Head Table

Knottie1435582995 · April 2010

I was over at Snarky Brides and was reading about how it's so absolutely rude to have a head table.

What is everyone's opinion here?

I'm of the opinion that it's not really rude, especially when the WP's significant others know other people at the wedding and will be sitting w/ them. I only have one friend who's SO doesn't know anyone, so I put him w/ people I thought he'd get along with.

Am I being rude w/o realizing it?

jodyk23 · April 2010

I don't think it's rude. I think it is your preference.

Realisitically, people only sit in their seats during dinner and then mingle the rest of the night, so I don't think it really matters.

I'm personally doing a captain's table where everyone's SOs will sit with them. But my venue has the room to have a really long table to accomodate this. If they didn't, I would have done a regular head table.

caitm730 · April 2010

I am also just realizing that head tables are apparently considered rude. Every wedding I've ever been to has had a head table, and I didn't realize that there were other options. We are putting all of the SOs at tables with people that they know. I don't think it's rude at all. I think that the WP expects to be at a head table. The only ones who know that there are other options are other brides who have done the research. All of these new "rules" are baffling to me. Weddings have been working just fine. What makes everything rude all of the sudden? And plus, the snarky brides think that everything is rude! They are terrible over there!

boogerbearoriginal · April 2010

IMO the whole 'head table = rude' thing is a TK phenomena. Every wedding I've attended/been in has had a head table. This is a very common practice I don't understand the strong opposition.

The 'argument' against head tables is it separates the WP from their dates. Perhaps I'm odd but ALL of my WP are bringing dates that know other people at the wedding so they will be sitting with friends or family not strangers. These are our closest friends and family that know each other not random people. If they sit apart from their date for an hour for dinner is it really that big of a problem?

And where are the dates when the WP is off taking photos, and standing up in the ceremony, helping the bride get dressed/veil straightened, drinking with the groom, etc., etc. All that goes on a lot longer than dinner. I guess I just think that part of being in a wedding typically means up until after dinner you are busy doing wedding stuff, not just being a guest. If the date NEEDS their s/o by their side the whole time I think that's a personal issue.

I just have never followed the logic that the date MUST be seated with the WP member otherwise you're being a horrid person.

Knottie1435582995 · April 2010

I didn't even think abou it being rude until I read that post. I've never been to a wedding that DIDN'T have a head table. And, just like Jody said, it's only during dinner anyway. Then everyone goes where ever they please. I don't have the room at my reception to have a head table that includes all of the SO's. And, I've done my best to place them at tables w/ people they know.

JandBFall2010 · April 2010

I don't think its rude at all.

I am doing a Captains table so people can sit with their dates, but its a personal preference thing.

I think its totally normal to have a regular head table.

Kelki · April 2010

Ditto what everyone else said. It's definitely not rude as far as I'm concerned and every wedding I have ever been to has had a head table. I've noticed that a lot of things that I consider to be standard wedding procedure is considered rude on TK. While I do agree that things like having people fill out their own thank you cards is rude, there are a few things that I have seen mentioned that I don't consider rude at all and that the people in my circle wouldn't give a second thought to.

And some of the other boards get really, really mean. I'm afraid to post on some of them!

culbycheese · April 2010

I don't think it's rude at all! The snarky brides have their panties in a bunch about everything. Don't let their opinion sway you!

Sue-n-Kevin · April 2010

Consider the source: "SNARKY brides". I don't even go over there. I like the nice ladies here too much

For what it's worth, since our kids are standing up for us, we are having a table with fiance, our kids, their SO or spouse, and fiance's grandkids who are standing up, sort of a "family table". The other attendants can sit with their SO or spouse.

As everyone has said, I have never heard that the "standard" bridal party head table is rude until I got here. Who died and made the snarky brides Grace Kelly?

sammichele · April 2010

I don't see anything wrong with the head table. Is it also rude to have the WP stand up with you at the altar while their dates are stuck in the crowd? Of course not. (I know, I know...not the same thing. But it's the principle of the idea.) I'm not very concerned because most of my WP will not be bringing guests (only those with a SO which is about two at this point). But even if they were, I still would not feel this is rude.

