He doesn't want to get married (yet)

Elle1036 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_doesnt-want-married-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:068095e7-e51b-41c6-9451-243f5faaea6bPost:ee15a091-c68f-4039-a831-d848e428dc7e">Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet) : It was an university exchange program! I wouldn't want to come here if I were you, it's freeeeeeezing. Question to everyone:<strong> Were you all so rational and sensible about getting engaged and married before you did?! Can hardly imagine so many women being sooo rational;) Never hoped, wished, dreamed?!</strong>
Posted by miamary[/QUOTE]

<div>This is a fair question, so I'll answer honestly.</div><div>
</div><div>No, I wasn't always rational and sensible about it. I went through some weird life stuff when I was like 22 (and had been with BF a little over a year) that made me all "zomg I want to get engaged and married NOW".</div><div>
</div><div>I recognized it for what it was, though: an illogical knee-jerk reaction to outside circumstances, and was able to control how I acted on those emotions. It's not wrong to have those impatient feelings, but it is wrong to let them rule your actions.</div>

AnneR15 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_doesnt-want-married-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:068095e7-e51b-41c6-9451-243f5faaea6bPost:0873f0c7-be86-4ec9-89fe-3915b316cd1a">Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet)</a>:
[QUOTE]For example: My (younger) sister is pregnant - completely unplanned, from her boss, at the bar where she worked part time, talk about clichés. <strong>The situation is far from perfect, since the father is married and not to her, and she's still in college. BUT I would be lying if I said that didn't make me think about having children of my own.</strong> Maybe that's a family thing in our dysfunctional family, but you never feel like this?
Posted by miamary[/QUOTE]

That's kind of twisted.

TheMutleys · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_doesnt-want-married-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:068095e7-e51b-41c6-9451-243f5faaea6bPost:3e1473a4-325f-4a17-9614-61d1335e572c">Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet) : She wants a baby in the next three years. And doesn't want one without being married. Also, she feels like they already are financially secure and doesn't understand what his deal is. She also wants the American e-ring and wedding-style.
Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

Wait? I am still having kids and I am almost 30. And DH was OVER 30 when Mr. Man was born. OMG!!!! MY POOR CHILDREN!

I skimmed... and she feels financially secure? After she admitted that she was an actual shopaholic not too long ago? I have NO idea why her boyfriend would be wary of that financial situation. Geeeeze.

peekaboo2011 · October 2011

Ich habe einfach in der Schule 7 Jahre Deutsch gelernt, und dann war ein Jahr in einem Gymnasium in der Nähe von Dortmund, und dann Deutsch als Nebenfach an der Uni.

Elle1036 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_doesnt-want-married-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:068095e7-e51b-41c6-9451-243f5faaea6bPost:7247953c-bf71-4117-90b5-d0eeeda17400">Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet) : <strong>Well, your girl parts shrivel up and become barren wastelands, of course.</strong> Didn't you get the memo? I don't get the "before 30" thing either, now that I'm pushing 30. When I was younger, I always said "kids before 30, kids before 30". Now, I will likely (hopefully) be preggo at 30 with our first child and I think that's the right timing for us .
Posted by oceana919[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>If that means I don't have to deal with cramps anymore after my 30th birthday, fine by me.</div><div>
</div><div>My mom had me when she was 33, and I was her first of 3. She never had any trouble keeping up with us or anything, and we were all born free of any chromosomal abnormalities. I guess that's why I've never understood the rush.

</div>

peekaboo2011 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_doesnt-want-married-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:068095e7-e51b-41c6-9451-243f5faaea6bPost:fdca9fba-fa6e-4d22-8ecb-fa97237077f0">Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet) : Wait? I am still having kids and I am almost 30. And DH was OVER 30 when Mr. Man was born. OMG!!!! MY POOR CHILDREN! I skimmed... and she feels financially secure? After she admitted that she was an actual shopaholic not too long ago? I have NO idea why her boyfriend would be wary of that financial situation. Geeeeze.
Posted by TheMutleys[/QUOTE]

<div>I think I'm confusing her need to get married and her feelings on finances. I feel like she feels as though they are financially secure because he has a good job. But at the same time, she says that they can't afford a wedding. But money doesn't seem to exist for her. Am I making any sense at all?</div>

TheMutleys · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_doesnt-want-married-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:068095e7-e51b-41c6-9451-243f5faaea6bPost:0873f0c7-be86-4ec9-89fe-3915b316cd1a">Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet)</a>:
[QUOTE]Random question: @everyone : We will need to clarify what "financially secure" exactly means for both of us. I am actually scared his answer might be "one million in cash". I am not kidding. What if we never reach that goal?

