Is it really that rude...

melaniann · February 2012

We got married last Saturday in Las Vegas (my husband wanted a short engagement) with just friends who live there attending. We are having a reception for our friends at our Martial Arts gym in June after the summer in house tournament (grappling) we are going to have bbq, cake and good times.

In December we are having a renewal ceremony (so I can have my dream wedding) and a nice reception afterward. We were thinking that we can send the invite to close family (I have a very large one) and friends for the ceremony and dinner for the reception. I was thinking about sending a second invite to our gym friends to join the reception later on to celebrate with cake and dancing with us. Is it considered rude to extend this second invite to people who already attended a reception in June??

[Deleted User] · February 2012

I'm not usually one to judge vow renewals or do overs, but this whole thing just sounds silly.

Mrs.B6302007 · February 2012

Yes, yes it is.

NOLAbridealmost · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-really-that-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:69effb68-d141-4693-ba44-f2b941f2e9bdPost:13a630c5-b4b4-44b3-9df6-35512ffb19ee">Is it really that rude...</a>:
[QUOTE]We got married last Saturday in Las Vegas (my husband wanted a short engagement) with just friends who live there attending. We are having a reception for our friends at our Martial Arts gym in June after the summer in house tournament (grappling) we are going to have bbq, cake and good times. In December we are having a renewal ceremony (so I can have my dream wedding) and a nice reception afterward. We were thinking that we can send the invite to close family (I have a very large one) and friends for the ceremony and dinner for the reception. I was thinking about sending a second invite to our gym friends to join the reception later on to celebrate with cake and dancing with us. Is it considered rude to extend this second invite to people who already attended a reception in June??
Posted by melaniann[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>1) If you want to do a vow renewal, that's fine etiquette-wise. But don't do bridal party, bridal shower, bachelorette party, or register because you're already married. </div><div>
</div><div>2) If you do a vow renewal, ALL guests must be invited to the whole thing; it's not okay to just invite some guests for the dinner and invite more people to join in for dancing. It's an all or nothing thing. </div><div>
</div><div>3) It's okay to invite your gym friends to both of the parties because, assuming you follow advice #1, it's understood that the second event is not a gift-giving occasion so it won't look like you're double dipping. </div><div>
</div><div>I hope this helps.

</div>

J&K10910 · February 2012

So you eloped.

Then you want to plan not just a reception, but a reception and then LATER a whole do-over?

Just so we're all on the same page.

melaniann · February 2012

We didn't register anywhere, we are both in our 30's and lived by ourselves for a long time before meeting eachother, we don't need more "stuff", it is just silly. The party in June is after a grappling tournament, brazilian jiu jitsu, more of a party than an actual reception. Also, it is just my fiance and I paying for this, so we can't spend a ton of money on the bigger reception. I don't see anything rude with this since our gym friends are laid back.

J&K10910 · February 2012

Then why the hell did you ask?

I mean, I feel like since you asked, you know on some level that it's rude. If you truly didn't think it was rude, you'd have no reason to ask.

And if you can't spend a ton of money on the larger reception, then I don't get how inviting all your gym friends to it will help.

[Deleted User] · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-really-that-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:69effb68-d141-4693-ba44-f2b941f2e9bdPost:b1621501-3d34-4b6f-8a88-2b94debc96bd">Re: Is it really that rude...</a>:
[QUOTE]We didn't register anywhere, we are both in our 30's and lived by ourselves for a long time before meeting eachother, we don't need more "stuff", it is just silly. The party in June is after a grappling tournament, brazilian jiu jitsu, more of a party than an actual reception. Also, it is just my fiance and I paying for this, so we can't spend a ton of money on the bigger reception. <strong>I don't see anything rude with this since our gym friends are laid back.
</strong>Posted by melaniann[/QUOTE]

Then WTF is the point of your post?

NOLAbridealmost · February 2012

lol, Duds.

Coghoot12 · February 2012

Oh, it's after a Brazilian jiu jitsu grappling tournament? Well then none of the etiquette rules apply. I'm glad you clarified that.

HockeyFan4 · February 2012

oh well since it is Brazillian jiu jitsu and not Muay Thai then everything is fine.

/sarcasm

Bubbalub · February 2012

I just don't see the point of the whole thing later this year at all. You eloped, you got married. You're having a small reception at home at the gym. Ta da!

If you wanted the dream wedding, maybe you and your H should have made some kind of compromise so that you both got what you wanted.

Regardless, yes, it is rude to invite some people to the whole party and some people to the reception only. My friends are laid-back too but they would be hurt if they got invited to 2 receptions and not even one of the actualy ceremonies.

goobersinlove · February 2012

This is like one of those puzzles where you have to count the triangles/squares/etc. Only it's count how many rude things the OP is planning on doing.

Edited for spelling.

HockeyFan4 · February 2012

to be less snarky....congratulations on getting married....enjoy the time with your husband. Have a party to celebrate your tournement....have a summer bbq to enjoy time with your friends and family and accept that you chose to elope.

