Wedding party seating

stacy&tige · July 2010

I've seen on here that you shouldn't separate your WP from their plus one/SO. But if we included all these people at our head table it would be about 16-20 people. I hate sweatheart tables. I don't want to be on display, just the two of us. Awkward. I really want to sit with the WP. I was considering having my FI, me, MOH, her SO, best man and his SO at a table with us and then seat the rest of the WP and their SOs at another table. It would be about 10 and 10, equal at each.

Is not having a definite head table weird? Is the head table tradition going out of style? What did other brides do?

ecupirate12 · July 2010

I personally still like the tradition of a head table. But I would think 20 + is just way too many for one. I like the idea of just doing the MOH and BM and their dates to have a small head table. Also you could try asking your WP what they would prefer and give them the option of sitting with you (and their date if they have one) at a head table or sitting elsewhere with other members of the WP. You may find that splitting the WP could be a nice option. Some may have children or family/friends they'd rather sit with where some others may not know very many people and would prefer to sit with you at the head table. Let us know what you decide!

Simply Fated · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-seating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1137799a-7b76-4452-a112-1ee81e9c177cPost:4a80d52c-7bfc-462a-afd4-5a08c19a06f4">Wedding party seating</a>:
[QUOTE]. I was considering having my FI, me, MOH, her SO, best man and his SO at a table with us and then seat the rest of the WP and their SOs at another table. It would be about 10 and 10, equal at each.
Posted by stacy&tige[/QUOTE]
That's a really good alternative.

A few brides insist that keeping their wedding party together with their significant others would result in too many people at a table. I'm really glad to see a bride (you) taking the obvious, problem solving route, instead of insisting on seperating couples.

The head table with just the bridal party is a dying tradition... one that should have died out years ago.

blackfire5th · July 2010

Head tables are pretty out dated, but we had 16 people plus a baby at our head table and the large number worked just fine.

baystateapple · July 2010

I have been a bridesmaid and seated at a table layout like the one you described (party members with their SO's) and I loved it. That is what we are doing, only we are having a sweetheart table. I think your party will greatly appreciate it if you do this.

jagore08 · July 2010

I think that's a great idea. Another option is having you and your DH sit with both sets of parents.

trix1223 · July 2010

My DD also didn't want to be on display, so they arranged their room just a little differently. She and her DH had their sweetheart table in a corner of the room. Our table was on her right, and SIL's family's table was on their left. Then the tables went from there. They were still close to their families, but not dead center of the room.

My BIL's wife made sure to let me know that she couldn't see them very well~which is exactly what DD had in mind.

emilyinchile · July 2010

I like the way you're thinking of doing it.

We did things strangely because of the fact that living in Chile means I don't get to see my friends much - we sat at a "head table" with our parents plus my BMs (3 of whom came from the US and didn't have dates and 1 who lives here and sat with her husband) for 11 people total. We sat the GMs with their friends. I wouldn't split the WP up by gender like this in the US, but here because WPs don't exist, none of the guys were offended that they somehow weren't getting "WP treatment," they were just happy to be sitting with people they like.

suz62984 · July 2010

I like your idea of 10 and 10. I think the head table is weird personally. I haven't seen it in years but I know it is still around somewhere. I think it is nice to let SOs sit with the WP members. A lot of my WP's SOs don't know anyone there and it would be very awkward for them. I would hate to know that they weren't having the best time possible.

stacy&tige · July 2010

Thanks everyone...count that as one problem solved. On to the next one ;-)

LD1970 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-seating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1137799a-7b76-4452-a112-1ee81e9c177cPost:4a80d52c-7bfc-462a-afd4-5a08c19a06f4">Wedding party seating</a>:
[QUOTE]I've seen on here that you shouldn't separate your WP from their plus one/SO. But if we included all these people at our head table it would be about 16-20 people. I hate sweatheart tables. I don't want to be on display, just the two of us. Awkward. I really want to sit with the WP. I was considering having my FI, me, MOH, her SO, best man and his SO at a table with us and then seat the rest of the WP and their SOs at another table. It would be about 10 and 10, equal at each. Is not having a definite head table weird? Is the head table tradition going out of style? What did other brides do?
Posted by stacy&tige[/QUOTE]
I love your 2-table idea. And I have to say, I don't think I've <strong>ever </strong>been at a wedding with a head table. Ever. I'd think it was weird. Maybe it's regional, but I've been to a lot of weddings in my nearly-40 years.

Beachy730 · July 2010

I'm the weird poster then I guess. I've only been to one wedding ever that didn't have a head table, and that was only because there was just a MOH (sister of the bride) and BM (brother of the groom) so they all sat at a table with both sets of parents. Other than that I have always seen a head table and think its normal. I would probably think it was weird to not have one. I have always though of it as being an honor to the WP to be up on the head table. And FI hasn't cared when I was at the head table since he sat with all friends anyways.

I guess a difference with our wedding party is that there is no problem of who their dates or spouses would sit with. They are either with the rest of the family who is at the wedding, or with all mutual friends.

I guess this is another one of those things that depends on the area you are in. If you don't want a head table though i like the OP's idea of 2 tables.

banana468 · July 2010

I don't think it depends on the area if you're talking about splitting up the WP from their SOs. That's rude in ALL areas.

aerinpegadrak · July 2010

If you're not going to let them have dinner together, why let them bring a date at all? Sure, I can probably make conversation with other people over dinner. But I like my husband more than any of them, which is why I married him. Either it's a super-formal dinner party where everyone, including the hosts, is seated away from their dates, or everyone is seated with their dates. This in-between stuff is nonsense.

