Very upset by how I'm being treated on this forum...

bluebunneh · May 2010

I posted a few threads with some advice for other brides and the responses I'm getting are horrible! While I could see how some one things I mentioned could be misinterpreted and everyone is entitled to their own opinion I'm very shocked by some of the things these women on here are saying to me. They are literally insulting me when I'm only trying to be helpful. There are many ways to get your opinion and personal views across without insulting someone but that has not been the case on this forum for me.

I guess I'm just posting this to vent because I am very surprised and hurt by some of the things these women are saying - on a wedding forum! This suppose to be a friendly and happy environment where brides can discuss one of the happiest times in their lives but instead they are saying cruel things and cutting other people down.

I've also read some threads where other brides are treated badly as well when all they are asking is for advice. I'm surprised women even ask questions on here after the responses I've seen. I know there will always be negativity on any forum but I just can't get over this...

Anyway, I just felt like I had to say something... there's nothing that can be done about it really but I just wanted to vent.

fatchunk · May 2010

I havent been treated badly, but i have seen many truly insulting and unnecessary responses towards other posters. its surprising to me that people can treat others so horribly. unfortunately, we cant take the "mean-ness" out of people but hopefully some of those people will read this and think twice about being rude and hateful

bhrett · May 2010

Ditto to fatchunk about the unnecessary responses. I think some people patrol the forums internally venting, but instead focus their anger on an innocent bystander. Cheer up!

bluebunneh · May 2010

Thanks for cheering me up! I'm with you fatchunk, I hope someone does see this and will think twice about posting something mean.

zitiqueen · May 2010

You guys should form a club and get matching jackets. Oh, and check out the forums at weddingwire, where all of your bad choices are automatically validated with a pat on the head, a plate of cookies and your very own rainbow-farting unicorn. HTH YWIA WTF ERA RBI.

kkropp · May 2010

Yeah, lot's of unnecessary negativity on here.. Though, I don't let any of it bother me... It's easy for people to act tough on the internet!!

larina+jeremy · May 2010

i was pretty disappointed by some of the attitudes on here too. i came in all happy and excited, but unfortunately it seems not all brides feel this way? lol just take in the advice, because its usually solid, if poorly presented, and realize that these negative brides must not be as happy or whatever as others. some people are bitches, unfortunately.

and i dont think the op mentioned anything about wanteing her ideas validated with a "pat on the head" regardless of peoples opinions, or ettiquete or anything. i think that advice in favor or against can be given without being a bitch.

Pirata13 · May 2010

Ziti, I love the baseball references. Thank you for that. And the image of a farting unicorn. I heart you.

M&R7111 · May 2010

I find it strange how there are "cliques" that form on here. I thought this was a place to get advice and compare notes during wedding planning, but it is more like a message board for everything including what people are cooking for dinner to how stupid a post is someone saw on a different board. There are inside jokes and groups of women who gang up and support each other when they give nasty responses. Its almost like these cliques own certain boards.

I also find it funny that most of these people claim to "hate facebook", yet what they have on here is the same damn thing! Do you guys do anything else except "lurk" on here? I also find the lingo humorous!

I have seen the nastiness, and it reminds me why I don't get along with groups of women and have more guy friends. Maybe it is natural to have this outcome when females all gather in one place. So caddy!

felicia220 · May 2010

OP I just read thru your last 6 or so posts and the only ones where people are being "mean" is when you are giving horrible weight loss advice. Your practices are NOT healthy! Your latest post says that your DR. told you to stay under 1200 calories, that is very unhealthy! And then there was one about wearing a "tummy-tucker" to help keep you from getting hungry. This is not good advice and people told you that. Granted there are some people on here that are just miserable people, but thats life and maybe you need to grow a tougher skin. But at the end of the day, when you go onto a "Getting in Shape" forum and give unhealthy advice on how to lose weight people are going to call you out on it, not so much for you but for other girls looking for advice. No one should be doing that and it may have saved a few girls from following your practices and hurting themselves.

This is me being logically, not MEAN!

mewebster59 · May 2010

um... 1200 calories a day for a women (depending on her size now) is def NOT unhealthy... my dr recommends 1300...sooo... and I don't think she is validating anything she has said, just whining about people being rude in the delivery of their disagreement.

bluebunneh · May 2010

Like mewebster59 said - I'm not trying to vaildate anything I posted - I'm just surprised by how rudely I was treated. There are plently of ways to tell me how you feel about something without calling me crazy or stupid.

