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I want him to adopt my family name...

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Re: I want him to adopt my family name...

  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2010
    How is it harsh to say that it's wrong to pressure her FI into changing his name when he clearly doesn't want to?  She's proposed it, he said no, she needs to accept it, rather than ask strangers to help convince him.  I wouldn't agree with him doing it to her--I think it's a very personal choice and she needs to respect that.  If she doesn't want his name she doesn't have to take it, but to take it THIS seriously that he won't take her magic, unique name and wants to keep his dull name...something is off about that.   Her biggest problem is that the name is "boring" and that seems shallow to me.
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  • megk8ozmegk8oz member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_want-him-adopt-family-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:b2b3dad3-e3f6-4b67-bdb4-b6208f63b200Post:d8c5b66d-8906-4621-9b23-00bbb815f213">Re: I want him to adopt my family name...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I want him to adopt my family name... :   The least helpful advice for this situation is to say no one can force anyone to change their name.  That's obvious and need not be said.
    Posted by bdriley[/QUOTE]


    Um, clearly, it <strong>does</strong> need to be said, since the OP thinks that since her FI's name is "boring", she should be allowed to steam-roll him into taking her "special" name. I don't care who's last name is what in this or any other name-changing scenario: the woman gets to pick her name, the man gets to pick his. End of story. 

    Marriage is for grown-ups, grown-ups understand that life isn't always going to go 100% their way. If neither person wants to change, then they need to act like grown-ups about it and accept that they will not have the same last name. Or act like grown-ups and reach some sort of compromise.

    While the OP admits she <strong>would </strong>consider taking her FI's name, if not for the fact that it's not nearly as cool as her own, her FI seems to be uninterested in changing his name for <strong>any </strong>reason. Only she can decide at this point if keeping her "outstanding" last name is worth not having the same name as her FI and possibly her children. So reminding her that she does not have the power to choose his name, but the power to choose her own <strong>is</strong> actually very helpful advice in this situation.

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  • KatyRoseMKatyRoseM member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary

    You just need to have a frank talk with him.  Why you want your name, why he wants his.  Listen to him.  I agree your reasons are a bit shallow, however mine were too.  You need to be willing to hear if he has better reasons for wanting to keep his name.  Then make a decision together since its important to both of you to have the same name. 

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  • SeptemberFall2011SeptemberFall2011 member
    100 Comments
    I agree with the PP.  You will have to decide what was more important.  Same last name or keeping your interesting one.
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  • oceana919oceana919
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    If the biggest reason for pressuring him into taking your name is that his is "boring", your priorities are seriously out of whack.

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  • rociomatinalrociomatinal member
    10 Comments
    Sorry girls, I think my English is just not as good as to express correctly what I wanted to say. It is clearly NOT about keeping my wonderful name and pressuring him to accept this as his name too. bdriley got the point: 
    - we both want to have the same family name for ourselves and our future kids.
    - I am already well known in my business with my name. This name is rare and I used to hate it, but now that I started my career with it I have to admit it makes sense to keep it for the simple reason to be identifiable.
    - he once said he would like to take my name, but now that it comes to the serious discussion, he falls back to tradition and says it feels odd to him as a man to give up his name. Even if it is a very common name that would not get lost.
    Maybe this is a bit clearer now... I don't want you to give me advice on how to force my FI to take my name, I would feel bad all my life. But maybe you have one or two points to take into consideration that we didn't think about until now, or someone who was in the same situation could point out what was the convincing idea. That's all... sorry, please don't believe I am a weird selfish bitch!
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    If it's for your career, then (would have been nice to know that--thanks for clarifying), can't you just use it professionally?  I use my maiden name professionally but my married name for everything else; it's very common to do that in the US.  Would that be an option for you?
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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  • MLekathLEENMLekathLEEN member
    1000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_want-him-adopt-family-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:b2b3dad3-e3f6-4b67-bdb4-b6208f63b200Post:d4443637-817d-4be1-8a14-11fd868e844e">Re: I want him to adopt my family name...</a>:
    [QUOTE]You know, there's always the option of you BOTH changing your names to something completely different. <strong>My FI and I joked we're going to change our last name so that we're Mr. and Mrs. Awesome.</strong> But I would never ask him to take my name. How would you feel if he was pressuring you into taking his? Also, if I may speak on the behalf of a child with a hyphenated last name - don't do it. Growing up with one is a pain in the butt. If you want to hyphenate your own name, okay, but don't saddle a kid with it. My college didn't get my name right on my transcripts, and they didn't believe me that my name was Smith-Jones and not Smithjones until I brought them my birth certificate. The whole hyphenated name doesn't fit on my credit cards or my checks so I had to change it to Bside S Jones. My SS card only had the one last name, but my birth certificate had them both. That caused me hell at the DMV because when I showed them all my IDs they claimed they couldn't accept them because it meant I was claiming to be three different people! (Bside S Jones, Bside Jones and Bside Smith-Jones). I had to get a new SS card with BOTH names on it just so I could renew my license! I can't wait til I get married and only have ONE last name from then on!
    Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

    Dang it. That was going to be mt suggestion!
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  • rociomatinalrociomatinal member
    10 Comments
    "can't you just use it professionally?"

    That might actually be a legal option, I have to check that. Thank you for pointing me to that solution. I could live with that.
    The new-name-creation would be fun, but it's not legal around here.
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  • mattycammattycam member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_want-him-adopt-family-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:b2b3dad3-e3f6-4b67-bdb4-b6208f63b200Post:ade3b5ce-bffd-4ae1-989d-fd57223c2498">Re: I want him to adopt my family name...</a>:
    [QUOTE]"<strong>can't you just use it professionally?"</strong> <strong>That might actually be a legal option, I have to check that</strong>. Thank you for pointing me to that solution. I could live with that. The new-name-creation would be fun, but it's not legal around here.
    Posted by rociomatinal[/QUOTE]

    Hopefully this will resolve this issue :)
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  • Daisy125Daisy125
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_want-him-adopt-family-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:b2b3dad3-e3f6-4b67-bdb4-b6208f63b200Post:1919247d-993b-44a4-bafc-6156d3190533">Re: I want him to adopt my family name...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just to add: Middle names are (unfortunately) impossible here in Europe, as most of your US name options are...
    Posted by rociomatinal[/QUOTE]


    I'm wondering what European country has this law... because my BF is from Italy and people in his family have middle names. Heck his dad has 2!
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  • CvilleClaireCvilleClaire member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary
    I'm in a profession where plenty of women retain their maiden names at work, but use their husband's names professionally.  A good friend is a published author and actually enjoys the separation of work and leisure.

    As I wrote before, I have a unique, French maiden name.  I actually look forward to using my fiance's popular, American name.
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  • rociomatinalrociomatinal member
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_want-him-adopt-family-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:b2b3dad3-e3f6-4b67-bdb4-b6208f63b200Post:17f033ee-537e-4305-a0f3-29492776f69a">Re: I want him to adopt my family name...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I want him to adopt my family name... : I'm wondering what European country has this law... because my BF is from Italy and people in his family have middle names. Heck his dad has 2!
    Posted by Daisy125[/QUOTE]
    It's Germany. We're not lucky here... and the name laws change about every 15 years. Awful.
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