How to say "No"..?

Re: How to say "No"..?

• joe&cassie

  

  June 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_how-to-say-no?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:092918fb-6f47-40e9-a341-4a3fbf81e73bPost:ae1c58d3-24db-4164-be14-c89ab330326f">How to say "No"..?</a>:
  [QUOTE]Advice would be great, here... I have a friend...not really a friend, she's dating a good friend of mine...so we'll say aqquaintance. I have an aqquaintance who is OBSESSED with weddings. She is obsessed SO MUCH, that she tried to tell me how to do my own wedding, what bridesmaids dresses I should pick, and then she insisted that she be in the bridal party because the dress she wanted to bridesmaid's to wear looked good on her. I am not the only one she has done this to, as well...another good friend of mine is having a Disney wedding next Friday (*YAY!*), and the aqquaintance has been trying to force herself into HER wedding as well, because the boyfriend is in the wedding party... I am 99% of the time a real nice person (except in traffic when people can't drive haha)...I rarely tell people 'no', but this girl is pushing to the point that I wanted to just yell at her unprofessionally.  I pretty much said, <strong>"Hey...take no offense, but this is my wedding. I appreciate the opinions, but I already have my Bridesmaids picked out...and I already have dresses in mind."</strong> Was I okay with that? She's still been persistent, and I'm afraid to be stern..what should I do?
  Posted by princesscastillo325[/QUOTE]
  
  You were much nicer than I was... I had the same problem and when she started saying she was going to be a bridesmaid I put my foot down and said "according to who"  in front of all our friends.  Needless to say now she is just insisting on being a guest.  I think you had every right to say no and that you did it in a good way.  If she keeps bringing it up tell her that you appreciate her advice but you have things taken care of and that it is just stressing you out when she brings it up.

  

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• MrsL2014 member

  

  June 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_how-to-say-no?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:092918fb-6f47-40e9-a341-4a3fbf81e73bPost:8afeae52-ba85-4fcc-ad8a-2dc8dee544e8">Re: How to say "No"..?</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to How to say "No"..? : You were much nicer than I was... I had the same problem and when she started saying she was going to be a bridesmaid I put my foot down and said <strong>"according to who" </strong> in front of all our friends.  Needless to say now she is just insisting on being a guest.  I think you had every right to say no and that you did it in a good way.  If she keeps bringing it up tell her that you appreciate her advice but you have things taken care of and that it is just stressing you out when she brings it up.
  Posted by joe&cassie[/QUOTE]
  
  
  I like that one too, I am only wanting to have 2 women in my wedding party because they have been very supportive and close to me for a very long time. But I am kind of having the same issue as you, fiancés friend is in the BM and she is dating him. She asked me who I was having for the wedding party and I told her my MOH and my cousin. She said "and im your maid of honor?" I was floored that she had asked that, especially since she has told me more than once in the past that my fiance deserves better than me. I said "nope I already have the MOH picked out."
  
  She didnt seem to happy about it, but at the time I had no idea what to say other than just be completely honest. But I dont think that what you said was wrong either. This isnt her wedding, and she needs to take a step back and enjoy the wedding as a guest.

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• joe&cassie

  

  June 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_how-to-say-no?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:092918fb-6f47-40e9-a341-4a3fbf81e73bPost:ae4ab7c3-3c61-4a75-a53e-0cd82506069e">Re: How to say "No"..?</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to say "No"..? : Ooh I like this too.
  Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]
  
  SHe didn't talk to me for awhile... It was kinda nice too lol

  

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• GoodLuckBear14 member

  

  June 2012 edited June 2012

  Damn.  Lucy beat me to the bean dip recipe.
  
  It can take a little practice OP so have a list of things in mind that you can change the subject to.  If she does this when your FI is around, you can have a secret signal to him to come rescue you.  DH and I still use these for when we are stuck in conversations with others that we don't want to have.

  Proud to be an old married hag!!

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• princesscastillo325 member

  

  June 2012 edited June 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_how-to-say-no?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:092918fb-6f47-40e9-a341-4a3fbf81e73bPost:af8735b9-8f0c-4fe8-931e-053228b2f07c">Re: How to say "No"..?</a>:
  [QUOTE]Also, who is bringing the wedding talk up?  It sounds like she is.  I would try to avoid it by not talking wedding around her or changing the subject.
  Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]
  
  Yeah, she brings it up A LOT...she has been forcing the idea on her boyfriend, friends, and then me...she sounds like she is living her life through my wedding... they're not even invited to the wedding because I'm not too fond of her...she's one of those girls who tries to steal the spotlight from anyone who is celebrating something (she did this ON MY BIRTHDAY...not cool.) ...so, yeah...I am never one to hog spotlight from others, so I don't like it when people do that to me...
  