Now guys, tell me. Be honest. Have you never thought to yourself "before age X, I want to be married"? Does it not bother you when people around you your age are getting married, that maybe are together short than you are? I can't imagine no one here thinks this way! For example: My (younger) sister is pregnant - completely unplanned, from her boss, at the bar where she worked part time, talk about clichés. The situation is far from perfect, since the father is married and not to her, and she's still in college. BUT I would be lying if I said that didn't make me think about having children of my own. Maybe that's a family thing in our dysfunctional family, but you never feel like this?
Posted by miamary[/QUOTE]

A) If that is what HE needs to feel financially secure, so be it. My husband really wants 5 kids. I have a certain amount I want in the bank to have that 5th kid. It is completely possible that we may decide that having a 5th kid is more important than having that money in the bank.

B) I had those thoughts when I was 18 and didn't know about the world. Once I actually lived life, I realized that arbitrary guidelines mean nothing. I realized that being in the moment and living an authentic life is more important than meeting chronological deadlines.

C) The pace at which other people move through their relationships does not bother me. That is THEIR relationship. I am in MY relationship. What they do or say has no bearing on my life.

You can keep justifying yourself. At the end of the day, BOTH people in the relationship need to be comfortable with where it is at and where it is going. You either are or you aren't. What's worth more to you, your timeline or your boyfriend?

miamary · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_doesnt-want-married-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:068095e7-e51b-41c6-9451-243f5faaea6bPost:ab5e92b9-69c0-4cc2-9934-a736f1846fc6">Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet) : You totally didn't answer my question. What part of Germany are you in? I lived outside of Dortmund for a year. I'm dying to get back. And I'm now the bitter, jaded single girl of the group. I was completely BSC before I got engaged. And it was absolutely a god-awful idea. We only lasted 6 months from the proposal. :)
Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

<div>Bavaria. Bf recently asked me not to share too much personal informatino on public boards, as in not sharing the city where we live, so I won't. Sorry. :(</div><div>
</div><div>(You never know what could happen, y'know...he's worried. He told me IP addresses could easily be decoded to tell your exact address. No idea if that is true though)</div><div>
</div><div>Other question: Why is the tone on here so rude? I don't mean rude as in telling me not to push him, that's totally fair. </div><div>I mean rude as in referring to what I wrote as "sh*t" without even having read it. </div><div>
</div><div>I mean, I've not been on here for long, but I get the feeling the already engaged girls on here view themselves as kind of part of an exclusive group, that you better not try to enter unless you've officially been invited. That will probably make for a lot of hate, but it's the feeling I get. </div><div>
</div><div>Also, I believe more than one person on here hoped for the proposal before it happened (or still hopes). As someone pointed out before, women aren't always rational! </div><div>
</div><div>I mean I see how some are more rational than me maybe and would want to graduate first and be financially stable. </div><div>But you don't all tell me you would've rejected the proposal if it came before that??</div>

oceana919 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_doesnt-want-married-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:068095e7-e51b-41c6-9451-243f5faaea6bPost:fdca9fba-fa6e-4d22-8ecb-fa97237077f0">Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet) : Wait? I am still having kids and I am almost 30. And DH was OVER 30 when Mr. Man was born. OMG!!!! MY POOR CHILDREN! I skimmed... and she feels financially secure? After she admitted that she was an actual shopaholic not too long ago? I have NO idea why her boyfriend would be wary of that financial situation. Geeeeze.
Posted by TheMutleys[/QUOTE]

You old bitter hag, you.

The hubs is going to be pushing 40 when our <em>first</em> is born. And we're hoping for 2-3. I should just give him a walker now.

Ana_2985 · October 2011

Listen to your BF. His requests are completely reasonable.

When I was 18 I thought 'I'll be married and be finished having kids before I'm 30' because that's what my parents did. But I'm not living my parents life, I'm living mine. I did have a BF when I was 18 he would have been happy to marry me and have kids. The problem is that he was a complete d-bag. I would have been living a very miserable life.

