people don't like it.
Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]

You sound like the BESTEST hostess ever.

[Deleted User] · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_vent-open-bars?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:bacaa063-9200-4f2a-bd51-824589d44040Post:9832cc4b-fde2-463a-8979-7bf728b248a7">Re: Vent about open bars</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vent about open bars : You sound like the BESTEST hostess ever.
Posted by PDXPhotoGrl[/QUOTE]

Never claimed to be a good one, and I'm the first to admit I am a grouchy hostess. Luckily, people expect it and find it amusing. plus, they understand our financial situation and personal issues with an open bar so they don't throw a fit because they can't get wasted for free.

shanollee · February 2010

[QUOTE] I would imagine it doesn't take much to get an owl drunk.
Posted by HappyTummy613[/QUOTE]

It's true. This one time I was out with this guy and he said "wow, you're a cheap date", and I said "EXCUSE me?!" and he said "oh, I'm sorry" (you know, because he assumed I was hard of hearing) "YOU'RE A CHEEEAAPP DAAATE!"

KristenBtobe · February 2010

I CAN'T HAVE FUN WITHOUT ALCOHOL!

ShaboAE · February 2010

As I said, I am indeed planning on hosting, but not for the entire evening.

The vent is more for people who think the entire event should be hosted, which I do not believe is necessary. Sure, if I had an extra 5k in my budget, I would consider it, but there are a lot of places where cuts have to be made.

My brother hosted his entire reception with 2 kegs of Bud Light and a keg of Miller Light. In a converted tractor shed. Isn't that classy. I'd rather spend the money on the place.

splint00 · February 2010

This is a great one! I've been laughing all the way through the comments. Hilarious! I've never attended a wedding without an open bar and I can't imagine I ever will. Terrible idea! Also, someone had mentioned earlier about pro-open bar people having their parents pay for everything, blah blah blah. That's not a great assumption to make. Like many of us on here, my FI and I are paying for the entire wedding ourselves and would never consider skipping the open bar for our guests. It's a party and celebration for all, and yes we have a shuttle taking guests back to the hotels from the reception. We're treating our guests the way that we have been treated at prior weddings, and drinking and dancing the night away and hopping on the shuttle back to the hotel so guests did not have to worry about driving made helped make those weddings even more wonderful. Unless it's for a 5 year old, what's a party without the alcohol flowing. And even then, I would probably be having a mimosa

HappyTummy613 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_vent-open-bars?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:bacaa063-9200-4f2a-bd51-824589d44040Post:505e04d5-6011-48bb-a65c-63400de68ae3">Re: Vent about open bars</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, some PP on this board have serious issues. As another said, 'snarky' doesn't mean 'bitch' or 'completely and entirely obnoxious.'
Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]

Dude. No one gives a babyfaced corn turn what snarky means.

ChristinS · February 2010

My parents paid for my wedding. And it was at a COUNTRY CLUB!
And I AM an alcoholic. So WHAT?

Also, this is probably unrelated, but when I get a pedicure, I don't even bother tipping if the lady is Asian. I just don't see the point. They barely speak english? What are they going to do with english money???

cukimerrydoll · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_vent-open-bars?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:bacaa063-9200-4f2a-bd51-824589d44040Post:b407b623-5d3b-4bb8-b615-52a23ff76a99">Re: Vent about open bars</a>:
[QUOTE] OP: Maybe you can host the bar for a few hours but host free soda's, juices, and bottled water for the whole reception. I do think making people pay $3 for a soda is silly. Its your money, do what you want with it.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]
Every wedding I have ever been to has done it this way. Open bar for the cocktail hour / dinner / first hour or so of dancing - then free everything but alcohol.

The longest I've seen the bar open was until 2 hours before the reception ended, so people could sober up if they wanted (a lot of people didn't). I think a lot of the "cash bar vs. open bar" debate is regional.

Personally, I want a dry wedding. I told my folks if they wanted alcohol, it was their responsibility to handle.

meladoriestar · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_vent-open-bars?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:bacaa063-9200-4f2a-bd51-824589d44040Post:e142f840-40d1-4af2-9bf1-94bb4cf0ea52">Re: Vent about open bars</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vent about open bars : Never claimed to be a good one, and I'm the first to admit I am a grouchy hostess. Luckily, people expect it and find it amusing. plus, they understand our financial situation and personal issues with an open bar so they don't throw a fit because they can't get wasted for free.
Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]

I love it! The one thing I've noticed about these boards is that people tend to forget our guests KNOW us, KNOW our personalities, and KNOW what to expect from us. They are our friends and our family, so they might be bummed about not having free booze all night, but they will still have fun and they won't hate us afterwards. The thing about friends and family, they AREN'T judgemental of us (well, they are, but in that loving way that doesn't change a thing about their opinion of us)

_Fenton · February 2010

"But with the cost of weddings nowadays, and the fact that the majority of people are paying for their own, I think it's become less of an expectation that the hosts pay for liquor for the entire evening."

No, this is not becoming less of an expectation. Why would it have been MORE of an expectation when it was more common for parents to pay the tab? Because spoiled brides' money is more valuable than parents' money?

You don't charge guests at a party. They should never be asked to get out their wallets, ever. If you can't afford a party, then you don't throw a party.

And it's not that your family and friends don't judge you, they just silently judge you and complain to their partners that they spent HOW MUCH? on your gift and you can't even get a good buzz on at the reception.

antimony · February 2010

Cash bars were standard in my family growing up -- I certainly wouldn't offend anyone on my side if I did one. I'm not, mostly because we'd rather just do beer and wine to begin with.

Heck, I can only think of maybe one or two weddings I've been to that had a full hosted bar -- most either skipped the mixed drinks or did a cash bar. And at least one completely dry wedding, at which a good time was still had by all.

I don't know why this site is so fixated on the ability of other people's relatives to get drunk at weddings they won't be at.

FallinAgain · February 2010

I have a GREAT idea. Look, I know weddings are expensive. And we all have to make choices right? So have the open bar, but make the guests pay for dinner. You could even have a sliding scale based on if they want appetizers and dessert or just an entree. Problem SOLVED!

kikibaby · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_vent-open-bars?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:bacaa063-9200-4f2a-bd51-824589d44040Post:7e482d3c-e1ab-45bd-8226-5be3aee968ed">Re: Vent about open bars</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a GREAT idea. Look, I know weddings are expensive. And we all have to make choices right? So have the open bar, but make the guests pay for dinner. You could even have a sliding scale based on if they want appetizers and dessert or just an entree. Problem SOLVED!
Posted by FallinAgain[/QUOTE]

Better yet would be if you just presented them with a bill at the end of the night.

Vent about open bars

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