Gap Between Ceremony and Reception

libbylo · April 2010

Please settle a discussion between my mother and I. Is it customary to have a place for relatives to go after the ceremony and before the reception? My fiance and I are planning a 2:00 full Catholic Mass with a reception near by at 6. There will be about at 2 hour gap.

Thanks!

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_gap-between-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e0bbedf6-af26-467b-8929-56f03b212c8dPost:0690d3fd-6452-4268-a58a-e4d39d6bfcd6">Gap Between Ceremony and Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Please settle a discussion between my mother and I. Is it customary to have a place for relatives to go after the ceremony and before the reception? My fiance and I are planning a 2:00 full Catholic Mass with a reception near by at 6. There will be about at 2 hour gap. Thanks!
Posted by libbylo[/QUOTE]

<div><span style="color:#000000;font-family:'Times New Roman';line-height:normal;font-size:medium;" class="Apple-style-span"><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;">It's customary to not leave a gap. Our mass was at 2, our reception started at 3:30. Gaps are rude.<div>
</div><div>If you insist on leaving a gap, you must host something for them. You cannot expect your guests to sit around for 2 hours and wait for you to get around to hosting them. </div></div></span></div>

Meagan0528 · April 2010

I think it's up to you guys, but it's definately not a requirement. Since most of our guests are from out of town, we rented a pavilion in a park close to our reception site where there's a playground and we will be serving ice cream to our guests. It was inexpensive and easy, and it made us feel less guilty about leaving our out of towners high and dry for a couple of hours.

Good Luck!

526SadieSadie · April 2010

I don't mind the gap. I was actually greatful for it once because I went home an changed into a warmer dress, I froze in my cousin's church!!

Kmartella4 · April 2010

I disagree with the people that always say a gap is rude. If that is what you are planning, it's fine. It IS rude if you do not have somewhere for your guests to go in-between. FI and I are doing this exactly; Catholic Ceremony at 2:00pm, cocktails starting at 6:00pm. We are doing a full sit-down dinner and we didn't want our reception ending at 9pm.

My parents are having whoever would like to come over to their house (which is about 5 min from where the reception is taking place at the Country Club), to have refreshments,finger sandwiches and snacks. The majority of my family are from up North and are used to this.

HTH

ndnikki06 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_gap-between-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e0bbedf6-af26-467b-8929-56f03b212c8dPost:b699402d-96f1-471e-b8af-9f6e16f974ba">Re: Gap Between Ceremony and Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Gap Between Ceremony and Reception : It's customary to not leave a gap. Our mass was at 2, our reception started at 3:30. Gaps are rude. If you insist on leaving a gap, you must host something for them. You cannot expect your guests to sit around for 2 hours and wait for you to get around to hosting them.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]
That is a little harsh! Sometimes you don't have an option and have to have a gap based on where you are having your reception, ceremony time, etc. Recently, I haven't been to a wedding that didn't have a gap. As a previous response stated, sometimes it is nice to have a break. I LOVE the icecream idea and might even add that into my plans for this summer. I have to have a gap in mine, but I wasn't planning anything until I heard the park idea! :) Either way, your guests are there to support you and if a gap is what you have to do then I doubt you'll have any complaints. Good luck! :)

Meagan0528 · April 2010

It's such a great way to get around this sticky problem. It really was soooo easy, and cheap! The pavilion was $100 (but you can probably find one even cheaper, depending on where you are located) and the ice cream won't break the bank either. Guests don't have to go if they don't want to (we figured some of our friends would probably prefer a bar, lol), but those with children or family members who want to spend some time together have an option.