Now I'm older and I'm married but I don't have kids yet and I don't know if I'll even want to think about having them before I'm 30. The cool thing is that I'm doing a bunch of things I never even dreamed of when I was 18 - I get to travel all over the world, I went to graduate school, I got a puppy, I live near the beach.

This is not the life I thought I would have, but it's a million times better than I imagined because it's MY life.

Stop worrying about what you think you should be doing and just enjoy what you're actually doing right now.

oceana919 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_doesnt-want-married-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:068095e7-e51b-41c6-9451-243f5faaea6bPost:9b74e361-5082-4f0f-912b-688c788d55d7">Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Other question: Why is the tone on here so rude? I don't mean rude as in telling me not to push him, that's totally fair. I mean rude as in referring to what I wrote as "sh*t" without even having read it. I mean, I've not been on here for long, but I get the feeling the already engaged girls on here view themselves as kind of part of an exclusive group, that you better not try to enter unless you've officially been invited. That will probably make for a lot of hate, but it's the feeling I get.

<strong>Oh good lord. Seriously? If you thought the responses to your post were mean, you should check out some of the posts from 3-4 years ago. There is a big difference between "mean" and "bluntly honest." </strong>

Also, I believe more than one person on here hoped for the proposal before it happened (or still hopes). As someone pointed out before, women aren't always rational! I mean I see how some are more rational than me maybe and would want to graduate first and be financially stable. But you don't all tell me you would've rejected the proposal if it came before that??

<strong>If I thought my relationship with my DH was not stable enough at the time of the proposal, or that we had work we needed to do - emotionally, physically, financially, maturity-wise, at the time, I would have said no in a <em>heartbeat</em>. </strong>

Posted by miamary[/QUOTE]

miamary · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_doesnt-want-married-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:068095e7-e51b-41c6-9451-243f5faaea6bPost:9c2c3f68-8654-4675-9cf9-ac5e177d2d39">Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet) : I thought so, too. She also said she wanted to get married and have her first kid before age 30, so I guess she's starting to feel that clock ticking. OP, I'll never understand the whole "before 30" thing. What horrible thing happens on your 30th birthday that makes it so undesirable to start having children after that point? I'm honestly curious, because I hear it said so often.
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

<div>I can't even give you a real reason, it's just a feeling you have to "make it" until then. I do notice several (single) girlfriends getting pretty miserable after they turn 30. Especially if they have close friends who are (getting) married or have kids already. </div><div>
</div><div>I think it has to do with the fact that this age (at least for me) a long time marked the end of "everything". As in having fun, going out, looking good. Obviously, this is completely stupid, but when you're 18, 30 is very , very old. </div><div>The closer I get the less I think that way though. :)</div><div>
</div><div>Maybe it also has to do with the fact most people want more than one child and the time for having kids after 30 is somewhat limited. I personally wouldn't want to have a child when I'm 40.</div>

Ana_2985 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_doesnt-want-married-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:068095e7-e51b-41c6-9451-243f5faaea6bPost:9b74e361-5082-4f0f-912b-688c788d55d7">Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I mean I see how some are more rational than me maybe and would want to graduate first and be financially stable. <strong>But you don't all tell me you would've rejected the proposal if it came before that??</strong>
Posted by miamary[/QUOTE]

Umm yes. If I was unsure at all about whether or not I should be marrying someone, I would say no. Marriage is serious business.

oceana919 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_doesnt-want-married-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:068095e7-e51b-41c6-9451-243f5faaea6bPost:c0d170fb-c49a-4976-9451-74a0ebb3cd90">Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet) : Umm yes. If I was unsure at all about whether or not I should be marrying someone, I would say no. Marriage is serious business.
Posted by Ana_2985[/QUOTE]

No it's not, Ana. It's just the same as dating. I mean, seriouszly, is there any difference at all? It's not like I'd be legally obligated to this person or anything...

miamary · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_doesnt-want-married-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:068095e7-e51b-41c6-9451-243f5faaea6bPost:89dbf690-ced5-40fe-b370-f8839d7100af">Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet) : That's kind of twisted.
Posted by AnneR15[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm not saing it isn't !</div>

TheMutleys · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_doesnt-want-married-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:068095e7-e51b-41c6-9451-243f5faaea6bPost:9b74e361-5082-4f0f-912b-688c788d55d7">Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Other question: Why is the tone on here so rude? I don't mean rude as in telling me not to push him, that's totally fair. <strong> I mean rude as in referring to what I wrote as "sh*t" without even having read it. </strong>

I mean, I've not been on here for long, <strong>but I get the feeling the already engaged girls on here view themselves as kind of part of an exclusive group,</strong> that you better not try to enter unless you've officially been invited. That will probably make for a lot of hate, but it's the feeling I get.

