Widowed and remarrying

happlegate11 · January 2012

I am widowed with 2 kids, he is divorced w 3. We all live together as one big happy family....ok one big family. Wanting something small and want the kids included. Do I invite my former sisters-in-law? They are my kids aunts, but I'm not sure how they will feel. So far they have been very accepting of my fiance and my fiance is very supportive of the relationship between me and my past in-laws. I don't want to offend them by NOT inviting them, but also don't want them to fee pressured to come.

right1thistime · January 2012

Talk to them. Ask them how they feel. Assure them you will understand. If your relationship is good, this should be a heartwarming conversation. If its not, you already have your answer. ~Donna

Avion22 · January 2012

Welcome, and congrats on your engagement.

I'm also widdowed and remarrying (no kids though). I don't talk to my former MIL or former FIL (haven't since the day we scattered his ashes -- they were very cruel to me and told a lot of lies about me after he died), but I do still speak with my former SIL. I dated her brother for 4 years then was married to him for 4, so we know each other fairly well....but she's not invited to the wedding. Honestly, it would be kind of weird for ME to have her there, and she wouldn't know anybody there except my parents and sister who she met a few times.

If you are REALLY close with your former sisters-in-law, then it's fine to invite them if you want them there.

Sue-n-Kevin · January 2012

Welcome and congrats on finding a new love.

I agree, ask them. It shouldn't be weird. I had my daughter's aunt (ex's brother's ex, LOL) at our wedding because she's a friend and her daughter and mine are close cousins. Not weird.

2dBride · January 2012

When we started our planning, I talked to my ex-husband to say he'd be welcome to come, but I didn't want him to feel pressured. He elected to come. At that point, he had a girlfriend, so we expected to be inviting her. However, they broke up before the wedding. Not wanting him to have to come alone, I asked if he'd like us to invite his sister. He said yes, and she also attended.

If you'd like to have them there, invite them. If they feel awkward about it, they don't have to come.

vexie · January 2012

Last summer I married a widower with two small children. We invited the parents, aunt/uncle and two cousins of his late wife because in a weird way I'm marrying into their family too. I'm fortunate in that they have accepted me with open arms and loving hearts as part of the family. They were all so happy to be part of our day and I really felt it went along way towards them fully accepting me as the girls' new step-mother. If your FI is comfortable inviting them I say go ahead as they are still your children's family and thus yours.

debbiem56 · January 2012

I also married a widower x2. We invited his first FIL as they are still very close. After a lot of thought, we also decided to invite his 3 stepsons from his second marriage. None of them decided to attend. Really depends on the situation and the relationship.

ceceibson · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_widowed-remarrying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:5c0697e6-1d62-42b3-879c-6f24642187dcPost:b4810eee-0e91-419a-a03d-5e1d5368b07a">Re: Widowed and remarrying</a>:
[QUOTE]Last summer I married a widower with two small children. We invited the parents, aunt/uncle and two cousins of his late wife because in a weird way I'm marrying into their family too. I'm fortunate in that they have accepted me with open arms and loving hearts as part of the family. They were all so happy to be part of our day and I really felt it went along way towards them fully accepting me as the girls' new step-mother. If your FI is comfortable inviting them I say go ahead as they are still your children's family and thus yours.
Posted by vexie[/QUOTE]

<div>What a beautiful post! I am a widow with 2 children [10 and 13]. I am still very close with my late husband's parents, brother & his family and other family members. My in-laws [and I still consider them in-laws] have welcomed my SO with open arms [as well they should, he is a wonderful man and father figure to their grandchildren].</div><div>
</div><div>I am inviting the whole gang to our wedding in August 2012. My MIL has actually been helping me plan.</div>

vexie · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_widowed-remarrying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:5c0697e6-1d62-42b3-879c-6f24642187dcPost:2ee91f43-5381-48f6-8b25-c719ff1079ba">Re: Widowed and remarrying</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Widowed and remarrying : What a beautiful post! I am a widow with 2 children [10 and 13]. I am still very close with my late husband's parents, brother & his family and other family members. My in-laws [and I still consider them in-laws] have welcomed my SO with open arms [as well they should, he is a wonderful man and father figure to their grandchildren]. I am inviting the whole gang to our wedding in August 2012. My MIL has actually been helping me plan.
Posted by ceceibson[/QUOTE]

Thanks :) My hubby still calls them his in-laws as well... and they've started calling me their daughter-in-law which makes me laugh (especially at the confused looks on other people's faces lol). I'm so glad we have the relationship we do and that I now have three families who love and adore the girls (ages 5 & 3). I know some people thought I was nuts.. but we actually included the girls' grandparents in the processional and listed them as parents in the program. It just felt like the right thing to do and I know how honoured they felt as a result. Good luck with your upcoming wedding!

Hawt83 · February 2012

I too am widowed and remarrying...I am not close with my FIL/MIL anymore...but my opinion of this situation is...YOUR CHOICE....Its your day, and honestly do what feels right and makes you happy. This is a tricky situation I know, but in the end we cant make everyone happy all the time....so do yourself a favour and make yourself happy!!!
It will all work out...Best of luck!!

jh051912 · February 2012

I am also widowed and remarrying. I am still very close with my FIL. I am also still in contact with my stepdaughters (adults). So, I will be inviting them. My problem will be where to seat them, but that's probably another post.

For me it wasn't a problem -- when I spoke with each of them to tell them I was getting remarried, my FIL and one of the girls told me how happy they were for me and expressed an interest in being at the wedding. The other stepdaughter didn't want to talk about it. I will send them all an invite, but I'm sure one won't attend.

I think it really boils down to what you are comfortable with. Could you have a conversation with them where you can determine their interest in being there? Maybe that would help. I wouldn't put yourself in a situation where you are going to be uncomfortable on your wedding day -- do what works for you. All the best!

catnortiff · February 2012

I'm a widow, but my FH has never married and has no children, which makes things somewhat less complicated...but I'm still trying to deal with the weirdness of it all. I'm about to turn 50, so the "Normal" post that I read earlier is a big help! I'm inviting those "in-laws" that I am closest to, who have supported me along the way and who truly want me to be happy. I think my biggest issue is the finality of "letting go" of a 28 year relationship and trying to figure out how to do that, yet keep part of that in tact-thus keeping in touch, inviting those from that part of my life...as I said, it's all just weird, but I want my FH to have a wonderful day...he's waited a lifetime to say "I Do" and I am honored that he chose me.

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