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jenahkliot · April 2010

tinydancer842 · April 2010

Your MOH is not there to help you with all things WR -- it's you & your FI"s wedding not hers. My MOH went dress shopping with me a couple times & is helping to plan my bach party & shower with the other BMs (she offered to do this, but anyone can throw these parties for you if they offer), but that's about it.

It's nice when they want to be involved but they are in no way required to do so. I think it's easier to plan when less people are involved anyways.

Also when is the last time you two spent time together & did something non-WR? She probably wants to hangout together just as friends, not as bride & MOH. Your wedding isn't until Nov. so you don't want to burn this girl out already!!

mbcdefg · April 2010

Just let it be. It's clear that she's not interested in helping you plan your wedding (which is not a requirement for the Maid of Honor), so stop asking her to do things with you.

As for the bridal shower, butt out. If someone wants to throw you one, someone will step up and do it. If the MOH starts to plan it but the other BMs feel that she's not doing it right, they'll step in and take over. If nobody wants to plan you a bridal shower, then you will not get one. Sucks, but a bridal shower is not an entitlement so therefore you can't say anything about it.

Just relax, and take things as they come. If someone is nice enough to come along to appointments with you or help you plan, thank them verbally (and maybe send a card with a small gift, or take them out to dinner if you feel they've gone above and beyond).

Don't say anything to your FI's sister. Since it is not her job to help you plan, then she's done nothing wrong. And the MOH title is not something that's earned by the best helper ... it's an honor that you give to your closest friend. Someone can be your closest friend and not do one single thing to help with your wedding.

And if your wedding plans have gotten to the point where you cannot complete them without help, then either scale things back or hire a planner to assist you. Or tell your FI to help ... he's the only person, along with you, who is required to plan the wedding. Wedding planning shouldn't be SO hard that it requires assistance from others.

trix1223 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-nice-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:3e9589bf-2c4f-4c0b-9f6f-115e51eec2e8Post:1d8fed77-0302-4d17-acc3-05624eec3ae0">Not so nice maid of honor</a>:
[QUOTE]I asked my fiances sister to be my maid of honor because we were living together at the time and were getting close. Now, everytime I ask her to help with anything she bails out. She said she would go look at save the dates with us and last minute told us she would not come. Yesterday I went wedding dress shopping and she said she would come. The morning of she didnt answer my phone calls and lied to me about where she was. Then her mom called and she answered right away! She then told me she was really tired and can't make it because she needed to sleep. The worst part is my BEST FRIEND who is a brides maid is helping with everything. She was there for picking out save the date and my wedding dress. She has become my go to with everything. I would rather have her be my maid of honor now, because shes actually the one helping and the one whose there for me. I know I can not change anything because that would be rude and I have to live with her as a sister in law forever, but what can I do to fix this? I'm scared she is going to flake out with other plans like the bridal shower etc!
[/QUOTE]

**sigh** I really wish you had lurked before you asked this question. But since you didn't....

A MOHs "duties" begin and end at the ceremony. She wears the dress, walks down the aisle, stands respectfully during the ceremony, and smiles for the pictures. That's it.

A MOH does NOT have to help you plan or execute your wedding. She does NOT have to go venue searching, bride dress shopping, or cake tasting. She does NOT have to make favors, address envelopes, stuff envelopes, arrange flowers, decorate reception venues, make and/or deliver OOT bags, chauffer guests to and from airports, or facilitate the reception. She also does NOT have to plan or throw e-parties, b-parties, or showers, all of which are gifts and not requirements to be married.

You choose your MOH because you want her standing next to you when you marry your husband, not because of what she can do for you.

Your wedding=YOURS and your FI's to plan and execute.

Lower your mistaken expectations. You'll be happier.

saisongbird · April 2010

Sorry, but it was your mistake choosing your FI's sister over your best friend. How do you think your best friend feels? But the PPs are right. You're stuck. You can't do ANYTHING to change it. If someone wants to throw you a shower or plan a bachelorette, they will. I was a BM in my MOH's wedding. Her sister, the MOH, threw her the shower. I organized the bachelorette. Things happen because THEY want to do them FOR you, not because you EXPECT people to do them for you.

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

Uh, you realize that the MOH's job is to get a dress and show up, right?

The problem is that you are expecting her to be your wedding assistant. Not her job, and it's driving a wedge between you two. Stop asking her to help plan your wedding. If you need help, your FI should be the first person you turn to. And you have a friend who sounds like she's willing to help. Go to her. Stop asking the FSIL to help. She's clearly not interested.

On the bridal shower, you need to realize that this is optional, and if she decides to do it, a gift to you. Expecting one is very rude.

gottahavashorti · April 2010

You're not obligated to have a shower and your WP is not obligated to help you plan your wedding. Would you ask the Best Man to go shopping for save the dates ? Probably not. The MOH is no different, her only duties are on the wedding day and end when post-ceremony pictures are over.

Just let it go and don't try to involve her in wedding planning, it doesn't sound like she's interested.

stina93446 · April 2010

Oh, your DD makes you look real mature.....NOT!

Thanks for quoting it pp so we can all see what a baby the OP was being.

jenahkliot · April 2010

I deleted it because I did not know my email address was attached to this and I didn't want anyones feelings to get hurt if they came across it. So say what you want, but it was a mature decision to delete this post. Please do the same to whoever quoted this.

mbcdefg · April 2010

Your e-mail address still shows up whenever you post. So abandon this account and create a new one with a more anonymous screen name, if you are concerned about people you know seeing your posts.

trix1223 · April 2010

I deleted your email address, but the message is still there. You are not the first
b2b to ask this questions, and sadly, you won't be the last.

Had you lurked, you would have found the answer and not had to ask the question. The quoting of your question is with the hope that another new b2b who has been sucked in by the wedding industry's lame "duties" for a MOH will realize that she's making a BIG mistake and will view friendship as far more important than being an unpaid wedding planner.

stina93446 · April 2010

Yeah, your USER name is the email address, not your post.

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

Why would anyone get their feelings hurt if they read this?

If your FSIL read it, she's say "wow, she's nuts" and then "oh, great, some people set her straight, I hope she listened."

duckie1905 · April 2010

Your username is the problem, not your whine filled post.

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