Question.

Azure28 · September 2012

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MyUserName1 · September 2012

I wouldn't expect the gifts to be returned, and I wouldn't expect a thank you note. I'm sure that writing thank you notes would be the farthest thing from their minds.

Avion22 · September 2012

If one died, then the other should keep the gifts. If they both die, then gifts become part of their "estate" -- I see absolutely no reason for two grieving families to send back gifts for a wedding that actually happened if both parties passed away. I'm not even sure that our families would have known what items were gifts and what we already owned.

Calypso1977 · September 2012

they were gifts given for an event that took place and was followed through upon (i.e., no one got left at the altar or changed their mind the next day like britney spears).

its really no different IMO than if one or both died a month after the wedding driving to work.

achiduck · September 2012

I would not expect gifts to be returned. Nor would I expect a thank you note.

kd.joseph · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_death-on-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c81ae07f-c1e1-4c0d-9988-ba566ced2d5aPost:b9ff2354-1539-458e-a6f6-cbb882d47491">Re: Death on honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]they were gifts given for an event that took place and was followed through upon (i.e., no one got left at the altar or changed their mind the next day like britney spears). its really no different IMO than if one or both died a month after the wedding driving to work.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

Ditto this. They did get married, they we're (hypothetically) on their honeymoon. There would be no reason to return gifts at all. And TY's would be the furthest thing from my mind if my family members died.

LetsHikeToday · September 2012

A high school friend of mine and her husband died on their honeymoon a few days after their wedding. Nothing was sent back to guests (I was not a guest) but checks were not cashed.

The family had a lot of other things to worry about and take care of.

Meegles4 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_death-on-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c81ae07f-c1e1-4c0d-9988-ba566ced2d5aPost:d444cbf9-4dbc-48ff-a480-74ee02cc81f8">Re: Death on honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]If one died, then the other should keep the gifts. If they both die, then gifts become part of their "estate" -- I see absolutely no reason for two grieving families to send back gifts for a wedding that actually happened if both parties passed away. I'm not even sure that our families would have known what items were gifts and what we already owned.
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

This. Regarding the TY note thing, if this had happened to me and H had died, I feel like at some point TY notes still would have gotten written and sent. If I had died, they probably wouldn't have been sent b/c H isn't a note person.

If it had happened to a friend, I wouldn't get all butt hurt if I didn't get a note, but then again, I don't really keep track of that stuff under normal circumstances.

peekaboo2011 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_death-on-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c81ae07f-c1e1-4c0d-9988-ba566ced2d5aPost:1ea32e70-8882-496a-b25b-d8f027df167a">Re: Death on honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Death on honeymoon : Ditto this. They did get married, they we're (hypothetically) on their honeymoon. There would be no reason to return gifts at all. And TY's would be the furthest thing from my mind if my family members died.
Posted by kd.joseph[/QUOTE]

<div>The only exception I could see to this would be if one murdered the other. But then we're looking at a whole different story.</div>

ericaandtom2012 · September 2012

I would not expect the gift to be returned and I probably wouldn't expect a thank you note (one of the few times I would not expect a TY note). The event the gift was given for occurred and they were off celebrating. I'm not sure if my answer would change if the death was caused by one spouse murdering the other, but logistics would probably prevent smooth gift returns (plus I don't think I'd want to request a gift back from a murderer).

Reading that story made me so sad; I can only imagine the heartbreak that the families are going through, especially the spouse left behind.

LetsHikeToday · September 2012

Wait, so people might expect a thank you note or a gift return if one spouse killed the other spouse? Who would you expect this from? The murderer? The murderer's family? The victim's family? That sounds really crazy to me.

lyndausvi · September 2012

I question anyone who (1) thinks their gift should be returned and/or (2) they still expect a TY.

I'm for ettiquette, but this is one I'm willing to let slide. Geez, like the surviving spouse doesn't have enough to deal than writing 100 TY note.

ericaandtom2012 · September 2012

In Response to Re:Death on honeymoon:[QUOTE]Wait, so people might expect a thank you note or a gift return if one spouse killed the other spouse? Who would you expect this from? The murderer? The murderer's family? The victim's family? That sounds really crazy to me.nbsp; Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]

I'm not sure what I would expect, which is why I said I'm not attire how my answer changes. After thinking about it more, I'd probably be too sad or horrified that one of my close friends is dead or a murderer to request my gift back. I certainly wouldn't request the family to return the gifts.

lyndausvi · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_death-on-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c81ae07f-c1e1-4c0d-9988-ba566ced2d5aPost:f0be5532-715d-4dac-bd7c-d8f8bf080c86">Re:Death on honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]Perhaps my question was skewed by believing wedding gifts weren't necessarily opened until after returning from the honeymoon. What to do with boxes of wrapped but unopened gifts? Leaving the monetary donations checks non deposited seems the right thing to do.
Posted by Azure28[/QUOTE]

<div>Why? I gave a gift to a couple for their wedding. The wedding took place. The fact that someone died a few days later does not make a difference to me. They more than likely need the money anyway.</div><div>
</div><div> I guess if one of the spouses murdered the other and the murderer was the one cashing the check I would be pissed. But at that point I would be pissed for a different reason. I mean,they killed my friend. The fact they went ahead and cashed the check would just add to what scum<font class="Apple-style-span" color="#999999"> b</font><span style="color:#000000;" class="Apple-style-span">ag they were.</span></div>

[Deleted User] · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_death-on-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c81ae07f-c1e1-4c0d-9988-ba566ced2d5aPost:adcb7cf4-42a7-46ac-9a34-de41d9162fb7">Death on honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]Story in the local news right now prompts this question. Bride and groom get married and go overseas for their honeymoon. A fatal car crash occurs, on the honeymoon, killing them one or them both. What is the proper etiquette for wedding gifts? Does the family return them unopened? Keep them and write thank you letters? What is the decorum under such circumstances? I know this is venturing off the usual bright and cheery topics on here, but this does happen sometimes.
Posted by Azure28[/QUOTE]

<div>A friend of mine attended their wedding. Such a sad story.</div>

TaraKeeley · September 2012

I have a friend whose husband died on their honeymoon. Actually, in the car ride on the way to their honeymoon. This was before I'd met her, and she's remarried now, but I can see the look on her face when she talks about this (which is almost never)... there's no way in hell I'd expect a gift back, or a thank you note, or anything else from the survivor. Then again, I'd never expect/ask for a wedding gift back, even if the couple broke up a week later. A gift is a gift is a gift.

Calypso1977 · September 2012

i still dont get why you wouldnt cash the checks or keep the gifts.

again, if this person or couple died a month later, you probably wouldnt think this way. it doesnt matter if one month or one day passed. the gifts were given for a wedding which took place. also, some young couples are just not that smart about things like life insurance - for the surviving spouse, that money might come in handy to pay for funeral expense or to make the mortgage on a recently purchased marital home. the survivor shoudl absolutely keep the gifts and money.

i would still personally probably send thank yous, but i can see them being sent many months later OR combined with funeral thank yous.

Denver1234 · October 2012

Hi all--Thank you all for these supportive comments. The family of the spouse who survived the honeymoon accident has read and appreciates The Knot community's insights into this terrible situation.

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