Where do the snarky brides feel that the bride and groom (and WP) should sit, anyway?

k-nem · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:a215d519-4a01-4162-811a-85ae09162e45Post:b6c1753b-d9cf-4f73-9d5c-4b6f8a188a88">Re: Head Table</a>:
[QUOTE] Where do the snarky brides feel that the bride and groom (and WP) should sit, anyway?
Posted by sammichele[/QUOTE]

Some people prefer the "sweetheart's table" with just the two of them. I can see the merits of wanting to sit just the two of you to soak it all in. The only reason I don't know if I want to do a head table is because some of my WP dates/wives/husbands <em>don't</em> know a ton of people at the reception, and in their situation, I might be a little uncomfortable if I couldn't be with my husband.

To clarify, I think either is ok, and I don't judge brides one way or the other. Until I came to TK I hadn't thought about the head table, but the idea of it being inconsiderate sometimes does make sense.

sammichele · April 2010

Thanks k-nem, I've never seen a sweetheart's table before.

boogerbearoriginal · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:a215d519-4a01-4162-811a-85ae09162e45Post:b5e39de5-ef86-488e-8edf-4075ba0402c4">Re: Head Table</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Head Table : Some people prefer the "sweetheart's table" with just the two of them. I can see the merits of wanting to sit just the two of you to soak it all in. The only reason I don't know if I want to do a head table is because some of my WP dates/wives/husbands don't know a ton of people at the reception, and in their situation, I might be a little uncomfortable if I couldn't be with my husband. To clarify, I think either is ok, and I don't judge brides one way or the other. Until I came to TK I hadn't thought about the head table, but the idea of it being inconsiderate sometimes does make sense.
Posted by k-nem[/QUOTE]

There will be specific instances that a person could find to make the point that its inconsiderate to the WP's date however in my experience that tends to be the exception. In most cases, a BM/GM doesn't bring a date that knows NO ONE else at the reception. Obviously the bride and groom should be mindful to sit the dates with people they know, but that's true of every guest at the reception. Some guests will know only a few people, some will know a bunch. Even if the dates don't know a ton of people, they probably know someone. Heck, some of our guests only know one or two other couples - is it rude that we invited them at all since they won't know but 4 people?

caitm730 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:a215d519-4a01-4162-811a-85ae09162e45Post:ef475e3e-3616-4b76-b5c7-7e168de25ba0">Re: Head Table</a>:
[QUOTE]As everyone has said, I have never heard that the "standard" bridal party head table is rude until I got here. Who died and made the snarky brides Grace Kelly?
Posted by Sue-n-Kevin[/QUOTE]

I'm always finding posts that criticize things that I consider normal wedding procedure. Especially the snarky brides. They have made me feel like I'm the rudest, tackiest person alive! I'm never going back there...

pattye14 · April 2010

the only time i had a problem with a head table at a wedding (i was the date not part of the wedding party) is I only really knew 1 person at the wedding and they didn't sit me with her. they sat me at a table where i didn't know anyone. the worst part was that i had lost my voice the day before so i couldn't really talk (except to the person right next to me) to get to know anyone.

jamenyha · April 2010

i agree with previous posts that every wedding I've been to has had a head table and never even thought about it being rude until I read this post! Now, I'm starting to write down all my people and seeing who I would sit their sig others with.

queenfm85 · April 2010

I've only really seen a head table. I tried my utmost best to pick my WP and incorporate their SOs if they were good friends. I think there will only be 1 or 2 SOs that sit at a different table but they will most definitely be with other people they know.

I don't understand why it is rude. If you don't want to be in the wedding party because of your SO then don't accept right? I agree with some PP that the WP expect to be seated amongst the B+G and their SOs will be elsewhere.

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