To Marry before Med Board??

Raabman · May 2010

Well here's the deal. My finance and I have set our wedding date for April 30th 2011. He has been the Army for 6yrs now and 2 deployments under his belt. He's now in the process of being Med Boarded out of the Army. They have told him he would be out by August. Now our military friends are encouraging us to get married before August for a courthouse wedding.

Here's my question; In the end, is it worth it to have all the married benefits of the Army for our future family? Or just wait till April?

catemeg · May 2010

If it doesn't make a difference to you and your fiance, the benefits are definitely worth a little change of plans.

Spunkchin · May 2010

I don't understand. He's getting out a year from now, yes? He will not be retiring thus you will not get benefits past April of next year. So you are wondering if it's worthwhile to push up your wedding just so you can get free health care for a few months? Were you going to try and pop a baby out in that window of time?

Raabman · May 2010

Spunkchin---> NO to all of your response. He is getting an Honorable Medical Discharge from the Army! They have given him an estimated exit date in August 2010. If you are involved in the Army you would know that everything is a process and on Army time. You must not know anything about the Med Board process, he is not being retired, there is a difference. IF he was to be retired he would receive full benefits and his paycheck each month for the rest of his life and never have to work again. Getting a Medical discharge has to do with losing an appendage or in such complete unbearable pain from, oh i don't know getting hit by 5 different road IEDs. We are not in ANY hurry to get married. How rude and ignorant to assume that we are trying to get married quick for health care or for a baby! For 3 months of benefits? We actually believe in the sanctity of marriage. No matter what he will always receive benefits from the Army. If we were married Before he's out than I would receive benefits as well as our future children for YEARS and YEARS. Which is a pretty big concern to any man who wants to make sure his family will always been taken care of even when he physically can't anymore.

Unbelievable! Could someone who has actually been through this and has a clue let me know how they made a decision similar to this? Thank You!

catemeg · May 2010

I think you've said it best - you get married after he's discharged for medical reasons, he receives benefits for life but neither you nor your potential future children will have any benefit from his military experience (except access to scholarships for veteran's children, but they'll have that anyway).

It really matters what you want to do - if you feel your white-dress "wedding" day will be less significant somehow to you if you're already married (and thus really a vow renewal, as many jerks on this site will chide someone for calling it a wedding if they're already legally married) then you might want to wait.

If you're planning on keeping your marriage secret and pretending to get married all over again, I'd advise against that. It can cause all sorts of ill-will with family and friends (not to mention Knotties). Really, you can have the exact same wedding as you planned, just change the vows around a little so it's a vow renewal.

So here are your options - get married legally for the benefits (which are awesome), then have your 'wedding day/vow renewal' when you planned it originally. Or wait.

In my opinion, as long as you both are planning on getting married anyway, there is no real downside to getting legally married now and changing your vows slightly on your wedding day to reflect that you are already married. Most people will understand, and those that don't - well, you can't please everybody, and it's really none of their business!

mehgank · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_marry-before-med-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:1bbb66a5-da73-478a-be03-8edcd9fc95bcPost:5e45516b-6f86-449b-9ee9-11d9037867bc">Re: To Marry before Med Board??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: To Marry before Med Board?? : I'm sure that spunkchin understands that an honorable medical discharge is different from retiring. Amazingly, not everyone here has been in your exact situation. Most people will try to give you a bit of advice anyways, but we can't do that without understanding the situation. What you've said sounds hypocritical to me. You ARE considering getting married quickly for healthcare and other benefits. If doing that violates the sanctity of marriage (as you suggest) and you believe in the sanctity of marriage (which you allegedly do), then getting married before August goes against your own values. That's my answer for you.
Posted by rach6409[/QUOTE]

^^ this, 100%

Being medically discharged does <em>not</em> instantly qualify a member for continued medical benefits beyond their discharge date. It is up to the member's service and the VA to determine to what degree (30%-100%) that member is "disabled" in order for them to receive medical benefits once they're discharged. If it's any less than 100%, a Disabled American Veteran (DAV) is not authorized a base privilege ID card for himself or his family, either.

