Wedding Etiquette Forum

Is it rude...

...to not get corsages/bouts for step-parents? I like them both fine but I'm not particularly close with either of them, particularly my stepdad, who only married my mom three weeks ago (will be six weeks at the time of my wedding). Is that some sort of etiquette faux pas though? It's not really about the cost, it's more about the fact that I think the point of corsages and bouts is to honor the people who have made a big impact on your life, and if that's the case than there are other people who I am much closer to and are more involved in my life and the wedding. I did list their names in the programs, and they will of course be sitting i the front row with my parents, so I kind of feel like that's enough honoring for people who are only peripherally involved in my life. Thoughts?

Re: Is it rude...

  • Ask your mom and dad if their respective SO's will have their feelings hurt if they don't have flowers. Or if they would like flowers. If it'll save somebody's feelings, let them have a corsage or a bout, or whatever.
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  • Just do it. Someone (whether it's your step-parents, or the parents they married) will be offended if you don't.
  • If you don't want to and don't think anyone will be horribly offended by it then they don't need corsages. Both of our parents are divorced, mine are both remarried, H's mother is remarried, and at the time of our wedding, H's father was living with the woman he had been dating for over five years. I took a look around at everyone and said, screw it, no one's getting corsages or bouts. 1. from a cost standpoint, and 2. from a politics standpoint. I didn't want to deal with who got one and who didn't. Everyone went down the aisle and sat in the front row so there was that.
  • It would be a kind gesture to give them corsages and bouts even though they are relatively new in your life. 
  • They should be treated the same as the parents of the same gender when it comes to flowers, in my opinion.  They're not that pricey, but it could be much more costly to your relationships with your parents AND step-parents if you leave them out.
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  • I'm not listing my step parents in the program, but they are getting flowers. I actually like that better than the other way around, because it seems more... even I guess? I mean, I'm not listing them as parents in the program because I've only known them for a few years and they didn't raise me. But really, it's like $20 extra to get a corsage for my dad's GF and a bout for my stepfather.
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  • I agree with previous posters. Maybe it doesn't have to be a bout or corsage if you don't feel comfortable, but maybe like an embroidered hankie or something like that that is a token of your appreciation and respect for them as a part of your family?
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  • Even if it doesn't offend the step-parents, it could offend the actual parents (i.e., Mom could take it as a rejection of her new husband and feel some hurt over that, even if she never expresses it to you).  I'd just go ahead and do it, especially if cost isn't an issue.
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  • FI and I are doing both bouts and corsages for his step-parents and all the grandparents involved, but than again we have a unique situation in which EVERYBODY gets along. FI's step-mom's ex-husband come to all family affairs at FI's father's house (did that even make sense?)

  • I would do whatever YOU feel best with.  If you don't want your step-father to have a boutineer, he doesn't have to have one.  I think mentioning him in the program and having him sit in the front with the rest of the immediately family includes him enough. 
  • I also feel like, if you don't have a problem with them and like them just fine, why not? And even if you didn't like them, your wedding wouldn't be the time to passive-agrressively make that point.
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  • I agree w/ Celles, your parents SOs may not be offended, but your parents might.  So, if moneys not an issue (IMO) you should just go ahead and get them a bout and not worry about it anymore.

    But, if you really feel strongly about your parents SOs not having bouts then talk to them and your parents so everyone is in the know.  Things tend to go over better when people know then being surprised.
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  • Thanks guys. I decided that I don't really have a good reason to NOT get them, so I went ahead and added them to the flower order.
  • >> I think the point of corsages and bouts is to honor the people who have made a big impact on your life,

    That's not the point of corsages and bouts.

    The point of corsages and bouts is so that the other more-removed guests can notice the people who are closely connected to the bride and groom as honored guests.
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