I will continue to post LisaFapple - I've gotten some good advice on this forum in the past so I won't let this hold me back I'm just a bit upset by it all.

felicia220 · May 2010

And again, she should grow a tougher skin, because that's life and that's people.

What size exactly would a girl have to be for 1200 calories to be healthy? IYO

kater99 · May 2010

i agree with you completely bluebunneh! I admit, I have not gotten any 'mean' responses to my posts, but I have seen others get just down right mean responses. Women come here to get help and advice. Most logical, sane people only post questions if they have just that - qustions! Despite what some think, there is a way to tell a person if their ideas are not good without being degrading and rude. Thanks to the girls who offer helpful, polite comments and help-you are the only ones keeping me coming back here.

mewebster59 · May 2010

its not in my opinion, but the average woman who weighs 160 and needs to lose 40 lbs (which would be about 5'2 in height) would need about 1200 calories to lose that... and that is dr. recommended....I worked for a nutritionist, but it is easily researched online

bluebunneh · May 2010

You're right Kater99 - THANK YOU to all of the girl who post helpful and polite comments!

You should read some of the responses I've gotten. I've been called stupid, crazy, and "what's wrong with the American population" haha. I even had one person tell me to "just go away". It's almost funny!

bluebunneh · May 2010

Also It would be different if I posted something flat out mean or disgusting but I was honestly trying to help people and apparently my methods are not agreed with by lots of women ( which is fine, I totally understand that ) so they feel the need to attack me about it. One girl said they were trying to "teach me" but I don't see how calling me stupid is gonna teach me anything.

sapphirebaby926 · May 2010

I read your posts bluebunneh and if you decide to keep posting fine but leave your 'advice' out of it - the things you posted in GIS are incredibly unhealthy. And honestly no one was really that rude to you - they just pointed out that your weight loss program was unhealthy and it seems like you didn't want to hear that.

bluebunneh · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_very-upset-im-being-treated-this-forum?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:5eb04425-20a9-4cc7-b3e2-5516502a08baPost:1ee3a1fb-1a7d-461f-9a37-bffc2154370d">Re: Very upset by how I'm being treated on this forum...</a>:
[QUOTE]And again, she should grow a tougher skin, because that's life and that's people. What size exactly would a girl have to be for 1200 calories to be healthy? IYO
Posted by felicia220[/QUOTE]

Okay lets say my Dr. was totally wrong and eating 1200 calories and under is 100% unhealthy and killing me. How is calling me stupid and crazy like the girls on that forum did going to help me?? If they were really concerned for my health they would take a different approach.

kkropp · May 2010

Well BBun, you are not a "regular poster" so your ideas will get criticized and shot down more harshly than others... That is what I have learned...

bluebunneh · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_very-upset-im-being-treated-this-forum?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:5eb04425-20a9-4cc7-b3e2-5516502a08baPost:dc725f2f-36d1-4a56-beef-dccae61aff58">Re: Very upset by how I'm being treated on this forum...</a>:
[QUOTE]I read your posts bluebunneh and if you decide to keep posting fine but leave your 'advice' out of it - the things you posted in GIS are incredibly unhealthy. And honestly no one was really that rude to you - they just pointed out that your weight loss program was unhealthy and it seems like you didn't want to hear that.
Posted by sapphirebaby926[/QUOTE]

I have the right post my advice and people can choose to listen to it or not - or nicely tell me that it is unhealthy. I had no idea until now that so many women were against diet pills. And just because I may have bad advice about getting in shape, I may have GREAT advice for other things.

And yes the comments made were extremely rude. You don't consider being called "what's wrong with the American population" rude?

bluebunneh · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_very-upset-im-being-treated-this-forum?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:5eb04425-20a9-4cc7-b3e2-5516502a08baPost:c831d795-5400-4a39-a0e7-4c303c6f3f0c">Re: Very upset by how I'm being treated on this forum...</a>:
[QUOTE]Well BBun, you are not a "regular poster" so your ideas will get criticized and shot down more harshly than others... That is what I have learned...
Posted by kkropp[/QUOTE]

<div><font face="Cambria" size="3" color="#004080">Well everyone here started out just like I am with not many posts. But I agree with you, that is common behavior on forums.