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_gap-between-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e0bbedf6-af26-467b-8929-56f03b212c8dPost:749283cd-988b-49d8-b4a9-5836a3e2f4d6">Re: Gap Between Ceremony and Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Gap Between Ceremony and Reception : I'm really not trying to get into a fighting match with you, but that is not true again. For example....the church ceremony has to be at 11 due to the afternoon time (2pm) is already booked. It is only a ceremony and not a full mass so it only lasts for a half hour. That means we are done at 11:30. You cannot get in the reception site until noon AND the reception site still needs to be decorated. It is a large wedding and there are only a couple places around here than can hold us that is within our price range. People post on here for advice and help. They do not post on here for someone who happened to have everything fall into place for thier wedding tell others how RUDE they are being. You should understand the hard choices that have to be made and be thankful that you didn't run into these problems. Wedding planning is stressful, and even more so when things can't be done 100% perfectly. Sometimes you just have to realize that in the big picture, a gap is NOTHING. I guess I'm lucky to have such a wonderful family and group of friends who said they didn't mind waiting for awhile to celebrate with us.
Posted by ndnikki06[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>If you want the 2:00 ceremony, and it's booked on your first choice date, you choose another date. It's not that hard.</div><div>
</div><div>And yes, I do understand. Finding a venue that would let us start at 3:30 was the hardest part of planning. But I wasn't about to expect my guests to sit around and wait because I'm too lazy to put in the effort to find the venue. </div><div>
</div><div>Your ceremony is about you. But your reception is to thank your guests for coming to witness your vows (thus the name reception, because you are receiving them). If you can't be bothered to be a good host to them, you shouldn't invite them at all. It's that simple. </div><div>
</div><div>Gaps are rude and inconsiderate. There are always options, and if you care enough about your guests to treat them right, you'll find one. </div>

Meagan0528 · April 2010

YOU are being a bit rude and inconsiderate. How ironic that you are chiding us for doing so to our wedding guests.
A wedding day is a very personal thing. Use these boards to help advise others, not to tell other people how to run the show. Your opinion is valuable but it's just that, an opinion. It's not fact. Fact is, some people mind that gap and others (like me) actually enjoy it.

StephanieS17 · April 2010

I generally don't mind a 1-2 hour gap, but a wedding I am going to soon has a 4 hour gap! (With nothing planned inbetween) It is fine finding something to do for a little while but 4 hours is a little excessive...IMO.

vgmartinez · April 2010

I heart gaps!!

Having a gap isn't rude at all. You know what is rude, having "reception immediately following" on the invitation and then not showing up for an hour and a half. Now THATS rude. This has happened to us at a wedding FI was in. Ceremony between 4-4:30. Apparantely the reception was supposed to start immediately and yeah....couple took pictures and dragged FI around until about 6. When we finally got to the venue, people were irritated.

I will be having a two hour gap and will not be having anything for our guests to do inbetween. If you are going to have a gap, be sure you make it apparent on your invitations.

MeganM611 · April 2010

Could you list a few places around your reception venue (bars, landmarks, places with a view) and include them with the "what to do while you're in town" or "directions to the reception" area on your wedding website or the invitation? Someone correct me if this is improper etiquette though!

Blueyed228 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_gap-between-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e0bbedf6-af26-467b-8929-56f03b212c8dPost:0a83df35-eb64-465b-b096-d478096e853d">Re: Gap Between Ceremony and Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I heart gaps!! Having a gap isn't rude at all. You know what is rude, having "reception immediately following" on the invitation and then not showing up for an hour and a half. Now THATS rude. This has happened to us at a wedding FI was in. Ceremony between 4-4:30. Apparantely the reception was supposed to start immediately and yeah....couple took pictures and dragged FI around until about 6. When we finally got to the venue, people were irritated. I will be having a two hour gap and will not be having anything for our guests to do inbetween. If you are going to have a gap, be sure you make it apparent on your invitations.
Posted by vgmartinez[/QUOTE]

If you were in the wedding party or immediate family then that would be expected for you to take pictures during the time alloted for cocktail hour. Plus YOU did not have to go to the picture site if you were not in the wedding. You could have went straight to the venue You have a cocktail hour for your guests to mingle, get a bite to eat and a drink while you are taking pictures. I don't know any guest that would be irritated that the bride and groom were not there for cocktail hour.

Gaps are rude. It just makes you look like you wanted everything for you you you and did not care about the comfort of your guests. The last thing I want to do after a ceremony is drive around looking for something to eat before the reception.

Nothing says K-lassy like eating McDonalds drive thru in formal attire.........

I was looking at a 45 min gap and was horrified. So I am doing my recieving line at the church and called my venue to make sure if people showed up 10-15 min early that they would be let in with no problem. If they had said no, I would have changed the time for my reception. Even if it meant my guests showing up late and it cutting into my rental time.

And just because you put the gap on your invitations does not make it less rude.

