Let's Have a Juicy Conversation :)

dori851 · March 2012

So, this might be TMI to some people, & I apologize in advance if anyone is offended by talking about this!

Anyway, I am wondering what you ladies think about porn? More importantly, what do you think about your FI's watching porn/masterbating? Now? When you two are married? Thoughts on it?

FI & I have had this talk a couple times. Ever since he proposed to me, he hasn't watched porn or masturbated. It was completely his choice! But, he used to watch porn quite a bit. It bothered me a little bit, but not something we would ever get in a fight about. So, I was extremely happy when he made the decision to stop all together! But, my FSIL on the other hand, says if she catches or finds out about her husband watching porn, it's grounds for divorce. Yikes! I don't think I'd ever consider it grounds for divorce, but that's just me!

Just wanted to hear your ladies thoughts on this topic.

jennamarie10 · March 2012

This is juicy!!

I know that everyone has very different opinions on it, ranging from grounds for divorce to loving it.

I personally don't care too much. That being said, if it ever became an issue - i.e. watching porn instead of spending time with me- I would definitely put a stop to it. If it's something he does sporadically when I'm not home or whatever, I probably don't need to know about it, therefore don't care.

S0095042 · March 2012

*cricket*cricket* - very juicy indeed!

t's interesting that you brought this up...only b/c we talk about so much WR stuff but not a lot about the actual relationships behind the weddings...

Personally, the FI and I had several conversations about this when we first moved in together 4 years ago. Before we were living together it didn't really bother me (the porn)...then we started living together ...and all of a sudden porn did bother me. After several discussions (and yes even a fight or two) he decided to stop -- as I said, that was 4 years ago -- it hasn't been an issue since. There has been the occasions when we've watched it together -- mostly for laughs, the cheap stuff is REALLY bad! lol. - obviously that didn't bother me. lol

sfylstra · March 2012

Ooh, I like a good juicy conversation to break up all the wedding talk, lol!

I, personally, don't have a problem with FI looking at it (he looks online) and I think its because guys usually do tend to have a higher sexual need, lol... (at least he wants it more than I have the energy for, haha) plus there are certain *times of the month* where I pretty much tell him to leave me alone for a few days, so I can understand it then... However, it's never been an issue with us, and our sex life has never been impacted by it, so unless there was some extreme unhealthy addiction, I couldn't see it causing a problem and/or ever leading to divorce.

dori851 · March 2012

It's interesting to hear everyone's opinions on this topic! When we were in pre-marital counseling, we had a session to just talk about sex. And our counseler said something that I found interesting. He said that in his eyes, masturbating is KIND of like cheating because he says that he will guarantee 90% of the time someone masturbates, they are not thinking about their SO. It kind of got me thinking, & he is probably right.

I agree that it distorts the image of sex & I think it is so demeaning to women. The time I got most upset about FI watching porn was when I was pregnant. He proposed to me when I was 8 months preganant. But before he did, he would watch porn a lot. And, it just made me feel so disgusted with myself because not only did I feel so insecure about my prego body, but he was looking at these pretty (well, some of them are NOT so pretty lol) women online & it just made me feel like even more crap.

XxKrazy4u · March 2012

My opinion is that if its done in excess that it does sort of desinsitize a man toward sex and also i feel that those images give them something to compare and contrast what he has vs. something he will never have.

I had an ex who was obsessed with it. To the point where he would actually make me feel as though i needed to lose weight, dye my hair, get plastic surgery etc.
It was a real self esteem killer. In fact he was choosing watching porn and all that jazz as upposed to actually having relations with me. So when a man chooses that over whats in front of him, ....yeah thats an issue.

But i would also admit, that i watched it too...not in some time now, but i have... not for my own satisfaction or to arouse myself etc. i actually find most of it to be hilariously rediculous.

I think masterbation/orgasm though is actually healthy for men and women. I watched some show on this not too long ago and it actually is clinically proven and has been studied.