[Deleted User] · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-really-that-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:69effb68-d141-4693-ba44-f2b941f2e9bdPost:efbb2cea-f8df-4c92-ab3c-f016ceb522c6">Re: Is it really that rude...</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, it's after a Brazilian jiu jitsu grappling tournament? Well then none of the etiquette rules apply. I'm glad you clarified that.
Posted by Coghoot12[/QUOTE]

Ha! This is awesome.

kimiandgary · February 2012

I dont understand the point of the party after the grappling tournament. If you are inviting them to the other party, why have this one?

You probably should have run through this thought process and etiquette problems before eloping....

J&K10910 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-really-that-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:69effb68-d141-4693-ba44-f2b941f2e9bdPost:66485394-5f6c-4eb3-bb32-242006240378">Re: Is it really that rude...</a>:
[QUOTE]to be less snarky....congratulations on getting married....enjoy the time with your husband. Have a party to celebrate your tournement....have a summer bbq to enjoy time with your friends and family and accept that you chose to elope.
Posted by HockeyFan4[/QUOTE]

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU WIN THE LESS SNARKY AWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

J&K10910 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-really-that-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:69effb68-d141-4693-ba44-f2b941f2e9bdPost:5f301e67-f285-41ca-9d58-131300953126">Re: Is it really that rude...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it really that rude... : Ha! This is awesome.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

Should she stay forever and ever?

[Deleted User] · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-really-that-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:69effb68-d141-4693-ba44-f2b941f2e9bdPost:66c80109-5445-441b-bf1a-afa715461ddf">Re: Is it really that rude...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it really that rude... : Should she stay forever and ever?
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

Yes. And she should have a sig and avatar picture so that we can tell her how pretty she is.

HockeyFan4 · February 2012

i was responding after my previous sarcastic post...it just got separated by a fast moving thread....

mkrupar · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-really-that-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:69effb68-d141-4693-ba44-f2b941f2e9bdPost:66c80109-5445-441b-bf1a-afa715461ddf">Re: Is it really that rude...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it really that rude... : Should she stay forever and ever?
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

Yes, but she'll be BSC in 3 days. Let's see where it goes.

J&K10910 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-really-that-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:69effb68-d141-4693-ba44-f2b941f2e9bdPost:2a3d2e26-785c-412e-a285-5b92e46dd52c">Re: Is it really that rude...</a>:
[QUOTE]i was responding after my previous sarcastic post...it just got separated by a fast moving thread....
Posted by HockeyFan4[/QUOTE]

Oh. Ha! Now I look dumb ;)

ggirl2001 · February 2012

I'm not quite sure of the need for so many parties. Have one and call it a day??

Coghoot12 · February 2012

I just didn't really understand why the grappling tournament detail was an essential fact to her argument. If you want to be a loon and have 3 different wedding just own it, don't blame it on jiu jitsu. Is now too soon to go BSC? I can hold off a little longer but I don't post often so I want to make sure I hop on the crazy train early and often.

[Deleted User] · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-really-that-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:69effb68-d141-4693-ba44-f2b941f2e9bdPost:23206cca-592d-436f-8c32-82d5935e0656">Re: Is it really that rude...</a>:
[QUOTE]I just didn't really understand why the grappling tournament detail was an essential fact to her argument. If you want to be a loon and have 3 different wedding just own it, don't blame it on jiu jitsu. Is now too soon to go BSC? I can hold off a little longer but I don't post often so I want to make sure I hop on the crazy train early and often.
Posted by Coghoot12[/QUOTE]

I like crazy. Crazy is entertaining. Not quite as entertaining as a grappling tournament, though.

mkrupar · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-really-that-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:69effb68-d141-4693-ba44-f2b941f2e9bdPost:4ecacabb-fba8-416e-a32d-07c1fb315cf3">Re: Is it really that rude...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it really that rude... : I like crazy. Crazy is entertaining. Not quite as entertaining as a grappling tournament, though.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

Speak for yourself. I OWN grappling tournaments. And we have wedding receptions following each one.

Coghoot12 · February 2012

My wedding theme is "Grappling Tournament". If guests don't show up wearing singlets in my colors they will be escorted out. But not before I take their gift, which better be cash, since I included that demand on the emailed wedding invite.

JoelandLeann · February 2012

Anyone ever try a grapple (the fruit)?

cwill6212 · February 2012

You made the choice to elope and get married now. You only get one wedding and one reception. So, the June reception should be it. Otherwise, it comes across as more of a fundraiser than a wedding/reception.

Cortney1982 · February 2012

I think the only way this is going to work is if you get divorced after your reception this summer so you can get married again later this year. Why did you elope in the first place? It is clearly not what you wanted.

jennipea382 · February 2012

There have been many times I've wanted to just get married at the courthouse so we can be done with that! But at the same time, we both really want our "dream" wedding (within our budget of course). So we decided to wait so we could save. I know it's impossible now, but that's what you should have done. Have a reception if you want but I agree that it's strange to have a big wedding reception after you've been married a while. If you want to do a fancy vow renewal, do at it like, 5 or 10 years. Even 1 year is better than a few months (Kim Kardashian anyone? That "vow renewal" worked well for her).

Is it really that rude...

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