Also, I believe more than one person on here hoped for the proposal before it happened (or still hopes). As someone pointed out before, women aren't always rational!

I mean I see how some are more rational than me maybe and would want to graduate first and <strong>be financially stable.</strong> But you don't all tell me you would've rejected the proposal if it came before that??
Posted by miamary[/QUOTE]

You wrote a long a$$ post and I didn't want to read all of it. Oh noooeeesss.

Actually, I'm in an even better group. I'm an old, married hag. So yeah, you haven't been invited to that group yet.

Honestly, I would <u>not want</u> a proposal if we were not financially stable. In fact, my husband proposed without a ring and I told him that I would rather have a house than a ring. He insisted upon a ring, and my caveat was that we still have plenty in the bank for a down payment on a house and sizeable savings left. So yes, financial stability is extremely important to both of us.

Narwhal · October 2011

Being finanically secure is so much more important than your timeline. Espcially if it matters so much to your SO. Do you really want to get married regardless on if he feels comfortable with it? That kind of sucks. If you want to marry him no matter what, then you wait. If you want to marry by your timeline even if it doesn't include him, then you don't. It's pretty simple. Come on.

I've been engaged to FI for almost a year now. We were planning on next September. Then plans changed and we pushed it up. Then plans changed again and we're pushing it back. FI wants to go back to school and I support that because I want him to be fulfilled and satisfied in his career, even if that means that we push back our timeline. So we're waiting maybe even another entire year so that I can focus on getting a big internship that I want. Timelines suck anyway. All they do is make you feel like you aren't living up to what you wanted out of your life. You can't predict these things, and you have to learn to roll with it.

Oh and the secret invitation you're looking for in order to be in the engaged girls club... it's a proposal. I may be jaded, but IMO, the club isn't that great, tbqh. Definitely not worth rushing things in order to feel like your relationship is valid. Take it a day at a time.

AnneR15 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_doesnt-want-married-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:068095e7-e51b-41c6-9451-243f5faaea6bPost:900fad7e-acb3-4202-babd-4aa8847c1a5a">Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet) : No it's not, Ana. It's just the same as dating. I mean, seriouszly, is there any difference at all? It's not like I'd be legally obligated to this person or anything...
Posted by oceana919[/QUOTE]

Based on her original post, I think what she wants is for <em>him</em> to be legally obligated to <em>her</em>. Clearly she has thought this through.

Swazzle · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_doesnt-want-married-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:068095e7-e51b-41c6-9451-243f5faaea6bPost:86249eec-3ea4-45d0-bf7f-317fbc6f2c74">Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet)</a>:
[QUOTE]Being finanically secure is so much more important than your timeline. Espcially if it matters so much to your SO. Do you really want to get married regardless on if he feels comfortable with it? That kind of sucks. If you want to marry him no matter what, then you wait. If you want to marry by your timeline even if it doesn't include him, then you don't. It's pretty simple. Come on. I've been engaged to FI for almost a year now. We were planning on next September. Then plans changed and we pushed it up. Then plans changed again and we're pushing it back. FI wants to go back to school and I support that because I want him to be fulfilled and satisfied in his career, even if that means that we push back our timeline. So we're waiting maybe even another entire year so that I can focus on getting a big internship that I want. <strong>Timelines suck anyway. All they do is make you feel like you aren't living up to what you wanted out of your life. You can't predict these things, and you have to learn to roll with it.</strong> Oh and the secret invitation you're looking for in order to be in the engaged girls club... it's a proposal. I may be jaded, but IMO, the club isn't that great, tbqh. Definitely not worth rushing things in order to feel like your relationship is valid. Take it a day at a time.
Posted by Narwhal[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>THIS.

</div>

peekaboo2011 · October 2011

God, we're such horribly bitter old women.

Do I still get to be part of the club?

Sweetcheeks, talk to your friends. The ones that aren't married but are in good, committed relationships. Ask them why they aren't biting at the bullet to get married RIGHT THIS SECOND. You'll be astounded.