My FI does occasionally watch porn..but its very occasional...as far as i know. LOL
And i dont mind it because our sex life is great and neither of us is complaining. i think a healthy sex life helps the relationship immensly.

dori851 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_lets-have-a-juicy-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:be3574c7-cfb5-4d06-a327-73f0e76d7b19Post:28724d3c-42bb-42c1-91d0-10e3092a3c59">Re: Let's Have a Juicy Conversation :)</a>:
[QUOTE]Ooh, I like a good juicy conversation to break up all the wedding talk, lol! :) I, personally, don't have a problem with FI looking at it (he looks online) <strong>and I think its because guys usually do tend to have a higher sexual need,</strong> lol... (at least he wants it more than I have the energy for, haha) plus there are certain *times of the month* where I pretty much tell him to leave me alone for a few days, so I can understand it then... However, it's never been an issue with us, and our sex life has never been impacted by it, so unless there was some extreme unhealthy addiction, I couldn't see it causing a problem and/or ever leading to divorce.
Posted by sfylstra[/QUOTE]

Our premarital counseler said that if guys don't "get off" at least once every 72hrs, then we will probably see a difference in mood, attitude, etc. Thought that was interesting! LOL

S0095042 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_lets-have-a-juicy-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:be3574c7-cfb5-4d06-a327-73f0e76d7b19Post:1ec6e493-89b5-4fc9-990a-27cccb292b40">Re: Let's Have a Juicy Conversation :)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Let's Have a Juicy Conversation :) : Our premarital counseler said that<strong> if</strong> <strong>guys don't "get off" at least once every 72hrs, then we will probably see a difference in mood, attitude</strong>, etc. Thought that was interesting! LOL
Posted by dori851[/QUOTE]

this irritates me to no end (not you :) -- just this mentality) - don't get me wrong, I love sex but I don't feel like not getting it every time he wants it is an excuse for him to have a mood change/be in a bad mood...

that mentality (to me) just seems like a "you're my 1950s wife so when I want it I should get it" -- maybe I'm off base here, but that's how I feel about it. lol

my MOH has a FI like this and she tells me about it...I"D KILL HIM. He gets all crappy and has little tantrums and says, "i'm a guy...i need it" or "when we started dating I told you I had a high sex drive" -- it's like seriously?! She's exhausted from raising <em>your</em> kid and working all the time!

dori851 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_lets-have-a-juicy-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:be3574c7-cfb5-4d06-a327-73f0e76d7b19Post:eac2b130-2170-4d6c-8047-380590467bcc">Re: Let's Have a Juicy Conversation :)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Let's Have a Juicy Conversation :) : this irritates me to no end (not you but this mentality) - don't get me wrong, I love sex but<strong> I don't feel like not getting it every time they want it is an excuse for him to have a mood change/be in a bad mood</strong>... that mentality (to me) just seems like a "you're my 1950s wife so when I want it I should get it" -- maybe I'm off base here, but that's how I feel about it. my MOH has a FI like this and she tells me about it...I"D KILL HIM. He gets all crappy and has little tantrums and says, "i'm a guy...i need it" or "when we started dating I told you I had a high sex drive" -- it's like seriously?! She's exhausted from raising your kid and working all the time!
Posted by S0095042[/QUOTE]

I agree with you here!

S0095042 · March 2012

@dori581 was it a male counselor who said this? lol.

- just curious, lol.

dori851 · March 2012

Haha, yes it was! How ironic, huh?

mancila60 · March 2012

Oh I really like this conversation. And I agree it's so nice to talk about relationships and not the wedding for once. I love how everyone has almost the same opinion on this.

Good thing is my FI is not really into it but I have to admit I have watched it a few times. And we have watched it together but really it is cheesy and we end up laughing about it.

If he wants to pleasure himself that is fine with me I know there are times where we either can't or won't give it to them (i.e. being pregnant) that they will eventually decide to do it for themself. I don't mind that just don't make it a habit.

I don't think it is grounds for divorce unless it becomes a habit that he refuses to stop. Which to me would be the same as a drug/alcohol addiction.

Can we have NWR conversations about relationships every week? I think it breaks things up a little bit and I like it!