And yes, a member can be medically retired for the conditions you mentioned, as well as others, such as cancer, AIDS, etc. Medically retired members will receive continued medical care and base benefits beyond their retirement date, regardless of the degree of disability.

What it really boils down to is the member's separation code that will determine what his benefits will be. For instance, members that are separated for a personality disorder (bipolar, borderline personality disorder, PTSD) are discharged normally and will not receive continued benefits. However, they can appeal the discharge board's determination, but that takes a long time.

As for your question you asked about getting married in order to receive benefits before he separates, that's entirely up to you. Like you said, you believe in the sanctity of marriage, but getting married simply because you want to milk the military for all it's got before your FI gets the boot seems kinda sketchy to me (and is sort of a slap in the face to those of us that serve). Plus, there's no guarantee that those medical and base benefits won't be revoked once he's discharged.

MrsOjoButtons · May 2010

There's no benefit to you getting married early other than a few months of Tricare and commissary privileges. None. He will not get extra disability for having a wife, so in the long run, nothing changes by getting married now vs getting married at your original date.

Don't tell off Spunkchin. She gave a coherent response, whereas you did not. No reason to bite her head off.

Spunkchin · May 2010

Thanks Ojo.

Oh snap, Raabman. It's a pity I couldn't read your mind sooner. I hope you actually read the rest of the answers you've gotten. I'm sorry you have to go through this, but my opinion remains the same.

"What you've said sounds hypocritical to me. You ARE considering getting married quickly for health care and other benefits. If doing that violates the sanctity of marriage (as you suggest) and you believe in the sanctity of marriage (which you allegedly do), then getting married before August goes against your own values."

Raabman · May 2010

Please excuse my miss-directed angered outburst before. It has been a long process we have been going through with the Army and his Med Board. I truely am sorry I snapped, we have had to deal with 4 deaths in the last 3 weeks. 3 of them were scuicide and all in the military. Its been overwhelming.
mehgank ---Thank you for your clear response. My FI will be recieving between 80-90%, he has had 2 ACL surgerys, currently has a torn meniscus, lower back pain, and suffers with PTSD. I have set my wedding date with our catholic church and reception hall already. My catholic wedding means more to me than benefits which is why i have been continuing to plan it, I more so wanted to hear how or if other people made this decision.
"getting married simply because you want to milk the military for all it's got before your FI gets the boot seems kinda sketchy to me (and is sort of a slap in the face to those of us that serve)."--Mehgank

I think its interesting you consider it milking the military, that a man would want to know and make sure his family is taken care of, when he has suffered so much physical and emotional pain. When is enough, enough for the Army? Its not like a civilian knows how the Army works. He came to me concerned about him being able to provide, explained how med board works, and left it up to me. In turn, thats why I came here. I wouldn't want to assume, but are you suggesting that he is slapping military members in the face? When do our soldiers get taken care of?

kass08 · May 2010

Wait wait wait wait wait. 80-90%? I call BS. I tore my MCL, had corrective surgery, in which they also repaired my miniscus(2009). I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2007 and have been going to counseling and under my medication. On top of that I recently was in an accident and hurt my back but regular visits to my Chiro help with the pain. I'm STILL enlisted. Something's not adding up here.

kass08 · May 2010

I will also add that there IS a difference between dishcarged medically and being medically retired. Two completely different things. Apples =\= oranges.