  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_how-to-say-no?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:092918fb-6f47-40e9-a341-4a3fbf81e73bPost:04d38de3-756d-4971-9000-0cb14fa04f55">Re: How to say "No"..?</a>:
  [QUOTE]When someone insists on bringing up your wedding plans and you don't want to talk about it, try bean-dipping them. Her:  So who's going to be your MOH? You:  You know, our wedding is four years away.  Right now we're just enjoying our engagement.  Did you try the bean dip?  It's fabulous. Her:  Well, I plan to have you as my MOH someday when I get married, so... You (cutting her off):  Is it cilantro I'm tasting?  I'm not sure what's in this bean dip, but I need the recipe.  Suzy made it, right?  HEY, SUZY... And you go off in search of Suzy, or at least some peace and quiet.
  Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]
  
  
  
  *applause* I LOVE THIS IDEA!!! bahahaha this made my day!!!!! If I ever have a friend make bean dip, I will be sure to use that idea  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />
  
  
  At one point a friend asked me "Annnd....who's wedding is this again???" It's sad that some people try to take over weddings or force themselves to be in yours when you aren't even fond of that person lol...

  

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• J&K10910 member

  

  June 2012 edited June 2012

  I actually don't think the bean dip solution is appropriate here.  Maybe for general wedding talk, but it sounds like this person needs a firm, upfront "I'm sorry, but the wedding party has been chosen, though we will be honored to have you there as a guest."  (If you are, indeed, having her there as a guest.)

  
  
  Everything the light touches is my kingdom.

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• princesscastillo325 member

  

  June 2012

  she actually won't be attending as a guest. I know the bean dip conversation is more for wedding talk...I just try to avoid talking about it with her in general...she brings it up on her own, and as many times as I tell her "Oh, well..I already have that taken care of, but thanks," she will not quit.
  
  how should I word it next time to be more stern, but not... Bridezilla-ish? haha

  

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• princesscastillo325 member

  

  June 2012

  I would rather try to avoid her at all costs...but wherever my friend is, so is she...like velcro haha.
  
  And what makes it MORE awkward is now she is working with my FI! I asked him not to tell her any wedding information so she doesn't get any ideas to "crash" the party...she is one of those types that would, I think...but he just gives her one word answers which is good...I think.

  

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• claudiagior86

  

  June 2012 edited June 2012

  Hate this kind of people. When we got engaged we had friends close to us. My fi was all excited and asked his best friend to bf the best man and my brother and other friend to be the groommen. So this girl the groomman's wife C: congratulations! How awesome!!!!!! So am I part of the wedding party too? Me: of course!!! C: am I going to be the MOH? Me: no, my MOH is going to be A.... Because she is my BFF almost like my sister. You Are going to be next to your H C: that is just bullshit when I'm finally going to be party of a wedding I am goin to only be a piece of s.... Bridesmaid? I wanna be the S.... I want to be the number 1. And have all abt me blah blah blah Me: excuse me? Bestwoman my fi other BFF: LMAO really C? You better come down. Me: I'm going to be the S... Because it will be all about me. I'll be the greatest because I'm the bride. Bestwoman: yeah C. It will be her day C didn't talk to me for the rest of the vacation. And she didn't talk to me for a while when she found out she wasn't going to be part of the wedding party. Now she is mad because her husband is going to my FI's bachelor party for a whole weekend and she isn't invited. He told her that she had to go with the girls to las Vegas to my bachelorette party and she got mad too. I think you did great telling her what u think. If she insist you should tell her. I'm sorry it isn't going to happen. Buy the dress in another color and use it in the wedding. :

  

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• claudiagior86

  

  June 2012

  Oh my god. My phone just made a whole paragraph. I didnt mean too : I'm sorry.

  

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• JoeAnne2013 member

  

  June 2012

  Your first response to her was extremely polite.
  
  Next time just put your foot down.
  
  "I'm not looking for suggestions/My decisions are already made/NO."
  

  

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• princesscastillo325 member

  

  June 2012

  I'm so glad I'm not the only one that thinks so....

  

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• princesscastillo325 member

  

  July 2012 edited July 2012

  I want to thank everyone for their advice and for hearing me out The other day she kept mentioning my wedding plans to our mutual friends...while we were at ANOTHER bride's wedding. I thought that was rude...so rather than make a scene, I casually said "Hey I'm gonna go fix my makeup wanna come?" and she followed me in the rest room. There, I told her the following:
  
  "Look, I know how excited you are about my wedding, but two things: 1) Let's focus on the Bride. this is HER special day, not mine...I think people will find it rude if they hear talk of someone ELSE's wedding that isn't happening yet...Second, the wedding isn't for another year, and I have so much on my plate right now with work and family, I'm putting the wedding on the back burner...but I appreciate your opinions..but for now, let's talk about something else."
  
  She said she understood, but she looked rather mad at me...I stood by what I said, and that was final.

  

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