when to move in?

Tauner23 · November 2010

Ok.. so my FI and I both still live at home with our parents. We are planning to get an apartment when we get married. I personally would like to move in to the apartment with my FI at least a week or two before the wedding so that we could get everything moved in and set up before the wedding so that we don't have to worry about it after the wedding in the midst of doing the whole honeymoon thing etc. We are both very commited to abstaining until we're married so that's really not an issue for us.

I'm not getting married until June so I've got some time to figure this out but I would love to get the perspective of other Christians on this and learn how other people have done it.

azdancer8 · November 2010

My FI and I both live on our own, so our situation is a little different, but I have a suggestion, anyways.

If it was me, I'd "move in" to the apartment before the wedding, like you've said. Get the new place all set up and ready for the two of you to live in. But I wouldn't live there together before the wedding. One of you could live in the new place while the other stays at home that last week or two. The closer you get to the wedding, the harder abstinence will get, and living separately will help keep those boundaries intact.

rachelea · November 2010

Ok, so I will be honest and say that I do spend some nights at FIs now, but we do still abstain and keep our relationship pure. However, I know we won't do that much the closer we get to the wedding because it will be that much harder. You can always have the place and start paying rent, but sleep at your parents. It will be realy crowded moving in anyway so its not really super comfortable to sleep in. Spend the time before settling it, but the first night you spend there would be really great to be as a couple. Because it really will be hard the week before, considering its already hard now!

HTH

hiloak · November 2010

I agree, I would wait until after the wedding for you both to live there. I live at home and my FI has his own apartment, and works nights so the nights he does work I just stay there, and it seems so much easier to just move in there, but I know that it's importat and part of what we believe is true to wait until marriage to even live together. I'd say start researching places and move in somewhere a month or so before and get everythign set up and moved in, he can probably move a majority of his stuff over too(thats what i'll be doing) that way everything is mostly done, and after the wedding/honeymoon there's not much to move. But, I think part of that exciting time of newleyweds is living together and shoudl come after the wedding not before

.

sessionswedding · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_move?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:bc243027-d135-4b00-9ac6-9036b02d1ec6Post:0ce19896-c4c6-44d4-ba1c-3f10e68cedd9">Re: when to move in?</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI and I both live on our own, so our situation is a little different, but I have a suggestion, anyways. If it was me, I'd "move in" to the apartment before the wedding, like you've said. Get the new place all set up and ready for the two of you to live in. But I wouldn't live there together before the wedding. One of you could live in the new place while the other stays at home that last week or two. The closer you get to the wedding, the harder abstinence will get, and living separately will help keep those boundaries intact.
Posted by azdancer8[/QUOTE]
My FI and I both live with our parents and we are doing exactly that. I am moving into an apartment the month before the wedding. For all practical purposes, he will "move in" before the wedding, i.e. he'll move all but a few of his clothes, his TV, his movies and games, etc. to the apartment - and his name will be on the lease - but he will not physically move in himself until the day of the wedding. After we get back from the honeymoon, we'll drop by his parents' house and pick up whatever few remaining items are still there, and he'll be moved in. :D

JoyMatt424 · November 2010

My FI and I do not live together but will most likely be moving in a few weeks before the wedding - fortunately my lease isn't up until July so I can come back to my apartment mostly, but since the move is about 2 hours away I'll probably spend some nights there but on the couch

FI and I spend some nights together here at my apartment when he comes to see me from his parent's house - and he sleeps on the floor. hehe

I personally do not have a problem with moving in a few weeks before the wedding but one of you being the predominant person who lives there and the other person goes back and forth and stays over a few nights in between if necessary.

iamjoesgurl · November 2010

Until we got married we lived in different states. Whenever DH would visit here, I stayed with my parents and he stayed here at the house. He lived with his parents so when I went there, we were not alone. The month before we got married, I went to his house, we packed up his stuff and moved it here. He was here for several days and unpacked everything. Then he went back to his parents' until the wedding. When we got back from the honeymoon, he was all settled in here and we could finally be together.

I agree with what the others have said that it is a lot more difficult as the wedding draws near to abstain. It's really up to you, but it would probably be better for you both to settle in and for just one of you to be there until the wedding.

katanne9 · November 2010

Ditto PPs. I would, for all intensive purposes, "move in" but not "live" there. You've come this far, and even if you are going to abstain during that time, I would just wait and save that excitement of just living together for after the wedding.

