Do you hold grudges?

pirategal03 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_do-you-hold-grudges?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8c8252f2-1554-4205-bd6d-e964e78dfed7Post:07df7bdb-4bd0-4d9a-b120-a610a6c5bef9">Re: Do you hold grudges?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know that I necessarily hold grudges but I have a hard time forgetting and even letting go. Trust is delicate thing.. I am going to totally sound like the dork I truly am but when I read your question.. this quote popped into my head- <strong>"my good opinion once lost is lost forever."</strong> I hate this about myself and it's something I want to work on. It's unhealthy to hold on.
Posted by Starmusica[/QUOTE]

I thought of that too. There are some situations (one in particular) where I'm pretty sure I'll never forget how terrible someone made me feel. I haven't spoken to this person in years, but if we met on the street today I wouldn't say hello. I don't even remember the words she said (e-mailed, actually) but I can't forget the feeling behind them. I would never be able to trust this person with anything, not even to tell me the correct time of day. And nothing she could ever say would seem sincere to me. So yes, I guess I hold a grudge.

mehgank · May 2012

I think it's a self-preservation thing to not forget the wrongs that have been done to me. For instance, there are people I will never, ever trust again. With my friendship, with money, etc. I don't want to get hurt again. It's not my way of punishing them for being douchelords, that's just an added bonus lol.

reils · May 2012

It depends on what it is. Most things I move on from because in the scheme of things they aren't that big of a deal. I hold a grudge against the guy who bullied me from Gr 2-10. I don't want to get into too much but he made my school years hell and really impacted how I am around other people, even today. To me, the worst part is that I don't he even has any idea of what he did and how his actions still imapct me. I will never forget or forgive him. I know that sounds really stupid though.

sherrbearr22 · May 2012

I LOVE your sig pic, Reils!

AllAboutTheBenjamin · May 2012

Ben had a roommate, a guy he was friends with forever, who would steal Ben's debit card and use his money to play online poker. He lost hundreds of dollars doing this and when Ben confronted him about it, the guy lied right to his face. Ben held a grudge (understandably) on this guy for years.

The guy showed up to our wedding reception and took Ben aside, handed him a wad of cash and apologized profusely. Ben forgave the guy on the spot.

reils · May 2012

Thanks Sherr!

How was your trip to Mexico?

sherrbearr22 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_do-you-hold-grudges?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8c8252f2-1554-4205-bd6d-e964e78dfed7Post:d74c9bfd-f9c5-44d6-b172-f35fd9594bd5">Re: Do you hold grudges?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks Sherr! How was your trip to Mexico?
Posted by reils[/QUOTE]

It was SO good to finally take that much time off of work! And the weather was perfect! AND when I got back to Portland, it's been sunny and fabulous every day! This is the first day it's a bit overcast but hey, it's not raining :)

Starmusica · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_do-you-hold-grudges?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8c8252f2-1554-4205-bd6d-e964e78dfed7Post:8077c3ca-c4ea-4b3c-ae71-a669f3064346">Re: Do you hold grudges?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do you hold grudges? : I thought of that too. There are some situations (one in particular) where I'm pretty sure I'll never forget how terrible someone made me feel. I haven't spoken to this person in years, but if we met on the street today I wouldn't say hello. I don't even remember the words she said (e-mailed, actually) but I can't forget the feeling behind them. I would never be able to trust this person with anything, not even to tell me the correct time of day. And nothing she could ever say would seem sincere to me. So yes, I guess I hold a grudge.
Posted by pirategal03[/QUOTE]

I know exactly the feeling you are referring to.

brandichamberlain · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_do-you-hold-grudges?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:8c8252f2-1554-4205-bd6d-e964e78dfed7Post:29da7b3d-f536-4a31-b70a-78657ab94a53">Re: Do you hold grudges?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ben had a roommate, a guy he was friends with forever, who would steal Ben's debit card and use his money to play online poker. He lost hundreds of dollars doing this and when Ben confronted him about it, the guy lied right to his face. Ben held a grudge (understandably) on this guy for years. The guy showed up to our wedding reception and took Ben aside, handed him a wad of cash and apologized profusely. Ben forgave the guy on the spot.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

I admire Ben for this.

