Is it ever ok to break the rule??

shadowfish318 · May 2010

Ok so I read a few of the responses and I have no idea what some of you are thinking! You obviously have not had children. The day is about you and your fiancee. This woman is the type that would fake labor just before they say "I do". I would talk it over with your husband to be about taking his friend out of the wedding. You do not want the added stress! I have left out an entire section of my own family just to keep myself sane! This does not seem like it is a salvageable situation and you have to explain to the friend that enough is enough. If it's their first she is probably going to go late... I wouldn't take the chance. I don't believe in "ettiquet rule" b/c there are just some people and some situations that don't apply. We aren't inviting anyone's b/f or g/f b/c we can't afford it and do not want a huge wedding. Good luck!!!

kristenelaine · May 2010

I wish it was. I'm having a similar problem with my Fiance's best man's girlfriend. We've all known each other for 5 years and she just can't stand it when her boyfriend focus' on me for a second. It's my wedding and she's already complaining about why they're not married. Mind you, he has told her he won't consider marrying her until after she graduates college, which she has restarted for the 3rd time. My fiance's grandmother, a woman who has never met this girl, has told me to not invite her because she will ruin everything... But, it will ruin my friendship with the BM and I don't want to do that. So, all i can do is hope she doesn't make his day a living you-know-what.

aimeeu2 · May 2010

new posts are probably coming because it was part of the Knot's email sent this afternoon. Some of us don't have time to sit around all day reading message boards about our weddings, but the original post that was requesting advice. My bad, I didnt realize I would be annoying your highness when I posted.

betrothed123 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_ever-ok-break-rule?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b10e0e04-1fe4-45c0-8ac4-91aa1961cc1bPost:f57f7916-6be9-40b9-9f39-71bef04c2c23">Re: Is it ever ok to break the rule??</a>:
[QUOTE]new posts are probably coming because it was part of the Knot's email sent this afternoon. Some of us don't have time to sit around all day reading message boards about our weddings, but the original post that was requesting advice. My bad, I didnt realize I would be annoying your highness when I posted.
Posted by aimeeu2[/QUOTE]
Oh look how cute the newb is. Honey, you're on the snarky brides board. Do you know what the word "snarky" means? And it appears to me as though you have plenty of time to waste here, or you would not be posting, now would you?

AutumnO · May 2010

@aimeeu2. I got the email today, so i'm postin today. lol Snarky be damned...

anywho... a great idea would be to suggest that BlueEyes' FI graciously tell his BF that he will let him off the hook and duties of being a groomsman because of the huge event he has coming up--so he can be free to be with her should the baby come on the day or before... That he's so happy for his BF and the baby, he's being supportive! lol

classictwitch · May 2010

My best friend has been dealing with this SAME situation from her future brother in law's wife. The girl is nuts. She's been trying to call the shots on the wedding just because she thinks she can.

I say, this is YOUR day. And the GM must know what his wife/gf of whatever she is, is doing to you. You shouldn't have to worry about putting up with her on your special day when you are supposed to be the center of attention. I say, explain the situation to your FH and ask him to speak with the GM with you about the situation. Explain your concerns, throw in the due date thing, and hold firm when you say you don't want her there!

beebs007 · May 2010

I think since she is the GM's wife, you sorta have to invite her to the wedding and RD but definitely not the showers. And I noticed that everyone was saying hopefully she delivers before your date....However, if she doesn't she will come that day regardless how she feels and if she goes into labor during, she'll take the spotlight. She sounds like that kind of person. I think you should have your FI talk to his best friend and try to work something out that benefits everyone.

Good luck!

emailangela12 · May 2010

you really dont have to invite her - it's your wedding and your day - you're supposed to be surrounded by loved ones, not haters!! I think it's so ridiculous to abide by silly etiquite sules, especially when they cause so much stress. I would adress the invitation just to the guy, and if he asks you can either say you have a tight budget or be honest and tell him you 2 dont get along (which im sure he knows). You'll be doing her a favor by not inviting her - she doesnt want to go!

