New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long)

Kelli7025 · February 2012

Hi everyone, this is my first post here, and I thought this was the appropriate board to vent.

I just recieved a wonderful text from my FI that he is going engagement ring shopping with his twin brother this week. I am excited for his brother, but I was surprised at how upset I was at the same time. I dont want this to come off sounding like I am an attention whore, but for once I wanted something that was just about me and my FI. We have been together since high school, and since FI has a twin, every important life event is double. Prom, graduation, 21st bithdays, etc. all have to be shared. Yes I knew this going into this relationship, but I guess I just always thought that our engagement and wedding would be special and it would be about us and only us.

After talking about it with my mom, I realized part of the problem is I dont feel like his family really cares or is interested in our wedding or us getting married. After we left his house the night we got engaged my FI recieved a text from his bother that said "WTF Edward and Kelli just got engaged." It obviously was sent to the wrong person.

My FI and I have been asking his mom for a guest list since AUGUST (we have been enagaged for a little over a year) and she just keeps saying she will get to it. Well now that Joe and Laila are apparently getting engaged, I am pretty sure I wil never be recieiving a guest list. My FI has always been the difficult twin (which is why I love him!) but his brother is pretty much the golden child. That doesnt bother me because I love my fiance for who he is, what bothers me is that I feel like this whole thing will somehow turn into a competition. I dont want that for my wedding and marriage. I want one life event to be about us. I guess this is what I have to look forward to forever!

Rant over - I feel better now

Thanks for listening !

katiewhompus · February 2012

Give his mom a deadline for the guestlist. No list = more people you can invite.

cheeseandrice · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_new-here-didnt-else-vent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:07e4f3c5-0db5-4334-a2dc-784191ff2639Post:35e49856-3393-46cb-a169-9cb7fd7c15c6">New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi everyone, this is my first post here, and I thought this was the appropriate board to vent. I just recieved a wonderful text from my FI that he is going engagement ring shopping with his twin brother this week. <div>
</div><div>I am excited for his brother, but I was surprised at how upset I was at the same time. I dont want this to come off sounding like I am an attention whore, but for once I wanted something that was just about me and my FI. We have been together since high school, and since FI has a twin, every important life event is double. Prom, graduation, 21st bithdays, etc. all have to be shared. Yes I knew this going into this relationship, but I guess I just always thought that our engagement and wedding would be special and it would be about us and only us. </div><div>
</div><div>After talking about it with my mom, I realized part of the problem is I dont feel like his family really cares or is interested in our wedding or us getting married. After we left his house the night we got engaged my FI recieved a text from his bother that said "WTF Edward and Kelli just got engaged." It obviously was sent to the wrong person. </div><div>
</div><div>My FI and I have been asking his mom for a guest list since AUGUST (we have been enagaged for a little over a year) and she just keeps saying she will get to it. Well now that Joe and Laila are apparently getting engaged, I am pretty sure I wil never be recieiving a guest list. My FI has always been the difficult twin (which is why I love him!) but his brother is pretty much the golden child. That doesnt bother me because I love my fiance for who he is, what bothers me is that I feel like this whole thing will somehow turn into a competition. I dont want that for my wedding and marriage. I want one life event to be about us. I guess this is what I have to look forward to forever! Rant over - I feel better now :) Thanks for listening !
Posted by Kelli7025[/QUOTE]

</div><div>I mean. Unless they ask to share a wedding day with you, I think you'll be fine. You still have your whole family to yourself, right?</div><div>
</div><div>PLUS you said you've been engaged for a year. How long is FBIL supposed to wait to propose??</div>

SarahPLiz · February 2012

I get how that can be disappointing, but don't let it get to you. Do your own thing. Ask your FI for a guest list. He should know who his relatives are. If his mom wants to add to it (and its in the budget) then she can.

Not everyone gets excited about weddings, and no one is as excited as the B&G usually. Just plan the wedding with your FI and don't ask for involvement (or money) from his parents. That way it will be the way y'all want it.

avsfan33 · February 2012

Why do you need a guestlist for something a year and a half away? She probably just isn't concerned with it right now because you're not getting married for over a year.

ricksang · February 2012

You aren't getting married for almost two more years. They prob haven't given you a guest list because they haven't had time to decide who they want to invite.

Don't let this bother you... yet. Unless they decide they want a double wedding or something, just go with the flow.