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_gap-between-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e0bbedf6-af26-467b-8929-56f03b212c8dPost:3eb47b87-7f78-45dc-9178-20f6a8227589">Re: Gap Between Ceremony and Reception</a>:
[QUOTE] YOU are being a bit rude and inconsiderate. How ironic that you are chiding us for doing so to our wedding guests. A wedding day is a very personal thing. Use these boards to help advise others, not to tell other people how to run the show. Your opinion is valuable but it's just that, an opinion. It's not fact. Fact is, some people mind that gap and others (like me) actually enjoy it.
Posted by Meagan0528[/QUOTE]

<div>Perhaps you should pick up an etiquette book. Leaving your guests to wonder around for hours unhosted during the middle of an event is incredibly rude. That is a fact. Some people are ok with being rude, but the OP sounds like she is trying to avoid it. The fact that you are ok with rude behavior does not make it less rude. </div><div>
</div><div>I have been neither rude nor inconsiderate. I have helped the OP with her question, but giving solid etiquette advice. It seems that you have a problem with etiquette, not me. </div>

jeb113 · April 2010

Having a large gap is kind of a pain but in our case it can't be avoided unless we cut out other things that we want for our guests. I guarantee that if we gave the option of no gap between the wedding and reception OR free dinner, open bar, and free transportation, almost all of our guests would choose the big gap and free booze so we actually did put our guests first. I have only been to 1 wedding where the reception immediately followed. All of the other 25+ weddings we've been to have had at least 2 hour gaps. People know that there is a gap and if they don't like it then they don't have to come. They are not coming to our wedding for the convenience of it, they are coming to celebrate with us.

iamjoesgurl · April 2010

I'm with mynameisnot. I feel like gaps are not considerate to the wedding guests. It sounds like you've already made the decision to plan your wedding day so that there is a large gap. The right thing to do would be to offer options for your guests to do in between (especially OOT guests). Although if I was a guest at your wedding, I'd still think it was rude to make me waste a good part of my day because of your scheduling preferences. Sorry - just being honest.

vgmartinez · April 2010

There was no cocktail hour. Everyone just went to the venue and sat around.

vgmartinez · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_gap-between-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e0bbedf6-af26-467b-8929-56f03b212c8dPost:162969bf-2dd9-4cba-a8d6-ed1c42d6fd9f">Re: Gap Between Ceremony and Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Gap Between Ceremony and Reception : If you were in the wedding party or immediate family then that would be expected for you to take pictures during the time alloted for cocktail hour. Plus YOU did not have to go to the picture site if you were not in the wedding. You could have went straight to the venue You have a cocktail hour for your guests to mingle, get a bite to eat and a drink while you are taking pictures. I don't know any guest that would be irritated that the bride and groom were not there for cocktail hour. Gaps are rude. It just makes you look like you wanted everything for you you you and did not care about the comfort of your guests. The last thing I want to do after a ceremony is drive around looking for something to eat before the reception. Nothing says K-lassy like eating McDonalds drive thru in formal attire......... I was looking at a 45 min gap and was horrified. So I am doing my recieving line at the church and called my venue to make sure if people showed up 10-15 min early that they would be let in with no problem. If they had said no, I would have changed the time for my reception. Even if it meant my guests showing up late and it cutting into my rental time. And just because you put the gap on your invitations does not make it less rude.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

There was NO cocktail hour at this wedding. If there were, of course I would've been there enjoying myself waiting for the B & G to arrive. If you read my post correctly, you would know that I was talking about invitations that say "reception immediately following" and then not have it (or cocktail hour) immediately follow.

banana468 · April 2010

Gaps ARE rude.

I'll disagree slightly with MyNameIsNot in that some areas can be tough to deal with however that isn't the case for all.

DH and I picked the latest Catholic Mass and had our reception begin at 4. With the receiving line and commute, guests arrived right at 4 PM. We added an hour so it was more of an evening feeling with the ending at 10.

IF we were stuck with a gap, we would have had people back at my parents' home for coffee and cocktails and finger foods.

It's rude to not host people for the length of your event. It begins when you walk down the aisle and ends when the reception is over. Leaving your guests with a gap and nothing hosted means that you've shirked your hosting duties during that time.

Some might like it but that doesn't mean that the gap is appropriate.

The appropriate thing to do as hosts is to do just that. HOST.

