Thursday weddings?

JacklovesSarah · January 2012

I read somewhere (probably on The Knot) that people are starting to opt for weddings on Thursdays so that they can have their wedding in the month that they want at the venue they want. Is this ok if you have 10+ out-of-town guests in a 250 person wedding? I want to be ready to make a decision should my venue be booked on the Saturday that I want to get married.

Is Friday even appropriate?

J&K10910 · January 2012

What's more important to you--having the date you want, or your guests being able to make it?

I wouldn't go OOT for a Thursday wedding unless you were my very best friend. And even IN TOWN, a Thursday wedding would be pretty inconvenient. Perhaps you should check with the important people in your life first.

mari0225 · January 2012

It will be hard for some people to come on a Thursday, one of my friends is having hers on a Thursday and i'm not able to go...of course it's also in England so there's that as well. I think as long as the guests aren't coming from too far it should be okay, just send out to STD's to let them know so they can plan accordingly.

mari0225 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thursday-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:eff5327b-30b0-4b41-bdef-bfc62ab563e4Post:0d72238f-f77c-4dd3-86f8-0150fddd918d">Thursday weddings?</a>:
[QUOTE]I read somewhere (probably on The Knot) that people are starting to opt for weddings on Thursdays so that they can have their wedding in the month that they want at the venue they want. Is this ok if you have 10+ out-of-town guests in a 250 person wedding? I want to be ready to make a decision should my venue be booked on the Saturday that I want to get married.<strong> Is Friday even appropriate</strong>?
Posted by JacklovesSarah[/QUOTE]

Oh Friday would be better. You should check with the people that you really want there about Thursday to make sure that they are at least able to come.

MattsPenguin · January 2012

I agree with J&K. If you'd rather have the place that you want than be sure that everyone you want to attend can be there, then Thursdays are fine. It's not going to be as big of a party (or last as long), since most people will work the next day if they aren't OOT.

balasj · January 2012

Friday is plenty appropriate if you can't get Saturday - I would imagine it's more appropriate than Thursday, unless there are some religous reasons you would opt out of a Friday night or Saturday.

Thursday can be hard even for local guests who are working full time and may need to leave early to get to your ceremony, not to mention they'll either be dragging the next day or have to take the day off. Certainly it can be more affordable for the bride and groom and also you're more likely to get your venue/vendors but I think most people prefer a weekend since its easier on everyone to make it to a Friday night or weekend wedding.

aragx6 · January 2012

It's better than a Tuesday, but it's definitely going to be an inconvenience to your guests. Only you can decide if that's going to affect your decision. The key is to check first with anyone who'd break your heart if they couldn't attend.

specialk84 · January 2012

I would not attend a Thursday wedding, even in town, unless you were related to me or a good enough friend for me to consider letting you have my kidney.

People have to work, and depending on your start time, you'd put them in a bad position of either having to leave work early or be in a super rush to make it to your ceremony. It's not worth it. The party will likely end early, since most people will have to work the next morning and will be tired from working all day.

Fridays are fine, but once again, the time should be late enough so people can get there.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · January 2012

Friday or Sunday are much preferable to Thursday.

JessRabbid · January 2012

I'm having a thursday evening wedding (Its our anniversary), and so far no one has really seemed to have an issue with it, Were doing a 530 ceremony so it late enough that most people will probably only have to l;eave work early, and if they want to, take the friday off. I sent out the STD's like 8 months in advance to make sure people had plenty of time to work on travel plans.

StephBeanWed61502 · January 2012

A Thursday wedding would annoy me if I was local, but I would probably suck it up and try to go anyway, then just leave early because I have work Friday morning. If I was OOT, I'd skip your wedding, because there's no way I could take 2-3 days off from work for your wedding unless you are an immediate family member.

Friday nights can still be a little inconvenient for OOT guests, but it's not as annoying as Thursday.

mari0225 · January 2012

I went to a Monday wedding right after Christmas that was annoying, I had to leave work early and then leave the reception early so not fun, to me that would be like a Thursday wedding.

tenofcups4me · January 2012

I don't care for Friday night weddings, but I do think they're better than a Thursday. And I've got no problem with Sunday afternoon or evening weddings.

Thursday is tough. I'd attend if it was local, but I have a pretty flexible schedule and DH has a very flexible schedule. If it were OOT, it would depend on how close I am to you.

If the OOTers are important to you, I'd check with them and make sure they can make it on a Thursday and also check with any key in-town people.

mica178 · January 2012

I've been to a Monday DW. It was in Hawaii. Most of the guests took off several days and made it a vacation.

Of course, if you aren't getting married in a cool place that people want to visit, then a weekday wedding is an annoyance and will likely result in a high decline rate.

