Tell Us Tuesday

emarston1 · June 2011

In honor of my trip to the Social Security office this morning, what are your thoughts on changing your name?

Do you plan on doing it? Hyphenate? Both of you hyphenate? Keep it? Why?

Are you excited to change it? Sad? Mixed Feelings?

Discuss.

PhoneCardLady · June 2011

I'm not sure as of yet. Because I am receiving disability it may be in my best interest to keep my name, but I may hypenate it.

lisa89760 · June 2011

I am changing my name so fast! haha My last name is extremely hard to pronounce and spell (like no one in my entire life has said it correct the first time seeing it and there are people who have known me for years that still can't say it correctly!). So I can't wait to change it to my FI more simple last name. Also, my dad kinda sucks but we all kept his name after the divorce (due to me not wanting to change my name when i was 10) so I'm also happy to not have the same last name as him.

BUT I was going thru some things at my mom and kept running across all my stuff from high school with my last name on it and it did make me sad, like I'll never use that name again. In the end though, I'm really happy that I will be changing my name!

Meg1036 · June 2011

I'm keeping my name. I always knew I would. For some reason, a lot of my self-identity is tied up in my name, which is kind of weird, because its not like its the greatest name ever or anything. FI has known that since long before we were engaged. I'd be lying if I said he is thrilled with it, but he does understand its my name.

Kids names, if we have them? That's complicated. I would really, really, really like to hyphenate them, so that their names reflect both of us, just as the kids reflect both of us. Neither FI or I has a long last name, and both our last names sound French, so they work together pretty well. FI is not sold on this point yet. But we have a long, long time to figure that out.

BnGCookies820 · June 2011

I am hyphenating. There's no deep reason for it. I just like my maiden name.

I tried to get him to hyphenate his as well.. Didn't work! It has been very interesting to see how many men I know have a problem with hyphenating though.

matuofm · June 2011

I'm really excited to change my name. I spend an embarrassing amount of time in my classes doodling my new name in the corner of my notebook.

I like it for the symbolic aspect (I'm a bit of a traditionalist in that way), but I just also like it better than mine aesthetically. It's caused a bit of a rift amongst my language professors, though - my birth name is German and FI's name is French - so my German professor is bummed, and my French professor is thrilled.

shesheduke · June 2011

I am hyphenating much to FI's dislike. I love my name and I love him too so I will add it to the already fabulous name that I have. When we have kids they will have his last name and I will go by Mrs. FI's last name but just knowing I get to keep my current one makes me happy!

matuofm · June 2011

Just to add - I have a cousin whose FI had had a very bad relationship with his family for his whole life. So when they married, they took the opportunity to both make a change - they agreed on a mutually acceptable last name that had meaning to them and both legally changed to that. I really like the symbolism there, too.

Milsey32 · June 2011

I'm changing my name ASAP and our kids will have our last name. I love my current last name, but I just like the idea of changing my name and taking the next step in life. I'm very excited to make it all official and whatnot. [:

Question: Do you change your name on your credit card too? (I mean, I plan on changing it on my bank account.. but I'm just curious)

@Meg - while I definitely understand why you're keeping your last name, IF you guys do have kids.. it's hard for kids to know what to call you. We invited a couple "Mr. John Smith and Ms. Jane Doe" but growing up I would call them "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" and my mom always corrected me and I then I just gave up and said "Amber's parents" lol and if you decide to hyphenate your childrens last names, which name will go first? Will it go first for all the kids or would you switch it up? (Just out of curiousity)

Sue-n-Kevin · June 2011

I"m keeping my name, although it is rarely pronounced properly the first time.
Our family name was "made" when my grandfather immigrated to this country in the early 1900's. The only people with this last name are those that descended from him and his brothers. So, I wear it proudly and have so many occupational connections with it that I can't imagine changing it.

It's my son's last name because I had him as a single Mom. When he becomes famous, I want everyone to know he's MINE

rcj2rcd · June 2011

Immigration created my last name, too! I think it's kinda cool to have a last name that basically no one but my close family has (our actual last name was terribly long and weird sounding - so glad I didn't have to go through grade school with that one!!). There are only a few boys in my small extended family, so, one by one, our created last name is going away...kinda sad. That being said, I love my new last name and will be changing asap. When I was growing up I always wanted to be Italian because I loved Italian last names...and now I'll have one

I can't imagine not taking my husbands last name, it's NMS.

lndskelly · June 2011

I always planned on keeping my maiden name. I was dead set on it "being a part of who I am" and that shouldn't change when I got married. However, after my H and I had been engaged for about a year I all of a sudden decided I was going to change my name and take his last name. I don't have a really good explanation for it other than it just "felt right". My H always tells me I can do whatever I want with my name and I think it is nice that we will have the same name.