Raabman · May 2010

Well I don't know what to tell you kass08, like all the other responses from people on here, they all say everyone is different. Again, I also stated there is a complete difference between med board and being retired from the Army, so we agree. Are you asking me to prove something here? with your "BS" statement? I guess you could take it up with his Battalion surgeon who recommended him for med board?

kass08 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_marry-before-med-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:1bbb66a5-da73-478a-be03-8edcd9fc95bcPost:6812e2a6-d87e-4e98-8c42-0d0ad10aad92">Re: To Marry before Med Board??</a>:
[QUOTE]Well I don't know what to tell you kass08 , like all the other responses from people on here, they all say everyone is different. Again, I also stated there is a complete difference between med board and being retired from the Army, so we agree. Are you asking me to prove something here? with your "BS" statement? I guess you could take it up with his Battalion surgeon who recommended him for med board?
Posted by Raabman[/QUOTE]

Ok, I went back and re-read your reply and you did point out that he is getting discharged and not retired. However, his 80-90% will come through the VA, and that's how he will get benefits. I'm not asking you to prove anything, I just find it odd that there are Soldiers who get out and others who sustain similar injuries and don't get out. His BN has a surgeon? Is he in a medical unit? That's odd. I have more opinions but I'm not going to judge and just leave it be since you're panties are already in a bunch.

Raabman · May 2010

Lol...ok thankskass08.

rach6409---Thank you. I'm one step ahead of you. We already had our first meeting last weekend with the priest. We have the church and our priest locked-in for our date and already signed up for our pre-marrige catholic classes. Ya know, this whole thing started cause I was having so much internal conflict over when we should be getting married. My heart was saying have your church wedding you always dreamed of. While our military friends a bit older than us are telling us, "you're getting married anyway, don't make the mistake we did by not getting married before your out of the Army." I processed it as, they have been through this already and maybe they know something I don't know. I will not being getting married until next April 2011.

MrsOjoButtons · May 2010

Raab, you're making the right decision. I'm sorry things have been so stressful for you and your FI lately and it's an absolute tragedy that the Soldiers around you have felt so helpless they didn't see another way to resolve their problems.

The couple that gave you advice to get married before your FI gets out seems to be misinformed. Your FI absolutely CAN provide for you without marrying you. He can name you as the beneficiary on his SGLI, make you his emergency POC, name you as the primary beneficiary in his will, and make you his Attorney-in-Fact in his living will/medical powers of attorney. You don't have to be his wife for any of that and it's not any extra paperwork. He'd have to update all of those things when he got married anyway, provided he wanted you in charge of it, so he might as well do it all NOW while all those services (at the legal office, particularly) are free. Obviously, that's all provided he wants to put you in charge of all that before marriage (or even after). (I'm not trying to insult you. I've put my sister in charge of some of my medical decisions because I know my husband will likely be having a major meltdown if anything happens to me and I know my sister is a bit more levelheaded in times of crisis. Lots of people assume your spouse should be the person to make major decisions, but this is what I feel would benefit me most if something were to happen.)

Raabman · May 2010

MrsOjoButtons---> Thank you for your response. Your first paragraph made tears come to my eyes. Even to hear a stranger say those words brings comfort. I've been trying to be strong for my FI cause I know its hitting him way harder than I. I really appreciate you informational response too. And no offense taken to the part in your response over appointing your sister. These are great topics for us to discuss.

misscarolb · May 2010

Okay...I had to stop reading after the first few responses....I asked FI about this one for ya but he wasn't any help. It sounds like there are some benefits you (or future children) WILL receive and I'm sure there's somewhere you can read all about them and then weigh your options.

My situation is much different but I feel your dilemma. FI and I are stationed in Alabama and I'm not working, he jokes that if we got married we'd get a little extra a month and wouldn't have to pay for my health insurance. But in the end we both know that it's important to us to get married because we want to get married and waiting a year or so to plan our wedding and have the time to take a honeymoon is what matters to us, it's not worth the $200 a month.

You need to weigh your options, but don't be pressured either way. (military friends can put a lot of pressure on you, I know! It's like they just want to get you in...lol) GL!

mehgank · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_marry-before-med-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:1bbb66a5-da73-478a-be03-8edcd9fc95bcPost:72cf15a4-96d8-4cdf-8f95-001536517350">Re: To Marry before Med Board??</a>:
[QUOTE]I will also add that there IS a difference between dishcarged medically and being medically retired. Two completely different things. Apples =\= oranges.
Posted by kass08[/QUOTE]

Sorry, I didn't make this very clear in my original reply. It made more sense in my head as I was typing it.