Kelli7025 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_new-here-didnt-else-vent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:07e4f3c5-0db5-4334-a2dc-784191ff2639Post:b5dd6cc4-61a7-4f94-8cce-26556b62fd66">Re: New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long) : I mean. Unless they ask to share a wedding day with you, I think you'll be fine. You still have your whole family to yourself, right? PLUS you said you've been engaged for a year. How long is FBIL supposed to wait to propose??
Posted by Steph+J[/QUOTE]

I am genuinely happy for them, I love them both and I love FI's family. The thing is Joe still has 4 years atleast of med school, and Laila is only a sophomore in college, so I didnt really see this coming right now. Most people I know of wait a bit. Our wedding is in Sept. of 13 because I graduate in May of 13. I just figured they would wait til after school. Laila's dad doesnt even know about Joe, and they have been together for 5 years, but thats a completely different story.

Obviously I was aware we would always have to share things like birthdays, prom, graduation, etc. since those pretty much come along with a certain age. This is something that doesnt HAVE to be done at the same time, so I had always hoped it wouldnt happen at the same time.

cheeseandrice · February 2012

If you're going to have a three and a half year engagement, you have to expect to share it with someone.

tidetravel · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_new-here-didnt-else-vent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:07e4f3c5-0db5-4334-a2dc-784191ff2639Post:4018f725-d52e-4fd4-aae6-e2a3f784ece0">Re: New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long)</a>:
[QUOTE]If you're going to have a three and a half year engagement, you have to expect to share it with someone.
Posted by Steph+J[/QUOTE]

Ditto. You don't reserve engagement rights for the length of your engagement.

If you're that concerned with what his parents think of you and your relationship, looks to me like you picked the wrong brother.

Kelli7025 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_new-here-didnt-else-vent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:07e4f3c5-0db5-4334-a2dc-784191ff2639Post:8e36bd8a-982c-4138-a012-608771b47018">Re: New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Why do you need a guestlist for something a year and a half away? She probably just isn't concerned with it right now because you're not getting married for over a year.
Posted by avsfan33[/QUOTE]

It is really early to be asking a for a guest list for most weddings, but in Cleveland every venue is a typical party center, so if you want something unique, you need to book early. We were originally planning for a Sept 12 wedding, but everything was booked a year and a half out. I am having a hard time finding reception venues when I have no idea how many people we will be having. I have a pretty good guess, but I dont want to book anything without having a real number.

J&K10910 · February 2012

I got married during your engagement. So will other people. Because your engagement is long.

We had a long engagement, and our friends got engaged AND married during the first year of our engagement. Who the hell cares?

And they're not giving you a guest list because your wedding is ALMOST TWO YEARS AWAY.

specialk84 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_new-here-didnt-else-vent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:07e4f3c5-0db5-4334-a2dc-784191ff2639Post:ae82a658-f7a8-4ba0-9579-86eafbcb20e9">Re: New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long) : I am genuinely happy for them, I love them both and I love FI's family.<strong> The thing is Joe still has 4 years atleast of med school, and Laila is only a sophomore in college, so I didnt really see this coming right now. Most people I know of wait a bit. Our wedding is in Sept. of 13 because I graduate in May of 13. I just figured they would wait til after school.</strong> Laila's dad doesnt even know about Joe, and they have been together for 5 years, but thats a completely different story. Obviously I was aware we would always have to share things like birthdays, prom, graduation, etc. since those pretty much come along with a certain age. This is something that doesnt HAVE to be done at the same time, so I had always hoped it wouldnt happen at the same time.
Posted by Kelli7025[/QUOTE]

<div>I get that you're upset, but the bolded part is really none of your business. They can get married on whatever timeline works for them, and it is not something you have any input on.</div><div>
</div><div>My BIL got married less than two weeks after us (we set our date six months before he proposed). I wouldn't have minded at all, except it was a huge inconvenience on the rest of the ILs. </div>

Kelli7025 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_new-here-didnt-else-vent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:07e4f3c5-0db5-4334-a2dc-784191ff2639Post:a8b3ce67-092e-48cf-b8e3-0622c36641b5">Re: New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long)</a>:
[QUOTE]I got married during your engagement. So will other people. Because your engagement is long. We had a long engagement, and our friends got engaged AND married during the first year of our engagement. Who the hell cares? And they're not giving you a guest list because your wedding is ALMOST TWO YEARS AWAY.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

I get that other people are going to get engaged and married around the same time, but when its family I feel like the excitement has to be divided, and suddenly our wedding isnt so special anymore. Thats all.

kcscejal · February 2012

J, we had a long engagement too. My MOH met her H, got engaged, had a baby, and got married in the length of our engagement. Biitch stole my thunder big time. That was MY time. But I was just happy for her, because I'm a rational human being.

