Wedding on a Weekday?

girlpoet10 · October 2010

The venue we're really considering (a gorgeous distillery with barn, etc) is priced within my budget if we have it on a weekday (M-Th) but goes up over double if on F-Sun. Also, most of the weekend days are taken already for the next year or more while weekdays are wide open. I know we'll have more guests be able to come if we do it on a weekend day but my budget is REALLY tight and this is the place we're really wanting to have it. Most of my FI's family will be traveling from out of state which makes it harder. For the two of us, we're okay with a smaller wedding but his family is very big on giant family weddings. What do you guys think?

sister2groom · October 2010

If most of his family is from out of state I think it's asking kind of a lot for a mid-week wedding. Also, if you do have it mid-week skip the rehearsal, no one's going to be able to make that.

Unless it's a holiday, I would really just reconsider the venue. If a sibling was getting married on a weekday out of state I would do everything possible to be there, but anyone else, I don't think I could.

megk8oz · October 2010

There's no rule saying you have to get married on a weekend ... however, if you get married on a weekday, you have to accept the fact that a large percentage of your guests (Especially anybody that has to travel far to attend) will most likely decline. And you also have to accept there's an excellent chance you will be upsetting family members by deliberately picking an inconvenient date. Only you and your FI can decide if this venue is worth dealing with the family drama or not.

FWIW, I don't get a lot of PTO from my job, so unless it was for a sibling or one of my very best friends, I wouldn't be attending a weekday wedding.

aerinpegadrak · October 2010

DH's stepbrother got married on a Friday afternoon. He didn't get the day off to attend. He was supposed to get help to make his day shorter, but it didn't happen. We made the ceremony, but only barely. Had we had to travel, we probably would have had to decline. And that's for immediate family. Any further out, forget it. I can get the time off to attend something like that without any trouble, but my husband can't, and I wouldn't go without him.

We had to pass on our dream venue because we couldn't afford it. It sucks, but such is life. If you guys genuinely want a smaller guest list because you want a more intimate feel for your wedding, then awesome! We only had about 40 guests, and I was really happy with it. But I think going with a smaller wedding just because having it somewhere nice is more important than having family there is just sad.

lalap69 · October 2010

I think you need to find a new venue that you can afford on a weekend.

marissa_claire · October 2010

Yeah, if you have OOT guests don't do a weekday wedding. That's asking them to take off a lot of work, which is fairly inconsiderate. I would say give up other things to afford a weekend wedding or just wait and save the money until you can afford what you want. I know that's not what you want to hear, but people will seriously give you the side-eye if they have to travel for a weekday wedding.

HKD817 · October 2010

As a bride I would tell you and your FI to do whatever makes you happy and your life easier...as a guest to a wedding, I would personally hate a weekday wedding. It's not easy asking someone to take off from their jobs to go to your wedding.

snowflake350 · October 2010

What time of year are you looking at for your wedding? I'd check and see if you could get a holiday Monday such as Memorial Day or Labor Day, and even Veterans Day is on a Friday next year (possibly a Thursday evening wedding) Talk to your out of town guest and find out what they think. Most guest from out of town that travel a long distance end up having to take a day off on a weekend wedding- For Saturday weddings they usually take Friday off to travel and for Sunday weddings Monday. I'm going to my cousin's friday evening wedding 500 miles away next month and had no problem taking a day off to be there. Do what you can to keep your dream venue.

[Deleted User] · October 2010

I am sure there are other venues out there you could fall in love with. Afterall, it is the marriage that matters not all the frills and thrills of the venue. I personally don't like weekday weddings, I think they are just rude. I don't get any pto with my job and my husband's job requires him to be on call, so it would be quite difficult to make other arrangements esp if we had to travel.

TheCranberry · October 2010

If you're set on the venue, can you look into having it during the low season? I assume there aren't many weddings in Jan, Feb or March, and many of the venues I looked at had different pricing depending on the time of year. Maybe a Friday evening or even a Saturday aren't as expensive during those times.

girlpoet10 · October 2010

I probably should have clarified that the family that is out of state is, with the exception of maybe 3 people, made up of people I've never met and that my FI barely knows and the ones he does know, he doesn't like. It's just his parents that want a big family wedding because "that's just how it's done". My FI actually liked the weekday wedding idea BECAUSE it meant most of the family wouldn't be able to make it. He says they typically just use weddings to be catty and talk about how so-and-so's wedding was SO much better, etc. I've said numerous times, let's just invite those we love and who love us. If you don't know who great aunt sally even is, didn't even know you had one, WHY invite let alone plan the wedding around her so she can make it? Does that make sense? I'm not trying to be rude but we really love this venue. However, I also don't want to create family drama.

Thanks to Snowflake (and I think someone else mentioned this too) for the idea about doing it on a holiday; that's a great idea and very much appreciated. I'll look into that as that could be a solution to the problem. :-)

jess9802 · October 2010

Honestly, I think the only acceptable way to do a weekday wedding is to have a small ceremony (courthouse, even) with immediate family and local guests, followed by a hosted dinner at a restaurant afterward. Otherwise, it's just asking for hurt feelings from friends and family who are terribly inconvenienced if they want to attend and have to arrange time off from work or school. Even local guests are unlikely to want to drink and dance as late on a work/school night. A weekday wedding ends up being a much more subdued affair, and then why are you going to spend the money on the great venue?

bgrhm · October 2010

I have to disagree with most of the posts here.... if someone wants to be at your wedding, they will be there. My FI and I both work weekneds, EVERY weekend, so it is equally as hard for us on weekends. Do what is right for your day and budget.

marissa_claire · October 2010

Just to follow up, if FI is basically saying he doesn't want people there and is hoping that having a weekday wedding means that they won't come - then don't invite them!

jerseydevil · October 2010

Family wins over a venue in my book and if you really don't want those people at your wedding don't invite them.

If not inviting them is going to damage your relationship with your FILs (which it sounds like it might) then choose another venue that you can afford on a weekend. A wedding is about people, not the cosmetics and frills.

sstans · October 2010

I'm having the same dilemma, and I am starting to believe that the people who really care enough to be there, will come regardless. Also, if his family is the one with the "pomp and circumstance" big wedding dreams, I'd invite them to pay for it. The cost difference of venues on certain days is ridiculous, and if you're on a tight budget (presumably paying alot yourself), do what YOU want with your money. Some of the posts talk about looking back in ten years and regretting either that "so-and-so" didn't come or that you didn't have the event in your dream venue. If "so-and-so" doesn't come, that's their fault! I'd want to look back and feel that I had the wedding I wanted in the place that I wanted. Hmmm, maybe this has helped me decide. I do think trying to get close to a holiday is a good idea, but there are pros and cons there too (people may already have other holiday commitments).

girlpoet10 · October 2010

bgrhm - thank you! I work a lot of Saturdays too as do a lot of people I know...I would like for them to be able to be there too (more so than random family the FI and I don't know). I've always thought it was supposed to be about the bride and groom but the longer I go and the more posts I read, the more it's like it's supposed to be for other people which is really disheartening. They are not paying for it and if his extended family is anything like his immediate, they won't be happy with it no matter what. Complaining is a sport in their family.

sstans - yup, FI and I are paying for it all ourselves and it looks like of the two of us, it'll mostly be out of my pocket. If I'm paying that much money, I want it to be something he and I really will love. And yeah, in ten or so years, if I let myself be bullied into doing what they want...which is what it would be...I'll regret that far more. Thanks for the support and advice! :-)

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