And what I when I said that it sounded like milking the military, is the only reason you were contemplating getting hitched earlier rather than your original date, was because you wanted to get more money and health benefits. I see this ALL the time (I work in the Admin office for my branch of service) and it's sickening. We get these 19 year old kids that are getting discharged for DUI's or something and they marry the girl they've been seeing for two months, just so they can get more money and so that the military will pay for her to get her wisdom teeth extracted. (I know this is not exactly your situation, but you know what I mean).

I am in no way insinuating that your FI didn't make sacrifices for his country. It just seemed shady that this was a last-ditch attempt at getting military benefits.

Raabman · May 2010

misscarolb--->Thanks for the response. Our military friends have very strong opinions too! Good luck to you too!

mehgank--->Hey no problem, sometimes when I type I'm not typing all the word that I'm thinking either. I know Exactly what your talking about with people getting married after dating a few months for benefits. Possibly why I was a bit defensive, cause we are 25yrs old and have actually known each other since 3rd grade. About 17yrs now! As a future wife and someday mom I just want to make the best decisions for our family.

One of my best friend's husband's was medically discharged and they really were not informed of their benefits the could have received. They are struggling financially now and I wish they been taken better care of. On the other had when my FI returned from Iraq this past September a friend from his unit got married 2 months to a girl he'd been dating since they've been home. People like that, abuse the system, and those deserving suffer in the end. Thanks for the response!

mehgank · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_marry-before-med-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:1bbb66a5-da73-478a-be03-8edcd9fc95bcPost:75e66584-34ee-4ef9-a17f-228e2d101253">Re: To Marry before Med Board??</a>:
[QUOTE]misscarolb --- />Thanks for the response. Our military friends have very strong opinions too! Good luck to you too! mehgank ---> Hey no problem, sometimes when I type I'm not typing all the word that I'm thinking either. I know Exactly what your talking about with people getting married after dating a few months for benefits. Possibly why I was a bit defensive, cause we are 25yrs old and have actually known each other since 3rd grade. About 17yrs now! As a future wife and someday mom I just want to make the best decisions for our family. One of my best friend's husband's was medically discharged and they really were not informed of their benefits the could have received. They are struggling financially now and I wish they been taken better care of. On the other had when my FI returned from Iraq this past September a friend from his unit got married 2 months to a girl he'd been dating since they've been home. People like that, abuse the system, and those deserving suffer in the end. Thanks for the response!
Posted by Raabman[/QUOTE]

No problemo!

Has your FI signed up for a TAPS class yet? If not, I suggest he do so ASAP, because classes fill up fast. The transition assistance manager will be able to answer a lot of these questions, just make sure you have FI write down all the questions you'd like him to ask and make sure he brings home all of the handouts for you two to go over after the class.

catemeg · May 2010

On a somewhat related note, if there are people who are veterans and not getting the benefits (disability or otherwise) that they believe they are entitled to, they should reach out to a lawyer. I know there is a pro-bono clinic down in South Florida where we live that helps out veterans who want to dispute their disability benefits from the military. A lot of these lawyers will charge based on what you get from the military, but there are definitely pro bono clinics out there and former JAGs who want to help out those who served. Check it out - and if you're in SoFlo, feel free to reach out to me and I can try to put you in touch.

rojobro · May 2010

The best way for you two to get the most correct and up to date info on all of this is if he takes DTAP, Disabled Transition Assistance Program. He should ask his chain of command how to get enrolled in it, if he hasen't yet. If he is in the med board process and definitely getting a med discharge this is his best source. They will be able to tell him exactly what to expect and what privileges he (and his family) will be eligible for when he gets medically discharged based on his disability rating from the VA.

Good luck to you both.

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