Beachy730 · July 2010

I have never thought it was rude or ever heard anyone say anything about it being rude until reading this post. I have never heard anyone at weddings complain that they aren't sitting with their SO at dinner because he/she is in the WP, and never once did I see someone get mad that they weren't with them. Like I said I have never seen a full WP be seated with their SO. So either every single person that has ever thrown a wedding that I've been to is rude, or it really is just something done around here.

LD1970 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-seating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1137799a-7b76-4452-a112-1ee81e9c177cPost:d8fbb4d2-ab14-4594-8892-e1109e3cfcf4">Re: Wedding party seating</a>:
[QUOTE]I have never thought it was rude or ever heard anyone say anything about it being rude until reading this post. I have never heard anyone at weddings complain that they aren't sitting with their SO at dinner because he/she is in the WP, and never once did I see someone get mad that they weren't with them. Like I said I have never seen a full WP be seated with their SO. So either every single person that has ever thrown a wedding that I've been to is rude, or it really is just something done around here.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]
Just because they don't complain within your earshot or get visibly angry doesn't mean they're not having a negative reaction.<div>
</div><div>I was a guest at an orthodox Jewish wedding, where I was thankfully seated with my date - a boyfriend at the time - but not permitted to dance with him at all. I love to dance. So while I understood the rule (I was raised Jewish, though not orthodox), I HATED every second of it. No one at the wedding knew I had any negative feelings, and certainly the bride & groom never heard a complaint from me, but you can bet I bitched to my boyfriend on the way home, to my parents and sister once I got there, and to other friends who didn't know the bride & groom or their guests.</div>

aerinpegadrak · July 2010

When I found out that my sister was doing an old-fashioned head table, I cried. To this day it's one of the only things I remember about her wedding. And to this day she doesn't know about my reaction.

Beachy730 · July 2010

Well if my BMs did cry about it to everyone else they would be giant hypocrites since the 3 that are married all had head tables at theirs. And the GM are all excited that they get to sit up in the front of everyone. So maybe everyone in my social circle is completely outdated and rude and horrible wedding planners. Or maybe its just the norm around here and expected.

LD1970 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-seating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1137799a-7b76-4452-a112-1ee81e9c177cPost:3da14b65-fe71-4aa5-824c-30d716b87863">Re: Wedding party seating</a>:
[QUOTE]Well if my BMs did cry about it to everyone else they would be giant hypocrites since the 3 that are married all had head tables at theirs. And the GM are all excited that they get to sit up in the front of everyone. So maybe everyone in my social circle is completely outdated and rude and horrible wedding planners. Or maybe its just the norm around here and expected.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]
You're being way too defensive. Chill.

banana468 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-seating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:1137799a-7b76-4452-a112-1ee81e9c177cPost:3da14b65-fe71-4aa5-824c-30d716b87863">Re: Wedding party seating</a>:
[QUOTE]Well if my BMs did cry about it to everyone else they would be giant hypocrites since the 3 that are married all had head tables at theirs. And the GM are all excited that they get to sit up in the front of everyone. So maybe everyone in my social circle is completely outdated and rude and horrible wedding planners. Or maybe its just the norm around here and expected.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

Or maybe they did it because they didn't know any better and now that you DO know you can break the mold and do the right thing? There's no need to get defensive. Look at the big picture here. Is there a REASON to split them that serves a purpose other than "I like head tables?" The reception is for your guests - so why be rude to them?

I attended a wedding where DH was in the WP and we were split at different tables. I didn't cry and didn't complain at the wedding. But I didn't like it and at the time I thought, "This is stupid. Why is this done? Does it serve a purpose?"

And from that moment on, I knew that I wouldn't be splitting up my WP from their dates LONG before there was an engagement ring on my finger.

There are plenty of things that you may have seen as "traditional". But part of being a thinking adult is questioning the things that you do. One shouldn't do something simply because it's "always been done before". Grown adults think about what they're doing before they do it - and they think about the reasons of WHY they're doing things in the first place.

I've been on TK for four years. To this day, I haven't seen ANY person give a reason why it makes sense to split up an established couple. If you can give one I'd love to hear it.

Beachy730 · July 2010

I don't have a reason that makes sense. And yes I fully admit that I did it because thats how I've always seen it done, other than the one wedding I said that only had a BM/MOH. There are many things about my wedding that I'm doing that I truly didn't know people did differently before being on TK. I've said before on another board that I honestly had never heard of people doing mixed gender WP's before being on here. And I haven't heard of people getting away from the head table. But by this point when we are only a couple weeks out and our reception layout and table charts are done I truly don't have the time right now to figure out a new arrangement and go over it with them. And like I had said before the people in our WP that are already married did a head table so they aren't going to think twice about it.

At my reception site, we weren't even asked if we wanted a head table, it was just do you want one full head table or the sweetheart table. Had it been told to me as an option then I would have considered it. There are several things we are doing for our wedding that aren't considered traditional because we didn't like it. But honestly they are only things that I have heard of or seen done before. I never came onto TK before I was engaged or planning so I never saw these things ahead of time. And there's still things I'm seeing today, like seperate WP tables with SO's , that I didn't know people did. You don't really see the reasoning of doing something differently unless you've seen it before and didn't like it. I personally like the head table, so I never had thought there was anything wrong there that needed to be fixed. Had I seen a post like this sooner maybe we would have changed it.

And truthfully, I don't think I was being overdefensive. Posting on here is kinda like texting, its hard to distinguish sarcasm and being straight mean or mad. So yes i was a little defensive after hearing what I'm doing is just rude and/or nonsense, but other than that pure sarcasm.

banana468 · July 2010

You still have almost a month. Yes, things may be in place, but you still have a window of time to make changes.

Wedding party seating

Re: Wedding party seating

Choose Another Board

Search Boards