As far as my maiden name goes I'll be getting rid of my current middle name, putting my maiden name as my middle name and taking H's last name as my new last name. I would have liked if he changed his middle name to my maiden name too but his middle name is his father's name and he recently passed away so that's out of the question.

I'm excited to change my name but not looking forward to all of the work. I have to go to court to have it legally changed and then change all of the normal documents in addition to my professional license. Gross!

Meegles4 · June 2011

I will likely change. Hyphenating is just too complicated for me and though I'm not a huge fan of FI's last name, the more I say it with my name, the more I like it :-)

One tip that my former boss passed along to me is to keep your maiden name in your official name somehow -- as a middle name or whatever. I'd thought about that, but my maiden name isn't really a good middle name, so I had just planned to drop it entirely. Then, she told me that when she got married her husband booked the honeymoon plane tickets in her married name -- that she hadn't officially changed yet! It caused some confusion but she said that keeping her maiden name as part of her legal name definitely helps in those cases. It sort of provides a paper trail of who you are.

Meg1036 · June 2011

Milsey- I know that if I keep my name, both of us will be called the wrong thing throughout our lives. That doesn't bother me, as long as its not by people who should know better. For example - people I just met who already knew my FI may assume I am Mrs. HisName. Little kids might get it wrong. NBD. If FMIL gets it wrong, that would be a problem. Because you should be able to keep track of your daughter-in-law's last name.

In a hyphentated situation, I don't really care whose last name is first, but I would like all the hypothetical future children to have the names in the same order. Maybe we can flip a coin?

FI's main argument for why he doesn't want to hyphenate kids names? Filling out forms. I told him that if that's the problem, I'll be the official form filler-outer. And even hyphenated, our last names come to 12 characters (including the hypen) and 3 syllables. There are worse actual last names out there. I DO think that FI's parents would have a problem if we hyphenated our children's last names. But we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

Also, I think that FI has gotten more comfortabe lately with the idea of me keeping my name. All his friends from growing up, their wives changed their names. But now FI works with several men whose wives kept their names, and I think that "normalizes" it in some sense, and has convinced him that the reason I'm not changing it is not about him at all, or his name - its about me. And we won't be less married because of it.

Thumper1148 · June 2011

I will be taking my maiden name and making it my middle name and then taking FI's as my last name.

I gave up my maiden name the first time I got married. When I got the divorce I took my maiden name back. I don't really want to completely give it up again this time and FI really wants me to have the same last name as him. So I felt replacing my middle name would work better for me.

I am a little sad to let go of my maiden name, but I may still use it in my career, cause a lot of contacts know me by my maiden name.

MrsBarstool2011 · June 2011

I was torn. I really wanted to keep my maiden name but also I wanted to change it. DH made the decision for me and said I absolutely had to take his name. I miss my maiden name and still refer to myself by it a lot. I would have never hyphenated though, just too much then.

Allycat11 · June 2011

I am definitely changing my last name for a few reasons. First of all I am traditional and like the idea of having the same last name as my husband and future children. It is also very important to FI. One day, after one of these types of threads came up on here, I asked him how he'd feel if I wanted to keep my maiden name and he was truly very hurt over the situation. I also don't have any attachment to my last name. I was adopted so while there is no doubt about it, they are my family, there is no real connection to the last name for me.
Honestly, I don't love either last name, both look like crap in signatures and both should be easy to spell and pronounce but people butcher them anyway.

The only thing I'm not looking forward to is the name change process now that I'm realizing how complicated it can be.

emarston1 · June 2011

Growing up I always thought I would take my husband's name because "that's just what you do." But once I got older, I had mixed feelings about it and like a PP, I feel like it's a big part of my identity. It's MY Name I've had for 26 years and now all of the sudden I won't be me anymore?

Once we got engaged I knew I would change it but I had mixed feelings about it. I am excited to have the same name as DH so that we feel more like a family but I already miss my maiden name (and I just changed it this morning!) And I want our kids to all have the same name.

But I always knew I would NEVER hyphen. I dunno why but for some reason I've never really liked it (no judgement for other people who do it, just not for me!) Plus could you imagine "Elizabeth M______-H______" That is one hell of a long name.

It's going to be awhile before I'm used to being Mrs. H and not Ms. M.

mrsbarduke · June 2011

I've already changed my name on everything. I had no doubt that I would change my name due to the fact that my old last name is my ex-married last name.

