Please don't attack...I just want advice. Haha

playazsweetness · April 2010

There is a lot of people on here that feel a need to attack people. However, I am not one of them. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.. It's your day, and your guest are choosing to share it with you. If it was me, I wouldn't do a cash bar, I would just stick with a couple kegs and when they're gone, they're gone. I also don't think you should put your registry info on your invites because people might think you are inviting them only for the gift. I don't have a problem with the dollar dance thing, it is kinda a cute idea, but maybe you should do a money tree instead? then people wouldn't feel obligated to give you anything. The dances/ garter toss, etc those are all fine. Good luck and quit stressing about it so much! It will be fine:)

MeaghanandMichael · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_please-dont-attacki-just-want-advice-haha?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:e4da03c4-1712-4f34-bcb6-4729fca5b93bPost:a2e858a6-8759-4667-9f88-5680b52ce3c4">Re: Please don't attack...I just want advice. Haha</a>:
[QUOTE]No the real difference between real life and the knot is you can avoid the obnoxious spoiled brats who don't understand not everyone can afford the luxuries of a platinum wedding in real life, unfortunately on the knot they seem to be a dime a dozen. Enjoy your cash bar and everything else you want in your wedding. Enjoy your day and screw what anyone on here says we don't know you, your situation or anything else. Throw your registry out there if it were rude to have them, they wouldn't exist. People give presents at a wedding, I have given a gift at every single one I have been at I don't think it is bad manners to expect that people will be giving gifs, and it is helpful to be able to look at a registry and get a feel for what you want and need.
Posted by Alanda1318[/QUOTE]

Soooo we are the obnoxious spoiled brats because we DON'T expect or advertise for gifts? We are spolied because we absolutely agree the reception is for the GUESTS and going the extra mile to provide an open bar is necessary?

People like you and your sense of entitlement disgust me. I rarely say this because it is usually just considered a huge joke on these boards, but I truly feel sorry for your fiance for having to put up with a foot stomping, greedy bridezilla like you.

duckie1905 · April 2010

I fail to see how we are the ones that are spoiled. You are the one that advocates begging for gifts and treating the guests at your wedding like crap. You are the one that sounds pretty spoiled, self-absorbed, entitled, and bratty.

What a peach!

Jessie888 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_please-dont-attacki-just-want-advice-haha?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:e4da03c4-1712-4f34-bcb6-4729fca5b93bPost:13c990d7-021d-4390-8423-d7754e4fe77f">Re: Please don't attack...I just want advice. Haha</a>:
[QUOTE]ISoooo we are the obnoxious spoiled brats because we DON'T expect or advertise for gifts? We are spolied because we absolutely agree the reception is for the GUESTS and going the extra mile to provide an open bar is necessary? <div>
</div><div>People like you and your sense of entitlement disgust me.
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

</div><div>i completely agree. I am not having a platinum wedding and for her to assume that just makes her look dumb. you are throwing an event for people to attend, which means you are the host. You dont ask people to bring things.... if you cant do a bar, no big deal. its not the end of the world.i barely drink anyway, id be fine with water. But you cant make people pay for it, i just dont think its right. </div>

carmelladrew · April 2010

Ok Hun....a good way to get around putting the registry on the invites is putting the wedding website on the invites...i did this so that my guests will know exactly what is going on when...AND it has where we are registered

I am also buying a couple kegs and having a cash bar...don't let people tell u that it is rude...between my side and his side the bar bill would be HUGE....the gap between the reception time and the ceremony might be a bit of an issue...however...if u open up the recpetion early while u are doing pictures it shouldnt be too big of a problem.

coleyjay · April 2010

SO as far as advice goes, I like the idea for changing up the dollar dance. It is common in my area/family, but it always makes me uncomfortable. I really like the idea of keeping the general tradition without asking for more money by asking for advice/cards, etc. You could put cute cards out for people to write on at your guest book table or something like that.