Girlie1030 · May 2012

Hey Sherr! And I totally get the grudge against people who hurt your loved one. I hold a grudge against a family member of H's and I've never even met them.

Chels, I think the pride thing does apply in some situations for me... Like this chick I mentioned earlier. Of course at first it was about the hurt but eventually I do think it became more of a pride thing since pretty much everyone at work knew what went down.

NuggetBrain · May 2012

No. I think that forgiving others is the healthest way to live your life.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG I lied so hard, motherf*cking YES. I still hate the doctor who slapped my ass when I came out of my momma. Elephant Nugget NEVAR 4-GETS.

achiduck · May 2012

For me it really depends on how much involvement I have with the person. For example, the girl who slept with the guy I was dating at 16 I could care less about. I recently heard she's turned into quite the trainwreck, which honestly doesn't surprise me.

However, there is a girl I was friends with thoughout highschool that really gets my goat still all these years later. She still sort of runs in my extended circle and every now and then I hear something else she's said about me. She met me in Grade 9 just before my mom passed away. At that time we got a sizeable payout from the life insurance policy, so my Dad went about updating the house, bought us a lot for Chrismas (compensation for missing our mom I suppose) and took my brother and I on a trip to see our family in Germany. What she didn't know was that before my mom passed away our family didn't have a lot of money since every spare penny went to paying for my mom's cancer drugs and other expenses not covered by the provincial health care system or my Dad's benefits. She just assumed that I had this huge spoiled life and got everything I ever asked for. In my second year of university I went on a 5 week backpacking trip with my ex that I saved for a year to pay for, yet she still spread rumours that I begged my Dad for the trip. Now it's the same story with the wedding. Even so I haven't spoken to her in over a year and she's not invited I've heard through the grapevine that she's still saying my father is paying for everything. It just really annoys me and so I have a bit of a grudge against her for all the bullshit she's said over the last 14 years.

texasgurly13 · May 2012

I don't really hold grudges. I did for awhile against a friend/fuuuckbuddy of mine, but eventually forgave him, more for my mental health so I could let it go. My mom on the other hand, still can't be in the same room with him without wanting to go nutpunch him.

Throughout high school and college, we went back and forth between being best friends and wanting to be more. It even got to the point where I would break up with whoever my boyfriend was at the time and try things out with him. Then one of us (mainly him) would break it off.

This last time it happened (right before FI and started dating) was the final straw. We talked about finally "making it work" and being together. And so I broke up with the guy I was with, and made the decision to be with him. And he was a complete assshole about it. Did a complete 180 and stopped communicating with me. It really hit me hard because I was willing to give 100% and it looked like he wasn't willing to do the same (and this is the short version of the story)

I stopped talking to him. Deleted him from FB, my phone, blocked him on instant messenger, everything. This went on for about four or five months. I then decided it wasn't worth holding a grudge against him because it was taking too much energy. I called him and we had a heartfelt talk about what had happened. I let him know that we could never get the friendship back that we had, but I had no problem being civil to him if needed. (this happened about three years ago)

We occasionally talk on FB now and he knows about the wedding and everything, but he knows he isn't invited. He understands why too. I may have forgiven him, but my mom hasn't, and FI is really uncomfortable with him being there because of our history. And he was around (as a friend) when the shiiit hit the fan last time.