[Deleted User] · May 2010

I would talk to my fiance about it. I mean, maybe he can talk about it with the GM and maybe he'll be ok with it. I mean, if my fiance's best friend's gf/wife hated me like that I would just talk to him about it because I'm good friends with him. It sucks that you're in that situation though! Good luck with it!

dstaub · May 2010

In my case, I have to break the inviting rule because this individual has threatened to "act out" and make a scene at my wedding/reception. He is my father-in-law's partner (I'm a widow) and has been quite rude. These types of situations are never easy. I think you should carefully think about the situation and weigh whether your invitee would possibly make a scene at your wedding. If so....nix her.

heidi431 · May 2010

YES! It is your day to celebrate with your closest family and friends, not people who say bad things about you or make you uncomfortable. Your fiance should maybe consider asking your GM to not bring his girlfriend. This might make him slightly upset, but he should understand that his girlfriend shouldn't be so rude to the bride. It is your day!!!

Sagenhaft · May 2010

you could smack her with your bouquet if she gets too obnoxious on the day of... always wanted to do that.

seriously, though, FI's brother and i don't get along at all and he's BM. One of FI friends is a GM and his fiancee is a complete bitch and we both hate her and dont want her to come, but he is really good friends with the guy and he's a GM so we gotta suck it up. hopefully most people will ignore her and focus on you on the day of the wedding.. like they should!

bigfatr0ses · May 2010

I would still invite her just to spare any drama between the FI and his best friend. However, if she does keep this up at the wedding, if she even attends, you guys can always just kick them out... that may sound rude or worse than uninviting someone, but hey, if she is continuing this at your own wedding, remember, this night is for you and your husband.

dianna0109 · May 2010

My fiance's best man's girlfriend/baby's mama isn't invited to the wedding or anything pertaining to the wedding in my situation. When my fiance asked him to be his best man he was single and feel no obligation to invite her to the wedding since neither of us really know her. As of now I have met her twice and neither time did she impress me enough to invite her. I have never been one to care what other people think so etique goes out the door for me on this one. I wouldn't invite your girl just like I am not inviting mine. Why even think twice because if your fiance is the great man that you think he is then he will understand and talk this issue out with his best friend. No reason you should feel uncomforable about your own wedding. That is just me but either way that you choose GOOD LUCK!

emily31381 · May 2010

agree with this; talk to your man. i wouldn't hesitate to tell her to fall off the face of the earth because I know my fiance- he's not about drama either. See where your man sits on this fence. When it comes down to it, its your wedding, youre paying for it.

bridestone · May 2010

I have somewhat the same thing going on for my wedding too! My Fiancee has a job where he deals with just about everyone in the small town we live in. He is close to his ex's parents and they do business with him. I really can't stand his ex! She talks about me behind my back and has made it hard for me to make friends in this small town! but I have to suck it up and invite her parents and because her parents are invited i can assure you she will be there! Me and this girl have had many arguements but i am going to be the bigger person and invite her parents and invite her! She has a pretty big mouth just like the girl that you are dealing with! This can work to our advantage! She has a big mouth and will most likely go around talking about your wedding! Same for me! This girl will go around talking about my wedding and i can show off my perfect day! There will be so much going on that im sure you wont even care who is there! we will have so many people at our wedding that i really may not even see her! Plus on top of all this you really cant not invite her if her husband is a gm! every person is intitled to a date and no one likes to go to weddings by themselves! i think your day will be perfect enough that you wont even think of her!

stratton23 · May 2010

We have a set of friends that recently broke up and then one them got together with another good friend... very awkward situation to be in even if you're not planning a wedding. But since we are we had to sit down and figure out whether it was cool to invite all or just one of them. One of them even asked if we were inviting the other and her new SO or not and said he wouldn't be there if we did. We ended up telling all of them, that they were all invited, but if they can't be civil and share our day with us then they don't need to be there. We also had the same situation with a family member because my FI's sister's new H doesn't get along with the ex who is still important to my FI. The whole family was saying not to invite the ex, but at the end of the day we told them the same thing. It's about us, not them, and if they can't support that they shouldn't be there. So maybe you should have this talk with you FI, who should then have it with his friend (and then wife). It might be awkward at first, but it sounds like their friendship is already on the rocks...

MeaghanandMichael · May 2010

I am confused - does the newsletter link directly to this thread?? I mean,this thread is not THAT exciting.

