Different Ideas to ask my friends to be BM's!!!

bkgurlg · May 2012

Hi ladies!!

I'm new to "the knot" and also newly engaged!!!!! I wanted to know different ways to ask my friends to be BM’s and also the moms for the to be flower girls! I’m not really good at DIY

so I wanted an idea that’s not to expensive but creative and memorable! Do any of you ladies have any ideas?? Please let me know!

Thanks!

Shanyce

mbcdefg · May 2012

Did you book your ceremony/reception venues and set a solid date yet? If not, I wouldn't ask your bridal party members until that's all squared away. And once you do that, if the wedding is still more than a year away then I would wait until under the oneyear mark to ask. Plans change, budgets change, relationships change. And it makes no sense to ask someone to participate in an event if you don't know exactly when/where it'll be. If you've done all this ... ask however you want. Small gifts or treating them to dinner or a drink could be nice, but they're not mandatory. I just asked. And never heard of asking in a "special way" before this website. Just don't ask them in a group, because someone who has questions of needs to decline may feel too embarrassed to do so in a group. Ask each of them in private.

MyNameIsNot · May 2012

Wait until you are 9 months out from the wedding before you ask anyone anything.

When the time comes, just ask them. Making a big production out of it takes away from the very personal, very special request and makes it into an impersonal hallmark moment.

bkgurlg · May 2012

This is just an idea, nothing is set in stone yet. I'm not making or going to make a big production out of it. It will be something sent in the mail and since alot of the girls i'm going to ask are distant away a sit down dinner is out of the question. I know a lot of ladies who ask their friends to be BM's without in a creative way other than just asking.

Thanks

aerinpegadrak · May 2012

Are you the kind of person to do everything in a creative way? Do you handmake invitations when you hold dinner parties or go to the movies? If you are, then follow your inclination there for how you'd ask them.

I don't remember how I asked my BMs. I don't remember if I asked most of them. (I know for a fact that I didn't ask my sisters, it was a foregone conclusion.) I don't remember how I've been asked in the past. The idea that asking your attendants to be in the wedding has to be its own sooper speshul proposal was created by a wedding industry trying to milk you for every red cent. The special part is in being involved. Asking is just asking. This is a good lesson in the perspective that will be necessary to keep you sane during wedding planning. Not everything has to be creative or unique.

Just do it in a way that feels natural for you. If I'd busted out a bottle of wine and twee card, my friends would have all looked at me like I'd been replaced by a pod person. They probably would have been right. If you have to get the idea from strangers on the internet, it's probably not something natural or personal.

bkgurlg · May 2012

No i'm not a DIY type person but I am a creative person in terms of making up my own idea and fishing out the idea while another person actually creates it. I just wanted an IDEA of how to ask my friends to be my BM's, i wasn't going to "copy" it off the internet...it was just a suggestion on where to start. But ok well thanks for everyone's help, i'll just come out with my own idea and not get help off the internet.

Thanks,

Shanyce

mschoenf · May 2012

I found really cute glass bottles at Michael's for about $.99 each. I put each girl's name on the outside with letter stickers and tied either a pink or green ribbon around the cork. Inside each glass, I put a poem that asked either to be my bridesmaid or MOH. It was inexpensive and the girls loved it! I gave it to them individually so no one would feel pressured to say yes but they all did!

MyNameIsNot · May 2012

Why don't you call them and ask over the phone? A phone call where you can discuss it with them is so much more personal than mailing something.

jljedel · May 2012

I saw a really cute idea previously for when most of your bridesmaids are out of state.... Send each of them a luggage tag with a cute poem in it asking them to be your bridesmaid! It is relatively inexpensive, I'm sure you can look up a short poem online, and then they have something to attach to their luggage when they come celebrate your big day! I think it is a GREAT idea to go out of your way to ask your BM's and MOH - It is special for them too!

lpowers1118 · May 2012

I think if you want to do something special then do it. Who cares if what anyone thinks.

Off the top of my head you could buy a bunch of ring pops, inexpensive decorative boxes at a hallmark *usually 1.99 or less* and place the ring in the box and put a note inside asking them to be your BM. Kind of like proposing only with a piece of candy. I don't know, just a thought after I saw someone say you shouldn't be proposing to your BMs. GL

ashhernandez · May 2012

First, CONGRATULATIONS!! All of my bridesmaids pretty much knew they were going to be in the wedding party before I formally asked them. After the date was set and I knew my wedding colors, we went to lunch and I gave them their "Be My Maid?" gifts. After lunch we went to look for dresses!! I made hand-painted wine glasses with their initials on them, baked each of them a heart shaped sugar cookie and decorated it (baking is my *thing*), and I wrote out a personalized note to each of them that ended with "Will you be my bridesmaid?" It wasn't anything spectacular but they loved them and were thrilled to be asked in a special way (even though they were all already planning on being in the wedding party). Happy Planning!

