Guest list woes

Re: Guest list woes

• iamjoesgurl member

  

  October 2010 edited December 2011

  We paid for the wedding ourselves so we explained to our parents up front that we would be selecting the guests for our guest list.  They understood that it was not their wedding so they didn't object.  

  
  

  The problem with your wedding is that you are not hosting or paying for it.  I don't know how you will be able to say anything as a result.  You could talk to your FI about choosing a different venue and paying for it yourself.  Or if that's not a possibility, I guess you could talk to your parents about the situation and the fact that it looks like you are not going to be able to invite your friends to the wedding and see if they have any suggestions.  I would not recommend going directly to your grandparents since they are hosting and paying for a lot of it (it would probably upset them and I don't think you want to do that).

  
  

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• rachelea

  

  October 2010 edited December 2011

  That is touchy...if they're paying for it its hard to say not to. However, I think if you decide how many people you can accomodate, discuss the number with your parents and grandparents, then decide on your friends who need to be wtih you on YOUR big day, let them know how many additional spots there are to invite who they would like. That way they are still able to invite people but you don't have to sacrifice people on your day.

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• JoyMatt424

  

  October 2010 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_guest-list-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:f5c8315f-da17-4295-9d15-da93457a38f0Post:a2756396-e1ed-4450-91c0-bade8206d8e2">Re: Guest list woes</a>:
  [QUOTE]WThe problem with your wedding is that you are not hosting or paying for it.
  Posted by iamjoesgurl[/QUOTE]
  
  This. This is so tricky since you're not paying. If you agreed to take on more financial responsibility, I think you would have more say in the guest list. Parents and grandparents can be like that. Sorry you are going through this - if there's no way to take on more financial responsibility I would just have a sit down heart-to-heart and explain that you will regret not inviting certain close friends on this day.

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• kellya01

  

  October 2010 edited December 2011

  I agree with others - any way to change the division of paying would be to your advantage as far as the guest list goes.  However, if that is not an option, I would sit down with your parents, divide the list by:

  1) bride's friends

  2) parents friends

  3) bride and parents family

  4) groom's friends

  5) groom and parents family

  6) grandparents friends

  
  

  If you do this, maybe your parents will also see what you're seeing as far as "none of my friends can come" ... and it might help them to understand what you're thinking.  I know with my parents, they are nice, they are understanding... but if I don't present something to them in a neutral "what do you think" tone when THEY are the ones paying, I don't get what I want.  

  
  

  Pray too.  That always helps!  God is great at giving guidance, even on something that we consider small.  

  July 16, Our Wedding Day, is also International Juggling Day!
  

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• squeakyduck member

  

  October 2010 edited December 2011

  Thanks guys! 

  I understand that my grandparents do get a significant say if they are paying. We are very close though so I'm comfortable enough talking to them. I think I'm going to tell them just how many people will be in their house and they might agree to cutting some people that don't even know me. lol!

  
  

  and I started looking at just how many people are out of town and it's close to a third, so i'm a little encouraged by that. I know I have to budget for everyone to come, and we are, but it's still an encouraging thought. 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  

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• JAF squared member

  

  October 2010 edited December 2011

  We flat out said no, but wound up inviting them all anyway after we got back some rsvps saying they could not come.  My mom paid for the wedding and we had to tell her know until last minute when we knew we had room. 
  Or you can have a small service and insist on 30 people tops, and pay for it yourself, so you don't have the financial pressure from anyone else.  good luck. I had to be harsh because husband's mom was insisting on inviting like 20 people, when that was like 1/6 of all of the people. 

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• Habs2Hart member

  

  October 2010 edited December 2011

  Honestly, just talk to them.  They may totally understand.  My dad is paying for my wedding and he still only gets to invite a few people that aren't family.  Like 4 ppl.  Max.  He understands.  It's our wedding and he wouldn't want us to not know half the ppl at the wedding.  Just be honest.  It'll work out.

  Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml

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• mattycam member

  

  November 2010 edited December 2011

  I think this is going to require communication to decided a) how many people you want at your weddings (as previously mentioned) and b) how many people your parents/grandparents are planning to invite. Yes, they are entitled to invite guests but I don't agree that just because they are paying for the wedding most of the guests should be theirs. As bad as this may sound to others, it may not be a bad idea to put together two lists (A/B) so if anyone declines someone from the "B" list can take their spot.

  http://www.theknot.com/contests/my-real-wedding/photo/161064/mattycams-wedding-traditionally-classy

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• squeakyduck member

  

  November 2010 edited December 2011

  Haha, I've talked to them and they're good with all eighty thousand people. (ok, 305 and counting...) I was worried the list was getting way too big, but apparently there will be room for all. 

  

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