That's why I'm disappointed that the SOS no longer changes your Driver's License, so now it's like I'm stuck with having something of the ex's. We're friends and all, but our marriage is over, get what I mean?

sammichele · June 2011

I suppose I am ending up changing my name. I have been toying with the idea of hyphenating, but in reality it would just be too long. The only reason I'm not really thrilled about changing my name is because FI's last name is kind of weird to be honest, lol. Lots of people at work have asked what my new last name is going to be and I've gotten lots of funny looks already. FI doesn't really understand because he's used to his name, but it will take some time for me I think. I'm not thrilled, but he feels really strongly about me changing it, and I want our family to have the same name once kids roll around.

courtney1188 · June 2011

I will be changing my name and am completely happy about that decision. I have a last name that looks simple enough but is somehow always misspelled and/or made fun of. Plus it comes from my dad's father, whom none of us have a relationship with, and I have a very painful history with that side of my family. I'm looking forward tot he switch!

klreese0213 · June 2011

what are your thoughts on changing your name? I think it's very traditional and dreamt of the day growing up to marry my husband and change my name.

Do you plan on doing it? Yes, i will change my name

Hyphenate? Both of you hyphenate? no... i've never heard of the man hyphenating his name....

Keep it? Why? I honestly have considered keeping my name because in my adult life i did a legal name change to my dad's last name (i always had my mother's first husbands last night because that was her name since here and my dad werent married yet)

Are you excited to change it? Sad? Mixed Feelings? Discuss. I'm really sad to give up my last night. Fi and I had a long talk about it one night. I decided to change it, i'm ok with the decision. I'd like my children to have the same last name as BOTH their parents. that's very important to me. since i grew up in a home where we had different last names.

lxlsmplysweetlxl · June 2011

I am excited to change my last name! We already have a daughter with his last name so I will be happy when we all have the same last name. I feel like it will be more like we are a family. The weird thing about it is that I have the same first name as his sister so once we are married his sister & I will have the same exact first and last name. I think it might get a little confusing. lol

MMRoberts11 · June 2011

I'm still debating back and forth about changing it. Part of me really wants to change it since I'm not close with my family at all (especially my dad) and I'm really close with my FI's family. Plus when we have kids it will cause less confusion. However, I have a few papers that I'm writing that will be published with my maiden name so that could throw a kink in a few things (research jobs run on publications and lineage). I know I do not want to hyphenate. My last name is clearly english and his is scottish and they don't sound great together. In regards to the science dilemma, I may just have to deal with the maiden name publications on my CV and let people know that way about them.

bruna29 · June 2011

My FI and I have decided that we're going to take part of his last name and part of my last name and put them together to make a whole new name. He's not close to his family, so he was looking forward to getting rid of his last name. I am close with mine, but I knew once I got married that I would have a different last name. We're really excited about this because it feels like he's taking a part of his identity and I'm taking a part of mine and we're creating a whole new one together. My mother actually gave me the idea, and the name we have chosen works perfectly! I am glad our names fit well enough together that we can do this. And I know there won't be any hurt feelings because it's not just on the shoulders of one person to deal with the name change; it's both of us who are changing our names to make our married name.

Glambride09 · June 2011

I'll be taking his name which is fine with everyone. The only problem I have with it is that I feel old (like his mom) when thinking about someone calling me Mrs. X. I mean, that's what I used to call FMIL...but then again, if I kept my name, I would feel like my mom if someone called me Mrs. Y. I think it will just take some adjustment...but other than that, I'm excited

drewmw · June 2011

Taking his name.
I'm not attached to my name at all, and it's tradition, soo.... there ya go!
The only thing I'm a little "eh" about is his actual last name. It's kind of unusual, and it doesn't really blend all that well with my first name. A lot of my friends have trouble remembering it. But eh, who cares! I'm honored to become Mrs. S________!

mrsbunyip · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_tell-tuesday-91?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:f1d9eee4-bc9e-4920-a53b-61f426c78097Post:c7b509e1-0e10-4e5d-a352-728cf258d482">Re: Tell Us Tuesday</a>:
[QUOTE]I am changing my name so fast! haha My last name is extremely hard to pronounce and spell (like no one in my entire life has said it correct the first time seeing it and there are people who have known me for years that still can't say it correctly!). So I can't wait to change it to my FI more simple last name. Also, my dad kinda sucks but we all kept his name after the divorce (due to me not wanting to change my name when i was 10) so I'm also happy to not have the same last name as him. BUT I was going thru some things at my mom and kept running across all my stuff from high school with my last name on it and it did make me sad, like I'll never use that name again. In the end though, I'm really happy that I will be changing my name!
Posted by lisa89760[/QUOTE]

<div>This. All this. Before the name change, my name was similar to Nereida Ckajsdferur. Now it is similar to Nereida Johnson. Still no one can pronounce my first name, but at least they can pronounce my last name. </div>

LOTON01 · June 2011

I will be changing my last name to his. I never even thought about not doing it. I am very old fashioned when it comes to some things and this happened to be one of them.

emilynnp · June 2011

Like some of you have already said, I always thought I would keep my name but now that I'm actually getting married I want to change it. I simply don't like my last name (the definition of my last name is kind of derogatory.) It is one of the things about the wedding that my fiance is really excited about actually. That was kind of a surprise to learn.

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