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Not Engaged Yet
Planners are getting to me...
UGH I am TRYING to keep sane and could use your wisdom again.
My roomate/bestfriend is planning her wedding. She is 6 months out today. She was a preplanner. They had the venue resereved, the dress, the date etc before they considered themselves engaged. I would refer to him as her FI and get corrected by both of them. So she clearly is ok with preplanning.
So today we were talking and I mentioned another mixed signal BF sent. (Saying that maybe we wouldn't wait as long as he mentioned to get engaged.) BIG mistake. She starts insisting on being my maid of honor, who will my other bridesmaids be etc...
So the other one that is getting to me is actually my boyfriend. He and his ex had everything planned out. The venue, the date, the decor, the dress, the rings the officiant etc. They had not paid anything yet except for her pattern for the dress she wanted.
Well now I get the impression he wants to preplan our potential wedding even though he has not proposed so to me the idea of us getting married is up in the air.
I have tried to tell him this but I feel like it is falling on deaf ears. So my issues are this. 1. How do you keep sane when surrounded by people that want to plan NOW? 2. How do I get it across to him that until he actually asks me to marry him I won't plan anything.
My roomate/bestfriend is planning her wedding. She is 6 months out today. She was a preplanner. They had the venue resereved, the dress, the date etc before they considered themselves engaged. I would refer to him as her FI and get corrected by both of them. So she clearly is ok with preplanning.
So today we were talking and I mentioned another mixed signal BF sent. (Saying that maybe we wouldn't wait as long as he mentioned to get engaged.) BIG mistake. She starts insisting on being my maid of honor, who will my other bridesmaids be etc...
So the other one that is getting to me is actually my boyfriend. He and his ex had everything planned out. The venue, the date, the decor, the dress, the rings the officiant etc. They had not paid anything yet except for her pattern for the dress she wanted.
Well now I get the impression he wants to preplan our potential wedding even though he has not proposed so to me the idea of us getting married is up in the air.
I have tried to tell him this but I feel like it is falling on deaf ears. So my issues are this. 1. How do you keep sane when surrounded by people that want to plan NOW? 2. How do I get it across to him that until he actually asks me to marry him I won't plan anything.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Planners are getting to me...
Blog: A New Yorker in Duluth
Updated 8/8/11
[QUOTE]UGH I am TRYING to keep sane and could use your wisdom again. My roomate/bestfriend is planning her wedding. She is 6 months out today. She was a preplanner. They had the venue resereved, the dress, the date etc before they considered themselves engaged. I would refer to him as her FI and get corrected by both of them. So she clearly is ok with preplanning. So today we were talking and I mentioned another mixed signal BF sent. (Saying that maybe we wouldn't wait as long as he mentioned to get engaged.) BIG mistake. She starts insisting on being my maid of honor, who will my other bridesmaids be etc... So the other one that is getting to me is actually my boyfriend. He and his ex had everything planned out. The venue, the date, the decor, the dress, the rings the officiant etc. They had not paid anything yet except for her pattern for the dress she wanted. Well now I get the impression he wants to preplan our potential wedding even though he has not proposed so to me the idea of us getting married is up in the air. I have tried to tell him this but I feel like it is falling on deaf ears. So my issues are this. 1. How do you keep sane when surrounded by people that want to plan NOW? <strong>2. How do I get it across to him that until he actually asks me to marry him I won't plan anything.</strong>
Posted by jdrose5[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Tell him exactly that. "Honey, I will not plan anything for our someday wedding until we are actually engaged."</div><div>
</div><div>And tell your friend the same thing.</div><div>
</div><div>"Friend, please stop asking me about wedding plans. I am not at that point yet. I will not be at that point until I'm engaged. That is what I am comfortable with. I would appreciate if you could respect that and please stop bringing it up."</div><div>
</div><div>Really. It doesn't have to be hard or complicated. It also doesn't have to be a confrontation, just a calm statement of your preferences. It is healthy and mature to tell people what you want</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>
I guess maybe I just need to keep saying them.
When Boyfriend talks he just asks me what I think of this or that would I like that. I just say "well that sounds nice but we will have to see what we like when we are actually planning a wedding."
Best friend I was only willing to address the issue of her being maid of honor. I said nope she can't be the maid of honor seeing how she will be married before I get married.
As for BF... like Desert said... tell him "I'm not interested in planning for a wedding when we are not engaged."
If all that doesnt work you can just throw rocks at both of them lol
[QUOTE]Tell your friend that a. she's retarded for pre-planning her own wedding and you are not nearly as retarded and b. anyone who insists on being in your WP will not be considered... (Is that too harsh?? cuz that's what I would say... ) As for BF... like Desert said... tell him "I'm not interested in planning for a wedding when we are not engaged." If all that doesnt work you can just throw rocks at both of them lol ;)
Posted by LyzMcFlyz[/QUOTE]
Lyz, I'd appreciate it if you didn't say the word "retarded". I know it's common, but it really bothers me. Thanks!!!
[QUOTE]Thing is I have said those things. I guess maybe I just need to keep saying them. When Boyfriend talks he just asks me what I think of this or that would I like that. I just say "well that sounds nice but we will have to see what we like when we are actually planning a wedding." Best friend I was only willing to address the issue of her being maid of honor. <strong>I said nope she can't be the maid of honor seeing how she will be married before I get married. </strong>
Posted by jdrose5[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>If you do want her in your WP or as MOH, you may want to keep in mind she can be "Matron of Honor." The old rule that everyone in your WP has to be single isn't really followed anymore. IMO, you should choose the people you're closest to when the time comes, regardless of their relationship status or anything else, really.
</div></div>
Blog: A New Yorker in Duluth
Updated 8/8/11
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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Planners are getting to me... : Lyz, I'd appreciate it if you didn't say the word "retarded". I know it's common, but it really bothers me. Thanks!!!
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]
Sorry. Edited
[QUOTE]Sounds like your friend and BF need some NEY education. Send 'em in.
Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]
Yeah, we'd like to have them...
**evil laugh**
[QUOTE]Thing is I have said those things. I guess maybe I just need to keep saying them. When Boyfriend talks he just asks me what I think of this or that would I like that. I just say "well that sounds nice but we will have to see what we like when we are actually planning a wedding." Best friend I was only willing to address the issue of her being maid of honor. I said nope she can't be the maid of honor seeing how she will be married before I get married.
Posted by jdrose5[/QUOTE]
Be firm. "BF/Friend, I am not planning anything at all until I am engaged." Then change the subject.
dont tell anyone
on here
youre planning an
engagement
because holy darn theyre gonna flip you
over