I agree with PPs. Ask your most important friends and family what they think. If they are all on board, go for it. Otherwise, try for a Friday, Saturday or Sunday wedding that would reduce how many days off your guests would have to take.

minionlover · January 2012

I am having a Thursday wedding. Its a DW in FL. We are only inviting about 30 people and those that are on our must have list already said that they would be there. If I were having a wedding as large as yours, I would stick to Friday, Saturday or Sunday.

annakb8 · January 2012

To me having a wedding at a time convenient for my guests (like a Saturday, Sunday, or possibly Friday night) is more important then getting married in the "right" month, or even the "right" venue. And I sure as hell wouldn't plan a wedding on a school night just because it was my dating anniversary.

I mean I got married in August in Florida. It was hot as hell. I did not want to get married in August and it's pretty much the worst month to have a wedding in Florida. But that's what worked out for me and my guests, so that's what I did.

specialk84 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thursday-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:eff5327b-30b0-4b41-bdef-bfc62ab563e4Post:b3e15ab9-d824-4832-a08c-6853b59d35f1">Re: Thursday weddings?</a>:
[QUOTE]To me having a wedding at a time convenient for my guests (like a Saturday, Sunday, or possibly Friday night) is more important then getting married in the "right" month, or even the "right" venue. <strong>And I sure as hell wouldn't plan a wedding on a school night just because it was my dating anniversary.</strong> I mean I got married in August in Florida. It was hot as hell. I did not want to get married in August and it's pretty much the worst month to have a wedding in Florida. But that's what worked out for me and my guests, so that's what I did.
Posted by annakb8[/QUOTE]

<div>Truth. I think that's pretty selfish.</div>

bmoruzzi · January 2012

I probably wouldn't go to a Thursday wedding, even if it was in town. I did however have a Friday wedding and no one complained to me. There was only one couple that wasn't able to make the ceremony, but did make it to the reception. I didn't mind at all and were glad they could come for dinner. I think Thursday would be very inconvenient to your guests.

random4180 · January 2012

I'm having a Wednesday wedding. I'm realistic about the fact that attendance will be lower and that it will end earlier and honestly, that's fine with me. Truth is, I can't afford a Friday, Saturday, or Sunday wedding (I have yet to find a place where it is a possibility to do that in the NYC for less than 30k and with more than fifty people...) I checked with my VIPs and they can come and that's what matters to me.

I realize everyone has their own perspective and from mine, I know we have a lot of friends who are students, teachers, retired, or work jobs where Sat and Sunday aren't necessarily a day off. My mother is a nurse and my brother is an EMT and it's a LOT harder to get a weekend off in the summer than a weekday. I also know I'll be happy if the only ones who show up are our very best friends and our family (since people mentioned that being the ONLY scenario where they'd go) and since I checked with them, that's a yes. I'm happy to have our party short and sweet- being in bed by nine with my new husband sounds pretty good to me!

Everyone constantly says to host the wedding you can afford but I don't understand why that can't include a weekday wedding? I mean, sometimes it seems like you can't win because if you have it on a weekend you may limit your guest list to the turnout you'd have with a weekday wedding anyway, the difference being that with the weekday wedding you can sometimes afford to at least invite those extra people and let them have the choice of whether or not it's worth the trouble. To me it's not rude or selfish when you let people know well in advance, check with all the people you really NEED there, plan to provide proper food and drink should you happen to get 100% attendance, AND don't throw a bridezilla tantrum when you don't get a huge turnout.

whitsy · January 2012

We had a Friday wedding, so I hope it was appropriate.

Thursday would be annoying, but if I was in town, I'd go. Otherwise, with my job, it's not real convenient for me to take time off. Talk to your important people.

goobersinlove · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thursday-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:eff5327b-30b0-4b41-bdef-bfc62ab563e4Post:b3e15ab9-d824-4832-a08c-6853b59d35f1">Re: Thursday weddings?</a>:
[QUOTE]To me having a wedding at a time convenient for my guests (like a Saturday, Sunday, or possibly Friday night) is more important then getting married in the "right" month, or even the "right" venue. And I sure as hell wouldn't plan a wedding on a school night just because it was my dating anniversary. I mean I got married in August in Florida. It was hot as hell. I did not want to get married in August and it's pretty much the worst month to have a wedding in Florida. But that's what worked out for me and my guests, so that's what I did.
Posted by annakb8[/QUOTE]

And best answer goes tooooooo ANNAKB8.

Ali092011 · January 2012

I have to respectfully disagree with many of you. I understand that Thursday weddings aren't widely accepted (though they are seemingly becoming more common), but I don't understand the logic that having a Thursday wedding is inherently selfish. If the bride goes into it with the attitude that "oh, if you can't go to my Thursday wedding, then it's because you don't care enough," then that's horrible. But if ANY bride had that attitude, it would be terrible. Every bride has to go into planning knowing that there will be people who cannot come. I would LOVE to have every single invited guest attend my wedding, but it probably won't happen no matter what date I choose.