bkgurlg · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_different-ideas-to-ask-my-friends-to-be-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:3e8f2d7d-76b9-4a56-812c-426fba5c29e3Post:71ebfc73-7733-4a2a-b23b-86381d5e21fd">Re: Different Ideas to ask my friends to be BM's!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Why don't you call them and ask over the phone? A phone call where you can discuss it with them is so much more personal than mailing something.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

I disagree, mailing something is very personal to me. My fiance is in the Air Force and trust me mail is the number one thing you look forward to even if they can call, so is that not personal as well??? I want to be different and ask a different way, they will of course call me when they receive the gift to give me their answer, and if they say yes we weill discuss details later. Its something I want to do and I am going to do because its MY wedding :)

Thanks

bkgurlg · May 2012

Thanks everyone for your input!! I love all the ideas!!! Whatever I send to them I will each tell them why I chose them to be my bridesmaid! They won't look at me as not being personal because they know I like to do things different, thats just my personality lol.

bkgurlg · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_different-ideas-to-ask-my-friends-to-be-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:3e8f2d7d-76b9-4a56-812c-426fba5c29e3Post:f6afb5c2-f8e9-457b-8ba3-04848da07b9b">Re: Different Ideas to ask my friends to be BM's!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I saw a really cute idea previously for when most of your bridesmaids are out of state.... Send each of them a luggage tag with a cute poem in it asking them to be your bridesmaid! It is relatively inexpensive, I'm sure you can look up a short poem online, and then they have something to attach to their luggage when they come celebrate your big day! I think it is a GREAT idea to go out of your way to ask your BM's and MOH - It is special for them too!
Posted by jljedel[/QUOTE]

That's awesome! I really like that idea since alot of my BM's are all over the place lol, I will definitley keep that in mind! And yes I believe its a creative and thoughtful way to go out of my way to ask them! I always wanted to be a BM (still do) so I take their role serious as well! lol but thanks!!! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

aerinpegadrak · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_different-ideas-to-ask-my-friends-to-be-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:3e8f2d7d-76b9-4a56-812c-426fba5c29e3Post:c1cbe44c-3faa-4d85-bdc5-ef6062b436e1">Re: Different Ideas to ask my friends to be BM's!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Different Ideas to ask my friends to be BM's!!! : I disagree, mailing something is very personal to me. My fiance is in the Air Force and trust me mail is the number one thing you look forward to even if they can call, so is that not personal as well??? I want to be different and ask a different way, they will of course call me when they receive the gift to give me their answer, and if they say yes we weill discuss details later. Its something I want to do and I am going to do because<strong> its MY wedding</strong> :) Thanks
Posted by bkgurlg[/QUOTE]
But you won't get their actual reaction. Yes, they'll probably call after, but you still miss out on the moment and lose a lot of the specialness.

Also, the bolded phrase is something best struck from your vocabulary and mindset. That way lies madness and shattered relationships. Unless you're going to be standing by yourself in the middle of an empty hall, it's not just about you. Lots of other people are involved and invested in the day, and you discount them at your peril.

bkgurlg · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_different-ideas-to-ask-my-friends-to-be-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:3e8f2d7d-76b9-4a56-812c-426fba5c29e3Post:fcdb7c3f-85bb-4535-8fe7-109bec54d83c">Re: Different Ideas to ask my friends to be BM's!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Different Ideas to ask my friends to be BM's!!! : But you won't get their actual reaction. Yes, they'll probably call after, but you still miss out on the moment and lose a lot of the specialness. Also, the bolded phrase is something best struck from your vocabulary and mindset. That way lies madness and shattered relationships. Unless you're going to be standing by yourself in the middle of an empty hall, it's not just about you. Lots of other people are involved and invested in the day, and you discount them at your peril.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

Oh the bolded phrase will stay there until people start donating to MY wedding, until then I will call it that <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />, I'm definitely not a selfish type person as you may assume but I refuse to let anyone control what WE want at OUR wedding, its between MY fiance and I at the end of day. Now I'm definitely open to opinions and ideas but just because we don't say yes to everything doesn't make us selfish and not open to ideas. Thanks for your response but I am already set on the idea I'm going to do....so thanks.

PJSPJS · May 2012

Asking by phone allows for spontaneity, but it also may make some people feel "put on the spot" to say yes. Asking by mail (in some fun, creative way, such as the bottles, luggage tags, or candy rings that PPs have suggested) allows each person to think about it before contacting you. Even if you're 99% sure that everyone will say "yes," I think it's important not to make anyone feel put on the spot.

AEPerpete · May 2012

I asked my BM's in person, and made a little slideshow to send to them afterward. I just took pictures of us, and at the bottom, wrote reasons why I was so fortunate to have them as friends, and told them the good things they bring out in me when I'm with them. They all really appreciated it.

[Deleted User] · May 2012

My best friend asked me to be her MOH when meeting me for lunch. We met at the restaurant and she gave me a small box with a card. The card said, "I can't imagine anything sweeter than having the closest thing to a sister in my wedding. Will you be my maid of honor?" There was a cupcake in the box. We both cried and I still have the card on my fridge... they've been married over a year. It was something really special to me and a moment in our friendship I'll never forget.

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