You don't have until 30 to make it. If you don't make it by 30, it's not like there's some sort of big giant gate that falls out of the sky and says "STOP HERE, NO MORE LIFE FOR YOU." You can still become a married hag. I know a woman who is just getting married for the first time. She's 50. And you know what? She is completely ecstatic that she waited so long, because she found the right person for her. Although, she could have picked a prettier dress. But whatever, she's an odd one.

You want more than one baby? Newsflash, you have 10 years after you turn 30 before people start getting weird about having kids. 10 YEARS. That's like...ages.

You don't like that we're blunt and brutally honest? I'd be wiling to bet that your unmarried friends in committed relationships would tell you the exact same thing.

oceana919 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_doesnt-want-married-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:068095e7-e51b-41c6-9451-243f5faaea6bPost:7371c8c7-348e-4c97-a869-a8d49d8ac247">Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet) : Based on her original post, I think what she wants is for him to be legally obligated to her . Clearly she has thought this through.
Posted by AnneR15[/QUOTE]

I got that much. I think you missed that that response was written in sarcasm font.

miamary · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_doesnt-want-married-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:068095e7-e51b-41c6-9451-243f5faaea6bPost:534954c6-6958-4233-be03-387db6c4340b">Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet) : You wrote a long a$$ post and I didn't want to read all of it. Oh noooeeesss. Actually, I'm in an even better group. I'm an old, married hag. So yeah, you haven't been invited to that group yet. Honestly, I would not want a proposal if we were not financially stable. In fact, my husband proposed without a ring and I told him that I would rather have a house than a ring. He insisted upon a ring, and my caveat was that we still have plenty in the bank for a down payment on a house and sizeable savings left. So yes, financial stability is extremely important to both of us.
Posted by TheMutleys[/QUOTE]

<div>Well, unfortunately, houses are FAR from the price of a ring over here. FAR. That is, when you talk about rings in a "hundreds" price range , or even in a "thousands" price range. I know I'd decide on the house otherwise, hell yeah! But houses in the area where we live are at least 300k. It's the ground, not the house, that makes it so expensive, but that doesn't help. </div>

peekaboo2011 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_doesnt-want-married-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:068095e7-e51b-41c6-9451-243f5faaea6bPost:261d102e-22bb-44d3-8578-da368194e583">Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet) : Well, unfortunately, houses are FAR from the price of a ring over here. FAR. That is, when you talk about rings in a "hundreds" price range , or even in a "thousands" price range. I know I'd decide on the house otherwise, hell yeah! But houses in the area where we live are at least 300k. It's the ground, not the house, that makes it so expensive, but that doesn't help.
Posted by miamary[/QUOTE]

<div>Mutley lives in Northern CA. It's probably not a good comparison. Have you looked at the price of a home in CA lately? It's ridic. My grandparents have an itty bitty thing that before the market crashed was worth half a million.</div>

miamary · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_doesnt-want-married-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:068095e7-e51b-41c6-9451-243f5faaea6bPost:7371c8c7-348e-4c97-a869-a8d49d8ac247">Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet) : Based on her original post, I think what she wants is for him to be legally obligated to her . Clearly she has thought this through.
Posted by AnneR15[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>So, what if I do? Isn't that one of the reasons people get married? Or did I get that part wrong? </div><div>
</div><div>Holy cow, this thread is moving so fast I can't keep up. I'm trying, but have to get my studying on soon. Thanks to everyone who posted though for taking the time. </div><div>
</div><div>Re: the whole shopaholic thing. Don't want to explain too much here, but basically by shopping I was trying to get the recognition I never got from my parents. Also, I grew up thinking the more "material" things you have, the better you live. Also, at some point during my childhood I somehow picked up that saved money is "lost" money because my parents constantly lied to me about how much they had and could afford (it's a complicated story). Obviously, that's not true. It took a while to realize this though. I've been working very hard on this. </div>

oceana919 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_doesnt-want-married-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:068095e7-e51b-41c6-9451-243f5faaea6bPost:a153e71b-68af-4708-9baf-627876eb311e">Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet) : So, what if I do? Isn't that one of the reasons people get married? Or did I get that part wrong? Holy cow, this thread is moving so fast I can't keep up. I'm trying, but have to get my studying on soon. Thanks to everyone who posted though for taking the time. Re: the whole shopaholic thing. Don't want to explain too much here, but basically by shopping I was trying to get the recognition I never got from my parents. Also, I grew up thinking the more "material" things you have, the better you live. Also, at some point during my childhood I somehow picked up that saved money is "lost" money because my parents constantly lied to me about how much they had and could afford (it's a complicated story). Obviously, that's not true. It took a while to realize this though. I've been working very hard on this.
Posted by miamary[/QUOTE]

