No Plus 1 For You!

Lissa9461 · May 2010

Definitely no plus 1... For my family (which is huge) if one of my cousins has a boyfriend/girlfriend that I've never met and certainly doesn't even know my name.... then, no, the mystery significant other is NOT invited!

Stay strong – it’s your day!!

ChrisChelsea10/08 · May 2010

I kind of see it for guys that they will bring this random girl(that you will never see again) so he might be able to get laid that night? Just a thought

FarrahMalik · May 2010

If you are going to wedding hell then so am I. We only invited people with a + 1 if they were living together, engaged or if we were close to their bf/gf and they had been dating for a while.

It makes perfect sense. Why pay for someone's hook-up to eat and drink for free?! It's not fair and I don't want to spend my wedding with complete strangers thank you very much! You should not feel bad at all. I am trying to convince myself of this as well so we can worry about it together!

Good luck and just remember it's your and your man's day - not your friends'.

russe289 · May 2010

There is nothing wrong with not having a plus 1. I have a really big family and they are over half of the invitee list. The only guests we are even considering a plus one for are the people who don't know our family or many of our friends.
In the end, it is easier to just explain to your friends the necessity of not having the plus 1 instead of dealing with a jilted family member who may guilt you for a while after the wedding for not being invited. Plus, they are guys. They get over these things pretty easily.
Remember, it is your wedding anyway. And while I'm sure you'll be a graciuos hostess (how could you not be if you weren't concerned over this?), it is YOUR wedding, your memory, and the first step in your marriage.

kkaimala · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:95014fd5-f171-48bd-a3f0-68c96aa0d085Post:e319b0a8-cc8e-46d0-8d5d-d9052b19ac17">Re: No Plus 1 For You!</a>:
[QUOTE]firstly, @ mrscheetah : LOL -- "douchelord" i nearly choked on my tea, and that word just made my day!! and here is my 2 cents: not only are you throwing this party and paying for it, this is your day to celebrate with your loved ones. you invite who you want, and ONLY who you want. if your friends stir up a hub-bub because they cant bring a date, then they're really not very understanding people or very good friends. as for us, we are inviting people SOs only if they have been together for a decent period of time and are in a steady relationship. for people who may-or-may-not be dating someone, if we havent met them or never have heard anything about them, sorry -- not invited. i have a very limited budget to work with and a very limited amount of space i can use, so them's the breaks. they will understand someday when they are planning their own wedding.
Posted by evanadine[/QUOTE]

This. Exactly.

xheddyx · May 2010

You are not wrong at all. My FI and I are in the same position. Since we are paying for most of the wedding ourselves, we chose a location that we could afford which happens to only hold 80 people comfortably. We're actually excited to have a small intimiate wedding, but it is causing some hurt feelings amongst extended family that I do not know personally. My rule for inviting people is 1) I only want people there that are a part of my life and that I love and 2) I don't want to say "nice to meet you" at my own wedding.

Through all this weddng planning, I have come to realize that you will never make eeryone happy and so it is just best to follow your heart and plan your perfect day!

Good luck and happy planning.

leahandcolin · May 2010

what happens when your single guests add a plus one to their rsvp? boo.

ohbaybayrai · May 2010

I am getting married this summer and i am NOT allowing my single guests to bring random people I have never met before to my wedding. I think its rude to meet someone for the first time the biggest day of your life and I dont believe in paying for 'random invites' (we already have 250 people without the +1s!!)

My 2 best friends are both getting married next spring and we are all doing the same thing - some may poo poo it but i think its absurd to pay for it.

of course fiances, longterm gfs and married people are all getting invites, i just dont believe in asking your single friends to 'pick some random person to show up your wedding day.

Actually another friend of my DID allow this last year at her wedding - and a girl invited her on again off again um, friend with benefits (for lack of a better term) and he STOOD HER UP - so not only was our friend embarassed but she cost the bride 150$ for no reason. rude.

christina&joe2010 · May 2010

I am dealing with a similar situation. I sent out my invites, no plus one for the single people who were going to know other people there, and one of the girls had her friend text me to see if she could bring someone. She said she was "confused as to whether or not she could bring someone" because she saw someone elses invitation had that person's SO on it. There is a group of friends with no SO that will all know each other, which is why I didn't feel obligated to put a plus one (we can't afford it in our budget to allow everyone to bring a guest). I don't know what to say without coming off rude.