Also, honestly, I really doubt you are going to be doing tons of unpacking and setting up your apartment right before your wedding. You may be able to unpack a few things, but you'll be pretty busy with last minute wedding plans.

We got our apartment 2 months before the wedding and I moved in, and we moved in a lot of DH's belongings. he lived at a friend's house until after the wedding. Fortuantely neither of you will need to be paying an extra rent during that time.

kellya01 · November 2010

When my brother and SIL got married, the family helped them move their things into the new place, but for the 2 weeks prior to the wedding, only SIL lived there to try to unpack a few things. It worked out, because her lease on her apartment was up right around that time. My brother stayed in his apartment from previous arrangement until after the wedding, but moved all things he wanted in his new home to the new apartment for the fiancee to unpack.

Honestly, she didn't do that much unpacking, and they both said that it was fun exploring their new life together as husband and wife AND unpacking their new home. It sounds like you have this idea that as soon as you are married, the home has to be perfectly set up. I would say from my brother's experience, as well as my own coming up, it's much more fun to let life unfold in a way that doesn't stress you out before the most important day in the life of your relationship.

Sometimes a little patience in these matters is really hard. Also, I agree with other posts -- if you want to move in and start unpacking, that's fine, but I would absolutely NOT live in the same residence as your fiancee until after you complete the wedding ceremony. In real life and the "abstinence until marriage" we have waited THIS long... a few weeks without temptation could prove to be a good thing!!

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do!

KaitlinRich · November 2010

I know you said both of you feel very strongly about abstaining and I do acknowledge that I do not know either of you or your convictions. I would like to remind you that temptation can be a dangerous thing for anyone. I am reminded of King David, had he been at war with the other kings as was custom he would have never seen Bathsheba on that rooftop. And David was referred to as "A man after God's own heart".

Just be careful and pray about this before you make any choices.

Tauner23 · November 2010

Thanks so much for the responses. You all have great insight. While we are both very commited to abstaining, I definitely don't see the tempation getting any easier and you all are right.. it is probably best to wait until after the ceremony.

Thanks again for the great advice and insight!

MrsTucker2011 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_move?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:bc243027-d135-4b00-9ac6-9036b02d1ec6Post:c54c3d8e-d074-40d2-91a3-555697399b8e">Re: when to move in?</a>:
[QUOTE]I know you said both of you feel very strongly about abstaining and I do acknowledge that I do not know either of you or your convictions. I would like to remind you that temptation can be a dangerous thing for anyone. I am reminded of King David, had he been at war with the other kings as was custom he would have never seen Bathsheba on that rooftop. And David was referred to as "A man after God's own heart". Just be careful and pray about this before you make any choices.
Posted by KaitlinRich[/QUOTE]

I have to agree with this ^^^ I definitely know it's not going to get any easier for me! :)
Good luck! It'll totally be worth the waiting, I'm sure!

hiloak · November 2010

your welcome tauner, remember were all in this together

. I cant wait to move in with FI!!!

SuMmErKuTiE · November 2010

I think it's very important for people to learn how it is to live on their own before getting married. Moving out on your own, learning to live with someone new, and getting married all at once can be a lot to take in all at once. Ever since college, I've either lived in a college dorm or had an apartment so I've known how it is to be independent and on my own for 8 years, but DH didn't move out into his own apartment until we started getting serious. It was a big learning experience for him not to have mom cooking his meals and doing his laundry and needing to answer to someone about where and why you're not home at certain times. It's huge for your independence but also for your maturity and learning to be an adult.

My parents actually taught me this, and said when they got engaged my mom had already been living on her own with a roomate, but my dad decided to leave his parent's house and get his own apartment so he could adjust to living on his own and not with his parents before the wedding, and once the wedding was over, my mom moved in to his apartment and they began their life together.

RNShellyF · November 2010

FI & I get our house 3 weeks before the wedding. We are using 10 days-2 weeks to clean, paint, move in furniture, and belongings, and FI will live in the house until our wedding night, then I will move in

I think it so much more exciting this way, the first night we both spend together in our home will be our wedding night

when to move in?

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