I've never posted on The Knot before, but I'm at a loss and could use some help. My wedding is May 1, and until about a month ago, I thought my mom's dress was all set. Then, she informed me that a) she didn't like the dress we'd picked, and b) that she'd lost too much weight for it to fit her properly. If my mother were ordinary, I wouldn't be quite so upset, but this first dress was a struggle to find and agree on for the same reasons we're disagreeing now, and she's been telling me for months that she loved it and couldn't wait to wear it.
Now, with just under three months until wedding, Mom is having some sort of ?mid-life crisis? and keeps picking dresses that are completely inappropriate for the MOB. Heck, I wouldn't even consider them appropriate for a bridesmaid! Think low-cut, extreme cleavage-baring sparkly numbers from Forever 21 and Charlotte Russe that resemble something a Vegas showgirl might wear. Her solution to the necklines: "I'll just throw a cami underneath it so my chest doesn't show as much!" To me, this is horrific. Throwing a shirt under a dress is something you do for lunch with a friend, not a semi-formal evening wedding, and it's a solution for someone with a much smaller chest. To me, the if overall fit of the dress isn't right, then why spend the money on it? And if the shape of the dress itself isn't flattering, throwing a cami underneath it isn't going to do too much to remedy that.
My mom is 53 years old, and she's beautiful. I understand that she's worked very hard to reach her current figure, and at 5' 10" and 145lbs (size 8 and 36D bra size), it's a pretty impressive figure; however, I feel like there are lines that she's crossing when it comes to what's acceptable for a MOB to wear. It's not as if I expect her to dress like a nun...I've given her literally hundreds of very cute, tasteful dresses that would be much more figure flattering and actually make her look more attractive than the garbage she's currently picking out.
When my older sister got married three years ago, Mom picked her own dress and ordered it two sizes smaller than the bridal shop recommended because she wanted additional cleavage. The day of the wedding, she realized just how tight it was, and complained all day that she looked like the "fat mom" and resembled a sausage in a too-tight casing. Mom isn't smiling in a single picture, and she STILL complains about how she was the "fat mom" at my sister's wedding. I'd like her to like what she's wearing, have her dress fit properly and look classy, and have a good time at my wedding, and most of all for her to smile in the pictures I'll one day show my kids and grandkids.
It's gotten to the point now where my friends and other family members are telling me to tell her to either dress appropriately or not come at all. It's also to the point that she's posting snide comments about Bridezilla making her return dresses because it's horrible for her to look sexy and show cleavage. It's to the point that I feel like no matter what I do, I'm wrong. She doesn't respect my opinions, and it's like she's not willing to put the effort into looking respectable for one of the most important days of my life.
So, my question is this:
Do I continue trying to help her find something appropriate, even though every time I talk to her she's making mean comments and calling me names? Do I ask her to dress appropriately or not come to my wedding? Do I take a chunk of what's left of my wedding budget, buy her a dress, and tell her to wear it and be happy?
Or...
Am I crazy? Should I give up, let my mom look like a $2 Vegas showgirl and just smile, ignore her, and focus on what's most important that day?