Sn2BMrs · May 2010

Unfortunately, the whole reason that most of the etiquette "rules" came about is because of society's trial and error. Even if it is uncomfortable to have her there, the reason that the SO etiquette rule came about is most likely because people realized it caused more drama to exclude the party in question rather than to allow him or her to come and make the best of it.
Heck! If your wedding date is her due date, maybe she'll just pop a day early and you won't have to deal with her at all... lol

lisa12982 · May 2010

It is YOUR WEDDING. You can do whatever you want hahaha!!
Plus, she may not even be at your wedding, (Here's hoping) if she's due the day of the wedding, she most likely won't even be able to come anyways. Even if she's early (she still has to have down time and who's going to watch the baby) and if she's late, she's going to be so miserable, she won't want to spend that kind of money on a dress she'll wear once!

MeaghanandMichael · May 2010

I feel like the am treading water and the waves are getting bigger and bigger in the distance.

and Sn2bMrs - no. that is not how that etiquette rule came about but thanks for playing...

JohnCarrieC · May 2010

I'm pretty sure you'll have to invite her to your wedding and rehearsal dinner. There are dates on our guest list I would rather not have there, but I think they would end up bringing them anyway so why cause the headache? I would not invite her to the shower. You could change the date of your shower, accomodating her baby shower, and then not give her the new date.

betrothed123 · May 2010

Holy crap! It's like idiot day on the knot.

MeaghanandMichael · May 2010

B - is it REALLY bothering you that the first post on this page says, "I could careless...?" It is freaking killing me. You're welcome for the extra annoyance in your life this afternoon.

betrothed123 · May 2010

It REALLY is. Thanks for bumping it

aderudder · May 2010

I have the EXACT same situation! I have invited the GM's hateful wife though. I wanted to be the bigger person. She isn't going to pull drama at your wedding because she is going to be surrounded by people that are on your side!! Your going to be so busy with your friends and family you won't even have to pay attention to her! Besides, you are going to look gorgeous, and she's going to look fat and pregnant!! Who's gonna be jealous!

missmeikrantz · May 2010

DO NOT invite her to your shower! She sounds awful. I'm sorry she's tainting your whole engagement.

Invite her to the wedding and rehearsal dinner, knowing that she's hopefully going to be having the baby then, and/or be overdue, waddling and miserable enough to skip it! You're covered on the wedding invitation etiquette that way, and showers you can just say you limited to family and close friends. (Since she's being a giant b-word, she does NOT qualify as a close friend.

Rwell130 · May 2010

I would talk to you FI about it and have him speak to his GM. As far as I'm concerned your wedding day is about you and your FI. The day should be about what the two of you want not what everyone else expects your wedding day to be like. I would definitely NOT invite her to any showers and she how the situation plays out after speaking to your FI. I can't imagine him not speaking to his GM if he saw all of the nasty things she's writing about you on FB. I wouldn't play up the vindictive things like her planning her shower on the same day- you don't have any hard proof on that and guys need facts not all the fluff.

DianaJones3988 · May 2010

Here is the deal. People may try to tell you what is OK but it is your wedding. I have a cruddy situation where my FH was once very good friends with a guy who is now total trash. He is always in trouble with drugs, drinking and was arrested. Even though he is an obvious loser my FI’s think it is a necessity to invite him because they are still friends with his parents.

So-if you are ok with standing up for what you want I would suggest telling them NO. Be firm about it and suggest to everyone if they have a problem with someone who obviously dislikes you so much being excluded in your day then they are really not looking out for you. By doing this you are letting people know you are serious about having things the way that makes you happy because it is YOUR day. Also, thinking of what people suggested about her making it worse if you don’t invite her… think fo what she’ll do if you end up allowing her to those things!

Emgee78 · May 2010

I'm in agreement with the majority: don't give this chick the fuel to talk even more crap about you. Anywhoo, you'll have your best gals there with you and the love your life at your side. She'd be an idiot if she chooses to be malicious to you on YOUR DAY,surrounded by the people who care about you. And if she is a fool, take the high road by being the Super Cool Bride you know you are.

Is it ever ok to break the rule??

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