I told the people in my threads that I did not post these things to intentional upset anyone who didn't agree with it - I was honestly just trying to help. </font></div>

felicia220 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_very-upset-im-being-treated-this-forum?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:5eb04425-20a9-4cc7-b3e2-5516502a08baPost:ca325c0a-055e-4e79-8059-32f3d9bebb84">Re: Very upset by how I'm being treated on this forum...</a>:
[QUOTE]its not in my opinion, but the average woman who weighs 160 and needs to lose 40 lbs (which would be about 5'2 in height) would need about 1200 calories to lose that... and that is dr. recommended....I worked for a nutritionist, but it is easily researched online
Posted by mewebster59[/QUOTE]

<div>I did a little research, found one website that said 1200 calories for weight loss is the BARE Min. (depending on size of course) So maybe it isn't as easy to research it and find that number. </div><div>
</div><div>Okay so lets say that 1200 cals is okay (which I still disagree) But not exercising and taking diet pills while only eating 1200 cals, what would your nutritionist say about that? Because that is what the OP is saying she did.</div>

bbyckes · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_very-upset-im-being-treated-this-forum?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:5eb04425-20a9-4cc7-b3e2-5516502a08baPost:1ee3a1fb-1a7d-461f-9a37-bffc2154370d">Re: Very upset by how I'm being treated on this forum...</a>:
[QUOTE]And again, she should grow a tougher skin, because that's life and that's people.
Posted by felicia220[/QUOTE]

I think this is a cop-out. IRL, people don't always say exactly what is on their mind. Behind the security of a monitor and a keyboard, people are definitely more apt to not mince words.

felicia220 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_very-upset-im-being-treated-this-forum?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:5eb04425-20a9-4cc7-b3e2-5516502a08baPost:7fc5618a-afcc-4d8c-a64e-6730c5dd3f3e">Re: Very upset by how I'm being treated on this forum...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Very upset by how I'm being treated on this forum... : Okay lets say my Dr. was totally wrong and eating 1200 calories and under is 100% unhealthy and killing me. How is calling me stupid and crazy like the girls on that forum did going to help me?? If they were really concerned for my health they would take a different approach.
Posted by bluebunneh[/QUOTE]

<div>It doesn't do anything for you, because you are new everyone is going to assume that you want rainbows and puppies (which their assumption is correct), so they do that in hopes of helping someone else reading your post. Or they just hate their lives and like being mean to people on the internet. Either way, you need to just roll with it. This is an internet forum, not a Help support group. People are not always going to support you no matter what and say "well maybe you shouldn't be doing that sweetie" They are going to tell you "your dumb" and move. </div><div>
</div><div>Oh and if you think you the only girl posting a "people are mean" post and think you are going to change the boards your not.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

mewebster59 · May 2010

felicia:

I think you are missing the point. I am not (and I don't think the op is either) trying to validate anything that she said. 1200 calories is reasonable for someone to lose weight, we disagree and that is fine. Now are you just asking if I believe weight loss pills and a sedentary lifestyle are healthy? Of course not. This post had little to do with what she said, and more how the answers were given back to her. If you are trying to attack her beliefs on weight loss, that would be better directed to bluebunneh in her original post when she initially gave that advice.

bluebunneh · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_very-upset-im-being-treated-this-forum?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:5eb04425-20a9-4cc7-b3e2-5516502a08baPost:c0c4c982-a41c-486e-b469-a9835dc64ca8">Re: Very upset by how I'm being treated on this forum...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Very upset by how I'm being treated on this forum... : It doesn't do anything for you, because you are new everyone is going to assume that you want rainbows and puppies (which their assumption is correct), so they do that in hopes of helping someone else reading your post. Or they just hate their lives and like being mean to people on the internet. Either way, you need to just roll with it. This is an internet forum, not a Help support group. People are not always going to support you no matter what and say "well maybe you shouldn't be doing that sweetie" They are going to tell you "your dumb" and move. Oh and if you think you the only girl posting a "people are mean" post and think you are going to change the boards your not.
Posted by felicia220[/QUOTE]

I don't even know what rainbows and puppies means? I'm sorry but I don't find someone calling a person stupid very helpful. There was one girl on there who posted links to info on how dangerous that diet pill is and that would have been the only thing helpful if I was another person reading that thread.