S0095042 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_lets-have-a-juicy-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:be3574c7-cfb5-4d06-a327-73f0e76d7b19Post:5050c789-710f-436b-9ad7-cd22218624fb">Re: Let's Have a Juicy Conversation :)</a>:
[QUOTE]Can we have NWR conversations about relationships every week? I think it breaks things up a little bit and I like it!
Posted by mancila60[/QUOTE]
ha, i agree :)

<div id="forumPostAuthor[12]" class="Discussion_UserName">@<a href="http://community.theknot.com/cs/ks/user/default.aspx?membershipid=4616154839092869&plckUserId=4616154839092869" target="_blank" class="username_knot"><u><font color="#0066cc">dori851 </font></u></a>--- you're right, ...very convenient irony then, huh?! <strong>lol</strong>. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-cool.gif" border="0" alt="Cool" title="Cool" /></div>

gsg717 · March 2012

Love this topic! A few months into our relationship, FI started having trouble getting it up or keeping it up. He insisted his attraction to me had not changed, so I asked what had changed in his sexual life/habits (I was thinking he was masturbating too much). Apparently, he'd stopped watching porn by choice. He said, "I have someone to have sex with, why should I watch porn or masturbate?"
I explained to him that porn offers variety, masturbation is his alone time, and it helps with stress relief. I encouraged him to resume his porn watching & masturbation, and let him know that I was perfectly fine with it. He has not had a problem since. We should experiment and have him stop again and see what happens.
As long as it's not excessive and interfering with our lives or sexual relationship, I like that he watches porn. I actually call it "his girlfriends", and I'll say "I'm tired tonight, go play with your girlfriends." I don't feel any pressure to look like anyone else, and he makes it obvious that he is VERY attracted to me and my features. Honestly, I don't even know he watches unless I ask him or go looking for it (I know the website he likes to go to). It's been interesting to see how his porn preferences have changed. He now watches a lot more black girls than before. I'm the first black girl he's been with (he's Puerto Rican). And he watches a lot more "Big Ass" videos than "Big Tits" videos. I have little boobs and a huge butt.
Sometimes, we watch porn together. Or I let him watch while I give him a BJ (tmi?). I'd rather that than him cheating or requesting a threesome (both of which he is morally opposed to anyway). We're both very happy with our sex life and the role that pornography plays in it.

fluttaby32 · March 2012

I am NOT okay with it. It does feel like cheating to me. Masturbation is one thing, but porn is another- Im not okay with FI getting turned on like that by another woman! Im not talking grounds for divorce, but a big deal nonetheless.

bpphoto785 · March 2012

I agree that we should start having more relationship related posts!!

I don't have a problem with any of it, porn, masturbation, strippers as long as it doesn't become obsessive. I know that FI masturbates and watches porn and it doesn't bother me because it doesn't affect our sex life. If anything it might improve it because (TMI WARNING) he comes out with these new moves sometimes and I have to wonder where he gets them from

As far as it distorting sex, I think it's like any other fantasy or movie. We all know that's not how life really is, but it's nice to fantasize sometimes. He's never made me feel uncomfortable about myself, he knows my boundaries and is extremely faithful and that's what matters.

dland0201 · March 2012

I like the idea of NWR conversations as well.

We have never talked about or had the porn topic come up. I don't ask him if he masturbates and I wouldn't have a problem with it if he did. I wouldn't mind if he watched porn either. But like I said he has never mentioned watching it before. When it comes to strippers though as the PP mentioned I don't like the idea of it. I am okay if he goes once in a while for a bachelor party or something but not just because he feels like it on a whim. I don't like the idea of him getting a lap dance.

