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Pre-wedding Parties

when the party planner isn't planning the party

My fiance and I are having a very small ceremony, immediate family only, and we aren't having any bridesmaids, or flower girl, etc. His sister offered to throw me a bridal shower/bachelorette party. The only problem is she isn't planning anything! And she made the offer a month ago. We are getting married in May, and I gave her 2 dates in April that work for me, but she won't even pick one of those dates. I want my fiance to have his bachelor party the same night, so her dragging her feet is holding up his party too. I feel like she just doesn't want to do it anymore. Do I confront her, and if I do, what do I say? Or do I keep my mouth shut and just maybe not have a party? Please advise! 
Anniversary
BFP #1: 12/5/11, M/C 12/19/11
BFP #2: 5/22/12 Due 2/1/13 Baby girl born 2/2/13

Re: when the party planner isn't planning the party

  • edited December 2011

    First, why does your FI's party need to be the same night? Let whoever is planning his party do it themselves and don't try to insert your desires or opinions.

    As to your parties, it sucks that FSIL offered and hasn't said anything, but really, she still has a little time or maybe she has started planning it and just hasn't shared details with you. Overall, if it doesn't happen it doesn't happen. I wouldn't say anything to her. I mean, if someone told you they were going to give you a sweater for Christmas and didn't would you bring it up? Probably not because that is rude. Maybe FSIL can no longer afford it, maybe her schedule doesn't mesh with your, maybe she just doesn't want to do it anymore. Although a hard pill to swallow  you are just going to need to move on.

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  • edited December 2011
    Just how small is your wedding?  Only wedding guests should be invited to pre-wedding parties, so bear that in mind.

    Beyond that, I agree with PP.  Let your FI have his bach party whenever he's going to have it; it doesn't have to coincide with yours.  And if she doesn't plan anything, and no one else steps up, you just won't be having a party.
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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    Who is there to invite?  Shower invitees must also be invited to the wedding.  If the wedding is very, very small, there will be only a few women you can invite.  Maybe your sister has figured this out.  I would reconsider having a shower at all.  I know they're fun and you might really want one, but this is what comes when you choose a small wedding.
  • edited December 2011
    I agree that only people invited to the wedding should attend this party. I think that you can talk to her if it is bothering you because you only (hopefully) get married once and, in my opinion, I wouldn't want to miss out on all the celebrations that come with it.
    I disagree that you shouldn't consider having a shower if you have a small wedding. You are still a bride no matter how small or big your wedding is.

    Maybe you can ask her if she needs help planning, things happen and people get wrapped up on other things, maybe she is just busy an needs a little help or guidance Smile
    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011

    I should have been more clear when I said the ceremony is going to be small, not the reception. We were going to have a destination wedding, but due to some family drama, we decided to have a small ceremony where we live. We felt that was a good compromise, since we were going to have a party when we got back anyway, but this way, our families can be there to actually see us get married. It will be immediate family only at the ceremony, but there are about 150 guests invited to the "reception". Second, I'm not insering my desire to have his party the same night, the peson planning his party is. I'm not totally sure why, but he wants it that way. And third, others have offered to throw a shower, but I can't accept their offers until I know if this person is actually going to do it or not. I realize this is not the traditional set up for a wedding, but I don't see why a person coming here for help should get a lecture. So, thank you to the person who actually saw the question I was asking and gave an answer that is helpful.

    Anniversary
    BFP #1: 12/5/11, M/C 12/19/11
    BFP #2: 5/22/12 Due 2/1/13 Baby girl born 2/2/13
  • ritakellyritakelly member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I wouldn't "confront" her just simply ask if she has chosen a date or if she needs any help with the guest list and maybe give her an out by saying my friend (or family member) Susie asked if she could plan a shower / party; would you like any help? And that gives her an oportunity to say well I don't think I can do it anymore or yes she would love some etra help. Also, that will help you gage if she is still planning to throw it or if she forgot about it all together.
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