My FI and I are having our wedding on a Thursday evening. We checked before booking and it seems actually the majority of our guests will be able to make it. The whole "you're selfish for planning a wedding on a school night" is silly in our case, as we are not inviting children and most of our guests are not currently in school. I have a lot of guests who are retired or have bizarre work schedules, and as for co-workers, FI is a chef and I work in a pharmacy--there IS no "good" time for EVERYONE. I have already resigned myself to the fact that at least two out of the six people I work with will not be able to come to my wedding because they will be in the pharmacy. But that would be the case on a Saturday, too.

I am a little insulted by the insinuation that I care more about my venue/anniversary/whatever than my guests just because I chose to have my wedding on an "off" day. Admittedly, I think it's ridiculous to use an anniversary as an excuse to have your wedding on a certain date, regardless of the day of the week. However, I don't think it's ridiculous to choose a nontraditional day as a means of securing a beautiful venue at a more affordable price.

I also think it's kind of strange to get "super pissed" if you "have" to attend a Thursday wedding. If ANY event is that much of an inconvience, I just don't go and I get over it. I get invited to things that are not convenient for me all the time. I either decline the invitation, or I decide whatever it is is worth being tired the next day/taking a vacation day at work/switching something on my schedule. If a friend decided to have a DW sometime in the near future, I would have to RSVP "no" because I don't have the money right now and can't take the time off from work. But I wouldn't call that person "selfish" for planning something that wasn't convenient for me.

For the OP: Think about your guest list. Check around with family and friends. With 250 guests, you MAY be better off with a Saturday night. If it works for you, your FI, and the people you most want to be there, and if you're okay with possibly more people declining than would on a Saturday, then I don't see why you wouldn't do it. If you're inviting a lot of people with Monday through Friday workdays, you may be better off trying a Friday or Saturday night.

random4180 · January 2012

We actually are getting married on our anniversary but I wouldn't say that's an "excuse" or "selfish." I knew starting out that we would be getting married in the summer, one of our big concerns was not having it during football season as we are big football fans (seriously, this was practically my fiance's only requirement besides me being there!) or during the dead of winter since Northeast winters can be quite unpredicatable and there are several of our our guests and family members who have regular school schedules to contend with outside of summer months. That pretty much left all of July and most of August and, having gotten engaged on our last anniversary (August 8, 2011,) I didn't want to have less than a year to plan. Oh, and we didn't want a long engagement so no setting a date in 2013/14.

Sure, the date is sentimental in the same way "our song" is sentimental and where we had our first kiss is sentimental but it wasn't the sole reason for picking the date we did. I definitely looked at August 11th and 12th, for instance, but my area is WAY too expensive for that!

Ali092011 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thursday-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:eff5327b-30b0-4b41-bdef-bfc62ab563e4Post:d2201079-be0c-401a-ad7c-0f2953769219">Re: Thursday weddings?</a>:
[QUOTE]We actually are getting married on our anniversary but I wouldn't say that's an "excuse" or "selfish." I knew starting out that we would be getting married in the summer, one of our big concerns was not having it during football season as we are big football fans (seriously, this was practically my fiance's only requirement besides me being there!) or during the dead of winter since Northeast winters can be quite unpredicatable and there are several of our our guests and family members who have regular school schedules to contend with outside of summer months. That pretty much left all of July and most of August and, having gotten engaged on our last anniversary (August 8, 2011,) I didn't want to have less than a year to plan. Oh, and we didn't want a long engagement so no setting a date in 2013/14. Sure, the date is sentimental in the same way "our song" is sentimental and where we had our first kiss is sentimental but it wasn't the sole reason for picking the date we did. I definitely looked at August 11th and 12th, for instance, but my area is WAY too expensive for that!
Posted by random4180[/QUOTE]

It sounds like it's working for you and your guests and you clearly put a great deal of thought into it. I see no problem. :)

random4180 · January 2012

Oh Lord, did we ever, lol!

BTW- I love your inspiration bouquet!

gsg717 · January 2012

Get married on whatever day you choose, and give PLENTY of advanced notice. Our wedding is on a Tuesday. We chose our date b/c it will be our 2yr anniversary. I'd planned to do this from before I'd even met my man, I just like the flow of dates. He and I just happened to link up on May 1, and 2012 ended up being the right year to get married. Everyone has known for a while (we've been engaged for almost 1.5yrs by now), and whoever can make it will make it.

We did consider other dates/days of the week. Ultimately, its what worked for us with our work schedules,and it worked out perfectly for our venue as well. My youngest sister won't be able to attend, among others I'm sure. She understands and respects my reasons for having my wedding on a Tuesday. I understand and respect her reasons for not being able to attend. No hard feelings on anyone's part.