Cackle6 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_lets-have-a-juicy-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:be3574c7-cfb5-4d06-a327-73f0e76d7b19Post:0cc169be-70ba-41d3-8f14-dcbf5d27e8e4">Re: Let's Have a Juicy Conversation :)</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree that we should start having more relationship related posts!! I don't have a problem with any of it, porn, masturbation, strippers as long as it doesn't become obsessive. I know that FI masturbates and watches porn and it doesn't bother me because it doesn't affect our sex life. <div>As far as it distorting sex, I think it's like any other fantasy or movie. We all know that's not how life really is, but it's nice to fantasize sometimes. He's never made me feel uncomfortable about myself, he knows my boundaries and is extremely faithful and that's what matters.
Posted by bpphoto785[/QUOTE]

</div><div>All of this exactly. I watch porn occasionally myself, and rather enjoy it. I honestly don't understand people who have such a big issue with it (unless it's obsessive and affecting your relationship). I'm big on the whole "I'm married, not dead" saying. I don't think looking at other naked women (or me looking at other naked men, or women in my case since I'm bi) is a big deal. I think it's actually a quite natural reaction. Even lap dances don't bother me. I trust my FI, and I know that he's always coming home to me, and if he happens to come home to me horny after a night out with the boys at a strip club, then even better. :)</div>

ladychambers83 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_lets-have-a-juicy-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:be3574c7-cfb5-4d06-a327-73f0e76d7b19Post:d7a15d67-bac8-4501-a66a-7de7a745e0a4">Re: Let's Have a Juicy Conversation :)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Let's Have a Juicy Conversation :) : All of this exactly. I watch porn occasionally myself, and rather enjoy it. I honestly don't understand people who have such a big issue with it (unless it's obsessive and affecting your relationship). I'm big on the whole "I'm married, not dead" saying. I don't think looking at other naked women (or me looking at other naked men, or women in my case since I'm bi) is a big deal. I think it's actually a quite natural reaction. Even lap dances don't bother me. I trust my FI, and I know that he's always coming home to me, and if he happens to come home to me horny after a night out with the boys at a strip club, then even better. :)
Posted by Cackle6[/QUOTE]

THIS!!! It doesn't bother me at all. We watch it together and have actually made our own movies (TMI?? lol) but I find its a nice way to spice things up, learn new moves etc. I even have a nickname that we use
I believe my comfort comes in knowing that he doesn't compare me to them, and he doesn't watch it excessively. If he had an addiction and it was interfering in our own sex life then I'd definitely have to re-evaluate.

I like these NWR relationship topic... We definitely have to do it more.

heightdeprived · March 2012

I'm also one of those people that doens't have a problem with it. FI has a WAY higher sex drive than me. I know he masturbates, which I don't care about, and I know he watched porn occasionally while doing it, which I"m also okay with. I'd much rather he do that, then go somewhere else to satisfy himself. I have a ridiculously LOW sex drive, so I understand that he needs a release. I've never thought of it as cheating, and I never will. Unless it comes to a point where he'd rather do that then be with me I won't have a problem with it. I know he finds me beautiful and attractive and sexy.

mandi921vh · March 2012

I don't mind if FI masturbates because he wants sex far more than I do, and there is a certain week each month where we are not having sex. I understand he has needs. However, while I am not a fan of porn myself I don't mind if FI watches porn while he masturbates. Men are visual, they need pornography to "get off," whereas women who masturbate can easily visualize their "fantasy."

Of course if he started wanting to masturbate and watch porn instead of having sex with me it wouldn't be grounds for divorce, but grounds for counseling because he obviously has something else going on.

lnvane00 · March 2012

I like reading all this juicy info! In a not weird way

pantherRN · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_lets-have-a-juicy-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:be3574c7-cfb5-4d06-a327-73f0e76d7b19Post:153f4b0e-f6d1-4fd9-9fdc-7f2638c3f73a">Re: Let's Have a Juicy Conversation :)</a>:
[QUOTE]Of course if he started wanting to masturbate and watch porn instead of having sex with me it wouldn't be grounds for divorce, but grounds for counseling because he obviously has something else going on.
Posted by mandi921vh[/QUOTE]

This, I don't really care. There are few things in my mind that are grounds for divorce without trying counseling first.