Regardless of the reasonings behind it, the past shopaholic behavior is a pretty reasonable reason for your BF to want to be on more stable financial footing before getting engaged.

TheMutleys · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_doesnt-want-married-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:068095e7-e51b-41c6-9451-243f5faaea6bPost:261d102e-22bb-44d3-8578-da368194e583">Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet) : Well, unfortunately, houses are FAR from the price of a ring over here. FAR. That is, when you talk about rings in a "hundreds" price range , or even in a "thousands" price range. I know I'd decide on the house otherwise, hell yeah! But houses in the area where we live are at least 300k. It's the ground, not the house, that makes it so expensive, but that doesn't help.
Posted by miamary[/QUOTE]

You completely missed the point. I said that I wanted a house and substantial savings more than a ring aka financial stability over something pretty on my finger. That has nothing to do with how much the house costs.

But since the amount means so much to you, we looked at houses well over $300K... and had more than a 20% down payment in the bank. We ended up buying an inexpensive house as an investment property, and plan on moving out of it within the next couple of years.

And this is my ring, since you seem to be superficial:

<a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/9/8/59450ff1-4343-4b5a-b869-b2055497decb.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '59450ff1-4343-4b5a-b869-b2055497decb', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));" class="PhotoLink"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/9/8/59450ff1-4343-4b5a-b869-b2055497decb.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>

miamary · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_doesnt-want-married-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:068095e7-e51b-41c6-9451-243f5faaea6bPost:e757f92e-2af3-4a82-8cf6-5b28af238992">Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet) : Ummm houses cost a lot pretty much anywhere. Most people don't buy it with cash. They put down a sizeable down payment (around 20% or more) and then carry a mortgage (big loan on house). I'm assuming this works pretty much the same everywhere, because I watch HGTV and House Hunters International. So, yes the comparison is there. Big ring = smaller amount of savings to put towards a down payment on a house. (My 1 bedroom, 650 sq. ft. apartment in Queens cost $180,000. I know how expensive real estate can be.)
Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes, I recently read about NYC real estate prices. Insane. </div><div>
</div><div>I see what you mean about the savings towards a house. Houses are the one thing people do go in debt for over here.</div><div>
</div><div>And I did nowhere mention I needed a BIG ring though! I just said I want an American style engagement ring, and by that I mean the looks of it! </div><div>
</div><div>As in, 2 rings, one with a stone! I'm not saying diamond. </div>

AnneR15 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_doesnt-want-married-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:068095e7-e51b-41c6-9451-243f5faaea6bPost:e1d47f7d-2b94-4c7d-a0bb-082eb9a76ace">Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet) : I got that much. I think you missed that that response was written in sarcasm font.
Posted by oceana919[/QUOTE]

I did get it. I was spinning off, but obviously not clearly enough.

oceana919 · October 2011

Elle1036 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_doesnt-want-married-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:068095e7-e51b-41c6-9451-243f5faaea6bPost:7d1db7e8-38c9-4602-b75e-ba9b4c40c325">Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: He doesn't want to get married (yet) : I can't even give you a real reason, it's just a feeling you have to "make it" until then. I do notice several (single) girlfriends getting pretty miserable after they turn 30. Especially if they have close friends who are (getting) married or have kids already. I think it has to do with the fact that this age (at least for me) a long time marked the end of "everything". As in having fun, going out, looking good. Obviously, this is completely stupid, but when you're 18, 30 is very , very old. The closer I get the less I think that way though. :) <strong>Maybe it also has to do with the fact most people want more than one child and the time for having kids after 30 is somewhat limited. I personally wouldn't want to have a child when I'm 40.</strong>
Posted by miamary[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Yeah, but there are 10 years between 30 and 40. You can have plenty of kids during that time frame. I'm sure Mutley could punch out at least 7 if we challenged her.

</div>

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