I have actually only been to one wedding with less that 3 hours between the ceremony and dinner. However, almost all of them had the hall open with snacks and drinks available before then. I'm not sure what you mean by "gap". If they can't get into the reception venue before that time, I attended one wedding that included an insert (like many people do with hotel info) with area attractions, like local bars or places to go for appetizers, the riverwalk, etc. You might consider that for your gap. Also, lunches tend to be cheaper anyway, so if that is still a option for you, I say go for it.

Obviously the no-registry-on-the-invite thing was beaten to death but the wedding website thing is still a great idea

I don't know that cash bars are "asking" guests for more money. You are providing something they might enjoy but you can't afford in a more convienient location (ie they won't have to go out to the bar after to get it). However, I agree, that it does seem like a better idea to just provide what you can afford. It is your wedding, you and your guests should be celebrating your marriage, not worrying about how extensive your bar menu is.

I love the names of the tables (and ps, cheesey dances that most people who are there to enjoy themselves also love... you don't seem like you are doing this to get in the society pages, nor should you!), but maybe you could have some of the lyrics come from the same songs and make it more of a mixer for tables with your family and tables with his... I think it could get awkward and I agree with a previous poster, I always get bored when people go overboard with the number of spotlight dances.

All that being said, if these things are typical in your family/community, who cares what we say here? You shouldn't. If it is normal to do the dollar dance at weddings then your guests will (should) understand the spirit of the thing and not assume you are asking them for money.

CA2MT4EveR · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_please-dont-attacki-just-want-advice-haha?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:e4da03c4-1712-4f34-bcb6-4729fca5b93bPost:4b42db33-b933-4bf5-a8a8-9beaa84b9249">Re: Please don't attack...I just want advice. Haha</a>:
[QUOTE] All that being said, if these things are typical in your family/community, who cares what we say here? You shouldn't. If it is normal to do the dollar dance at weddings then your guests will (should) understand the spirit of the thing and not assume you are asking them for money.
Posted by coleyjay[/QUOTE]

Just because it may happen, does not mean people are always ok with it. That's our point.

n_abrahams · April 2010

Based on what i've read you must be a very very young couple. Sounds like no one is really helping you with your wedding and you're trying to exhaust all possibilities. Like many of the "nicer brides" have suggested you should never serve beer at your wedding. There are other options. There is also nothing wrong with doing line dances. They're very popular in the south although I would not do table dances. I certainly wouldn't want to. The money dance is also another tradition followed in many cultures (it originated in Poland) however I don't think it's proper to ask people for money after they've already given you a gift. Include your registry info on a website or add an addition card to your invitation package. I made one and everyone loves it....use shutterfly. Since you have a 3hr wait invite your guest to your home or a family members for light snack and refreshments. This can include sandwiches, soft drinks, tea, whatever you want. It's also a great time to head somewhere with your guests to take photos. Then proceed to the reception hall. Keep them entertained or they will end up heading home after.

I hope some of this help. It's hard paying out of pocket and we do the best we can. Remember that a lot of things can be made yourself to eliminate costs. Get your bridesmaid and family to pitch in.

Best of Luck

N

northstars09 · April 2010

I disagree with most of the rude stuck-up people that responded to this post. While I usually don't care for big gaps between the ceremony and wedding, it is YOUR wedding. People should be coming there for you not for themselves.
You can only offer what you can afford, and not having any bar at all will discourage more people from coming than having to buy their own drinks. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.
I've never attended a wedding without a dollar dance and some goofy songs. People don't have to participate if they don't want to, but for the fun people it will help get the party going.
Lastly, I have never understood the big deal about including where the couple is registered. It is meant to be convenient for the guests as well as the couple. People don't want to spend three hours looking around Target for a towel you might like. The most important thing is to have fun at your wedding, and that doesn't mean still paying it off in fifteen years.

northstars09 · April 2010

PS.....no beer? Really people? What kind of a wedding would that be?