Blueyed228 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_gap-between-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e0bbedf6-af26-467b-8929-56f03b212c8dPost:bedd7ddd-4c98-4103-88bd-4e3845debecd">Re: Gap Between Ceremony and Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Gap Between Ceremony and Reception : There was NO cocktail hour at this wedding. If there were, of course I would've been there enjoying myself waiting for the B & G to arrive. If you read my post correctly, you would know that I was talking about invitations that say "reception immediately following" and then not have it (or cocktail hour) immediately follow.
Posted by vgmartinez[/QUOTE]

You also started your post with "I heart gaps" and ended it with the fact that you will be having a 2 hour gap yourself. If the wedding you were referring to had a gap, then like my post said, ITS RUDE. All gaps are rude. Period.

Your statements contradict each other.

And I will reiterate that just because you put it on the invite does not make it less rude.

Blueyed228 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_gap-between-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e0bbedf6-af26-467b-8929-56f03b212c8dPost:c4350a2a-2d90-42ef-9b76-ce28a1396e8a">Re: Gap Between Ceremony and Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Gap Between Ceremony and Reception : Actually, no, they don't. I said I HEART gaps (as in like)...not I HATE gaps. Gaps aren't a big deal to me as long as it shows that there will be a gap on the invitation. Like I said before, if the invitation says receptin immediately following and it takes almost 2 hours for it to actually start, that's rude. If it says Ceremony at 2 and reception at 4, I will assume that there will be a gap unless there is a cocktail hour.
Posted by vgmartinez[/QUOTE]

Can you read? I know what you said and wrote it as such. Your statements contradict each other because you like gaps and are doing one because you think its ok if its on the invite, yet you think its rude if its not on the invite. That's where the contradiction lies. A gap is a gap, no matter how you slice it. Like I and others have said, it doesn't make it less rude just because you warn people about it.

Do you really think people want to spend the whole day at your wedding? If your ceremony is at 2 and ends at 3 then your reception should start by 3:30 unless you have made arrangements for that "gap" in time, with a receiving line etc. If your ceremony ends at 3 and your reception does not start until 5, what are people supposed to do? Most wedding receptions are 4-5 hours long. Im all set with wasting 8 hours of a day just because you are too rude to make us comfortable. No one wants to be in heels that long......

AriaGoose · April 2010

Mynameisnot - Sometimes you cannot change certain time frames. Almost zero Catholic churches will let you have a 4 o'clock wedding due to evening Mass. And for a practicing Catholic, you must be married in the Church - usually the one you are attending (I have run into many issues when looking into other locations), therefore you CANNOT shop for a new "venue". Having a gap for this is absolutely common and everyone expects it. It is a nice chance for older guests and children to relax or nap before the reception and others can take a break in their hotel room or go shopping. Two hours is not an impossible timeframe to "busy" yourself.

banana468 · April 2010

AriaGoose, you may be stuck with the one time the church gives you but you can often shop for reception venues.

And if you're stuck with a gap you need to host something in between.

THAT's what makes the difference between being a good host and being one who isn't.

aerinpegadrak · April 2010

Frankly, I'm not giving up my entire day for a wedding I'm not in. If I get an invitation to a wedding with a gap, I'm probably going to decline the whole thing. I don't want to wander around and try to kill time while I'm in formal wear. It shows that the hosts aren't terribly inconsiderate, and honestly, that they simply don't know how to plan a party.

vgmartinez · April 2010

Ok, since gaps are such a no-no, how can one plan a cocktail hour on a serious budget? Including a receiving line, guests will probably leave the church at 2:30. Reception starts at 4:30. My venue will already be set up for the reception so I really don't want guests to be seated until 4. How do you announce a cocktail hour on your invites? Any suggestions?

Blueyed228 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_gap-between-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e0bbedf6-af26-467b-8929-56f03b212c8dPost:f0faa7d9-db39-4dc7-8354-d235266860d6">Re: Gap Between Ceremony and Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, since gaps are such a no-no, how can one plan a cocktail hour on a serious budget? Including a receiving line, guests will probably leave the church at 2:30. Reception starts at 4:30. My venue will already be set up for the reception so I really don't want guests to be seated until 4. How do you announce a cocktail hour on your invites? Any suggestions?
Posted by vgmartinez[/QUOTE]

Really? Ugh.

Clearly the cocktail hour is the first hour of your reception. If your venue does not have a seperate area for it, then it is wherever it is. Why do you care when your guests get seated?

You plan the cocktail hour to immediatly follow the ceremony, which means you have to change your reception time.

banana468 · April 2010

I'm confused - Our cocktail hour was just the first hour of the reception. There was no need to announce it.

