The Garter Toss

lhyphena · April 2011

I hate the garter toss. Frankly, I don't think it's appropriate for my new husband to stick his hand up my dress in front of my entire family. He thinks I'm insane, and it's as much of a tradition as the first dance. How can I avoid the expected garter/bouquet toss shenanigans without having to explain myself to everyone?

lemark2 · April 2011

Girl, do what you are most comfortable with! It's your day! Although, if this is something really important for your future hubby, I would consider trying to compromise in some way. It doesn't have to look sleezy or inappropriate. It really only takes a few seconds if he is a gentleman about it. I've been to several weddings where there was not garter toss, so either way you go, it will be fine. : )

fcristie · April 2011

I am not sure I want to do one either, and you certainly don't have to do it, but if he really wants to do it....I have been to weddings where they did a garter toss without actually doing the removal part of it. Would he be ok with maybe just pulling the garter out of his jacket pocket to toss it, instead of reaching up your dress to take it off?

DeadUtopia · April 2011

I'm not offended by the garter toss or anything, but we're not planning on doing it or the bouquet toss because we just don't have hardly any single people who will be attending the wedding. Maybe that's a way that you could get out of having to do it??

AdeleDazeem · April 2011

If you don't like a tradition, then you don't have to do it. I've been to weddings with and without garters/bouquet tosses. I've never whispered "where's the garter toss???? They didn't do it!?!?!" I just went with the party. These things aren't everyone's cup of tea.

However, if your fiance really wants to do it, I'd try to find a compromise. Put the garter around your ankle or let him have it in his pocket. It's his wedding, too.

Just becuase you have a garter toss doesn't mean you have to have a bouquet toss. Do what you want in this area.

Good luck!

angelsong21 · April 2011

We aren't doing the garter toss. Many people in my family are very conservative, and I have body image issues anyway after recovering from an eating disorder a few years back. I'm really not comfortable hiking up my dress in front of everyone or having my FIs head all the way up it in front of everyone. I have NO problem with it when other people do it, but it's just not something that I'm personally comfortable with doing.

kellya01 · April 2011

The garter goes right above the knee, so if placement is an issue, put it there, and he won't have to reach far or "hunt" for it. Some people really just don't like it and don't wnat to do it. Consider how important to your FI this 'tradition' is, and if you decide to go ahead with it, place the garter lower on the thigh so it won't feel embarassing. He isn't supposed to lift up your dress AT ALL. It's just a quick slip of the hand and pulling the garter off. That's what we're doing. I would feel pretty inappropriate if FI lifted my dress to show the entire world my leg since that's NOT part of the tradition, and the whole world isn't supposed to technically see up my dress anyway! :-)

SpokenVows · April 2011

My cousin had her husband lift up her dress and then use his teeth. No thank you. It's not something FI and I have really talked about, but I'm pretty sure we'll be in the same boat. He always points out different garters, but I think it would be pretty awkward to have it done with particular family members being there. I'm all for skipping it.

Hellokatie0517 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_garter-toss-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:1296ca21-96b0-4bde-94fe-b86f115a6feaPost:04db94e5-dc69-4a2b-952c-a60c34ab7c9d">Re: The Garter Toss</a>:
[QUOTE]My cousin had her husband lift up her dress and then <strong>use his teeth</strong>. No thank you. It's not something FI and I have really talked about, but I'm pretty sure we'll be in the same boat. He always points out different garters, but I think it would be pretty awkward to have it done with particular family members being there. I'm all for skipping it.
Posted by SpokenVows[/QUOTE]

Classy. :)

Wiscisbliss · April 2011

My family always does the bouquette/garter toss.

But if you don't want to - just skip it. Hopefully everyone at the reception will be having to much fun to notice or care.

If your Fi wants to do it, amybe you can comprimise somehow? Still wear a garter and he gets to take it off at home

bltata · April 2011

If you absolutely don't feel comfortable doing it, don't.

That being said, most of my friends are pretty conservative and I actually had a friend who didn't wear her garter all day anyway, and put it on right before the toss. She didn't place it above her knee. It was actually about halfway up her calf, and her husband barely had to reach up the skirt at all to retrieve it. Most brides lift their skirts more than that when climbing out of a vehicle or taking pictures of their shoes, so maybe that would be a compromise. As long as your FI understands what you want, you might be able to make both of you happy.

bsn1752 · April 2011

I agree with PP. If you don't like it, don't do it.

Magdala9 · April 2011

We just skipped it outright. The DJ was told not to expect it and everyone just kept on dancing the night away.

lthom17 · April 2011

Why do you have to explain to anyone other than your FI? I don't think your guests will care---in fact they'll prob. appreciate you skipping it! I'm thinking we will not do it either...

amycannova · April 2011

We'll do the bouquet and not the garter toss. I don't feel right with my church reception having my husband do that sort of thing.

aswiszowaty · April 2011

My cousin did this and it was very different and unique and may be an idea to consider. They had all the couples asked to the dance floor and then had the dj announce for all those not married to sit, the married for 5 yrs or less to sit, and then 10 years or less to sit and so on until only one couple was left standing. then then handed them a bottle of champagne with a garter around it and what would have been her throwing bouquet to the couple. It was very cute and fun for a change.

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