mancila60 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_lets-have-a-juicy-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:be3574c7-cfb5-4d06-a327-73f0e76d7b19Post:6ce5671a-e5cd-4457-b4fc-61394be89d5c">Re: Let's Have a Juicy Conversation :)</a>:
[QUOTE]I like reading all this juicy info! In a not weird way ;)
Posted by lnvane00[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. I am not close to many girls my age. So getting to have adult conversations about sex/relationships etc is nice for once. Plus I have been getting tired of wedding talk lately because it has consumed my life with everyone.

classykat22 · March 2012

Thanks for the topic change ladies...nice diversion from all the wedding stress! This is a touchy subject for me because I used to have one opinion but it changed when FI and I moved in together. I used to be very laid back about porn, masterbation and strip clubs. In fact, in previous relationships, I would encourage my partner to partake in those activities because I was not as sexually "needy" as they seemed to be. When FI and I started dating, I maintained the same perspective with him and we openly talked about that aspect of our relationship. As things got more serious with us though, I started to be more uncomfortable with him enjoying those activities. His job often takes him out of town and he would tell me that he and some of the guys from the site he was working at, were going to go out to a strip club together. At first I seemed ok with it but, the more I thought about it, the more it made me sad because he was out there looking at someone else and getting enjoyment out of it. After we moved in together, I just couldn't support him watching porn or going to a club because it felt like he needed something more than what I was giving him, and that isn't a relationship that felt balanced to me. We talked a LOT about it and when I asked him if he would be ok if I went to a club to watch men, or watched porn on my own to be pleasured, he was completely against it. Once he realized what I was feeling and why, he stopped everything. We have watched some porn together, and we just laugh a lot but it's been fun and a new learning experience for him (he wasn't comfortable watching that with me in the room) LOL

For our bachelor(ette) party in Vegas, our friends took us to a strip club and FI was so angry because he said that's not something he ever wants to do again...with or without me present. It was interesting to see him be so against something that he used to enjoy so much, just a few years ago!

AurorasEnvy · March 2012

I don't mind it. It's not something we talk about a lot, really. Both of us work demanding jobs that often leaves us pretty tired, so we probably aren't as "active" as most couples in that respect. I honestly don't see when FI would even have time to watch it, but I don't mind about that sort of thing as long as it isn't an addiction or affecting our relationship as far as expectations about looks, performance, etc. goes.

I know that for some men it can become a major addiction - in HS the guy I was dating was addicted to it, which made me feel bad because obvious me being there wasn't enough for him.

DianaL616 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_lets-have-a-juicy-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:be3574c7-cfb5-4d06-a327-73f0e76d7b19Post:604f3a64-3ee4-4b92-9c39-61a60cdc0b99">Re: Let's Have a Juicy Conversation :)</a>:
[QUOTE]I am NOT okay with it. It does feel like cheating to me. Masturbation is one thing, but porn is another- Im not okay with FI getting turned on like that by another woman! Im not talking grounds for divorce, but a big deal nonetheless.
Posted by fluttaby32[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I agree with this post. I understand it's healthy to masterbate and that I'm not the only person in the entire world that FI will find attractive but I don't agree with looking at porn. I think it's degrading and gives the wrong idea about how to treat women and sex (and I say this is from personal experience). FI can masterbate all he wants, I just don't like porn or strip clubs.

</div>

LBug24 · March 2012

While I don't love the idea of it, I realize that 99.9% of my not loving it comes from MY insecurities, and that's my issues, not his.. Men and women are different and have different needs. The logical side of my brain knows that masturbation is normal and porn may go along with it. Honestly, I'd rather it be to some random stranger girl he's never going to see or interact with than exgfs or girls he actually knows. Atleast then I know it's purely just physical and visual. It has nothing to do with me and what I am/am not, it's just how they work.

So while I may not be one of the girls who encourages it, it's not worth a fight to me. It is what it is as long as he is not choosing that over ME.

Also: love this convo

Let's Have a Juicy Conversation :)

Re: Let's Have a Juicy Conversation :)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Let's Have a Juicy Conversation :)

Re: Let&#039;s Have a Juicy Conversation :)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Re: Let's Have a Juicy Conversation :)