J&K10910 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_new-here-didnt-else-vent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:07e4f3c5-0db5-4334-a2dc-784191ff2639Post:723fc6ec-1570-43cd-a088-0b42e5c94de8">Re: New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long) : I get that other people are going to get engaged and married around the same time, but when its family I feel like the excitement has to be divided, and suddenly our wedding isnt so special anymore. Thats all.
Posted by Kelli7025[/QUOTE]

No one is EVER going to be as excited about your wedding as you are and your FI are. Regardless of who else is or isn't getting married. That's just how it goes. Sorry.

cheeseandrice · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_new-here-didnt-else-vent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:07e4f3c5-0db5-4334-a2dc-784191ff2639Post:03855b30-ae1d-47bc-9c69-d6d066e4cd33">Re: New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long) : No one is EVER going to be as excited about your wedding as you are and your FI are. Regardless of who else is or isn't getting married. That's just how it goes. Sorry.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

<div>Yup. I didn't even care about my wedding by the end, and we were only engaged 10 months. I can't imagine having to be excited about my wedding for 3 years, much less someone else's wedding. </div>

specialk84 · February 2012

I think it's incredibly selfish to have a long engagement and expect everyone else to put their plans and lives on hold. Have a long engagement if you want, but don't get pissed when folks don't drop everything to fawn over your engagement.

Besides, there's really nothing for your FILs to get excited about. Your engagement isn't new, and the wedding is still over a year away. There simply isn't anything to get worked up about.

avsfan33 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_new-here-didnt-else-vent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:07e4f3c5-0db5-4334-a2dc-784191ff2639Post:ede363f7-e327-4b2c-b22a-125bb4b665a6">Re: New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long) : Yup. I didn't even care about my wedding by the end, and we were only engaged 10 months. I can't imagine having to be excited about my wedding for 3 years, much less someone else's wedding.
Posted by Steph+J[/QUOTE]

By the time we get married we'll have been engaged for just over 2 years. I barely care anymore lol

emarston1 · February 2012

The thing is, if you want people to be happy for you, you have to extend that same courtesy to them.

I really don't understand the logic that somehow your happiness and excitement is lessened by something wonderful happening for someone else. If anything, you should understand how happy and excited they are and share that with them! Stop trying to make this a personal vendetta against you and your fiance when it's not. They got engaged because they want to share their lives together, not because they wanted to steal some non-existant limelight from you.

Trust me, on your wedding day it will still be all about you regardless of the relationship status of any of your guests.

specialk84 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_new-here-didnt-else-vent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:07e4f3c5-0db5-4334-a2dc-784191ff2639Post:7035f6d4-54bd-48cf-84eb-28a808c85997">Re: New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long) : It is really early to be asking a for a guest list for most weddings, but in Cleveland every venue is a typical party center, so if you want something unique, you need to book early. We were originally planning for a Sept 12 wedding, but everything was booked a year and a half out. I am having a hard time finding reception venues when I have no idea how many people we will be having.<strong> I have a pretty good guess, but I dont want to book anything without having a real number</strong>.
Posted by Kelli7025[/QUOTE]

<div>You don't need an exact number. Figure out a general idea of how many people you want to invite (and can afford to host). Pick a venue based on that. You probably won't have a final guest list until about eight or ten weeks before your wedding. Friendships change, guests enter into relationships/get married. People have kids. In short, a lot can (and will) change between now and then.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

J&K10910 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_new-here-didnt-else-vent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:07e4f3c5-0db5-4334-a2dc-784191ff2639Post:7189f32d-0505-4538-bf65-19dbab00615f">Re: New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long) : You don't need an exact number. Figure out a general idea of how many people you want to invite (and can afford to host). Pick a venue based on that. You probably won't have a final guest list until about eight or ten weeks before your wedding. Friendships change, guests enter into relationships/get married. People have kids. In short, a lot can (and will) change between now and then.
Posted by specialk84[/QUOTE]

Someone could conceivably (no pun intended) get pregnant and give birth TWICE between now and OPs wedding. TWICE.

emarston1 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_new-here-didnt-else-vent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:07e4f3c5-0db5-4334-a2dc-784191ff2639Post:80fcf345-ade1-46c3-8e67-1801fa4f601c">Re: New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long) : Someone could conceivably (no pun intended) get pregnant and give birth TWICE between now and OPs wedding. TWICE.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]
I have my money on FBIL and FSIL being pregnant and stealing the spotlight, YET AGAIN!