MeaghanandMichael · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_please-dont-attacki-just-want-advice-haha?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:e4da03c4-1712-4f34-bcb6-4729fca5b93bPost:1153fd52-310e-426a-9778-cb48e414d2f4">Re: Please don't attack...I just want advice. Haha</a>:
[QUOTE]Yup I am dumb for calling it like I see it. Let's attack the "spoiled brat" who is giving all the money she recieves from her wedding to charity.<strong> I don't really belilieve you, but giving to charity doesn't exempt you from thinking it is ok to treat people poorly in other aspects of life, fyi </strong>Good look out there guys. Don't think you know me either. Don't feel bad for my Fiance either because we are perfectly happy and I am by no means a bridezilla.<strong>Mhmmmmm</strong> I'm so sick and tired of people crapping on each other for ideas. She asked you not to attack her and you did. Keep your mouths shut if you don't agree or don't have helpful information to share. Instead you call her rude and tacky. <strong>Actually most people told her the truth. You have a lot to learn about putting yourself out there on public message boards if you are going to have a tizzy about the responses. </strong>Well I am sorry for you then. You can't get your heads out of highschool drama and keep name calling and be nit-picky. I feel sorry for you that you have to be-little people in order to feel better. <strong>No, the majority of us are truly interested in preventing people from using their wedding day as an excuse to be rude to others, something you are obviously ok with. </strong>Oh and I am aware that I name called too, I know you don't have to scream hypocrite... relax... <strong>Back peddling much? </strong>get your garters out of a bunch and just deal. You don't have to respond, it is possible to ignore a post.<strong>Just like you didn't respond? I am very very sorry you are taking this all so personally, but I can tell you are a defensive and self righteous person in general so I will chalk it up to that.</strong> Posted by Alanda1318[/QUOTE]

duckie1905 · April 2010

Holy overly defensive batman!

angetaylor · April 2010

A good option instead of including your registry in the invitations is to start a wedding website. You can include the url in your invitations, and then have a link to your registry from the website. It avoids the tacky but still gets the word out. It is especially un-tacky if someone else makes the website for you (or you make it look that way by referring to yourself in third person).

Good luck with your plans.

carrotcakesoup · April 2010

I think some of these people need to lighten up. A wedding should be fun and should not be consumed by what is tacky or not tacky. For example, I personally am quite shy and do not want to do a dollar dance, however it is a long held tradition in my FI's family. So I am doing it only keep tradition. What might be tacky to one person is right for another. So, through everything, keep in mind that this is your wedding and if it makes you happy...DO IT!!

jhong57 · April 2010

Wow! Some brides replying to you are really rude! They need to take a chill pill. I have to say it's your day and you should do what you want. Someone will get offended either way and that's their issue. Besides you know your guests and what's accepted there so that's your best frame of reference. Maybe you can also talk this over with your friends and family?

Anyways here's some ideas: 1) I have to say wedding registries are great b/c it's so practical. It's one way to stop multiple same gifts and get things in your style. You should register for gifts at all price ranges so people have a choice. Look into return policies b/c some do cash back and others are a pain. (I've heard Bed Bath & Beyond does cash back & Target's policy if you don't get a gift receipt is difficult to return or get your full money's worth in store credit. Things might have changed so look into it.) Also look into practical stores, and you can register at more than 1 store. I usually see 2-3 stores on the registry. So 1 friend did BBB & Amazon & said people loved shopping at Amazon b/c they found such good deals there! (Surprise!)

2) Do the toss & electric slide (get it on video) and if you want more people to participate you could offer "prizes." I know you guys don't have money but maybe you can ask close friends or family if they have new stuff that they don't want that they could offer as a prize. (Like an extra gift they didn't need: lotion set, a toaster, some movies?) Or you can bargain shop for your prizes and spend a few dollars at Walmart or the dollar store. You can even make a prize table and have winners choose their prizes. (You could use this if you do the table dancing game. Winning table gets a prize, or top 5 dancers of any table gets a prize).