I initially had no guilt, until I was confronted about whether or not they could bring a guest. If I let the one girl bring a guest, then that opens a can of worms for that whole group to bring a plus one which adds like 8-10 people to the guest list. So I appreciate your post and just know you are not alone in this situation. I'm trying to figure it out too!

heathermi · May 2010

I don't think you should feel bad at all. We are allowing +1 only for people with serious relationships, or if they are ont the shy side and don't know anyone there (there are only about 2 of those for us and at least 1 of them has already said he will come alone anyways). It's just a bummer that SO many people think it's a given, so you might have to have some awkward discussions.

IMO, if they have a problem with it then they don't have to come and that'll free up room for people who care about us not going bankrupt over a guy/girl they will probably break up with and never speak to again after the wedding. It's a waste of money, and half the time you see +1's at the wedding trailing behind the invited guest, ignored b/c he/she is too busy socializing with their friends the guest doesn't know. So, what's the point?

Plus, think of this...you KNOW if you allow all these random +1's you will never see again, that luck will have it that they are in ALL of your reception pictures. Then you look back and they will look like random club shots rather than your own wedding!

naomiv19 · May 2010

Who's paying for the extra guests. I mean, isn't that what is really the issue? An extra guest means extra money. The people who say it's no big people either have the money for extra people or aren't paying for their wedding. The people who limit obviously are paying for theirs. I think this is what you have to keep in mind.

I heard a story from a co-worker who invited 6 people b/c her mom wanted them and in the end they didn't show up, and put the bride in the hole $600.00.

Keep this in mind.

berrytea81 · May 2010

OMG! I am going thru this right now. Except I don't have anyone calling me asking if they can bring party people. A lot of my friends aren't going to get plus1s because there is just no room for them. After talking to other family and friends, they say, it is your day! You gotta do what you gotta do. So I guess I have to make myself not feel bad.

eholmes23 · May 2010

I'm totally on with everyone that agrees that you don't have to give everyone a +1. So how do you tell those guest? Is it done when you send them an rsvp card? Is it done verbally? And if its done in the rsvp card. What verbage do I use?

ETLynch · May 2010

I think it is excessively rude to not allow all adult guests a plus one. Particularaly if you are allowing people in "serious" relationships that benefit. Who are you to judge what a serious relationship is? It is proper ettiquite to allow all single guests a plus one. I would say the only exception to this is EXTREAMLY intimate weddings - immediate family only type thing.
Also realize that it really does work out to be only about 75% of invited guests will come, so if you invite 100, expect 75...

asanford917 · May 2010

My FI and I are working with limited space and a large family, so we are only doling out a precious few plus ones. People are coming as a couple if they are married or engaged and usually we know both people anyway. We have some friends which didn't get a plus one for the girlfriend that we have never met and some got a plus one because they won't know many other people there. Some people are just not getting a plus one because we want them there and cannot afford to have their boyfriend, but they will know many people there so they will not be uncomfortable. So its really based on who we are close to and who would be uncomfortable without a date. I have been invited to a very close friend's wedding and my now FI (then boyfriend) was not invited because they didn't have space even though we had been dating for a few years. And i didn't take offense, esp. because my friend did just what I am doing: telling people personally that I am sorry that I cannot invite their boyfriend/girlfriend because we don't have space but it would mean a lot to us for them to be there.

agentkitten75 · May 2010

I had really bad anxiety about this, I mean at first I just wanted to make everyone happy and was not looking forward to all the crap I was gona get about the No plus 1's. But then I realized, My FH and I are paying for this all by ourselves, I shouldnt worry if they get mad that I am not allowing some randoms at my wedding. I decided that if they didn't like it, they didn't have to go. I want my weding tobe family and friends, people I know and love. I am happ with my decision.

eaglenightshade · May 2010

It is your wedding, why would you let some one else choose a guest that you more than likely don't know that you then have to pay for?

If at 2 - 3 months out they do not have a girlfriend then they can come alone, especially if you have some single female friends to invite too so they have some one to dance with.

Or they can borrow you or a bridesmaid for a dance or two.

As long as the same rule applies to all singles.

ks3pink · May 2010

I just have to ask because I have always wondered: how do you know they won't bring a plus one anyway? I mean I would naturally assume I was invited with my boyfriend/fiance whether or not the people getting married considered us established. I am assuming everyone will bring someone which I feel is a much safer bet. Not that what you are doing is wrong but most people don't want to go to weddings alone. Just food for thought.

cinkae · May 2010

I like ShadowAP's comment.. .
which clearly states:

1. If they're in a serious relationship (married/living together) or you know and like the SO, then they get a +1.
2. If they aren't going to know anyone there except you, then they get a +1.
3. Everybody else gets nada.

