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I'm so upset

greykatgreykat
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in Interracial Weddings
I've been engaged for several months and the wedding is 3 weeks away. We were having a small ceremony with siblings and parents only (travel issues). My side of the family has informed me (today, now, at the 11th hour) that they do not approve and will not be coming. My FI and I have been together for 6+ years. I am horrified and embarassed and heartbroken. What should we do?
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Re: I'm so upset

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    twissy94twissy94 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I am so sorry that you are going through this, sending huggs your way.  If you and FI are in love and this is what the both of you want then you should proceed. I have come to realize a lot of drama unfolds when talks and planning of marriage begins. I am not sure why but it happens.  You can't change the way people think(even family) even if they are suppose to love and support you. Maybe invite a few near and dear friends to stand up for you. I know nothing can substiture your family being there but if you plan on moving forward having people there to support you helps.

    This may be a blessing in disguise. If they don't approve and would have shown up the day of your wedding, it may just have ruined your and FI's day. Talk to your fiance and get his opinion/advise. As disappointing as it may be don't let anyone steal you guys joy!

    Best of luck!
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    greykatgreykat
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    edited June 2012
    I'm just so angry and hurt and embarrassed. 

    Thank you for your support.
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    melntaittmelntaitt member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    Hi hun; I'm very sorry this is happening to you and there is absolutely no excuse for discrimination - it's especially hard when it's the ones we love.

    Did they give you a specific reason?
    Vacation White Knot
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    twissy94twissy94 member
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    Don't be embarrassed you did nothing wrong and they do not represent who YOU are as a person. In the end it will be their loss for missing an important day in your life.

    This happened to my sister on her wedding day back in 1994. It was not an interracial marriage and my mom approved. Things just got complicated and my mom did not show up to her daughter's wedding. She regrets it to this day!Frown  No amount of pictures and videos will replace actually being there. But again it will be their loss. 

    Hopefully the people that do show up will make you feel as beautiful and special as you are.

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    greykatgreykat
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_interracial-weddings_im-so-upset?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:c9069c39-6e1f-4397-9e66-aeb7ed51fccbDiscussion:32a83053-1658-421a-a79d-13affd837477Post:dda32acb-dd34-4a53-8a4d-09b2f37046c0">Re: I'm so upset</a>:
    [QUOTE] Did they give you a specific reason?
    Posted by melntaitt[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>According to my mother, our marriage is against the Bible. As for my brother and his family, I don't think he wanted his kids mingling with fiance's nephews. I cannot believe she waited so long to say something!

    </div>
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    rlavachrlavach member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_interracial-weddings_im-so-upset?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:c9069c39-6e1f-4397-9e66-aeb7ed51fccbDiscussion:32a83053-1658-421a-a79d-13affd837477Post:6b507662-944f-488e-b2f6-1d6ea214a3fb">Re: I'm so upset</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm so upset : According to my mother, our marriage is against the Bible. As for my brother and his family, I don't think he wanted his kids mingling with fiance's nephews. I cannot believe she waited so long to say something!
    Posted by greykat[/QUOTE]
    Whoa, hold on. Against the Bible in what way? Because it's a mixed race marriage? I'm well-versed in the Bible and can assure you that there is no scripture for that. There's something missing here.

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    twissy94twissy94 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_interracial-weddings_im-so-upset?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:c9069c39-6e1f-4397-9e66-aeb7ed51fccbDiscussion:32a83053-1658-421a-a79d-13affd837477Post:035e9935-f689-41d9-878f-62b2cd9c7418">Re: I'm so upset</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm so upset : Whoa, hold on. Against the Bible in what way? Because it's a mixed race marriage? I'm well-versed in the Bible and can assure you that there is no scripture for that. There's something missing here.
    Posted by rlavach[/QUOTE]

    This!
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    greykatgreykat
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    I know! But it's nothing new. Some southern Christians havee been using the Bible for years to justify slavery and then discrimination and segregation.


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    melntaittmelntaitt member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    All I can say is that maybe it's not the worst thing in the world that they won't be there; I'm very sorry that this is happening to you but please don't be embarassed about it.

    How does your FI feel about it?
    Vacation White Knot
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    rlavachrlavach member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_interracial-weddings_im-so-upset?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:c9069c39-6e1f-4397-9e66-aeb7ed51fccbDiscussion:32a83053-1658-421a-a79d-13affd837477Post:579b4f2d-cbdb-453e-8c40-e6eb7dcd7388">Re: I'm so upset</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know! But it's nothing new. Some <strong>southern Christians </strong>havee been using the Bible for years to justify slavery and then discrimination and segregation.
    Posted by greykat[/QUOTE]
    Just to clarify, they may CLAIM to be Christians...but they're not. A true Christian recognizes that this is wrong & is not condoned by the Bible.

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    mizutamababymizutamababy member
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    edited June 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_interracial-weddings_im-so-upset?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:c9069c39-6e1f-4397-9e66-aeb7ed51fccbDiscussion:32a83053-1658-421a-a79d-13affd837477Post:10f04ab3-e8fb-4ee4-bba1-fb1f6fe373ff">Re: I'm so upset</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm just so angry and hurt and embarrassed.  Thank you for your support.
    Posted by greykat[/QUOTE]

    I can imagine how you feel.  DH's mother was supposed to fly with us and abandoned us at the airport without warning the day of!  We were just waiting and waiting for her, trying to get ahold of her cell phone and then when we finally do she says she just didn't "feel like it".

    DH was really mortified as he had nobody in his family to stand up for him at our wedding, but my family didn't care about that at all, and went out of their way to make him feel welcome.  I'm sure your FI's family will accept you both even if your family won't.  You may not be able to change how your family feels, and it's sad they can't get over their own prejudices to welcome your FI, but don't let it ruin your day or your love for each other. :)
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    BustedBeautyBustedBeauty
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_interracial-weddings_im-so-upset?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:c9069c39-6e1f-4397-9e66-aeb7ed51fccbDiscussion:32a83053-1658-421a-a79d-13affd837477Post:10f04ab3-e8fb-4ee4-bba1-fb1f6fe373ff">Re: I'm so upset</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm just so angry and hurt and embarrassed.  Thank you for your support.
    Posted by greykat[/QUOTE]

    My heart goes out to you.  My FI's family-- both Mom and Dad don't talk to me at all, and it wasn't until recently that his mom even started talking to him.

    You shouldn't be embararassed.  Hurt and angry, absolutely, but you have done nothing wrong.

    Focus on your intent here.  You intend to marry the love of your life.  If at the end of the day you have achieved that, you are on the right track.

    Chin Up, Cheeks Up. <3
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    chaiteachickchaiteachick member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    That's horrible! I'm sooo sorry, hunny! Sending hugs your way! 

    Since they won't be showing up, and I assume that you've already paid their way in the wedding, do you two have some close friends you'd like to invite, to take their place? 
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    SashaVonBonBonSashaVonBonBon member
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    I believe you should marry your fiance. Then thank your family for their gift of showing you who they really are so you can treat them accordingly moving foward.  

    But I'm an ass like that, so...  :::Kanye shrugs:::
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    cookdt5312014cookdt5312014 member
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    SashaVonBonBon said:

    I believe you should marry your fiance. Then thank your family for their gift of showing you who they really are so you can treat them accordingly moving foward.  


    But I'm an ass like that, so...  :::Kanye shrugs:::
    amen!

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