Think of it this way: would it be rude or selfish to have a destination wedding? Not everyone would be able to make it to that. We actually moved our wedding from St. Lucia to NYC (I can't figure out how to change my ticker) to accomodate many of our family members who can't travel. But we can't please everyone. That's life.

kipnus · January 2012

We're having a Friday afternoon "semi-destination" wedding in my home town (5 hour drive from where we live). Most of our guests either live in my home town (mostly older, retired family friends and relatives), or are traveling from out of province/country to attend, (taking a day or two off work anyway).

We're guessing that it's our friends who live, work, and attend school here that will be the least likely to take a day off work, travel 5 hours, pay for a hotel, and come back the next day, so we'll be having an "AHR" on the Sunday night (ending at 10pm). Should be fun!

If I were local, I would definitely be fine with attending a Thursday night wedding, if it didn't go ridiculously late. Even if things did get late, I would just stay as long as reasonable, then give my best wishes and leave!

Since you said you only have 10 (+) OOT guests out of 250, I don't think it's unreasonable, unless those 10+ are VIPs.

jmp2004 · January 2012

I'm having a Thursday wedding, but it's in Vegas, so the few people that are coming are making a vaca out of it.

Check with immediate family and those OOT guests that you want to be there to see if its something they can swing. In the end though, you have to make the decisions for what you want your wedding to be.

enewsome2 · January 2012

Wow. A lot of harsh reviews of Thursday weddings.

I would politely disagree with the nay-sayers, but then again, I'm having a Thursday evening wedding.

I'm having only blood relatives at my (5 PM) ceremony (approx 35 people..), and 120 close friends and relatives at a 7-9 PM reception. I'm not having dancing, just appetizers, drinks and socialization.

I would hope that none of my guests are "offended" by my Thursday evening reception, but, I'm sure if they are, they are close enough to just tell me.

However, most of mine are in-town. My out-of-town relatives will (mostly) not be able to attend (financially) regardless of the day.

Go with your gut, and maybe just ask your close guests their opinions.

goodine11 · January 2012

I am doing a Thrusday wedding ( June 21,2012). People normally have to take a day or two off from work for an out of town wedding. They are just taking different days off. Have the wedding on the day you want your wedding. It's your day?

jenniferb77 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thursday-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:eff5327b-30b0-4b41-bdef-bfc62ab563e4Post:af7173dd-c71b-409f-b174-a804d460d8cd">Re: Thursday weddings?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have to respectfully disagree with many of you. I understand that Thursday weddings aren't widely accepted (though they are seemingly becoming more common), but I don't understand the logic that having a Thursday wedding is inherently selfish. If the bride goes into it with the attitude that "oh, if you can't go to my Thursday wedding, then it's because you don't care enough," then that's horrible. But if ANY bride had that attitude, it would be terrible. Every bride has to go into planning knowing that there will be people who cannot come. I would LOVE to have every single invited guest attend my wedding, but it probably won't happen no matter what date I choose. My FI and I are having our wedding on a Thursday evening. We checked before booking and it seems actually the majority of our guests will be able to make it. The whole "you're selfish for planning a wedding on a school night" is silly in our case, as we are not inviting children and most of our guests are not currently in school. I have a lot of guests who are retired or have bizarre work schedules, and as for co-workers, FI is a chef and I work in a pharmacy--there IS no "good" time for EVERYONE. I have already resigned myself to the fact that at least two out of the six people I work with will not be able to come to my wedding because they will be in the pharmacy. But that would be the case on a Saturday, too. I am a little insulted by the insinuation that I care more about my venue/anniversary/whatever than my guests just because I chose to have my wedding on an "off" day. Admittedly, I think it's ridiculous to use an anniversary as an excuse to have your wedding on a certain date, regardless of the day of the week. However, I don't think it's ridiculous to choose a nontraditional day as a means of securing a beautiful venue at a more affordable price. I also think it's kind of strange to get "super pissed" if you "have" to attend a Thursday wedding. If ANY event is that much of an inconvience, I just don't go and I get over it. I get invited to things that are not convenient for me all the time. I either decline the invitation, or I decide whatever it is is worth being tired the next day/taking a vacation day at work/switching something on my schedule. If a friend decided to have a DW sometime in the near future, I would have to RSVP "no" because I don't have the money right now and can't take the time off from work. But I wouldn't call that person "selfish" for planning something that wasn't convenient for me. For the OP: Think about your guest list. Check around with family and friends. With 250 guests, you MAY be better off with a Saturday night. If it works for you, your FI, and the people you most want to be there, and if you're okay with possibly more people declining than would on a Saturday, then I don't see why you wouldn't do it. If you're inviting a lot of people with Monday through Friday workdays, you may be better off trying a Friday or Saturday night.
Posted by Ali092011[/QUOTE]

^this.

if you, as a guest, cannot attend, graciously decline. just because you are invited, does not mean you HAVE to attend.

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