As a whole, it is really hard for me to be mad at someone for a long time. If you make me angry, you know you really pissed me off because it takes A LOT for me to be angry.

ski2play · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_do-you-hold-grudges?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8c8252f2-1554-4205-bd6d-e964e78dfed7Post:4b06742a-3728-4aeb-95fb-c3a1d4594c47">Re: Do you hold grudges?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do you hold grudges? : Yea, this. T<strong>he few just horrible things that have happened in my life, I certainly remember and that person is forever viewed in a different light. But I very rarely ever think about those things so I guess that's why I feel like I don't hold grudges.</strong> Or something.
Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]

This is how I feel the majority of the time, but I must admit to a little tad of a grudge I hold against FI's ex girlfriend who won't seem to let go of him. She has gotten better in the last year or so, but in the first two years of our relationship she had very little boundries and no respect. Since he sat her down and told her he was marrying me, she has stopped with trying to initiate contact.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · May 2012

Sheesh achi, that chick sounds like a real twunt.

LetsHikeToday · May 2012

I guess I hold grudges especially for an ex best friend.

Girlie1030 · May 2012

Achi, I'm really sorry about your mom.

alynne1113 · May 2012

Yes, I have a HUGE grudge against my crazy MIL for all the crap she put me through but that was only 8 months ago, I am sure I will hold a grudge for the rest of my life.

There is one girl from HS that I REALLY dislike . In my younger and dumber days I messed around with a guy who was dating this girl (ok I might have messed around with him for months while they were together) and he got busted cause he kept calling her my name (our names are close) then years and years later when I was dating my ex she started a relationship with him while we were together and he cheated on me with her and now lives with her. So...I guess we are even. But I still really dislike her and would love for her hair to all fall our of something.

celticmyss · May 2012

Totally late to the party. <div>
</div><div>I mainly only hold grudges against those who hurt the people I love. If you treated my close friend like crap I want you to burn in hell.</div><div>
</div><div>For people who hurt me I am more inclined to forgive but not necessarily forget. One of my closest friends is an ex-bf who treated me horribly but we've moved on.</div><div>
</div><div>AATB - please invite us all to your next family reunion. </div><div>
</div><div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_do-you-hold-grudges?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8c8252f2-1554-4205-bd6d-e964e78dfed7Post:f2f3484e-e035-4ed3-a24b-d121be09bbcf">Re: Do you hold grudges?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm mostly not a forgetter. I'll forgive most stuff, but I won't forget it. I do hold a grudge on the woman who stole an actually e-ring from me. And that's an epic story that I'm not going to tell here.
Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]
</div><div>
</div><div>And now I have to hold a grudge against you for having an epic story you won't share. </div>

Blueyed228 · May 2012

Short answer is yes. Big time.

I dont forget stuff and I rarely forgive. I dont care if your sorry, you still did it. And actions have consequences.

danigirl7181 · May 2012

I hold one grudge and will probably never let it go. My step mother is a total b*tch. She got pregnant on her and my fathers first date, which is also his fault. I love my younger brother, but she's still a horrible person. She used to tell me that she didn't love my father and was only with him for his money. He is a nuclear chemist and she lived in a tiny one bedroom apartment when they met. So I'm pretty sure she planned to get pregnant. Needless to say i haven't talked to her or my father in over 10 years. He pretty much choose her over me. I want nothing to do with them. So yes I hold grudges!!! But only when necessary.

zigspective · May 2012

I never know if "grudge" is the right word, but if you screw me over, hurt me, or seriously offend me (or any of my family members for that matter) you have to understand that there's a good chance that you've damaged whatever relationship we had, and possibly permanently.

For example, the cheating BIL? I hope to all that is dear that he gets turfed, and if not, I will still be polite but we will have nothing to discuss with each other beside hello, goodbye and the weather.

poca · May 2012

I do.But in the way of, you really hurt me and and I do not want you in my life ever again. Moving on without bad friends will save you a lot of headaches!

bjhubble · May 2012

I'm way more likely to hold a grudge for something someone did to a friend than for something someone did to me. For example, I have a very difficult time being even somewhat cordial to a friend's ex because she treated him so so horribly - even though they've gotten passed it and are friendly now. However, my ex-roommate stole a bunch of money we gave him for utilities and used it to get tattoos and then threatened physical harm when I tried to fix the situation, and I someone hold very little resentment towards him. I actually kind of miss having him in my life, but FH is holding that grudge for me so it'd be hard to reconnect.

Do you hold grudges?

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