Wedding Etiquette Forum

I Can't Believe This...

My fiancée have been invited to a wedding that is taking place later in August.  We RSVP months ago.  The groom works with my fiancée and I am not at all close with the bride, in fact she has been rude to me on more than one occasion. 

This morning my fiancée told me that in order to cut costs at their wedding, they are asking their RSVP'd guests to "work" for them for free at their wedding.  My fiancée was asked to work the bar so they don't have to hire a bartender.  He is not a bartender at all.  I couldn't believe this!  I thought this was the most rude thing I have ever heard!  We have been asked to come to a wedding, agreed to show up, and now we have to work there?  They have asked our other friends who are going to work things as well.

I said that if my fiancée agrees to this then we aren't bringing a gift.  I don't even feel like going anymore.  We would NEVER think to ask our guests to work for us at our wedding, it's bad taste and extremely rude! 

What do you all think about this?
"You gotta love livin' baby, 'cause dyin' is a pain in the ass!" - Frank Sinatra
«1

Re: I Can't Believe This...

  • I wouldn't go, pure and simple.  That's beyond ridiculous.
  • I would refuse to go to this wedding.  This is absolutely ridiculous! 
    image
  • Hahahahaha!! Awesome!
  • Wow! Have fun...

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Yeah, Nova, if it's family and super close friends volunteering, well, that's between you and them.  The key word on that is volunteer-- not voluntold!
  • fiancee = vag, fiance = peen

    Sorry your friends are major douches.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Infertile, living childfree, advocating like a BOSS
  • Uh, yeah, I'm more than willing to help out close family or friends with putting their wedding together, but that usually amounts to helping clean up afterwards.

    If I was asked to bartend, everyone would be getting very stiff drinks as payback.  See how much money is saved then, hehe.
  • This one is easy: just don't go. This may be the rudest thing I've ever heard of.
  • My God!  Send your regrets, definitely.
  • I wouldn't go neither.

    I just heard of this couple planning to JOP have a back yard reception and the guest have to pay for EVERYTHING-soda, booze, food,etc.
    I don't think I could handle having to pick either of these weddings if I really had to.
    I don't understand how people think these things are ok to do.
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • Don't go! That is crazy.
  • I believe a simple "I'm sorry, but I just realized that I could go to my actual job and get paid for it instead that day" is in order

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
    image

    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
  • that is ridiculous. if we needed extra help i would ask family to help us out, not a select few couples were not close to. & what are you supposed to during this time your FI is "working"???

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cant-believe-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:207f66db-1c6c-4da7-995a-338c4c613815Post:683da16d-e053-4dfc-85d0-eb5809924a08">Re: I Can't Believe This...</a>:
    [QUOTE]This one is easy: just don't go. This may be the rudest thing I've ever heard of.
    Posted by GreenPepperBurger[/QUOTE]

    I like this idea.  And serve yourself some stiff drinks too. 
  • If they want your man to work this event, then he is not an invited guest, which means you can steer clear of this event and not feel bad at all. If you do attend, I agree that you should not give them a gift. 
  • Holy cow, this is horrible!

    I have helped my friends at weddings: setting up and taking down the next day.  But to work the bar and serve other people during the wedding?  Really?  That's a LOT of work!

    And who decides who has to "work" and who gets served?  Why is your FI the one asked to serve all the othe guests - what will THEY be doing?
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • I don't know if it depends on where you live, but isn't it a huge insurance liability (and possibly illegal) to have an unlicensed bartender?
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • Holy cow. Some people's children...

    I wouldn't be going.
  • Also, LauraT have a VERY good point.  If your FI serves people alcohol, and then they drive drunk and kill someone, he could be liable.  You don't want to have to deal with that.
    image
  • Wow...this is quite possibly the most blatant breech of etiquette I've ever heard.

    I agree with PPs. I absolutely wouldn't attend.
    **i'm a little drunk on you and high on summertime** Photobucket
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cant-believe-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:207f66db-1c6c-4da7-995a-338c4c613815Post:486893cb-1311-4b07-9f6d-706d2debbdf5">Re: I Can't Believe This...</a>:
    [QUOTE]fiancee = vag, fiance = peen Sorry your friends are major douches.
    Posted by brookelynpaisley[/QUOTE]
    <3
    Photobucket
  • I'd tell them that no, you're not willing to risk arrest or loosing your house due to a liquor liability conflict.  And then don't go.  And don't send a gift.
    DIY & Planning | Married 

    Married: 2010
    Mom to J: 2011
    Mom to H: 2014

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic



    Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cant-believe-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:207f66db-1c6c-4da7-995a-338c4c613815Post:6f8612d9-267e-48a0-b349-021ccb3e7c08">Re: I Can't Believe This...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd tell them that no, you're not willing to risk arrest or loosing your house due to a liquor liability conflict.  And then don't go.  And don't send a gift.
    Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

    This.

    Just say no.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    Hawaii with my best friend =)
    Photobucket
  • I find it incredible how rude people are. No one should be asked to work at anyone's wedding. I wouldn't go.
  • The liability for not having a liquor license is a very, very, very good point.  I wouldn't even mess with it, and say flat out that that's the reason why you won't work the bar.  I'd probably not even go either.
  • That's crazy.  I think they'll find very quickly that nobody is interested in coming to their wedding anymore.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • That is completely insane and I'd be retracting my 'yes' RSVP (with clear reasons as to why) if I were you.
  • Maybe I'm a bitch, but I'd say okay and then not show up. Innocent
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cant-believe-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:207f66db-1c6c-4da7-995a-338c4c613815Post:ff6aa508-025c-465b-ba66-15fae95e6a30">Re: I Can't Believe This...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Maybe I'm a bitch, but I'd say okay and then not show up.
    Posted by PandaBurr[/QUOTE]

    That was my initial thought as well.
    imageimageimage
  • I've heard of a lot of terrible wedding etiquette stories, but this is a new one.  It's one thing when close family/friends volunteer to help with things like taking flowers to the church, helping to put up decorations, etc. but I couldn't even imagine being asked to bartend.  I would definitely not go and have your fiance explain to the groom why. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards