Okay. This is going to be long. Thanks in advance for bearing with me.
Cliff Notes: One of my best friends is getting married. I'm in the wedding. I'm feeling like she hasn't been very appreciative of us. I'm missing the shower. She is upset. I'm bummed this is getting weird.
Long Version:
So one of my very best friends is getting married this summer. We've known eachother since we were three, gone one family vacations together, went to high school together, etc. Really good friends. I am a bridesmaid in her wedding, which I am really honored and excited about. Or was when she first asked me. I'm now starting to feel like a "prop" and a bit used.
I'll call my friend A. A decided that she wanted her bachelorette party in Vegas. Four of us bridesmaids offered to host it. The other three are hosting the shower. The four of us hosting the bachelorette each chipped in $100 bucks eah for food, drinks, games, decorations, and gift bags for the 12 people that came (in addition to the room, flight, and spending $$ that everyone else paid too). I put the hotel on my card and we divided by 11 and asked everyone to cover their own room (except bride to be). (We'd gotten an okay on the cost from all 12 before). The four of us that are planning exchanged probably 100 emails about all the details, plan (what we think is) a really awesome weekend and are super excited.
I meet A and two other girls at the airport. A is not happy. I don't know why. She wants to go out to two nice restaurants instead of just one. Okay, fine, no problem. We'll make it happen. We get to the taxi to take us to the hotel and A puts her bag down right in front of me (to load for her). Weird, but okay, I load her bag. No problem.
We get to the hotel. I start decorating. She says "are these the decorations?" (ie she is not happy with them). I say yes, but one of the other girls is bringing more and it will look really nice! She rolls her eyes and walks out. When all the girls are there that night, we do games, give out gift bags, and I give her a scrapbook that I'd had everyone make a page for her in. She looks in gift bag. Goes "hmmm" and sets it aside. Okay, I guess she didn't like that. She flips through scrapbook and goes "Cute." Yes, one word. Okay.
We go out to the dinner place she wanted. Dinner goes late. We miss the table we had reserved for free at a club (our hook up could only hold it till 10:30). No prob, we still get into the club free without having to wait in line and get free drinks. I'm having fun dancing with everyone but A doesn't look like she's having that much fun. We ask her if she's having an okay time. She says "I'm not really feeling it because we don't have our own space." Ie she's mad we don't have the table (that we lost because she wanted to go out to dinner). As we're walking home she takes off the veil I'd gotten her and chucks it into the bellagio pool and goes "oops." Okay.
She literally did not pull out her wallet once all weekend. We all expected to treat her to the hotel and take her out to dinner one night but we ended up treating every drink, every breakfast, every lunch, every dinner, every taxi ride, etc. We took a limo instead of a taxi because she wanted to, she didn't offer to pitch in etc. Towards the end we were all (5 of us from highschool) feeling like she was 1. unhappy with the weekend, 2. she expected more, and 3. that she was sort of using us to have a free vacation. It was uncomfortable.
That was over a month ago and she still hasn't said thank you to those of us that hosted the bachelorette.
The next drama was that she sent us an email that said that she "expected all the bridesmaids" to stay at the venue hotel for friday and saturday of the wedding (its a destination wedding). That's about $400 plus tax per couple. The five of us from highschool talked and we had an amazing offer on a cabin nearby (someone's friend owns it and we can get it for $20 a person for the whole weekend) and that none of us really had the money to do the hotel. One of the other girls sent her an email saying that we were going to do a nearby cabin but that we would still be at the hotel for all the getting ready, etc. A responded with "Well when do I need to make this decision by?" We had to write again and say that we weren't asking her to make a decision, but rather telling her that we couldn't afford the hotel. Awkward. She's mad about that (turns out the site fee is super low, but they had to guarantee the whole hotel would be rented out).
Finally, the drama this weekend was that we were at a shower for another highschool friend that is getting married 2 weeks before A. A asked me if I was going to her shower and I said that I was really sorry but that I would be out of town and couldn't make it. I had already rsvp'd to her sister but I guess her sister didn't tell her. A stomped away and then came back and said that she had driven 2 hours to be at this shower and that she went above and beyond for people and she feels like its unfair that she just gives gives gives. I just sort of nodded because I felt like it was the wrong time and place (ie talking about her shower at someone else's shower).
We are going to be out of town because my boyfriend's parents got us a weekend in Napa for my birthday (they have a condo). We gave them three dates (my actual bday, and two weekends in October) but it was alreay booked on all three. They booked the weekend of her shower because my bf didn't have it on his cal. and didn't know that I had plans. I'd really like to go. It is such a nice present and I don't get to see my bf a ton (we only have one day off a week together right now and before that we didn't have any days off together which is tough). A feels like because the shower is only an hour from Napa, I should drive to the shower, stay, then drive back. That's basically 5 hours right out of the middle of the day saturday (our only day off together). We get in at about 7 on friday night after I work and we have to get up and leave early on sunday because bf has work. I feel weird leaving him at the resort alone for 5 hours. I also don't want to miss out on spending time there.
So A is mad, and trash talking to our mutual friends, and I'm really bummed that it seems like her wedding has created this rift in our friendship. I really like her and we usually get along really well.
I think I am feeling underappreciated and she is feeling dissapointed. I don't have another free weekend untill october (6 weddings this year, each with about 3-4 weekends of stuff - the actual wedding, the shower, the bach party, the lingerie shower, etc. etc, plus other stuff, birthdays etc. It's amazing how fast the summer fills up.)
It's awkward between us now. I'm tempted to try to talk to her to clear the air but my other friends say just leave it alone. What do you guys think? Thanks for reading.
(There are other issues, I'm not sure if they're worth mentioning but to just give a bit more background: 1. she told another bridesmaid she had to grow out her hair for the wedding, 2. she told me she wanted my hair blond for the wedding (I dyed it brown about 4 years ago and have no intention of going back to blond), 3. I love her FH but I'm not sure if they're right for eachother. A cheated on him 3 days before they got engaged and now seems more concerned with planning the wedding instead of, you know, the marriage, 4. she took her FMIL out to lunch and asked her to pay for their honeymoon (they are paying for rehersal dinner), FFIL called FH and said no. She's annoyed and mad., etc etc)