Calling someone names because you don't agree with what they are saying doesn't seem helpful to me in the least.

what do you mean changes boards? I posted above that I do not intend to stop posting advice or looking for advice. I'm a memeber of several other forums ( not wedding forums ) and I have never been called names before because I posted something that no one agreed with. I posted this thread to vent because I was upset and I hope that someone will read this and think twice before posting something mean.

And I do see this forum as a help support group. Women are on here looking for help/support/ideas for their weddings.

felicia220 · May 2010

My whole reason for posting was to tell the OP that the only "mean" responses she was getting was when she was giving unhealthy weight loss advice. You quoted me, saying it wasn't unhealthy. My intentions were not to debate with you and I know we got off topic. My intentions were to tell the OP that if you are going to give poor unhealthy advice (like, eat 1200 cals, don't exercise and take diet pills) then people are going to call you out on it. Maybe not always in the nicest way, but that's people.

felicia220 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_very-upset-im-being-treated-this-forum?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:5eb04425-20a9-4cc7-b3e2-5516502a08baPost:30b10ab6-ade2-4ab0-82ca-c392e2515259">Re: Very upset by how I'm being treated on this forum...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Very upset by how I'm being treated on this forum... : what do you mean changes boards? I posted above that I do not intend to stop posting advice or looking for advice. I'm a memeber of several other forums ( not wedding forums ) and I have never been called names before because I posted something that no one agreed with. I posted this thread to vent because<strong> I was upset and I hope that someone will read this and think twice before posting something mean.</strong>
Posted by bluebunneh[/QUOTE<div>
</div><div>People posting about the "meanness" will not change it, was my point.</div><div>
</div><div>I can see that you have not understood my point. So I will leave you with this.</div><div>When life gives you lemons, say F*** the Lemons and bail!</div><div>
</div><div>Hope everyone has a nice day!
<div>
</div></div>

bluebunneh · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_very-upset-im-being-treated-this-forum?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:5eb04425-20a9-4cc7-b3e2-5516502a08baPost:357f5f9c-0384-4f0f-a734-be2cb59806ba">Re: Very upset by how I'm being treated on this forum...</a>:
[QUOTE]My whole reason for posting was to tell the OP that the only "mean" responses she was getting was when she was giving unhealthy weight loss advice. You quoted me, saying it wasn't unhealthy. My intentions were not to debate with you and I know we got off topic. My intentions were to tell the OP that if you are going to give poor unhealthy advice (like, eat 1200 cals, don't exercise and take diet pills) then people are going to call you out on it. Maybe not always in the nicest way, but that's people.
Posted by felicia220[/QUOTE]

I get what you're saying, and you are right that's just how people are. I was just surprised by some of the harsh words. I also didn't realize that my 'silly' approach would come off as 'cheeky' and that's why some people may have reacted the way they did. I still don't agree with the way they handled it - but I apologized in the thread if I came off as cheeky and tried to make it clear that I was only trying to help.

bluebunneh · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_very-upset-im-being-treated-this-forum?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:5eb04425-20a9-4cc7-b3e2-5516502a08baPost:dfb84333-4761-45cd-80f5-ec9d6da9857f">Re: Very upset by how I'm being treated on this forum...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Very upset by how I'm being treated on this forum... : I did a little research, found one website that said 1200 calories for weight loss is the BARE Min. (depending on size of course) So maybe it isn't as easy to research it and find that number. Okay so lets say that 1200 cals is okay (which I still disagree) But not exercising and taking diet pills while only eating 1200 cals, what would your nutritionist say about that? Because that is what the OP is saying she did.
Posted by felicia220[/QUOTE]

I just wanted to clear this up. The diet pills were to help me stay at 1200 calories. They suppressed my hunger so I wouldn't' go above that amount, not under. She also told me to walk 30 mins 4 days a week ( which was in my orginal post ), and she told me to eat breakfast, lunch, a snack, and dinner - I just didn't follow her directions all of the time because the pills worked so well to suppress my appetite.

Very upset by how I'm being treated on this forum...

Re: Very upset by how I'm being treated on this forum...

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