J&K10910 · February 2012

Probably. They sound like a-holes.

tidetravel · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_new-here-didnt-else-vent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:07e4f3c5-0db5-4334-a2dc-784191ff2639Post:80fcf345-ade1-46c3-8e67-1801fa4f601c">Re: New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long) : Someone could conceivably (no pun intended) get pregnant and give birth TWICE between now and OPs wedding. TWICE.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

And have 3 kids in that time!

J&K10910 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_new-here-didnt-else-vent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:07e4f3c5-0db5-4334-a2dc-784191ff2639Post:2f25127e-4daa-4679-8077-10ac2a5e1f30">Re: New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long) : And have 3 kids in that time!
Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]

Gee, Tide....sounds like you know from experience ;)

BrittneyRN · February 2012

My FI is a twin also. Our engagement will be 18 months. His twins girlfriend graduates in May. I would love for him to propose. I think it would be a lot of fun to plan together. His brother won't because he doesn't want to "steal our thunder". I think that's the most ridiculous thing ever. We get one day. So do you. Should your FI's brother won't until your completely done having kids too? Wouldn't want their wedding to take away from your future child. I bet OP will make it into a race to see who gets pregnant first.

kimheartsscott · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_new-here-didnt-else-vent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:07e4f3c5-0db5-4334-a2dc-784191ff2639Post:7035f6d4-54bd-48cf-84eb-28a808c85997">Re: New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long) : It is really early to be asking a for a guest list for most weddings, but in Cleveland every venue is a typical party center, so if you want something unique, you need to book early.<strong> We were originally planning for a Sept 12 wedding</strong>, but everything was booked a year and a half out. I am having a hard time finding reception venues when I have no idea how many people we will be having. I have a pretty good guess, but I dont want to book anything without having a real number.
Posted by Kelli7025[/QUOTE]

...So you would have still been in school, but you're omg super shocked that they might get married while they are still in school?

specialk84 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_new-here-didnt-else-vent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:07e4f3c5-0db5-4334-a2dc-784191ff2639Post:7035f6d4-54bd-48cf-84eb-28a808c85997">Re: New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long) : It is really early to be asking a for a guest list for most weddings, but in Cleveland every venue is a typical party center, so if you want something unique, you need to book early. We were originally planning for a Sept 12 wedding, but everything was booked a year and a half out.<strong> I am having a hard time finding reception venues when I have no idea how many people we will be having. I have a pretty good guess, but I dont want to book anything without having a real number.</strong>
Posted by Kelli7025[/QUOTE]

<div>I thought you already booked something, complete with an indoor backup for bad weather. Color me confused.</div><div>
</div><div><a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_outdoor-weddings_plan-b-1">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_outdoor-weddings_plan-b-1</a> </div>

BrittneyRN · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_new-here-didnt-else-vent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:07e4f3c5-0db5-4334-a2dc-784191ff2639Post:d385fd49-1cbb-4253-bbc7-36a83c9b2643">Re: New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long) : ...So you would have still been in school, but you're omg super shocked that they might get married while they are still in school?
Posted by kimheartsscott[/QUOTE]

Good catch

chelseamb11 · February 2012

OP why are you even worried about ANY of this? They're not even engaged yet. For all you know, they'll hold off getting married until they're out of school too. You've had a long engagement, who's to say they won't either?

You're worrying about a bunch of stuff that hasn't even happened yet. Maybe just let it take it's course instead?

lindseyann410 · February 2012

I don't understand why you need his mom to give you a list. Your FI knows his own family, right? Why can't he just make the list.

Also, I am the thunder-stealer in FI's family. His little bro got engaged, then FI popped the question about a month and a half later. We are also getting married before them. Little bro's FI seems to be handling it all very gracefully. It would behoove you to do the same.

New here - Didnt know where else to vent ! (Long)

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