Blueyed228 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_gap-between-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e0bbedf6-af26-467b-8929-56f03b212c8dPost:aee57900-eb57-4875-9f68-29d0dd8044eb">Re: Gap Between Ceremony and Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Mynameisnot - Sometimes you cannot change certain time frames. <u><strong> Almost zero Catholic churches will let you have a 4 o'clock wedding due to evening Mass</strong></u>. And for a practicing Catholic, you must be married in the Church - usually the one you are attending (I have run into many issues when looking into other locations), therefore you CANNOT shop for a new "venue". <u><strong>Having a gap for this is absolutely common</strong></u> and everyone expects it. It is a nice chance for older guests and children to relax or nap before the reception and others can take a break in their hotel room or go shopping. Two hours is not an impossible timeframe to "busy" yourself.
Posted by AriaGoose[/QUOTE]

Yes, but alot of catholic churches (including every single one i looked at) give you the option of a 2pm ceremony or a 5pm ceremony. Most will even let you do an earlier ceremony at 11am. So you have options.

Just because its common does not make it less rude.

And 2 hours is a ridiculous amount of time to "busy" myself with. Why the eff would I want to go shopping in my dress and heels?? Are you serious with that comment?

CMJ&MDL2010 · April 2010

Re: how to show the cocktail hour on the reception, we wrote "cocktails, dinner and dance to follow" on our invitations. (FY, our timings are ceremony at 5:00, cocktails for guests (while we do photos) from 5:30-6:30, dinner at 7:00, all in the same hotel).

I don't think a gap of 1.5 hrs for photos is unreasonable as long as guests are provided for, so we're paying for an open bar with hors d'oeuvres. I wanted the groom to see me for the first time walking down the aisle. If that wasn't important to me, we would have done photos in advance to avoid any gap at all. But there is a gap, so I'm willing to suck up the cost of the cocktail hour.

I think a 2 hour gap with nothing to do is pushing it, from a guest perspective. It depends on the location, e.g. it could be ok where there are other places where people can go to kill time (and drink and drive - awesome) or if it is close to where people are staying.

Meagan0528 · April 2010

NDNikki and Leeshy, I think you are sooo right!

This may be posted all over the ettiquitte books and websites but the simple fact is that it might be upheld more so in certain areas and circles than others (as is the case with many ettiquitte rules). I am from the midwest and almost every wedding that I have been to has had gaps....it's just the way I have always seen things done. Whether it be right or wrong, I don't know...I have just experienced this many times, therefore it does not offend me at all. In fact, I honestly didn't know it was "bad ettiquite" in some areas to include a gap because it is SO common among my group of friends and family.

So in the case of Libby (the original Knottie who was asking the question), I think you would just need to think about your guests and what they might expect. If they are like some people who have posted on here, it's possible that they might see it as rude. However, since they are your family and friends and YOU think it's acceptable, chances are they will too. Since your event is still pretty far off, you could try casually polling some of your close friends and relatives to see what they think. You'll get the best feedback from them

Blueyed228 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_gap-between-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e0bbedf6-af26-467b-8929-56f03b212c8dPost:0561f10b-0d5e-49cc-9dc3-88d2b1e5eaa9">Re: Gap Between Ceremony and Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Re: how to show the cocktail hour on the reception, we wrote "cocktails, dinner and dance to follow" on our invitations. (FY, our timings are ceremony at 5:00, cocktails for guests (while we do photos) from 5:30-6:30, dinner at 7:00, all in the same hotel). <u><strong> I don't think a gap of 1.5 hrs for photos is unreasonable</strong></u> as long as guests are provided for, so we're paying for an open bar with hors d'oeuvres. I wanted the groom to see me for the first time walking down the aisle. If that wasn't important to me, we would have done photos in advance to avoid any gap at all. But there is a gap, so I'm willing to suck up the cost of the cocktail hour. I think a 2 hour gap with nothing to do is pushing it, from a guest perspective. It depends on the location, e.g. it could be ok where there are other places where people can go to kill time (and drink and drive - awesome) or if it is close to where people are staying.
Posted by CMJ&MDL2010[/QUOTE]

Thats not a gap. You are doing the right thing by having your guests at cocktail hour while you take photos. We are talking about having a gap between your ceremony and reception and leaving your guests to drive around for an hour or 2.

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