3) Dollar dance: if you're worried about it being offensive but you want to do it for fun, have the amt. only be $1. And say you're doing it b/c you love the tradition. If people start complaining they need to get over it, it's just $1. I mean really the last resort then would be someone at the front of the line handing out pins and dollars to be pinned on so you could do it with no one feeling like they have to pay but I almost think that's worse.

4) Do the kegs and if you have a Trader Joe's Market where you are, they have a $2 wine called the 2 buck chuck. Maybe you can have that too. And I've seen lots of cash bars that just serve soda for free, so you can do the cash bar too, or just do your kegs & wine. Maybe it'll look nicer if you have someone serving the drinks and you can kind of "hide" the keg.

5) Table dance might be uncomfy for some, maybe look into other games? I heard of one where all couples names were put in a fish bowl, and the mc would pull out some names and each couple would have to show the bride and groom how to kiss. And then the b & g would do it. I heard it's pretty fun b/c most want to keep it cute & sweet so hopefully they'll get creative like a kiss on the hand, a twirl and a sweet peck on the cheek, etc. You could tell them to keep it G-rated. If you still want to do the dance game you should try to put a few extroverts at each table, and maybe even prep them ahead of time saying you want to do this game and it would be great if they participated (maybe a few days of practice time would help them be ready).

In the end, these are all your friends and family and they should be there to have fun and celebrate your day. Also think of using friends and cousins for small jobs throughout the whole wedding instead of asking 1-2 people to do it all. Then hopefully you won't have to hire someone to do it, and your wedding will be smooth! I hope these ideas helped. Have a beautiful and fun wedding! Blessings!

mohnkeh · April 2010

I've been to plenty of budget weddings...Your ideas are not rude.

My mothers side of the family is very Catholic and there was always a 2-3 hour gap between the ceremony and reception. It was tradition for a 2 o'clock ceremony (that lasted an hour) then a 5:30 or 6 o'clock reception. You could find ways to narrow the gap, maybe do pictures before the ceremony. People will find ways to entertain themselves, or they can choose to just attend the reception.

I've also been to weddings with Keg beer and cash bar. Granted, some snobby people may not like the idea of a cash bar, but really, it's no big deal. If you are really concerned, maybe offer well drinks and charge for top shelf or just have beer.

A different idea to get people dancing is a "snowball" dance. The bridal party all start dancing and about 15-30 seconds into it the DJ calls out "snowball" or something similar, then everyone on the floor goes to the tables and picks a dance partner. They all return to the floor, then the word is called out again and all those people go pick out new partners. This continues for the whole song, and it gets people involved without spotlighting anyone.

If you do a dollar dance, maybe make jello shots (alcoholic and non) the night before to hand out to people that participate. Or splurge for a half-gallon of liquor and offer real shots;)

Just remember, it's your day. You have to be the one to have fun and enjoy it. If other people don't, too bad, it's not their day.

MeaghanandMichael · April 2010

Die thread, die!!

Class sure is dead anyway.... right mohnkeh?

aerinpegadrak · April 2010

Oh yeah, jello shots always class up a party. I hear they served those at the Oscars, right next to the guy doing keg stands.

stagetek23 · April 2010

Wow totally blow away by most of the people on here. Where I grew up having an open bar was considered very snotty and showy. I guess it is expected now. I don't expect anything when I go but to spend time with the couple. Go ahead and have a combo bar! I would rather have a cash bar than no bar! As for dances and such do what you want it is your day! Don't let anyone tell you what you should do! If they don't understand then they shoudn't be invited to your wedding because they are not a good friend. Anyone goining into sharing your special day with you with expectations is not someone you will want there. You are inviting them to share the day not worry about all the rest.

As for the registry I would put my website link on an instert in the invitation and not the info in the invitation.

I hope this helps! I hope everyone on here didn't get you down. Do what you want to do... there are no rules other than some basic comon considerations.

stagetek23 · April 2010

I also see that most have forgotten...

It is about the marriage not the wedding. It is the day after that matters. If you are only focused on the wedding and not the rest of your life then what is the point?

Please don't attack...I just want advice. Haha

Re: Please don't attack...I just want advice. Haha

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