It's black and white.
No gray areas! poof! there it is!!

SylBoogi · May 2010

I don't feel bad. I'm doing the same for people I know that don't have a bf/gf. Its better to exclude the +1 then someone you know and want there because there is not enough room.

Evenangelsfall5 · May 2010

I am going through similar problems. I am working with a very small budget. And I read somewhere that only people who have been togethter for 6months or more, living together or engaged themselves, get a (+1) Hope that helps

solielmoonv · May 2010

I also do not have a plus1! Our wedding is very small and we didn't want strangers in our pictures and we cannot afford to spring for plus ones! Some people are still asking if they can bring a plus one and it's so frustrating!! Only if they are married or have a significant other will they come with that person. I wish people would respect that and not think that a wedding is just any old party!!

shannoles · May 2010

I think it is totally fine to make individual decisions regarding plus ones. I am doing the same. I am inviting plus ones for those guests I think may not be comfortable because they won't know a lot of folks there. Others should understand -- especially if they are close to you -- finances are tough these days!

amber_unger · May 2010

I do not think it's rude at all. I am going through a similiar situation with my aunt. She divorced a couple of years ago and is not currently dating anyone, so we decided to not add "and guest" to her invitation. She will have her two (high-school age) sons, her mother, stepfather, grandmother, and family friends to keep her company. She asked my mom about inviting her friend (that is a girl) and my mom said "no," because we have limited space and money. My aunt offered to pay for her friend, but that still does not help the limited space issue. My fiance and I are not inviting people that WE want to invite due to space...why would we invite someone we don't even know, just so she can have a friend there? Evidently now she's all upset and trying to prove a point by staying in a hotel vs. staying with my mom, her sister because she feels "uncomfortable." Whatever. Why does it seem like everyone makes it about them instead of thinking about the bride and groom?

nicoleceline · May 2010

We did the guest thing a little weird. But it's working-mostly. We did plus-ones ONLY if the person was in a serious relationship. I have a friend coming from out of town who won't know anybody but isn't dating anybody and never asked to bring anyone. But then she's also not shy, so no worries.

Now there were some FI and I didn't know were in a relationship, but most of them called and asked. One just RSVP'd with a guest, which I found out was her long-term boyfriend. She's from out of town, his side of the family and will know a lot of people at the wedding. But I decided to let that one go.

But, I don't think guests should automatically get a plus-one. That's rude. I've catered weddings where only 100 people were invited and all of them brought a plus-one. The couple had to rearrange the entire budget and all the plans because they didn't say no. And they were wondering what happened and how things had gotten out of control so quickly. So stick to your guns.

olive11583 · May 2010

I agree!!! No way am I paying for someones one night stand!! No plus one for anyone who isnt in a longtem relationship!!

corinneferry · May 2010

Our rule is if we haven't met them they can't come. It saved my butt when one of my friends, who falls in love with someone new every three months, asked if she was going to be able to bring her latest beau. She lives a few states away so it works out. Also our best man who is single got upset that he couldn't bring a date. Apparently he wants to impress some random girl in hopes of "wedding sex" which my Fl and I found horrific.

So stand firm on the no plus one front. No drama triumphs over having to feed potentially crazy strangers.

meganemccaffrey · May 2010

I think that it is rude to not do the plus one because when he gets married, he has to invite you and your husband. It's really not fair. It is unacceptable that he wants to bring 6 tho.

tigerlily4u2004 · May 2010

I rarely read these articles....but I am sooooo THRILLED to have read this one. At 150 people limit we are already struggling with who that we actually KNOW to eliminate. So, we are cutting as many kids as possible plus the +1's that dont already have a +1. These replies made me feel soooo much better about our decision.

Thanx!!!

bettersjs · May 2010

I am in total agreement with you. No, it is NOT OK to assume just because you are invited to a wedding that you automatically get a +1. I've even gone so far as to tell my fiance that the 2 of his groomsmen that were dating 2 of my really good friends up until not too long ago now forfeit their +1 as well. Even though they are part of the wedding party, when the guest list was made their +1's were my friends, and invites are out, therefore there is no room for random people. We can reexamine the situation once the people respond, but random people just for the sake of having a date is not OK.
Also, what is the big deal about going to a wedding by yourself anyway? I feel like it's a great way to meet other fun, single people. As well as really great way to have people mingle rather than being stuck in a little "couple" world.
Hold your ground, there is no reason that you should have to cut down your dad's family just so you can buy some random people dinner and drinks.
Good luck

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